#pre-split panic

The Heart Rate of a Mouse is not primarily a love story.

I couldn't figure out why it gripped me so much as a teen but reading it again now that I'm old it's kinda obvious.

It's a story about finding a home.

Ryan is a fucked-up kid from an upbringing that made him think he could never really be loved by anyone who knew him. He had this hope that he'd found a home with Mrs Roscoe but it got shattered and he gave up looking for so long because he thought that was his only chance.

Brendon is a lost kid who had to leave his home and is desperate for the security of it again. He gets so used to being transient that he's willing to settle for Shane just because he thinks that's the best he can get.

And neither of them can let themselves have each other because they're so broken they can't believe they're allowed it. They can't trust it.

sick and tired of ppl saying panic went to shit after ryan and jon left like yes it downgraded (compared to afycso my fave album from them) B U T ian (even tho he was only there for a few years) and dallon (who stayed on til 2017 oh how he put up with a lot of bs over the years) rlly kept it from tanking in those key years imo

like dallon is credited w writing most of v&v (with the exception of "nearly witches" - ryan wrote that) and all of twtltytd (is that even the album name idk i dont rlly listen to post ryan panic sorry not sorry) and he played bass not only for the end of pretty odd touring but also as part of the band til 2015 and then continued touring til 2017 (plus apparently brendon stopped him from releasing a song w 21 pilots which is actually why im writing this lmfao) like

dallons writing was on a similar level to ryans and it feels mean/unfair to reduce those albums that he did write to "shit" bc ryan wasnt there

and yes doab has a couple of bops (crazy = genius and also la devotee imo) but overall they dont cancel out what is mostly a shit album (ok yes dont threaten me w a good time is okay too but he did NOT make those high heels work good lord) esp cause there were literally none of the ogs except brendon on that)

and ofc pftw is ass if i ever hear high hopes or hey look ma i made it i actively try and leave wherever i am (they fucking played high hopes at a skate night i went to WHEN I WAS COSPLAYING RYAN ROSE VEST)

also side note fuck u brendon for continuing to play camisado after ryan left even tho it was like the one song he asked you to stop performing it cause it was rlly personal to him AND YOU DIDNT LISTEN (ofc all the songs were personal to him but camisado was one of the ones that he specifically drew on his experiences w/ his father to write)

also side note 2 imo panic died when spencer left (2013) but was temporarily revived til dallon left (2017) and brendons been dragging its corpse around for the last 6 years. and idc what anyone says the touring artists he played with do not count as panic cause no offence but like their title says theyre TOURING ARTISTS (like how dallon didnt consider himself a part of panic when he was touring w em til they asked him officially and then when he "stopped contributing creatively" - his words) like i rlly doubt ppl can name them off the top of their heads (altho theyre underappreciated for dealing w brendon)

🤝 🤝