1 month after the "not pregnant" talk
Here I am one month after I find out we are not pregnant, and there have been many positive changes amidst all the horrible thoughts after the horrible ivf results. 1. We have booked our flights to the UK, and arranged and paid for Charlie Brown's dog vacay sitter. 2. I have been working at my new position and work location since August 5th, and absolutely loving it. 3. We've been planning a beach family vacation in Jan 4. We are talking about buying a house 5. Talking about our negative Ivf result is easier Here is what's still hard: 1. Watching Pregnancy test commercials on television 2. Seeing the new Apple iPhone commercial "I'm living the life of dreams" 3. Seeing happy families with loads of children walking down the street, in the mall, etc. 4. Hearing from my friends who just find out they are pregnant (said I was being honest on this blog) Here is what I've learned about myself on this hard and sensitive journey: 1. I am a very strong person 2. I still really want a child 3. The child or children I want don't have to come fr my eggs ( I knew this, but it was a confirmation) 4. I'm still not sure if I want to try IVF again 5. I don't mind needles as much anymore 6. Jason and I are stronger together and as individuals for going through this test 7. I really, really love Coffee, chocolate, I love fried food especially Lays Reg flavored Chips, Chinese food and fried chicken and I love ice-cream (and I DEEPLY ENJOYED all of these foods I didn't allow myself in June and July (prepping for and during IVF transfer). Going through IVF was really hard, I gained alot of weight due to the hormones, I was an emotional wreck (but not as bad as I thought I would be), and I really thought that I was going to be pregnant and giving birth to twins in March. This was the only time I would be using my eggs to conceive with Jason, and it's even harder knowing that due to my age, and the fact that I have one ovary (hidden under scar tissue and hard to find) I will never know what my biological child will look like. I think that's the hardest thing. I've discussed options like donor eggs but I'm still scared that after all that we'd end up with the same result, I am terrified of having to deal with that again. I don't know how women go through IVF multiple times, my family doctor told me her sister went through it 14 times in 7 years! So it's a good thing we are taking a break from this and travelling for the next 6 months, then we make decisions when we've had some time to really think of what we want to do to get our family. One more positive, I've lost 15 lbs, since stopping the hormones, and I will be trying to stick to a healthier regime, now that I've had time to enjoy my bad food. Only 20 more pounds to go before we can go on our beach vacay in Jan!
