constantly hunting + is this the end?
The issue I currently have with my partner is that he is constantly on the hunt for, shall we say, conquests.
Not new partners. Well, perhaps. He has no intentions, he says, to have new relationships. He says he wants casual, established fuck buddies.
Look. I may be monogamous, but it's a lot of work to uphold polyamorous relationships, whether you're actually poly or not. It is even more work for me, in a sense, because I do not have to juggle partners and I choose not to seek partnerships outside what I have already. While it sounds like less work, it's only one piece to focus on. And I put my all into it.
I am tired of my partner seeking multiple partners. Literally, tired. It's been almost every single week since at least the end of January in which it's been, "Oh, I've been talking to a girl who used to be friends with an ex," or "I'm reconnecting with a girl it didn't go well with," or "there's a new girl, it will be casual, she's older," and "I'm vetting" - YES, "vetting," is that really what to call going on a date with someone? - "a new girl. Two, in fact."
Seriously? Fuck that.
I can accept being one of two or three girls in his life. He has another regular partner. That's fine. That's cool.
In fact I'm totally cool with a third, casual partner. He has proven to me that he comes back to me.
But this isn't just a third, casual partner. This is, "let's fuck everything in sight." It erodes my trust. It makes me question what my purpose even is, if he has to constantly search. He has bigger problems than the girls he's dating; he has problems with his bills, problems with his ex wife. He has bigger problems than who he's dating. Yet he continues to search.
I'm not enough for him, fair enough. But he still has the energy - when he can barely stay awake to be intimate with me - to search for other girls.
No. That's not acceptable.
It's not responsible, it's not smart, it's not kind. It is using.
This could be the last post I write actively in a polyamorous relationship. I can't believe it's going to end that quickly, if that is what happens. But that is what it looks like, right now. It looks like my future post will be recollections of past situations with a poly partner. And guess what? It may be all to discourage Mono/Poly. Because I'll tell you what: this is not working. This is not working at all.
