HEY personal/relationship talk under the cut
so my bf and i have recently started talking about polyamory as something to pursue in our relationship, we both acknowledge that it’s just not realistic to expect that either one of us can provide all the emotional support the other needs, and even if we tried probably neither of us could ever actually BE everything for the other person. and also that us being attracted to or loving another person doesn’t have to take away from our relationship? like there’s not a finite amount of love to go around and that was kind of a wild realization.
anyways at the moment this has taken shape in us actually being able to talk to each other about flirting with people or any crushes we may have, which feels like SO MUCH freedom omg i gotta say. like we’re both reasonably attractive young people, and we both occasionally receive attention from the opposite sex(or anyb in my case) and like. WHAT A REVELATION not having to feel guilty because someone finds you attractive? or being able to flirt without feeling like it’s a betrayal to your partner. it’s actually amazing and i can’t even begin to express how freeing it is to not have to worry about petty shit like giving somebody else attention!!
i am still trying to work out my own personal feelings on the topic. i definitely feel jealous when the idea of him exploring outside of our relationship comes up, and it’s more in regard to him developing feelings for somebody else, not as much around sex. that’s entirely my own issue and i do think we’re gonna have to tackle the topic of jealousy together, bc we both to realize it’s irrational, but it’s still there and still has to be dealt with. neither one of us is jumping to seek out connections outside of our relationship, but also knowing that we can just be open to connections that may present themselves is pretty awesome! communication is key though. like this shit doesn’t work unless you can be 100% honest with each other and deal with issues as they come up without anybody feeling like their emotions are invalid
on the flip side, i’m trying to wrap my mind around how i would feel about having somebody else i would consider a partner? i’ve admittedly had lots of problems in my youth, i had very low self-esteem and having several long-distance/not emotionally fulfilling relationships in a row, i tended to look elsewhere for that attention/connection i was lacking, and i wound up being kind of an unreliable partner in the sense that i would routinely flirt/seek out attention outside the relationship without ever really talking to my partner about it, becasue i felt guilty but also those relationships were not good and it would have honestly never worked out properly. so in the past i’ve definitely been “disloyal” or at least a bit of a cheater, so now, even in this happy, stable relationship, where i’ve never had the urge to seek elsewhere(b/c i’m getting mostly everything i need out of this relationship), now having the freedom to actually flirt and explore connections with other ppl i don’t really know what to do?! even though my bf and i talk about everything i can’t help but feeling a sense of guilt in wanting to take things further or grow closer with other people bc of my past.
AND THEN THERE’S THE WHOLE ISSUE OF SEX WHERE JUST ????????? i don’t even know. all my past escapades were online shit, flirting and sexting and webcamming or sending pics or whatever so. i have a lot of bad feelings around any of that shit and i just feel REALLY guilty whenever its on the table, and i don’t really know how to navigate that whole world now, esp since we’re technically “open” but we haven’t discussed those kinds of situations yet and stuff... i honestly just need someone else who is also good with the idea of polyamory so we can be relationship-y/flirty but they have also someone else they can get sexy with so pressure’s off me lmfao
anyways tl;dr HOW DOES POLYAMORY WHEN MOST PPL ARE MONOGAMOUS???
flirting is fun and mostly innocent but i also like some people a lot and want to be more relationship-y with them, but i have no idea how that will play into my current dynamic and how i can deal with my sense of guilt surrounding that.
