#princessscissors

It was a lovely day in roooshua ( Russia)  and president Putin was having NONE OF IT!  He was so displeased with how happy everyone was and how nice it was outside that he called his adviser into the room “Vladislav!  VLADISLAV GET UR FECKIN ARSE IN HERE!”. Vladislav Surkov shyly entered the room.  “Y...y..yes sir?”   He asked.   “LOOK OUT THIS WINDOW YOU TITDICKLER!  WHAT DO YOU SEE?!?!?!”   Vladislav peered out the window and before him was the nicest summer day Moscow had seen in years.  Everyone was outside and having a good day...well everyone except Vladislav and Vladimir fucking Putin.   “I see a nice summer day and a bunch of kids having fun,”   “YES I KNOW IT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I EVER FECKIN SAW!   LOOK CLOSER WHAT DO YOU SEE?!?”  Putin pointed at something. Vladislav squinted to see. It was a lemonade stand.   “A lemonade stand?”  Putin EXPLODED figuratively and literally.  Vladislav knew the drill by now.  He walked over to the nearest vacuum and sucked up all of Putin’s ashes.  He then removed the bag, shook it bunch, and said the magic words: “OH WA TA GOO SYAM” and in a grand display of light the Rushoon (russian) president morphed back into is former self.Completely. Naked.  “YES! A LEMONADE STAND!  THE SOURCE OF ALL THIS JOY! BRING IT HERE SO I MANY DESTROY IT!”   Vladislav stood there awkwardly “uh... we have no power to confiscate that stand...-”  “YES WE DO JUST SAY THE MAN RUNNING THE STAND IS GAY THEN TAKE ALL HE HAS! I WANT HIS DICK ON MY DESK WITH IN THE HOUR!” and with that Putin threw Vladislav out the window with nothing but his pinky finger.

An hour latter Putin had an entire cart full of lemons and lemonade...so naturally he stuck them up his ass.  “THIS WAY NO ONE CAN ENJOY THEM BUT ME!”  His butt-cheeks closed around the lemons with such force that lemon juice   came forth from them.  Suddenly the lemon juice produced from his but squeezing filled the whole room. When Putin ran out of lemons he ordered more to be brought to him.  When he ran out of those  traded Russia’s entire military for more lemons to squeeze. Now the entirety of Russia was submerged in the lemon juice.    

Vladislav saw this as an opportunity to take control of Russia for him self.  He stole Putin’s personal dick shaped submarine. Putin saw this and was so enraged that he called in bear army to aid him in a couter attack. At this point the eastern hemisphere was submerged in lemon juice. The bears drowned and died. Corpses were everywhere.  Putin Punched a hole in to the sub and entered. Putin slowly walked towards Vladislav in a dramatic passion. He was about to  punch him into oblivion when obama entered riding on a nuclear was head “U FECKIN COMMY SUCK MY PRESIDENTIAL DICK PUTIN”  There was an explosion. The explosion cause a lemon juice that almost whiped out humanity.   A few survived on the top of mountains, space stations, and those who could drink enough lemon juice to survive.  

To this day good summer days are banned.