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Fandoms really can mess you up huh. It's been over ten years since the first time that I watched The Curse of Fatal Death, and I still can't see / hear the sentence "I'll explain later" IN ANY CONTEXT without part of my brain pointing and hollering.
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I think I feel better about things today. The issue of not being able to make art still exists, but at least I'm not sad about it. I think whatever is at the core of me is mending, and I'm just waiting to see what it is that I am now. Because if I'm going to be able to create in the future I need to know what I want to say and to who, and I need to know/remember what I enjoy and what things are symbolic of me personally.
Right now I'm just waiting. But at least there's some peace.
Anybody want to help me with the Wind Gods?
They were assholes to me and I want vengeance.
I probably should say that most of the time it's safer to go up a shoe size if you're in doubt.
Just remembering that time I was in a friend's wedding, and she decided we should go for these matching dyed pumps. As happens with wedding parties.
That maybe wouldn't have been so bad if the shop had my size in stock when we went in to try them on. But, of course the closest pair was a little tight.
"Sure, let's go ahead and order in the size up, I'm sure that will be fine."
Spoiler: It wasn't fine. And it was too late by the time they came to try something else. I would have been better off with the ones I tried on.
The Sasquatch-sized pair they ordered in seemed to be a different brand, with different sizing. So I got stuck in heels that felt at least 2 sizes too big. They didn't really want to stay on, it was that great a fit.
So, I tried insoles and stuffed the toes with paper. Which put a lot of my weight onto the toes crumpling themselves down against the toe paper, instead of on the balls of the feet. Besides the blisters.
(And of course I forgot to pack along comfier shoes for the reception. It was too cold to just go without, though I seriously considered it anyway. So it was pretty much all day stuck in those horrible shoes.)
I'm not sure if any toes actually ended up broken, or "just" dislocated. (Thank you lousy collagen. 😩) There was a lot of bruising, and walking was not easy for a couple of weeks afterwards.
Now I would just say, "Sorry, I'm just going to have to wear non-matching shoes. These are not working at all." Even if I didn't have diabetic foot issues to keep in mind.
That was over 15 years ago, though, and I felt like I needed to good sport my way through in horrible shoes.
Also a cautionary tale, I suppose. Please don't do that. 😱
In a bad place today. My health issues, family relationship issues, family health issues, sadness issues. Just really down. And it’s my anniversary and once again, husband has no plans. Didn’t even wish me happy anniversary this morning. Told him about the blasting headache I woke up with, and he said, “okay”. Last night it was, ”Maybe we’ll do something this weekend”, which will probably mean going to a “gourmet” burger or pizza place -- with the kids.
Last year was a major milestone and he didn’t even get me a card. The kind of milestone that people go to Hawaii for, or take a cruise, or get a significant piece of jewelry. I wasn’t wanting or expecting those things. But something would have been nice. I’m trying to be optimistic that he’ll at least care to remember. (He remembered last year, just didn’t *do* anything about it. I did.) I know *I* could do something, but whether you agree or not, I *do* think my husband has that role. He wanted it. And we are a rather traditional family, and yeah, some traditions seem “misogynistic” but they really aren’t when both parties want the same thing. (I am *not* “unenlightened” either.)
So this is my Thursday. And I don’t want to hear, “at least you have a significant other” or “be thankful for what you have” because I know I have been blessed with a family and friends, but still... my feelings are my feelings.
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jennifer's body (2009) had no right being that hot.
I have a commission to start but lying down and doing nothing is far more appealing
i can’t sleep.
