#preofession

Professionalism - France

I am now 18 years old. I feel to old and I feel so unsuccessful. And I then realized why. Ever since in the year 2009, I have always been trying to find out what I wanted to do with my life. When I was in my 4th year in high school, I was so pressured up on what course to take, what college I am going to attend to, and stuffs like that. every time there is a course that was endorsed to me I considered it to be good. Yet, I could not find anything that I wanted. I could not find anything that suites my taste. Anything that I think is good for me. I liked metallurgical engineering and chemical engineering because even though it was tough, I have always loved chemistry. I love the most basic things. I always have this principle "basics are the foundation of everything". That's the reason I loved chemistry. But, somehow, I only "liked" it, not "loved" it. I ended up in being a pharmacy student. I never really liked it. At first, I tried to love it but then I guess yo can really not love something that your heart does not. By the time I was in my freshmen in college, I really knew I don't like pharmacy because my mind kept on thinking of the "what if's". What if I had gone to other school, what if I go study this and that. Now, I am a sophomore in college. Yet, my mind always bugged me. It is still saying the "what if's" in my head. Even up to now I imagined what if I will do psychology and this and that. I realized that because of this, I was unsuccessful. I was unhappy. Because I was not doing something that I truly want yet I also don't know what it is that I really wanted to do. What my heart is willing to do. I think, at this very moment, I am still finding what is it the thing that can make me feel successful in life. The thing that can make me happy even if how tough it is to do it. I felt old because of finding something I longed for that I don't even know. I grew tired of finding a thing that I love.