#possibly dpd

this needs to s t o p 

seriously self

stop this

I do enough, I do something self-sustaining and good and of course do sustaining things for my roommates and my loved ones and so forth or I have a good day where I do things I take charge and initiative and it's awesome

and then like I--i hate it but I like--need something back...? or I need to be cared for afterwards like I need someone to take care of me. make my dinner for me think of me take care of me and i get really anxious when that doesn't happen or it isn't evident someone's caring for me after I've successfully cared fo rmyself and the people around me. i need almost like a reward for at least doing enough...?

and s h i t that's? that's--what

maybe that's not even dpd maybe that's just being spoiled as f u c k why do i feel this way

anxiety go away