#probablygonnadelete

For the first time in forever, I have a healthy relationship with someone who supports me, respects me, and loves me to bits. I recently moved in with him, which is huge because no one in my immediate family has every lived with a significant other in my lifetime. In so many ways, I felt a safety and comfort I never had before.

Here's the thing: he had recently (within 6 months) gotten out of an incredibly emotionally abusive relationship with another woman, who revealed to him she was pregnant shortly after keying his car.

I want to be super duper clear here. I am a feminist woman, and I am an abuse survivor myself. Nothing I say is intended to diminish the experience of a woman in court -- trust me, I've been on an awful side of that.

But the courts would not take my partner (we'll call him Lou) seriously when he tried to get a restraining order, because the optics of a 5' woman (who I've found out has made a life of playing victim) against an average build 6' fella did not favor him. He was essentially told she wasn't a threat and he needs to stop worrying.

Since she found out my name, she's been harassing me, too. She has sent hundreds of messages to me, my partner, and his mom about me, with every sort of vulgarity and profanity. She told my partner that she knew where my mom lived. She said she didn't tell my partner about an STI, hoping I'd get it. When I brought it to court, the judge said he didn't think she was being serious.

Not that she didn't threaten me. But that he didn't think she was serious about the threat. He basically discounted it all as "lady drama."

Throughout this, Lou has been worried about the safety of his kid (according to his lawyer, unwed men have no rights to their child in this state until a custody hearing, which has been scheduled for over a year now). The mother will send messages at 4am about how the child is suffering because of his neglect, but then won't let him see his son. DCF even started an investigation against the ex, but won't share any information on why or what's being done. His ex wouldn't even let him see his son on his first birthday.

Recently, the little man took his first steps, which is wonderful! Except it just feels sad, knowing that Lou was kept from experiencing all of these first year firsts, all of these wonderful moments, and instead just got message after message calling him a selfish, trashy, f*****, n*****, absentee father who doesn't care about his son etc etc etc. She's also written 3 (three) affidavits with absolute lies on them in hopes of keeping him away. All were eventually dismissed, thank GOD.

I feel like a third wheel in an abusive relationship. I tried looking up ways to handle this sort of situation? Where there's nothing you can do but wait. But it's so hard. So many days are filled with sadness, especially after any visits with the little fella where it feels like both our hearts are lighter than could be. Every day I'm worried about if I run into her, or if she reaches out. Her cruelty, even when I know it's baseless and designed to hurt, still wears at me and weighs me down. It's so hard to ignore. And it's so hard to ignore the effects it all has on Lou.