#pommewrites

Even after knowing the atrocities he is capable of, everything he has done, even when he’s explaining why he can never be normal, your affection for him ignores all the bells ringing.

“I adore the texture of your mind,” you blurted out, cross-legged on his bed, a quarter past midnight and unable to fall asleep. Dex only furrowed his brows in confusion, his frown changing from disappointment to anger in a split second. “Why would you say such an odd thing?” He whispered, fingers reaching and toying with the sleeve of his own sweater worn by you.

“I don’t know but it’s true,” you reach for him, intertwining your hands together.

You shouldn’t hold his hand. You shouldn’t touch him. You shouldn’t be here, in his bed, with him. His hand is rough, familiar with blood, the same hand that he used to kill others like it was his nature, holding your soft one, yours so innocent. You shouldn’t hold him, he’ll only taint you.

And yet, you stay, you hear the thundering doubts and the unpredictable storm in his mind. “I’m staying, Dex. I chose to stay and I will continue to stay by your side,” you whisper, not a promise, but simply the truth. You’re far too entangled in this mess, in him, he is your mess.

He lifts his gaze from both your hands to your eyes, and you don’t shy away even when it makes you shudder. He’s observing you, studying you, cataloging every micro-expression until a shaky exhale escapes him from realizing the truth, you nearly thought he might crumble. He is nearly crumbling.

“You know I’m never letting you go, right?” Not just from the moment he ached for you. He began tying his invisible leash the moment you reciprocated his affection. “I know,” you mumbled, with the warmest smile gracing your features, he thought his chest might burst from how overwhelmed you make him feel.

“I’ll always be here. I’m not going anywhere, Dex.” You comfort, for the hundredth time, as you pull him to lay his heavy head on your lap. The storm will never leave his wretched mind, it has been there since he was a child and will continue to be there even with you. But it doesn’t frighten you, doesn’t make you run away. “I’m not running away.”

His arms come to wrap around your waist, clinging to the only person who ever stayed in his miserable gray life, his anchor, both his stability and vulnerability. “Good. Because you’re already mine,” he closes his eyes, you don’t miss the small smile that makes him look so beautiful, so at peace.

“I won’t let you anyway,” he adds, his voice muffled as he hides his face in your lap. A threat laced with fondness as his embrace only tightens. Those words should make you shiver and fill you with dread, but they don’t.

Unhealthy. Destructive. You’re well aware of that, you know this possessive relationship might only lead you both to your ruin. But you only see the romance in this tragedy which is your bond, the chains you both hold around each other, he refuses to let you go and you only wish to keep him.

“Do you really love me?” He asks. Again.

Even if I’m dirty. Even when I’ve killed and will kill again. Even if staying with me only ruins you more. Even when I’m too much, suffocating, asking again and again and begging you not to leave me.

Your gentle hands wander over his hair, his cheeks and his shoulders. Your gentle touch, your warmth, he doesn’t deserve it but you grant it without hesitation, without eagerness, every single time. “Yes. Yes, I do, even when your mind convinces you that I’ll leave anytime. I’ll stay.” You wouldn’t change anything, you refuse to change anything about Dex. You don’t stay because you wish to fix him, no, you stay because you adore him, every broken shard.

He’s yours. You are his haven and his end. He is your protector and your storm.

John Walker is quite the stubborn man. It took quite awhile before you and John finally confessed your feelings and enter into a serious relationship after nearly a year of pretending like the tension in the atmosphere was simply awkwardness and definitely not because of a hesitant desire to be something more. He is perhaps the most stubborn man you’ll ever meet so it is no surprise that his mind’s first response is to run away from his feelings which continue to grow day by day after the realization that he doesn’t just want you, he wants to utterly be yours. He wants to be your man, your protector, your lover, yours. When Yelena casually pointed out just how many potential suitors you had within the room, during a gala they infiltrated, he feels his chest weigh heavy as he assessed every single gaze directed at you. The thought of another man approaching you, dancing with you and getting the opportunity to make you laugh made him feel sick. That’s how he knew he would never be content, would never be the same, if he watches you fall into someone else’s arms while he remains as a friend. You can’t imagine the relief he felt, as the heaviness that he’s been carrying in his heart for months leave his body when your lips finally kiss after a very much long awaited confession.

At first, you and the avid soldier hide your relationship from the rest of the Thunderbolts, to maintain professionalism within the team after all. Especially from the press, pulling on your best disguises during your dates. You and the rest of the Thunderbolts are no doubt a family, with the exception of you and John having a romantic relationship. Ever since the event that wrapped New York into a momentary state of darkness, you and everyone else never parted, not out of obligation but simply because you found that having company is always better than being alone. While John is the image of a tough soldier, sometimes even expecting himself to be as unbreakable as his exterior, he may hesitate to say what he feels at times but one thing for certain is that he will never hesitate in being there for you, at your most vulnerable, promising you that you will never feel alone ever again, that you will never sit in the darkness by yourself. It doesn’t matter how many times he has to repeat it, he will affirm it over and over again until your heart and mind accepts his words “Tell me about it, I could never be annoyed. You’re not trouble at all. You’re not a burden to me, sweetheart. Okay?” You will never be a nuisance to him, oh how he wishes he could punch the people who made you feel like confiding to others is an inconvenience. Only with you did John learn that it’s alright to crumble, with your patience and your warmth, he allows himself vulnerability in the safety of your embrace. He doesn’t find judgement in your kind eyes and you don’t hear any frustration in his voice.

John Walker who only feels assured that you are indeed safe, not after every threat has been eliminated and every miscreant defeated and locked away, no, he is only assured when he finally has you resting in his arms. After another successful mission that exhausted everyone, he will sneak you into his room to stay for the night. He uses the excuse that you haven’t had enough time spent together which makes you chuckle (knowing damn well he steals every opportunity to be in your presence), when truly he could only fall asleep better when you are safe in his embrace. The scent of your lotion and the gentle patterns you draw in his arm grounds him. John is the kind of man who will await for you to sleep first before he allows himself to, no matter how tired, no matter how much his body aches. He never forgets to press a kiss goodnight to your forehead.

As you’re all seated in your respective seats on the flight returning to base, with John on your side, shoulders and knees constantly bumping to each other, Ava will literally ask if there’s a holiday she missed in the calendar when she points out the big dumb smile on John’s face after the mission. He’ll reply that it’s nothing, simply that he’s surprised they’re all going back to the hometower early, when in reality he’s barely containing how struck he is in wonder of you after witnessing you effortlessly beat fifteen mercenaries without assistance. He knows you’re very capable on your own though he will never stop constantly looking over for you in missions when he holds you with such importance, he can’t help but feel like a highschooler having a crush whenever you win a fight. The same spark of excitement rushes through his veins when you suggest to train together and fight him. He feels proud of you for challenging yourself despite the gap in your strengths. Sometimes he even lets you win, allowing you to playfully pin him down and straddle him, he finds himself enjoying the moment too much that he didn’t notice Bob awkwardly trying to insert himself in the scene. “Oh! Uhhh. . . keep- keep going! Don’t mind me guys, Ava just sent me to ask if you guys want pepperoni or hawaiian for pizza?” Ava without a doubt, sent him to check if you two are still busy using the training room because none of them wants to witness the overbearing pda tension, except Alexei maybe.

John Walker who cannot pretend to be nonchalant when it comes to you, it simply isn’t in his dictionary. He tries, really tries to act unbothered when Yelena and Ava show off the trending posts on twitter shipping you and Bucky together (after explaining what ships meant, ofcourse), and while Bucky complains that you two are more like siblings, John keeps his jaw clenched. Everyone, especially you, can’t ignore how he goes quiet and leaves the room brimming with jealousy. You and Bucky? Outrageous! He tries to convince himself, it’s fine, at the end of the day, he’s the one who gets to kiss you senseless and hold you close at night, he’s the one who has his scent all over you, he’s the only one you allow to touch your scars, he’s one you love. However, he is a possessive man, especially when it comes to you. Don’t be surprised with how the following day during group breakfast, he takes one serious look at you before his posture adopts the serious stance of a captain stating important news. Without a warning to you, he announces to everyone in the group, still groggy and half-asleep, that you and him are dating. There is three seconds of silence before they all complain “we already know!” The man is too enamored by you that it would be stupid to deny otherwise.

a/n: I feel like I got carried away and forgot I’m supposed to be writing simple hcs, it’s 4:30 am and I haven’t gotten any sleep yet anyways—

If you once mention that you find a certain scent addicting while trying out the samples at the make-up store, don’t be surprised when you find the same scent lingering on his clothes the next day. His system refuses to calm down as he awaits your reaction. The scenario already ran through in his mind two or three times. He acts like his heart didn’t skip a beat as he observes the way you pause and your shy realization. “You’re wearing the new release, aren’t you?” He leans closer a bit, elated that he caused the faint blush that tinted your cheeks. “Yes, do you like it?” He asks. After obtaining his confirmation, he purchases two more bottles of the same perfume.

If he sees the slightest winces of pain and annoyance as you roughly attempt to tame your hair, he will grab the brush from your hand and gently position you to sit in front of him, taking the duty of untangling the wet knots in your hair with such gentleness and reverence. You nearly laugh at how serious his expression looks, like a soldier given a significant mission of dismantling an explosive. He wishes to serve you, without voicing his longing, he wants to be of use to you, to prove that you need him and only him. Even the smallest domestic acts, he’ll insist on doing everything for you, it’s his mind screaming I can do this for you, don’t leave me, I’ll be really good please.

You would think that his vigilant behavior is simply a habit from his experiences, after all he is a former veteran and an fbi agent. Dex is rightfully over-protective of what’s his. You’re not a property to him, you’re the receiver of his veneration. You’re that burning desire he has to tame, the only good thing that makes his chest ache with want. Whether you’re choosing at the vegetable section of the grocery store, or crouching down to pet a stray cat at the park, he would glare at any man who dares to even direct their glance at you. Even the harmless smile from the barista at your regular cafe would make him alert. He is the dark shadow that trails after your light, yearning to be graced by you while simultaneously frightening others from getting close to you.

Dex is the kind of man who doesn’t want to appear needy or weak from every moment spent without your touch, as if his skin doesn’t itch from wanting to feel your warmth. He will wait until you’re sound asleep in his arms before he peppers your face with kisses. Dex inhales your scent like it is the oxygen sustaining him, it makes his body feel electric, like a drug that makes his mind clearer. When the buzzing in his head won’t stop, he’ll press his nose to the crown of your head and like a silent prayer, the storm in his mind calms. His senses recognizes you, your voice, your touch, and your scent as safety. You are his haven, he’s the only one who gets to have you like this and he’ll make sure of that. While you dream in his embrace, he presses his lips to the inside of your wrist, your palm and the tips of your delicate fingers. It’s his ritual, enjoying the softness of you from his lips like he’s reminding himself you’re real, you’re here, you’re his.

a/n: the concept that perfume is for women while cologne is for men is a common misconception. the difference is that perfume has the highest concentration of aromatic oils, is meant to last all-day, hence why it’s often more expensive. cologne, on the other hand, has a low oil concentration, it often fades after 2-3 hours, so it requires frequent reapplication. it was nice to search this up ^^