#ppd?

If you ignore my jealousy, possessiveness, attempts to control you, mood swings, hateful personality, neediness, paranoia, sadism, lying to make up to my lack of actual empathy, shyness, crash outs, obsession, intense attachment, way too high standards, occasional hypocrisy, spitefulness, controversial opinions and impulsivity I'm actually a fun person to hang out with!

Checking every app that I own to see if I accidentally didn't post something, seeing if the doors closed, if the gas is turned off, if the tap is closed also the fridge, going back from the outside to make sure I locked the door, checking my bag multipe times to check if it didnt magically open itself, if theres no one in the closet, if I didnt leak my passwords, if my mom who's at work isnt at home, if my friends still like me needing to go through their phones to make sure they dont speak bad about me, needing the reassurance 24/7, can't feel comfortable in my house because the tv doesn't fit perfectly in the hole made for it etc also because there are panels on the previous floor, thinking the bugs are crawling on me, everything itches, taking normal things as an attack

I've been feeling so down and lost. Like anything can make me cry. I've felt like I'm in a fog and I have a hard time concentrating or processing things. Like Adam will be talking and I'll be trying so hard to follow along but I'll feel like I'm hearing him from a long ways off and I can't connect thoughts and no matter how hard I try to come up with a response, all I manage is "mhm" or repeating what he just said. I feel like I'll never manage to do the things I want to do and the thought of starting my classes makes me feel sick because I feel like I'm just trapped into doing them. I feel like I never want to be away from Maisie because she makes me feel like I'm not so alone. Adam has to leave sometimes but I can always hold onto Maisie. But then when she's crying and I've changed her diaper and fed her and am holding her and she's got her binki but she still won't stop crying, all I want to do is plug my ears and cry myself. This sucks and I just don't know what to do.