#poor bartleby

I don't know what exactly caused you to feel this way, even though I can understand and I also can assume some reasons why (I know about the current political situations that could also add to this)

Just wanted to say I'm sorry all this happened and that the people around you only dismissed your feelings or ignored you, when you have been thoughtful to them. I don't blame you for feeling resentful and wanting to be mean

I'm only scratching on the surface of the problems you deal with. I wish you could meet people who would be more understanding and who'd make you feel that you matter

I believe such people exist, but it seems not where you currently are..

I hope you can have something that makes you feel better, you deserve to do or indulge in something you'd enjoy during such times , or something that stresses you less

I got rejected again from the school. I don't really want to try again since it seems pointless. I tried getting experience in a clinic and asking for letters, but all my efforts were to no avail (calls and emails went ignored, in-person told no). These are the things I literally need and I don't control if I get them no matter how hard I try. It is hopeless. I'm in the situation and point in life where people end up having to make compromises and lock themselves in an unhappy state. I applied to get another bachelor's and the school basically told me no and kept my $60. Only just last week I applied to be non-matriculate, but I don't even have any energy anymore (or money) and any relevant or interesting classes are taken already. It just sprung on me realizing classes start tomorrow and it's just a drag.

I somehow owe almost $15000 for something my dad decided to do (favoring my sister over me), and mismanagement by my school and the government department. I didn't even find out about this in a legal way and I have to go to court to challenge it? No one I called has been able to fully explain to me what happened, and yet I am expected to pay.

My health is getting worse and doctors are useless morons that need to be shot. I am sure fecal impactions every month are completely normal and not a sign of a severe issue. "Eat more fiber." I am going to maul and maim these people beyond recognition and requiring a closed casket for the wake.

Politically, I think we as a society just need to accept that killing certain politicians is 100% justified and necessary for the progression of humanity. There is no other answer. The nice ways always fail.

Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately, at some point it becomes evident that life never "gets better" it just keeps going. Maybe in a different direction, but never just better. If I ever get to a point where I disagree with that notion then I will be happy to be wrong. I keep hoping for and imagining a better future, and wonder when I'll actually live. Then I come to the horrible realization that the miserable thing I'm currently experiencing is it.