#positive affect

I genuinely think it’s funny. I’m used to the idea of the Bad Thing so I’m over the shock of it and I’ve found a funny facet to it that makes me laugh.

I’m dissociated from my emotions or confused about what is the appropriate emotion for the situation. If I’m on autopilot, I’m displaying positive and somewhat calm emotions because that’s what I was trained (in the most literal sense of the word) to do as a kid.

I’m embarrassed or ashamed and a little worried to be bringing this up because it’s bad and I know that and I’m sorry. I want to communicate that I’m okay and I want to make you less uncomfortable, to let you know it’s okay to just laugh it off too.

It’s a way to make the people who did the Bad Stuff seem less Bad. When the people you love hurt you, and you’re still maintaining a relationship with them, it can be super difficult to acknowledge the hurt they’ve done to you. Laughing minimizes the bad stuff enough for your heart to keep holding it without breaking.

Laughter is the hydro dam holding back an ocean of overwhelming feelings like sadness and anger and fear and shame etc. and I really don’t want to feel those things and start dissociating or crying or whatever.