#pre-nup

Imagine planning your wedding while secretly drafting an exit strategy. Welcome to the new reality for African men pushing prenups—and the chaos it’s causing A prenuptial agreement is a relationship insurance policy you take out before saying "I do." It spells out who gets what if things go south - from that apartment in Sandton to your shares in that tech startup you've been grinding on for years. Think of it as planning your divorce during your engagement. The document typically covers property division, debt responsibilities, and sometimes even lifestyle clauses. Many lawyers now advertise prenup services specifically for young professionals, charging anywhere from $500 to $2,000 to draft these joy-killing documents. A prenuptial agreement is a relationship insurance policy you take out before saying "I do." Image source: iStock The Good and Bad of Prenups You hear guys in places like London and Toronto talking about prenups like they're some magical shield. "I'm just protecting my business," they say at bachelor parties, nodding wisely over beers. You might see the upside fast. If you’re pulling in $100,000 a year in Houston or own a barbershop in Birmingham, a prenup stops your ex from claiming half when she walks out. But the downsides hit hard. But let's be real - what happens when you hand someone a document essentially saying, "I'm preparing for our failure"? A 2024 poll found 44% of singles view prenups as a dealbreaker. You’re not just signing a paper; you’re signing away trust, and that’s a wound that festers. Why More African Men Are Demanding Prenups Let’s be real: African men aren’t suddenly obsessed with legalese. Here’s my theory: you’re terrified, and you’ve got cause. You’ve hustled abroad—maybe you’re a nurse in Dublin or a tech guy in Toronto, sending cash home to build a house in Benin City. One bad split could erase decades of hustle.   Divorce rates are insane—50% in the UK, 40% in Canada—and courts don’t care that your family land in Uganda’s been yours for generations; they’ll split it.  I think you’re pushing prenups because you’ve seen it happen: your mate in Atlanta lost his $200,000 savings to an ex who never worked, or your cousin in Cape Town had to sell his mom’s shop after a split. A prenup acts like insurance against “gold-digger” stereotypes.   But don't forget how platforms like Twitter and Instagram bombard men with "red pill" content specifically targeting African audiences, warning about losing generational wealth through divorce. Additionally, as women gain economic power, some men panic. A prenup becomes a misguided tool to “balance” perceived threats to their financial dominance.   The Harsh Backlash Against Prenup Proponents You try bringing up prenups at family gatherings in places like Ghana or Uganda and watch what happens. Aunties will give you that look - you know the one.  Feminists slam prenups as tools to disempower women, especially in societies where wives already sacrifice careers for family. Critics argue prenups undermine marriage’s communal spirit. Why marry if you’re already planning a divorce? Women share screenshots of prenup requests that went wrong. In groups like African Women Rising with their 200,000+ members, prenups are regularly described as "relationship poison." Women on dating apps in major African cities now specifically ask about men's views on prenups before agreeing to serious relationships. Prenups aren’t a magic shield—they’re a double-edged sword. Image source: iStock When Prenups Destroy What They Claim to Protect Prenups aren’t a magic shield—they’re a double-edged sword. You know what's awkward? Trying to calculate the future value of your wife's contribution to raising kids while you're still dating. Proposing a prenup screams, “I don’t believe in ‘forever.’” It plants seeds of doubt before the marriage even starts.   In communities where family wealth is collective, a prenup feels like hoarding. You’re not just insulting your partner—you’re snubbing generations of tradition.

This is unfortunately beyond my realm of knowledge. I suspect that most prenups are not allowed because they would undermine the vows of marriage (the promise of your entire self to another person) by adding conditions, thereby rendering the marriage invalid. It's essentially saying, "I vow to become one with you until death...but if it doesn't work out, here's my conditions: ...."

There might be some exceptions, like if one or both spouses have children from a previous marriage and want to settle inheritance issues with a pre-nup to prevent future confusion. That would not violate vows since it isn't hedging against a future divorce.

If you have money that you would like to save for certain family members, a pre-nup might be considered acceptable for the same reasons as the above example. If not, you can enter it into a trust (essentially a third-party institution acts as legal guardian of the funds, paying out to the beneficiaries at the appointed age/date/etc).

This afternoon I received a message from an Anon who did not want to be published. Anon asked what I thought about the Irish Talk Show Interview.  

After reviewing the interview and some other bloggers’ opinions, I am not quite sure what to make of the entire engagement. From the NY Day leak, GG, People exclusive, Irish awards, and the talk show, Cait acknowledges that she is engaged, but gives no indication that she is-over-the-moon like other future brides. Once an engagement is announced, most couples are happy to share their joy and talk about what brought them together. Cait does not say his name, and when asked if there would be a wedding this year, she responded “God, no,” like it was the furthest thing from her mind. IMO, the interaction between them suggests business and nothing more.

So why does Cait say the groom is shy? How could a 40+ year old man who owns a business and has worked in music production/promotion in the entertainment industry be shy in today’s world? Why does he accompany her to very public celebrity events and follow her around Europe to fashion shows, but not want to be talked about in conversation as her future husband? This seems very strange and I don’t have an answer to this question.  

Anon feels Cait wants kids, and that’s reason she is engaged; but sees it as a mistake because Cait will end up “supporting him and the kids.” But in today’s world, single women can adopt or have a sperm donor. She does not have to marry to have her own children.

How should married couples split finances and is it different for co-habiting couples? These are just some of the questions I get asked quite regularly on TV and radio and also by you lovely readers! Love isn’t all you need when it comes to dealing with your finances. Mixing love and money is never easy in a relationship. However, you need to face the challenges head-on, or you run the risk that your finances will tear you apart. According to the relationship charity Relate, the main cause of rows that lead to separation is money. This scored higher than arguments about the in-laws and even higher than bedroom issues. That’s why we’ve put together this guide to show you the pitfalls to avoid and how to have a happy financial relationship with your partner. Should you have a joint account or not? Dealing with your partner’s debt…or yours! Buying a home together Planning your retirement together Coping with a spendthrift partner …or a miser partner! Oh…and do a pre-nup The good news about how marriage makes you richer!   should you have a joint account or not? One of the first issues you face when you move in together, is whether to merge your finances into one joint account or maintain individual accounts. The important things you need to agree on (or compromise on) are: Whether you will have a joint account, separate accounts or a mixture of the two. How the bills will be paid, and from which account – particularly the rent or mortgage. Who will pay the most towards the bills – it’s generally fairest to work on a percentage of each partner’s income. Whether you will set up additional savings accounts – and how much you will put into them. How much autonomy you have over the money you have in separate accounts. there’s no right answer The answer isn’t going to be the same for everyone. In finding your solution, you’ll need to get to grips with your attitude to money. You each need to know if the other is a spendthrift, a miser or just isn’t that interested in money generally. You also need a general agreement abut the things you think are important enough to spend money on – whether you love to splurge on travelling, or want to prioritise saving for a home. For many couples, the right decision may well lie in finding the middle ground. Keeping the bulk of your money individually and opening a joint account for household expenses can often be a useful way to blend your finances initially without risking arguments over who spent this much on that. Later on down the line, you may want to merge more of your money, but this is a good halfway house. Some couples like to have one account that they both draw from. This can work well if there is only one earner. Other couples – again with one earner – come up with a ‘salary’ that the earner pays to the non-earner each month and that ‘salary’ is kept separate. The bills etc are paid from the main account. our moneymagpie survey found you don’t like joint accounts