#post case closed

friends, tumblr users, anons, lend me your ears!

i have brought upon thee that post which you seek. that which marks the account of the final words of that Roman, Julius Caesar, and cites the marked spite upon his lips likened to that of of such aggressive vulgarities. thy post was hard sought and eluded my grasp seemingly forevermore. however, that post, foolhardy and bold, reared its head to me in a moment of weakness for it and one of luck for me. this singular moment granted me my victory upon that treacherous post and delivers unto me and to thee, my friends, that lost post of yore. gaze upon its glory not in reverence for its worth, but in mocking for its failure to evade my capture. gaze upon, and go forth. to send this post to the only punishment deemed necessary, to be reblogged and reblogged anew until it has been thoroughly spread and may never again be lost to any who seek it...

to put it simply... see you in hell, post!

i was sittin' at my desk, drinkin' my daily soup, when suddenly a dodgeball came flyin' through my window and smacked me upside the head. on that dodgeball their was a strange note with golden writing on it, as if it had been penned by the gods themselves. the note read:

You will find the first instance of the "Apollo Dodgeball" meme...

naturally, i couldn't pass up a prophecy from the gods. or more so that i shouldn't... so i went down to that ol' meme depository and did a bit of reading, quickly finding the original post. and again... shockingly recent.

can you find the original version with vampires and not the danny devito edit ty

takin' a look at this request, i thought this was gonna be a real hard one. trackin' down the danny devito version is a piece of cake. but the original version with the vampires? anythin' but. or so i thought...

first thing i did was took a stroll down the Madame Curator's museum of eccentric antiquities, the Hellsite Hall of Fame itself. i went in and found the post rather quickly as it was a new edition to her gallery. but that's when i realized it wasn't an image that had been edited, it was the original post. i sent a correspondence along to the mysterious museum cryptid askin' if it were possible to track down the unedited version. while i waited for her response, i decided to take a look through the post's notes. my thought was that maybe, if i scrolled far enough, i could find reblogs from the time when this post was still about vampires. but what i found instead was incredible.

a screenshot showin' the original version of the post, with a second username included. i quickly searched that name on tumblr and found the post almost immediately. the original version about vampires had been found.

this one was one i thought was gonna be real hard, but ended up bein' quite an enjoyable ride. thanks for takin' me on this journey! have a great day!

Hello detective, I have had this screenshot saved for a while. It came from a post with a bunch of really awesome quotes from a biography. I cannot find the post. Help would be appreciated, and thanks for all you do.

there i was, trackin' down today's post case. it was a slippery one, and i didn't think i'd be able to find it at all. but there, just barely eluding my grasp, was what looked to be the post. i hunted, fought with tumblr, nearly got a virus from some sketchy website i ended up on, but finally the post was within my grasp! i clicked the link, raced to the post, and... it was my client. a well wish to me for never giving up with an attached rickroll and the quote i sought

was this it? was the spoils of my hunt just a rickroll? no i thought. it couldn't be. the message was thanking me for never giving up. this was simply just a red herring! i pressed onward, because there was one more mention on tumblr that i had noticed in my travels from a different blog. i tracked it down, fought for it, and once again i found the post. i clicked the link and... it was my client again!

this was starting to grow complicated. i had exhausted every mention of the quote from tumblr and everything led back to my client. was this an elaborate prank? just a rickroll? it was starting to look like it. but i was curious about just one thing... was this quote even from the biography? so, to answer this, i scowered the internet looking for a free pdf (because i currently am dirt broke) and managed to find one. i downloaded it and scanned the book for the quoted paragraph and, sure enough, there it was in black and white:

so, this means the associated quote was real. but this didn't answer the question of where the post was. the only other mention on the entire internet regarding "the swimming pool was full of furniture" is a news article from earlier this month about a Dallas tornado

defeated, and unsure where else to turn, i decided to take a look at my client's blog. and, to my shock and horror, i realized something that would've saved me a lot of time had i noticed it sooner... my client was a rickroll gimmick blog. this was an elaborate prank

you sent me on a wild goose chase, good sir. and i very much respect it. this was phenomenal and i had a blast. have a great day!

i expected this to be a simple open and shut case. i'd go in, find the post, and leave. however, it turned out this case would give me a bit more on my plate than i expected...

see, i started searchin' around for the phrase "you do not sweep the dishes." i found a post pretty quick with that phrase, and i was about to log that one in. but that's when i spotted something else... an associated comic! so, i quickly tracked down the comic as well! a two for one special!

guess we can sweep this case under the rug!

i was takin' a look at my backlog, seein' what i had missed, when i came across a particular case. seemed like it'd be a rather simple one... if it weren't for the fact that the Tumblr Authorities had stolen the image attached to the case file. i figured i had to have accidentally asked them to do this, so i took a look at my [insert noir metaphor for the Settings menu here] to see what was up. but of course, i couldn't find anythin' of the sort. so, figurin' it had to be a problem with how i was viewin' the case file, i decided to open it up on my laptop. and, wouldn't you know it, it loaded perfectly fine there! what a wonderful runaround this site has given me!

either way, once i could finally see the image, i tracked it down no problem! hopefully one day we can get to the bottom of what not-jason's real name actually is. personally, my money is on Mason...

a very good post, definitely one of my favorites. i think about it often. and rather easy to find too. didn't take me long to track it down and file it away, now it will never be lost!

i spotted this one while scrollin' through my backlog. initially, i was confused. i didn't know if this was a post case to be solved or if someone was just saying random things in my askbox. either way, i had to get to the bottom of it. after some brief searchin' i managed to find out that this was, indeed, a tumblr post that existed at one point. the user may have been deactivated, but that hadn't stopped me before and it certainly won't stop me now!