#post-despair

In a world before Despair invaded their everyday lives, Kiyotaka Ishimaru was very strict about who was and wasn’t allowed out in the corridor. He supposed the reason he insisted on the rule so intently was more to do with his Ultimate Talent as the Super High School Level Moral Compass rather than to do with his duties of Hall Monitor, but either way, he expected to be obeyed.

He did not expect to catch three loiterers on the same day, all from his class.

“Kuwata-kun,” Kiyotaka’s loud voice cut through the hallway as he addressed his classmate who, from the looks of it, was walking in the opposite direction from where he was supposed to be heading and laughing at something on his phone.

However, the Baseball star looked rather unconcerned about being caught and instead gave a cheery wave, pocketing his phone.

“Hey, Ishimaru, what’s up, dude?” he asked, heading towards him. Kiyotaka scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. Had he been wrong? He was almost certain his free period was not due to be over for another quarter of an hour and he was even more certain that Leon had psychology class this period.

And yet, Leon did not at all seem to be acting like he usually did when Kiyotaka caught him disobeying the rules.

“You-“ Kiyotaka started almost hesitantly, “you do realise that there are still fifteen minutes left of your psychology class, yes?”

“Oh, that,” Leon shrugged, throwing a casual arm around Kiyotaka’s shoulder that he attempted to shrug off as politely as possible, “yeah, I needed a loo break real bad but there’s not much lesson left so I’m just sauntering back now. What are you doing outside of class?”

Kiyotaka frowned at Leon’s response before realising Leon had asked a question that it would be rude not to respond to.

“This is one of my free periods, therefore I feel no guilt in stewarding the Halls before returning to my locker at the end of the day,” Kiyotaka responded, “However, Kuwata-kun, even though your lesson may be nearing its end, I am certain there are still valuable topics being taught and you should-“

“Dude,” Leon interrupted, much to Kiyotaka’s irritation, “I didn’t know you had frees. I thought you’d, like, take an extra class or something.”

The look of amusement on Leon’s face did not sit well with Kiyotaka.

“Of course not. Taking time each day to study for upcoming tests and ensure everyone is obeying the rules is a vital part of being a student,” Kiyotaka huffed.

“I thought Oowada would have been enough of a bad influence on you by now,” Leon laughed, “I guess if he can’t change you, no one can.”

“I- well- you see-“ Kiyotaka spluttered, a certain someone’s name catching him off guard for a very understandable reason, “he hasn’t not changed my view on the world. For instance, whilst I would usually feel compelled to give you a detention and send you straight back to class, Kuwata-kun, I now know the importance of creating social connections and being viewed in higher esteem among my peers. That is why we are still talking, of course.”

Leon raised an eyebrow and nodded his head in agreement.

“Yeah, you did sort of mellow after the two of you started banging,” he considered to which Kiyotaka turned bright red.

“Do not speak of such matters within school, Kuwata-kun! My ‘mellowing’ as you call it has nothing to do with whatever extracurricular activities M- Oowada-kun and myself may wish to participate in,” he spluttered indignantly. Leon didn’t even try to conceal his snorts of laughter.

“Man, you crack me up, Ishi. ‘Extracurricular activities’,” Leon chuckled. Kiyotaka blushed even redder. He really did not want to discuss his relationship with Mondo in the middle of a corridor with Leon Kuwata who was renowned for not keeping secrets and had been the one to unintentionally reveal his relationship status to the rest of the class in the first place.

“I’m going to continue my search of the corridor now. Goodbye, Kuwata-kun,” Kiyotaka said assertively. When Kiyotaka glanced back at him, though, he noticed he had fervently gone back to messaging on his phone. Kiyotaka would have reprimanded him again had he not been so eager to end their interaction for the day.

It was ten minutes until the bell when Kiyotaka caught his second culprit. To his great surprise, it was Chihiro, one of the few guys in their class that consistently seemed to obey the school rules that had been set out.

“Fujisaki-kun, what are you doing out of your classroom?” Kiyotaka asked upon approaching him. The programmer turned around suddenly and quickly put his phone behind his back. Kiyotaka had still noticed it, though and absentmindedly wondered why everyone was so obsessed with their phone today. It may have been the first day back to school but surely they could catch up with everyone in person rather than through texts.

“Ah, Ishimaru-kun,” he said shyly, “sorry, I was just fetching my computer from my locker before the end of the day. I don’t like to be within the crowd when we all leave.”

Kiyotaka could appreciate that. Chihiro was a naturally reserved person and being so short, it was likely he would get knocked around easily whilst trying to collect his belongings.

“I see, that is a rather good idea, Fujisaki-kun. I do hope you asked your teacher for permission to leave, though,” Kiyotaka felt as if he had to mention.

“Oh, of course,” Chihiro agreed, nodding his head before offering Kiyotaka a big smile, “how was your summer holiday, Ishimaru-kun? Did you have a nice birthday?”

“Oh,” Kiyotaka paused. Chihiro was the first person to have mentioned his birthday so far. It wasn’t as if he was particularly expecting any mentions, though. With his birthday always falling in the summer holidays, it meant he never really managed to even allude to the event around anyone.

“I, uh, had a rather pleasant birthday spent with my family, thank you. I spent most of my holiday studying, though, so I feel very excited for the future academic year,” Kiyotaka finally replied, “how about you, Fujisaki-kun?”

“It was nice,” Chihiro replied with a nod, “I got to work on my AI program quite a lot.”

“I hope you had a lovely time working on it! I would love to see it one day when it is finished,” Kiyotaka pointed out, hoping Chihiro would understand that he was asking for an invitation.

“I’d be happy to show you but,” he paused for a second of thought, “I’m still not ready to show it to anyone yet. It’s not… ready.”

“I understand. I look forward to seeing it when it is finished” Kiyotaka nodded, “I should let you get back to class now, Fujisaki-kun. I would hate for you to be late because of me!”

Chihiro shuffled awkwardly on his feet for a few seconds before nodding and bidding Kiyotaka goodbye. Kiyotaka kept his eyes trained on the smaller boy for a few seconds after their departure and was surprised to once again see Chihiro turn his head back into the phone he had not-so-discretely been hiding.

Kiyotaka was just pondering whether it would be beneficial to their studies if he proposed a ban on cellphones during school time when he was almost scared to death by his final culprit of the day.

“Hey, Taka,” a deep voice muttered next to his hear, causing Kiyotaka to let out an embarrassingly loud squeak.

“Mondo, you scared me,” he breathed out in relief as a warm arm wrapped around his waist, “what are you even do-“

Kiyotaka didn’t get to finish his sentence as he turned around to look at his boyfriend and caught sight of the scene behind him. Across the side wall of their class’s locker room, a long ‘Happy Birthday’ banner was hung and on a small table in the centre of the room, there sat a single, clearly homemade cupcake with a candle slightly precariously balanced and stuck through the top.

“Mondo, did you- did you do this for-“ Kiyotaka started to say, trying his best not to burst into tears already.

“Yeah, it’s for you. We always miss your birthday ‘cause of when the holiday falls but I wanted to do something for ya. Y’know, now that we’re a thing,” Mondo shrugged as if this wasn’t the kindest thing anyone had ever done for Kiyotaka.

“You didn’t have to,” he said, unable to stop the tears that began trickling down the sides of his face, “I didn’t even expect you to remember.”

“Why the fu-rick wouldn’t I remember my own boyfriend’s birthday ya idiot?” Mondo asked, remembering Kiyotaka’s rule about swearing and ruffling his previously neatly styled hair with a grin on his face.

“I just- I didn’t think i was worth it. You must have put so much effort in and I-“ Kiyotaka tried to say but he was interrupted.

“Taka,” Mondo said, resting his forehead against Kiyotaka’s own, “I didn’t put one second of effort into this that you didn’t deserve and I’d do a whole lot more for ya if I could. Honestly, I probably would have done more if Kuwata and Fujisaki weren’t sh- bad at their jobs.”

“Wait,” Kiyotaka realised, brushing away the tears that had settled on his cheeks, “did you send Kuwata-kun and Fujisaki-kun out into the corridor during lesson time?”

“I-uh- they wanted to help so I texted ‘em and asked ‘em to slow you down. I found out from Naegi that you were in your free last,” Mondo admitted, a look of guilt crossing his face. Kiyotaka could just feel a lecture welling up inside him but he decided to give it a rest due to how thoughtful Mondo had been.

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” Kiyotaka pointed out, “but thank you. It’s really- it’s really nice. I feel quite lucky to have you, Mondo.”

“Ah, c’mon, don’t go getting all sappy on me now. Ya need to blow out your candle before I manage to set fire to the whole school,” Mondo chuckled, bringing his hand to grasp Kiyotaka’s own and tugging him to sit on the bench in front of the table.

“Don’t forget to make a wish,” Mondo told him as he brought the cupcake closer. Kiyotaka smiled at him. He knew what his wish would be.

As he blew out the candle, Kiyotaka thought very carefully, I wish to always have Mondo here to make me this happy.

Mondo complained about it frequently, but he was right- Kiyotaka really was a sap.

“Happy Birthday, babe,” Mondo whispered, kissing his cheek. Kiyotaka blushed at the action.

“I told you not to call me that in school!” he hissed, “especially not when we’re in the corridor where you shouldn’t even be. There are still five minutes left of the school day to be learning.”

“Aw, c’mon, I just wanted to set all this up for ya,” Mondo complained, “besides, technically the locker room isn’t in the corridor so you can’t tell me off,” he added with a wink.

Kiyotaka began spluttering in response. He hated it when Mondo was actually right. Besides, the birthday set up had been rather sweet and Kiyotaka supposed he could make an exception, just this once, because it was Mondo.

“I suppose,” Kiyotaka conceded with a sigh, immediately sending a bright grin across Mondo’s face.

“Thanks, Taka,” Mondo said quietly, bringing his face closer to Kiyotaka’s own in the same way he always did before he kissed him. It took all of Kiyotaka’s willpower to pull away.

“Mondo, we are in public and PDA is banned in school-“

“It’s fine, there’s no one around yet. No one will see, ‘kay?” Mondo promised. Kiyotaka knew somewhere in the back of his mind that the bell was to go very shortly and anyone else from his free period could walk in at any second but when Mondo’s lips touched his own, he couldn’t help but push all those thoughts far out of his head and sigh against his boyfriend’s mouth instead.

He hadn’t kissed Mondo since before Summer, even though they’d reunited briefly that morning and Kiyotaka hadn’t realised how much he’d missed the sensation.

Mondo’s lips were slightly rough and chapped compared to Kiyotaka’s own smooth ones, but that was something he loved about Mondo. The entire way in which he was a little rough around the edges was so different in comparison to everything else in Kiyotaka’s life, so pristine and neat, that Kiyotaka couldn’t help but love the way they surprisingly fit together perfectly.

Mondo wrapped a warm, sturdy arm around Kiyotaka’s waist and drew him closer, leaning his own back against the locker to pull Kiyotaka down onto him. He felt Mondo’s mouth open and felt the familiar glide of Mondo’s tongue along his own lips.

Kiyotaka opened his mouth as if by reflex and deepened the kiss, sliding his own hands up Mondo’s sturdy sides and almost forgetting where they were for a second before-

“Hey, Ishimaru-kun, is that you-wAH I’M SO SORRY!”

Mondo and Kiyotaka jumped back from each other as though electrocuted to find Makoto stood with his particularly red face buried in his hands and Kyoko by his side, smiling teasingly.

“Naegi-kun, Kirigiri-kun, I apologise for acting so disgracefully when I myself should be setting an example. I got a little- uh- carried away,” Kiyotaka apologised immediately, his cheeks burning from embarrassment whilst Mondo let out a snort of laughter behind him. Curse Mondo for being so… enticing.

“No, no, it’s okay I was just going to ask if you’d understood the final part of the biology reading for tomorrow but I can text you about it tonight, it’s fine,” Makoto spluttered, his face still an impressive shade of crimson.

Kiyotaka was about to respond that he would be happy to discuss it now when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and a chin rested on his shoulder.

“What are you looking so pleased about?” Kiyotaka hissed under his breath, “I was just caught breaking the rules thanks to you.”

Kiyotaka could feel Mondo’s shrug through his body.

“Nothin’. I didn’t force you to break ‘em,” he pointed out with a smirk. Kiyotaka furrowed his eyebrows as he opened his locker and began to pack his bag away.

“You were heavily persuasive,” he muttered in complaint. Mondo chuckled and buried his nose in the side of Kiyotaka’s neck. Kiyotaka was fairly certain his heart had skipped an entire beat at the action.

“Told you to make your presence known first,” Kiyotaka overheard the quiet whispering of Kyoko to Makoto from next to them.

“Yes, I realise that now, Kyoko,” Makoto whined under his breath. Kyoko let out a small laugh and glanced over to Kiyotaka and Mondo, making eye contact with Kiyotaka and giving him a small smile.

Before Kiyotaka could question what the meaning was behind such an unusual action, Kyoko had planted a kiss on Makoto’s cheek and laced her hand with his.

“Kirigiri-kun, you-“ Kiyotaka began to reprimand before realising how incredibly hypocritical it would be of him, “I- never mind.”

Kyoko raised a thin eyebrow at him and tugged Makoto’s hand.

“Come on Makoto. I don’t suspect those two want us hanging around here for too long,” she commented quietly as the two walked off.

“Were you about to yell at Kirigiri for kissing Naegi’s cheek?” Mondo realised.

“I- well- yes. PDA should not be permitted within a school, after all,” Kiyotaka reasoned.

“Oh, so it’s one rule for one, another for another, huh?” Mondo smirked.

“No! I wasn’t trying to break the rules,” Kiyotaka complained, turning around to face the still grinning Mondo, “it’s just, well-“

“Yeah?” Mondo prompted as Kiyotaka turned even redder, joining their hands together.

“You were sort of my only exception.”

“You are a sap,” Mondo complained.

“I’m not,” Kiyotaka insisted, shouldering his school bag as Mondo stuck his now free hands into his pockets and nudged Kiyotaka’s shoulder.

“Want to come back to mine for a bit so you can open your present?” Mondo invited, “and, y’know, finish what we started.”

Kiyotaka hit his arm gently.

“Don’t phrase it like that!” he complained, “but yes, I suppose I’d very much like that.”

Mondo grinned and slipped his hand back into Kiyotaka’s to pull him along the corridor and out of the door when the school bell finally rang and Kiyotaka sighed to himself. He really did wonder how he’d allowed himself to get so caught up in Mondo that he’d break his own rules, yet here he was.

Still, the old saying was that there was an exception to every rule. So help him Mondo Oowada was the exception to every single one of his.

In a world where Kiyotaka Ishimaru doesn’t even know that chunks of his memory are missing and despair is the crux of their everyday life, he is still strict about who is and isn’t allowed out in the corridor. Unfortunately, there are no particularly good rules set by their supposed headmaster that he can even enforce, but to his relief, Celeste has insisted that they apply their own rule for during nighttime.

Therefore, every night when the ten o’clock announcement sounds, Kiyotaka sees it as his duty to check everyone’s doors to ensure they are locked and that their inhabitants are safe inside. He considers his commitment even more important after the terrible incident that occurred only a few nights ago. After all, if anyone else were to swap rooms, he would notice immediately, now.

However, with the memory of Leon’s execution and Sayaka’s murder still fresh in their minds, Kiyotaka doubts anyone would even attempt it.

That’s why Kiyotaka is especially shocked to discover two offenders on the same night.

For the past couple of nights, Byakuya has been the last to return to his room from the Library. Kiyotaka had assumed originally that it would have been the same this night, so when his nightly,

“Sleep well, Togami-kun,” was routinely met with silence and a chilling glare, Kiyotaka sees it as a sign that his room checks should begin.

As per usual, Kiyotaka starts his checks at Kyoko’s room so that his circuit can bring him back to his own room last. He checks the lock on Kyoko and Makoto’s rooms, glad to see they are both safe and secure, and skips over Sayaka’s room tactfully, checking Toko’s door instead.

It is when he reaches Chihiro’s room that he finds her doorknob turning fully instead of stopping as it usually would when locked at night.

“Fujisaki-kun?” Kiyotaka calls out in concern, “are you in there?”

His question is met with further silence, which Kiyotaka sees as enough reason to gently edge the door open and check for signs of life inside. The room seems deserted at first glance and Kiyotaka sincerely hopes that means nothing disastrous has happened and that Chihiro simply decided to take a nighttime walk.

The memory of the previous crime still fresh in his mind, Kiyotaka hesitantly peeks into the bathroom and is overwhelmed with relief when that, too, is deserted. He edges slowly out of the room and decides the only thing he can do about the situation is to continue his check and hope desperately that everything is okay with Chihiro.

He checks the rooms of Aoi, Sakura, skips Leon’s, checks Yasuhiro, Hifumi and Celeste’s before once again skipping a room that belonged to Junko and nearing the end of his search by missing Byakuya’s room (he already saw the other enter for the night).

Finally, he arrives at the final door and reaches out to turn the handle of his kyoudai’s room.

That’s when a voice interrupts his search.

“K-kyoudai is that you?” it says and Kiyotaka jumps in surprise, accidentally pushing the unlocked door wide open. His initial panic is filled with relief when he realises that it was Mondo who called out to him.

“It is me. What are you doing out of your room at this hour? The nighttime announcement played quite a while ago, now,” Kiyotaka questions, mainly concerned that his Kyoudai is getting worried and restless in this school. He knows possibly better than anyone how much Mondo misses being around his gang. They’re like family to him.

“I just, uh, went to get a drink. I was thirsty. Promise I’m back for the night now, ‘kay? No need to worry about me,” Mondo chuckles. Kiyotaka still doesn’t feel relieved from all his worries but he forces himself to smile for Mondo’s sake more than anything.

“I am glad to hear that and even more glad to know that you are safe, kyoudai,” Kiyotaka chooses to say, instead, “I shall see you bright and early in the morning, in that case. I hope you sleep well.”

“Surprised you’re not giving me a lecture for being out of my room,” Mondo smiles with a nod of his head. Kiyotaka blushes a bit and laughs sheepishly. He had been hoping Mondo would not mention his lack of reprimands. It isn’t that Kiyotaka doesn’t think it was wrong, it’s just that he really doesn’t want to yell at Mondo. Especially when he’s been so kind and considerate towards him these last few days.

“Well, let’s just say I made an exception for you,” Kiyotaka decides to say, “because we’re kyoudais, of course,” he adds, just in case his sentence is taken in, well, more the way that he actually means it. Kiyotaka’s never been one for hiding secrets but he’s not sure he even could put into words the peculiar way he feels about Mondo.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, yeah?” Mondo agrees, a smile coating his features. Kiyotaka nods in agreement and before he knows it, his face is pressed against Mondo’s hard chest and his kyoudai’s arms are wrapped around his torso.

Kiyotaka doesn’t even have time to respond to the sudden hug before Mondo pulls away and dashes back into his room. He stands there for a few seconds, his face bright red from the sudden physical contact and how warm and toned Mondo’s body had felt against his own before finally returning to his own room and falling asleep almost instantly.

Kiyotaka didn’t even realise that he’d forgotten to check up on where Chihiro was until they find her corpse in the girls’ changing room the following morning.

If Mondo Oowada were to die the following day, Kiyotaka Ishimaru would find himself too distraught to obey even his own rules. He would spend so long crying that his eyes would be red, dry and almost as painful as the stabbing pain he would feel in his chest.

Kiyotaka would never be able to hate anyone as much as he would find himself hating Monokuma and whoever it was that trapped them in the school in the first place, forcing the hands of innocent teenagers to slaughter their own classmates and laughing at the horrifying outcome.

If his kyoudai died before he could ever tell him about the feelings he had bottled up inside him for the other boy, Kiyotaka would find his own feet silently carrying him to the sauna even after the nighttime announcement had called loud and clear.

He would sit in the sauna, where everything between them had started, and cry even more. Cry about how unfair it was, how it didn’t matter if Mondo had killed Chihiro or not, how Mondo should have put up more of a fight and tried to escape that place, even if that meant Kiyotaka had to lay down his own life.

He would cry about how little he would hesitate to volunteer to do such a thing for the other boy, how if Mondo had just talked to him about his secret, he never would have panicked and had his own physical strength backfire again him.

Kiyotaka would cry and he wouldn’t care about any rules and he wouldn’t care about his own life or even escaping anymore because why would he if his reason to live had died?

If Mondo Oowada were to die the following day, Kiyotaka would realise that if the old saying that there is an exception to every rule really was true, now that his exception was dead, there was only one thing he could do to maintain the order.

Kiyotaka would break every rule in his own book and become the exception. No one else could ever fill Mondo’s place.

It started early in the day, when Mahiru was suffering a headache at breakfast. It was just a headache, but Peko felt an inkling of guilt in the back of her mind, telling her it was her fault. She tried to avoid talking to Mahiru that day, but she caught a glimpse of the photographer glaring in her general direction that made the inkling grow larger and harder to ignore. 

Soon she found herself going to the store room, looking for the bamboo sword that had been kept away from her. The others insisted it was for her own safety, but in that moment Peko found that she didn’t believe them. Part of her knew it was irrational, that she had no reason to use it anymore, but she couldn’t shake the desire to hold the weapon in her hand.

She remembered feeling a similar desire, when she was filled with despair.

Sonia found her just as she found her sword, and on instinct Peko went into a fighting stance, ferocity in her eyes that startled the princess into jumping back. 

“What are you doing, Peko?” Sonia asked, hands up in a sign of surrender, “You aren’t supposed to have that.”

Peko blinked, standing up straight when she realized it was just Sonia. She kept her grip on her sword, still unwilling to give it up.

“I apologize for frightening you. I simply want my sword,” she explained, walking towards the door. 

“I understand, but I must request that you leave it here!” Sonia insisted, blocking the only entrance to the room with her body. 

Peko paused, slightly raising the sword to threaten Sonia before thinking better on it, “I do not understand. I will not attack anybody with it, I simply want to have it with me.”

Sonia frowned, disappointment in her eyes, but Peko didn’t care. Sonia wasn’t a Kuzuryuu, so her opinion did not matter. 

“It isn’t that we think you’ll attack somebody, we know you won’t. We just...fear that it might be harmful to your recovery.”

“It will not be, now please get out of my way,” Peko insisted.

“Please be honest with me, Peko,” Sonia requested as she stood her ground, “Are you struggling with despair?”

“I can handle it,” Peko answered immediately, repeating her phrase from the night before.

“I see. Then…” Sonia paused, biting her lip as she thought about the best course of action, “leave the sword, ask Fuyuhiko if you may take it.” 

Peko thought for a moment, then turned to gently place her sword back on a shelf. Sonia was right, she decided. He had been part of the group that decided she shouldn’t have her sword, so to take it now would be directly disobeying him. She was certain, though, that she could get his permission to take it back. She turned back to Sonia and nodded, and only then did the other girl move from the doorway, motioning for Peko to take her leave. 

The two went their separate ways, Peko searching for the man she was struggling to not refer to as her master. She knew it was wrong, to think of him like that, but it didn’t make it any easier on her in that moment. Part of her thought she would always feel like a tool with a master who didn’t want her, and it only fed into her struggle.

She looked for Fuyuhiko in the dining hall first, then the lobby of the hotel. When she didn’t find him in either of those locations, she headed towards the cottages. She found him talking with Sonia in hushed tones outside of his door, and Peko felt her heart sink. Sonia was probably requesting that Fuyuhiko deny Peko’s plea, she decided. 

She approached the pair as Fuyuhiko glanced up, feeling like an arrow was shot through her heart at the pity in his eye. 

“Peko,” he said, cutting off whatever Sonia was whispering.

Sonia looked back at Peko, eyes widening when she realized she’d been caught.

“Fuyuhiko,” Peko answered, bowing her head slightly out of habit. She quickly picked it back up, but her eyes remained downcast. 

Sonia took a step away from them, but she didn’t walk away like Peko had hoped.

“Uh...I heard you were…” Fuyuhiko struggled, unsure how to phrase whatever Sonia had been telling him. 

“In the store room, yes,” Peko glanced at Sonia, who looked at her apologetically, then looked back at Fuyuhiko, “I would like my sword back.”

“You know you aren’t supposed to have it,” Fuyuhiko said, crossing his arms over his chest, “Why do you want it, anyway?”

“I…” in truth, it would make her feel more useful. If anything were to happen, she would have a better chance of protecting Fuyuhiko if she had her sword with her. That was the wrong answer, though, so she tried to find one that was suitable, “it would help bring me comfort.”

“How?” He pushed, and Peko found herself starting to regret asking.

“It is familiar,” she decided to answer, hoping that it would convince him to stop looking at her like she might break any moment.

“Okay...and why did you feel the need to ask me?” He continued his line of questioning, not giving into her request so easily.

“That is my fault,” Sonia piped in, “I told her to ask you if she could take it. I apologize for putting you in an awkward position, but do you see what I mean?”

“Yeah, but...Peko, I want you to tell me the truth. Are you just asking me because Sonia told you to?”

Peko almost gulped, feeling guilt overwhelm her. She knew she wasn’t supposed to see him as her master, but here she was, asking him for her sword. 

“No. I thought it made sense that I should get your permission.”

Fuyuhiko sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Then I’m not giving it to you.”

“But young--Fuyuhiko, please--”

“No. I don’t want to see you with that stupid fucking sword, okay?” He insisted, voice raising as he spoke. Peko remained silent, hands grasped in front of her as he continued, “I’m not your master and I don’t want to be. You’re a person, and I want us to be equals, but if me telling you no is the only thing that will stop you from taking your sword, then I’m telling you no.”

Tears stung her eyes as Peko bowed her head. Accepting his scolding was always the hardest part of her job when they were growing up, and for some reason he seemed even angrier than usual. She had made so many mistakes, she should’ve known better than to ask for her sword. Of course he was upset with her, he had every right to be.

A small part of her seemed to enjoy the stinging pain of Fuyuhiko’s anger.

“Fuyuhiko, please don’t be too upset with her,” Sonia interjected, “Please remember how hard it can be to relapse, she is struggling very much right now.”

“I know,” he snapped, then taking a deep breath to try to calm himself down, “I know. It doesn’t make it any easier.”

“We talked about this. You knew she was likely going to act like this when she relapsed,” Sonia tried again, “This is passing, she will get better. Remember how Mahiru was, at first?”

“Don’t remind me,” he scoffed, turning his attention back to Peko, “I’m sorry for losing my temper at you.”

“It is alright. I shouldn’t have asked for my sword, it is my fault.”

“It isn’t your fault, and it isn’t alright,” Fuyuhiko sighed, “just...go on a walk or something.”

“Understood.”

With that, Peko turned and left. She spent her walk feeling guilty, like a failure for relapsing into despair at all. She was causing Fuyuhiko pain, and that made her own pain grow even stronger. She didn’t return to the hotel until lunch time, after a good hour spent walking around the island they were trapped on.