NONCANON ALPHA LOG
Luyu Monroe and Anacia Pigoli (carada and elsu's alpha counterparts) bump into each other online and eventually attempt to cyber
-- irritableBarista [IB] began trolling fiftyshadesFreed [FF] at 02:44 --
IB: *draws invisible revolver*
IB: State your name and profession punk
IB: Give me one reason why i shouldnt shoot you right here and now
FF: Anacia Pigoli, kinky slave. ;D
IB: So are you a prostitute or do you only have sex with your master
IB: Tryin to figure out just how illegal youre acting here
IB: Not that i care about the law or anything
FF: You don't care about the law? Oh my, I assumed you were a cop.
IB: Im a bad bitch and i dont give even a single damn
IB: No thats just roleplay
FF: Why does it matter, then? Interested?~
IB: Though not the kind youre probably into you kinky bitch
FF: Hey, being kinky doesn't make me a bitch! ;(
IB: Yeah it does
IB: Bitch
IB: Youre someones dog
FF: You make my inner goddess cry ;'(
IB: Thats why youre a bitch
IB: Your inner goddess
FF: Not currently, alas!
IB: What in sam hill are you on about
FF: You know, inner goddess! The sexy voice in your head that tells you to do bad things!!
FF: You mean you don't have one? ;(
IB: Uh
IB: I think i have a vague idea what you mean
IB: Sometimes i tell myself to do bad things and then i listen
IB: the voice isnt sexy tho
FF: Same here ;D
FF: Oh, damn.
FF: What kind of (boring) bad things are you talking about then?
IB: You know
IB: Showing up to class ten minutes late
IB: Skipping out on family pot time
FF: Wait how is not smoking drugs bad
IB: Its bad in my household
IB: Well the one i was in anyways
IB: Long story short my uncle sam was a huge dumbass who didnt get anywhere in life because he fucked around with weed during his high school years
IB: I wont be following his example
IB: I only show up to class late instead of skipping it altogether
FF: !s uncle Sam your ex or sometH!ng
IB: No i just gotta keep up my straight edge attitude
IB: Anyway
FF: ! d!dn't real!se be!ng stra!gHt edge was an "att!tude"!
IB: Since you seem like you wont kill me or anything rank like that
IB: My name is luyu monroe
IB: Its not a pleasure to meet you
FF: WHy would ! try to k!ll some random stranger on tHe !nternet?
IB: You never know man
IB: Hackers can do all sorts of things these days
FF: And wow, totally pleasant !ntroduct!on!
IB: I know this because im an expert hacker
IB: I hack the mainframe like 8 times a day
FF: Holy cow, Hackers can k!ll you now??
IB: Hell yes they can
IB: The internet isnt trustworthy
IB: Stay safe out there young bitch
FF: THe !NTERNET can k!ll you?
IB: At least im assuming youre young
IB: Maybe youre a granny sex slave maybe theyre into that
IB: I dont know and i dont care
FF: !'m 9!
IB: Damn
FF: !'m not some wr!nkly old woman, grosssssss.
IB: Im almost tempted to call the cops
IB: But i wont because like i said im a bad bitch
FF: A bad b!tcH wHo sHows up late to appo!ntments somet!mes and doesn't smoke pot... y!kes!
IB: Damn straight
IB: *holds up knife to face, pretends to shave*
IB: *doesn't even have facial hair*
FF: OH, pHew!
FF: Crap, ! was worr!ed you Had a g!rlbeard for a moment tHere!
FF: THat would... not be very sexy ;(
IB: Im pretty sure itd be the sexiest thing ever
FF: Maybe !f you were Hold!ng up a kn!fe to MY face ;D
IB: I would so love to do that
IB: Why dont you come into my barber shop
IB: Ill lay some cream on your face
IB: And shave the bitch off you
FF: Holy cow, so Hot.
FF: *!nner goddess beg!ns salsa*
IB: Salsa is like my favorite thing
IB: Real cowgirls love salsa
FF: You're a cowg!rl?
IB: More specifically im westernpunk
FF: Also !'ve never actually salsa'd. ! wouldn't m!nd learn!ng, tHougH!
FF: (AltHougH tango !s tHe best dance, obv!ously.)
FF: Westernpunk? WHat does tHat enta!l
FF: Do you st!ll know How to do lassos and all tHat stuff?
IB: It entails being a bad bitch that embodies the old western values of independence and freedom and taking what you want in a modern era of conformity and government handouts
FF: You wHat
FF: WHat's so great about !ndependence and freedom, anyway?
FF: Also wHat are government Handouts? ;?
IB: Dear lord
IB: Theyve brainwashed the masses far faster than ive realized
IB: Do yourself a favor bub
IB: Go look at a history textbook
IB: And see how things used to be
IB: Then go turn on the news for more than fifteen seconds
IB: And shed a single tear for the fallen value of freedom
FF: H!story !s booooooor!ng, tHougH! WHo wants to read non-f!ct!on wHen you can read great works of l!terature?
FF: THere's no romance !n H!story textbooks ;(
IB: Oh my fucking god
IB: History is the most romantic thing ever
IB: War is romantic in a sense if you think about it
IB: Not that i give a shit about romance
IB: Or that i like shitty government funded wars
FF: Ok but by romance ! actually mean sex.
IB: I think instead of wars we should just arm the people and have them fight directly towards whatever goal they deem fit
FF: ! suppose tHere's tHe potent!al for tHe rape of var!ous al!en spec!es but ! wasn't never !nto xeno
FF: and anyway ! don't see wHat tHat Has to do w!tH freedom.
IB: The country would be much better off that way
IB: What
IB: Rape
FF: !sn't rape a Huge tH!ng !n war? L!ke, war pr!soners and stuff?
IB: I guess so
IB: But wars are mostly fought by men (UNFORTUNATELY) so
IB: I imagine not much rape goes on
IB: Except in those navy showers
FF: No tHey aren't, wHat are you even talk!ng about?
FF: ! m!gHt not care about H!story but !'m not an !D!OT.
FF: All tHe top m!l!tary pos!t!ons are Held by women! DuH!
IB: No they arent
IB: What sort of backwards planet do you live on
IB: Some kind of fucking dreamland probably
FF: THe one tHat's tak!ng l!ke, Half tHe galaxy?
IB: If we had women in charge wed have armed ourselves a long time ago
IB: Wait what
IB: Is the government taking over other planets now
FF: Altern!a ! mean.
IB: I FUCKING KNEW IT
IB: I CALLED IT
IB: Wait whats an alternia
FF: Wa!t am ! talk!ng to an al!en ! m!gHt Have to reajust my mental !mage of you.
IB: Fucking aliens
IB: This is just perfect
IB: Are you trolling me
FF: Anyway tHe government's been tak!ng over planets for sweeps! THat !s tHe ma!n job of tHe government. Conquest and stuff.
FF: Well yeaH How else would we be cHatt!ng.
IB: Ill have you know that i know that trolls are mostly hackers
IB: You cant hack me i have a level 10 firewall
FF: AltHougH to be Honest as far as troll!an conversat!ons go tH!s Has been very d!ssapo!nt!ng ;(
IB: THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY
IB: BITCH DID YOU JUST
IB: No fuck wait
IB: Sorry
IB: Sometimes i lose my temper
FF: !'m not a Hacker tHougH! ! just troll for cyber!ng to be Honest.
IB: Is cybering some new trend amongst the youth
FF: No tHat's f!ne lose your temper more
IB: I DONT TAKE ORDERS FROM SUBMISSIVE BITCHES
IB: GO BACK TO YOUR NANNY STATE
IB: SEE IF I CARE
IB: ILL JUST SIT HERE AND NOT CRY IN THE CORNER
FF: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees-
FF: wa!t no don't talk about cry!ng
IB: FUCK WAS I TALKING ABOUT CRYING
IB: ILL HAVE YOU KNOW I TOTALLY DONT CRY IM A BAD BITCH
IB: BAD BITCHES DONT CRY
IB: WHEREAS YOU ARE A BITCH BUT NOT THE BAD KIND SO YOU DO CRY
IB: CRY FOR ME BITCH
FF: ;'(
FF: *scorcH!ng tears burn down my face*
IB: IM LICKING UP YOUR TEARS
IB: NO HOMO
FF: Hooooly sH!t. *fans self fur!ously wH!le !nner goddess sHasHays across room !n tr!umpH*
FF: AltHougH not to k!ll tHe fantasy but tHat tHe fuck does "no Homo" mean?
FF: *wHat
IB: It means that i am not homosexual for you
IB: Does your society not have homos
IB: Wow
FF: !'m sorry ! Have no !dea wHat a Homosexual !s!
FF: !s !t sometH!ng sexy? !t sounds sexy.
IB: A homosexual is someone has dumb faggoty feelings for other fags
FF: ...st!ll don't know wHat you're talk!ng about!
FF: !s !t a fet!sH?
IB: I dont even know you should try asking a fag
FF: But ! don't know wHat a fag !s! ;(
IB: ITS A PERSON WHO LIKES OTHER PERSONS OF THE SAME SEX YOU DUMB PILE OF BRICKS
IB: GOD DO I HAVE TO SPELL OUT EVERYTHING FOR YOU
FF: Doesn't everyone l!ke tHe same sex, tHougH?
FF: ! mean, unless you Have a fet!sH for one over tHe otHer but tHat's rare!
IB: No
FF: ! sort of prefer g!rls because tHey're more l!kely to be dom!nant but ! dont really m!nd e!tHer way wHo cares
IB: That doesnt even make sense how is that biologically practical for you
FF: Well !t !sn't as !f sex matters wHen !t comes to reproduct!on!
IB: It totally does
FF: Well no
IB: No its adam and eve you nitwit
FF: ! Hate to break !t to you but !f !t's all go!ng !nto an !ncestuous slurry anyway !t doesn't matter at all!
IB: What the fuck kind of society do you live in
IB: Clearly not one that would be approved of by AMERICA
FF: ! don't know, wHat k!nd of soc!ety l!m!ts tHe amount of potent!al sex you can Have by 50%?
IB: Good point
IB: Im
IB: My foundations are shaking
IB: But i will stand by my values
FF: !t sounds l!ke you Have some really lame values.
FF: Does tHat mean you're only !nterested !n men?
FF: WHat about tHe conc!l!atory quadrants... does sex matter tHere too? Because tHat would be even we!rder.
IB: Consealeatory what
IB: Quadrants
IB: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
IB: IS THIS SOME NEW AGE SHIT
IB: GODDAMNIT
IB: FUCK YOU GODDAMN HIPSTERS AND YOUR INCOMPREHENSIBLE ROMANCE
FF: UH...
IB: IM GOING TO BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF
IB: IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW
FF: Yes, tHat !s exactly wHat tH!s !s. !'m a f!ltHy new age H!pster ;D
IB: AND START TALKING ABOUT NORMAL THINGS
IB: TALK ABOUT NORMAL THINGS HIPSTER
FF: Ok. UH.
FF: Great weatHer we're Hav!ng, HuH?
IB: NOT THAT NORMAL
FF: R!gHt tHen uH.
FF: So wHat planet are you from anyway.
IB: Earth
IB: The only planet with AMERICA
IB: Aka my favorite planet
FF: WHat's Amer!ca?
IB: The best country of time
IB: Where freedom shines
IB: Or at least it used to
FF: Sorry to Hear about your freedom ! guess.
FF: We've never really Had any of tHat as far as H!story goes!
FF: ! m!gHt tH!nk maybe tHat was wHere my k!nks come from !f ! actually cared at all.
IB: You dont have freedom
IB: Im going to cry
IB: Im legit crying
IB: This is the one time its acceptable for a bad bitch westernpunk to cry
IB: When freedom is compromised
FF: ! dunno, !t never really botHered me!
FF: Some trolls get really upset about !t but ! don't see wHat good Hav!ng more freedom would do, !'m pretty content as tH!ngs are.
FF: THere !sn't a lot tHat ! want to do tHat ! can't do already!
FF: !t would be cool to be a journal!st, but tHey don't let lowbloods on TV?
FF: THat's f!ne tHougH lowbloods weren't reallly des!gned for tHat k!nd of tH!ng! !t's not our place.
IB: Is that like troll racism
FF: ! don't know wHat tHat !s but probably not. !t's just How our soc!ety !s structured.
IB: Um ok
IB: None of my business i suppose
FF: YeaH pol!t!cs are bor!ng anyway.
IB: Id argue otherwise but your politics arent american and therefore suck anyways
FF: Maybe you can teacH me your Amer!can ways ;D
IB: Are you coming on to me
FF: ! don't know do you want me to be?
FF: *My subconc!ous !s tell!ng me no but my !nner goddess !s tell!ng me YEAH*
IB: NO im not a homo
IB: Im freedomsexual
IB: And youre not free enough for me to be sexually attracted to you
IB: Sorry
FF: Aw crap.
FF: D!d you !n!t!aally start talk!ng to me because of my trollHandle? Because tHat would be H!lar!ous.
IB: Uh
IB: Maybe
IB: *blushes like an anime schoolgirl, but the western kind of anime because its more AMERICAN*
FF: Holy cow, ! tH!nk tH!s !s tHe f!rst troll!an conversat!on !'ve Had tHat wasn't an !nv!tat!on to cyber!
IB: Thats actually really sad
FF: No, !t's not!
FF: ! mean, ! Have fr!ends !n real l!fe.
FF: But tHe !nternet !s my anon sexy Hookup spot, duH.
FF: WHere ! can let my !nner goddess run free ;D
IB: Free you say
IB: I can see why youd enjoy that
FF: Well ok !f you put !t l!ke tHat.
FF: Freedom sounds pretty cool.
IB: Now youre talking
IB: Im so proud that ive instilled the values of freedom into a willing mind
IB: Im crying because this is the other acceptable time for a person to cry
FF: HaHa, well !f we're talk!ng SEXUAL freedom ! am all game.
FF: My dang subconc!ous !s always trty!ng to keep tHe !nner goddess down, but sHe can't be tamed.
IB: Your inner goddess
IB: Hmm
IB: Well uh
IB: Is this part of your religion
FF: No !t's a metapHor for my sex dr!ve
IB: Is sex your religion
IB: Is that the religon of your country
IB: Or your planet
IB: Do you have countries on alternia
FF: Not really. tHe planet !s just d!fferent sectors of tHe empresses k!ngdom.
FF: But ! don't really Have a rel!g!on actually? !'m sav!ng my worsH!p for my future master(s).
IB: Uhm
IB: Dont you think thats a little slavey
IB: I feel sorry for you because youre a slave
IB: Here in america we freed the slaves a long time ago
FF: YeaH but. !t's VOLUNTARY slavery! You do !t because you enjoy !t not because you're be!ng forced or anytH!ng.
FF: ! mean, no troll !s actually a REAL slave any more. We freed tHem too.
IB: Wait you
IB: WANT to be a slave
IB: Im going to have to
FF: (But !t's fun to pretend somet!mes ;D )
IB: Sit down for a moment
IB: And think
FF: Well not a REAL slave you don't get !t
IB: *heavy breathing*
FF: !t's l!ke, a roleplay tH!ng!
IB: Roleplay
IB: Wasnt i roleplaying at the start of this
FF: !N A WAY !t's tHe ult!mate express!on of freedom some people tH!nk? Because you're express!ng all you ~dark des!res~ Honestly and openly!!
IB: Is this like bookends thing
IB: Is this symbolic
FF: Yes but !'m talk!ng about tHe sexy k!nd come on work w!tH me Here.
IB: Fuck im talking like my uncle
IB: Okay sexy roleplay
IB: I forgot didnt you at one point want me to sexy roleplay with you
FF: WHo says ! st!ll don't? ;)
IB: If i roleplay with you will it end this conversation
FF: Well no because you'd Have to actually do tHe roleplay!ng!
IB: OK
IB: If im roleplaying its not gay because im portraying a character right
IB: OK ill roleplay with you
FF: Wa!t really wHat
IB: Yes
FF: Wow ok r!gHt tHen. WHat k!nd of scene sHall we do? ;D
IB: Uh
IB: What do you like
IB: Something quick i want to end this conversation already
FF: Ok let's do !'m an !nvad!ng so!lder and your army captured me so !'m a pr!soner of war and you're try!ng to get !nformat!on out of me ;)
IB: Ok but instead of being an institutionalized war
IB: All the soldiers are hired mercenaries
IB: I am one of the mercenaries
FF: Ok, sure! ! don't really care.
FF: But you Have to make !t SEXY okay!
IB: OK
IB: What do you find sexy
FF: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT ! F!ND SEXY YET?
IB: Yeah but other than your weird bdsm thing
IB: I dont like bdsm
IB: One party isnt free enough for me to enjoy it
FF: OH wa!t you don't want to do bdsm? ;(
FF: Ok tHen um...
IB: No
FF: Wa!t so rem!nd me... wHat !s van!lla sex l!ke ?
IB: Its like sex but you dont do anything special
FF: WHat so just pla!n !ntercourse?
FF: Can you st!ll do oral sex !f you're van!lla
IB: Um
IB: Generally the most american and therefore normal way to do things is heterosexual sex in the missionary position
FF: Does tHat mean boy-g!rl?
IB: Yes
FF: ! could play a dude !f !t makes you more confortable ! guess.
IB: Okay that would be nice
IB: I am the mercenary soldier person and you are my prisoner of war
IB: What are you in for
IB: Sir Whats Your Name
IB: (Psst whats your name)
FF: Anac!o P!gol!, m'am.
IB: Thats a very competent sounding name
IB: Are you competent at shooting a gun
IB: *sexy wink*
FF: !t depends on tHe model! ...!f you know wHat ! mean.
FF: *w!nks back know!ngly at you*
IB: Im afraid i dont know what you mean
IB: I command that you tell me what you mean
IB: Except not
IB: Because i dont command people
IB: Because people deserve freedom
IB: Sir you deserve freedom
IB: Im letting you go
IB: Be free young bird
FF: Even lowly war cr!m!nals sucH as myself?
FF: Um ok.
IB: Yes
IB: Fly away
IB: Ive been moved to tears for like the eighth time today or something ridiculous like that
IB: What a glorious day
FF: L!tterally or metapHor!cally?
IB: I mean i havent because i am not luyu monroe but a soldier mercenary
IB: both
FF: *! am also moved to tears. ! Have never been sHown sucH k!ndness*
FF: THank you so mucH, ma'am. *w!pes a tear from my cHeek* How can ! ever replay you???
IB: You can repay me by going on and enjoying your life
FF: No, ! !ns!st! Let me demonstrate my grat!tude. *falls to knees !n reverence*
IB: Oh okay
IB: Why dont you
IB: Put your gun
IB: On my rack
FF: *Holy cow, was tH!s really Happen!ng? Moments ago Anac!o was a pr!soner, and now He was a free troll be!ng set free by tH!s !ncred!bly sexy al!en lady. Her eyes were...*
FF: (wa!t wa!t ! don't Have a v!sual ref How am ! supossed to be descr!pt!ve Here)
FF: (WHat does your spec!es/you look l!ke?)
IB: (Uh i have short black hair with blood colored streaks)
FF: (Cute. WHat's your blood color?)
IB: (uh. red?)
IB: (Just like everyone else)
FF: (OH, we Have d!fferent blood colors depend!ng on our soc!al rank! But tHat's f!ne red !s pretty.)
IB: (Okay)
IB: (Uh my eyes are also red)
IB: (Im kind of a brownish color)
FF: (WHat, sk!nw!se?)
IB: (My face is kind of high set)
IB: (Yes)
IB: (And im wearing black clothes)
FF: (!'ve got grey sk!n and long black Ha!r tHat ! usually Have !n a bra!d? Yellow eyes and !'m probably wear!ng black too.)
FF: (UH ! suppose my genderband guy Has sl!gHtly sHorter Ha!r but !t's st!ll bra!ded.)
IB: (Ok where were we)
IB: (You were saying my eyes were)
FF: *HER EYES were a beaut!ful deep red, compl!mented by Her cute Ha!rcut. My eyes tra!led down, adm!r!ng tHe mercenary's body Hungr!ly*
IB: Oh my
IB: Do you perhaps want to
IB: Ravage a new warfield
FF: !f !t would please you, m!stre- uH, ma'am.
IB: I am indifferent on the matter
FF: Ok well um. Let me just get out my gun *SEXY W!NK*
IB: Guns are my favorite
IB: What kind of gun is it
IB: Is it an AK-47
IB: You filthy commie
FF: No !t's my d!ck ;D
IB: Thats not interesting
IB: Show me your gun
IB: I want your guns
FF: WHat my actual gun.
IB: I want a ticket to the gun show.
FF: ! don't Have an actual gun on me wHy tHe fuck would tHey capture a war cr!m!nal and not take away H!s weapons
IB: Good point
IB: Ok ill look at your dick
IB: Wow that sure is a dick
IB: Its very small probably only a 9mm
IB: Sorry i was going to stop talking about guns
FF: Ok you fuck!ng suck at tH!s.
IB: :c
IB: Ok ill stop
IB: Ill just
IB: Leave
FF: (Leave tHe conversat!on, you mean? Or are you st!ll !n cHaracter?)
IB: I DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE
IB: YOU DONT KNOW ME
IB: YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE
FF: Well of course not, !'m not even from tHe same planet as you!
IB: NO ONE EVER UNDERSTANDS ME
IB: GOODBYE
FF: ;( !!
-- irritableBarista [IB] gave up trolling fiftyshadesFreed [FF] at 05:54 --
