#pritom

You’re not sorry.

You’re not.

You keep saying that.

It hurts me because I know you’re not sorry.

You say you are, but how do I really know you genuinely mean it?

You don’t.

I know.

If you really cared for me, you would’ve wished me happy birthday right after the clock struck midnight. But you didn’t.

You are sending me a “bday gift” in the mail.

I’m curious but a bit annoyed.

Why are you doing this to me?

You haven’t spoken to me in ages and then all of a sudden on my birthday you start talking to me again?

For what?

You always do this.

You make me feel all happy and text me all the time for a few weeks and then you stop.

I know we’re not dating or anything so why do I feel like this?

I guess I feel too much for him.

It’s my fault.

I care too much.

I overthink.

It’s me.

But can you accept this crazy me?

Can you?

I don’t think you can handle me and my extra baggage.

It’s not your fault.

It’s not.

But it would’ve nice to see how our story would end up if you could carry the load with me.

Alas, a real man will come and show me what true love looks like.

Until then, I must accept that you are too busy for me. That you don’t care enough about me to love me for who I am.

I accept me.

Why can’t you accept me?

I miss you so much.

I wish you would text me.

Talk to me.

Call me.

Let me know you love me back?

No?

Okay...

Cry till I drown in my tears.

I hate him.

I hate him for making me want him still.

I hate him for making me still keep talking to him.

I said goodbye and gave him a farewell letter.

But he didn’t want it to “end like this,” so I let him keep talking to me.

The truth is...

I hate myself for choosing to talk to him still.

For loving him.

For wanting him.

Why can’t I let go?

Why is it so hard?

It’s not fair.

He can forget me in heart beat. But I can’t seem to do the same.

And it hurts.

Hurts me so much I wanna SCREAM.

I don’t know anymore.

I vow to never love a guy again.

I promise myself this now.

I will never catch feelings for a guy again.

And if I feel like I am, I’ll stop myself. And remind myself of the heartbreak I felt twice before.

I am better without anyone.

I need to be better at self control.

I can’t keep going back to talking to him when he clearly doesn’t give a shit about me.

It’s so hard.

So so hard though.

I wish I could forget him.

I can’t.

My heart is broken. To little pieces.

Knowing he doesn’t care.

That’s what hurts the most.