#polyamory bts

A/N: On Christmas Eve night, I stayed awake the entire time. When I fell asleep around 6am, I dreamed of this happening. It broke my heart because of things that were said to Namjoon about his visuals. All of the members deserves the world, your love and so much more. Please don’t add to their suffering and hate. Love yourself a little more.

Tags: mention of polyamory, self doubt, self hate, soulmates, fluff, slight smut?, kissing, making out because I love Namjoon, tongue shoving down each other’s throat, what else? Sarcasm here and there, humor

Summary: NamJoon’s wallowing in self doubt about a solo video shoot of his. The story of how he’s healed by the love of his life, his soulmate. The reassurance he needed to get back onto his feet as Namjoon of BTS again. Just a short drabbles from my dream. Should I develop it into a serie?

Word count: 1607

“You know I don’t look that handsome so I’ll probably have the least views out of all of us. Maybe I could ask for a retake” he says dejectedly as everyone glanced at him. Their eyebrows cocked at their leader’s words. The VCR videos were playing, members by members. They were all cast of each member in their outfit, singing a solo song of theirs as they watched it for preview, ready for release into the media.

Why does he look so sad? Was it those words circling around the net that antis called him such as u*ly or that he can’t rap? That he doesn’t belong in the group? Did he discover them through his feed? He’s always been the most active on their social media to talk to fans. He loves ARMY so much. His whole heart belongs to them. They were the ones who wholeheartedly trusted him and the group despite coming from a small company who was on the verge of a bankruptcy. It’s the reason why they all never gave up and continue to perform their best despite their raging fatigue from their world tour or the pressure and stress to make fire beats.

A look into his eyes as your gaze met gave you the answers. He did see them. It’s difficult to ignore the pressing hate as their fame and popularity grows each day. Their shadow continues to engulf them menacingly as they rose higher and higher to the top with the wings their fan bestowed on them. People say actions speak louder than words but verbal abuse is a different case in its entirety.

His words have never riled you up as fast and hard hitting as it did today. He was always soft spoken, accepting, understanding, and encouraging others with his words but today, his anxiety outsmarted him. You know so because today, he’s wearing his heart on his sleeves. He let hate consume him and clouded his judgement. His face and tight jaw stricken with worries as he chewed his lips waiting for his video. The action goes unnoticed by everyone except for you. You’ve always been their anchor, dragging them down to Earth as their mind floats into a different headspace. The little habitual acts they do when they’re worried or angry. You’ve seen it all. You’ve studied and memorized it all in hopes that someday you’ll be their penicillin. The love all seven of you shared has always been destined. Written in the stars as the universe moves for you. Because you love them and they love you. To love them unconditionally is as simple as breathing to you.

You walked over to stand in front of him as you intently gaze into each other’s eyes. No words were spoken and he could tell how disappointed you were at him. The disappointment waves roll off your body like an enraged storm ready to hit the shore. He knows. His eyes bore into yours as they slowly soften to show his defeat. The waving of a white flag in signs of surrender.

You grabbed him forward into a heated kiss as your fingers wrapped itself around the back of his neck. Through your kiss, you hope that you conveyed your message to him. He will always be loved, always be cherished. He lets you pull him in and angles his head for you in return as you circle both hands lovingly around his neck. His own resting around your waist loosely as he lets you guide him. Your kisses turned into a full blown make out session in front of his members. He didn’t care one single bit as he kissed back just as vigorously. Your tongue darts around his lips, licking them as you wait patiently for entrance. He relents as he gasps when you bite down on his bottom lips, allowing you to slip in. Both of your tongues engage in a heated dance as they wrap around one another and sucked, a battle for dominance that neither of you wanted to lose. The kiss was sloppy, tongue darting out everywhere. The sound was messier and nastier as wetness coated both of your caverns.

You slowly shift apart as your eyes drift open slightly having to adjust to the glaring light in the room. He looked just as dazed and fucked out but still managed to give you a small dimpled smile. The one you’d love to death and often pushing your fingers at.

“Maybe you should change your perspective. The beauty in life comes in different aspects. Everyone’s charm comes from their uniqueness. And you’re not any different. You are you, a person who loves crabs, loves nature, his family, his fan and most of all his music. Your dimple smiles can brighten the entire world if we ever have a blackout. You are so special, so unique in your own beautiful ways, Namjoon. I love you so much and so do your best friends. They’re right here for you to lean on Namjoon, they never left”, you say as your eyes shine with unshed tears. The need to comfort him, to shower him with your unadulterated love was shooting through the roof.

You pant against him as he held you tight against his chest. The oxygen you were deprived of when the two stuck your tongue down each other's throat came rushing back into you as you heave. While looking down at you, he huffs for air as he tries his best to maintain a cool composure when in reality, he’s on the verge of crying. You have that much effect on him and he’s so everly grateful. You have his heart, his life, what more do you want from him? Yet you’re simple really. You’ve never been greedy, needy or demanding. Always the obedient wife in the poly relationship. You’ve understood their intention and love for music from the start. You weren’t a fan when you started dating but you can see why they became a phenomenon. The message they wish to convey, the sincerity and hope in their music to people around the globe. You can only thank the stars to be this lucky. To have the seven beautiful men in your life, to love and to hold.

“Thank you. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. Your words, they mean the world to me and more. You ground me when I’m flying above the clouds and pull me free of the abyssal darkness when I’m beyond incapable of saving myself. You are the light in my darkness, always have been and always will be. I love you” as he cups your face in both his palm. The eyes that once held unshed tears have changed into adoration as he looks into the window of your soul. The kiss came in slow but sensual, the way he treasures you, the appreciation and gratitude in his gesture radiating from him.

The way he shows his love is unique, his love language isn’t all about physical touches. He shows you his heart in the form he knows best: music. He tells your love story to fans in the form of beautifully woven lyrics. They say, a picture is memory frozen at one point in time yet the songs and lyrics dedicated to you are his undying love and warm promises to you stalling the time as they stretched infinitely into the future.

“How long are you going to kiss each other there? Did you forget we existed or we are invisible?” Yoongi muses as he looks at the both of you amused. His eyebrows raised in question and arms crossed over his chest, his teasing tone laced with playful without venom of a bite.

“You’re lucky to be unique and different from Yoongi, Joonie. I wouldn’t survive with two of him” you say as you part from his sensual kisses and roll your eyes before turning to look over your shoulders. They both chuckle as the tension in the air becomes light again.

“Ya-“ you say before Yoongi cuts you off.

“Did you know a place name Truth or Consequences, a town or maybe a city existed in New Mexico, USA?” he ponders before the group erupts in laughter at the oddity of the question.

“I’m none the wiser than you hyung” Namjoon jest as he plays along with his elder. The eyebrows that were once scrunched in worries were now freed and relaxed. He was happy. He was himself again. He was your Namjoon again.

To the world, he was an idol, an artist, a performer, a rapper, and more. To his family, he was their stupid bear that they loved to baby. To his members, he was their leader, the one who they can come to, the one who they take care of off stage because he’s always so damn clumsy but they love him so much for it. But to you, he was your Joonie. The simple man who just wants to love you and have you love him in return. The sensual dance of life that you played together. The feeling of fullness when he’s with you, the way both of your hearts flutter in happiness when you’re together.

Soulmates, they called it. You didn’t believe in destiny, serendipity, fate and all that bullshit but now you do. The universe must have rolled its eyes at your stubbornness to not see the signs it threw at you, the strings it pulled and the way it probably facepalm because of you.

A/N: This chapter is set in the past. I’ve wrote a background for Yoongi and the character.

Tags: mention of gun, blood, death, PTSD, gore-y, it’s a gang/mafia AU. If you’re not comfortable, please skip.

Word count: 3240 words

Previous

What your younger and naive self didn’t know then was that it was going to be the last time you saw your parents smiling happily, being alive and well. You never wondered even for a second, how the mansion you live in, the expenses, clothing, and jewelry were obtained through their laundered and bloodied money. Looking back, you had just figured they were Old Money. What you didn’t know then and innocently assumed would come back and take its toll.

*Min Residence*

“Prepare the headquarter base! Enemy line invasion!” as Yoongi’s father yelled to the subordinate of the Yeonson gang. “My dear, you need to leave with Yoongi before they breach through the first security level, it’s not safe here.”, his gaze softens when it lands on the sight of his wife and their son cradled in her arm, soundly asleep. Despite the authority in his voice, she refused him saying that if this is the place of his final resting then she won’t budge from the spot. “You know I can’t let you do that, I- I need you to live on..If not for me then for him” as he reasoned with concern laced over his scrunched eyebrows. “You know I’m better at handling the ground plan defense than you” she jokes despite the heavy air that surrounded them and scooted closer to him.

Knowing it was going to be a loss cause arguing with her, he let her win and stay as she pleased but he made her promise that when security level 5 was breached, she had to leave immediately. She rolled her eyes at him as she rested her head on his shoulder before parting to leave for the nursery room, hidden within the heart of the house. They shared one last lingering kiss before he committed her smiling face to his memory as if it was the last time he’d see her before running off to the base.

She ascended the grand staircase and headed towards the music room. At the center, there was a black 1926 Steinway Grand Piano bathing in the moonlight shining in from the billowing white curtains. She glanced down at the baby in her hands before kissing him on his forehead as he began to stir. The sound of feet paddling against the marble floor was light as she made her way to the piano, pressing 5 keys before the bookcase on the right began to shift revealing a metal door with a padlock. Tears began to form as her body shifted towards the padlock and her fingers pressed the keys 030993. The metal door opened inward as the automated soft glow of lights inside the room hummed to life. “Even if I don’t make it out alive with you today...Min Yoongi...we love you so much my little one..stay safe and grow up strong for Mommy and Daddy, ok?”, she whispered as she took his small hands in hers and hugged him close, quietly wiping away her tears with her sweater, before releasing him and gently putting him down into his crib. Even if lives would be lost today, Yoongi wouldn’t be found by those who didn’t know the floor plan of the residence. The walls within his nursery room were soundproof even if he cries, no one will hear him. The metal door is thick in size and unbreakable without the code.

That night, Y/N parents followed through on the group’s mission to raid the Min’s resident and base. Your family gang had always been the rival of Yeonson’, always in the crossfire between the smuggled drugs and the underground alcohol scene. That night, Yoongi was safe. The house was empty, except for scattered human remains everywhere. It looked like a war swept through this place, a gang war specifically.

No one came to that resident, the massacre was bloody, body parts were all over the place. It looked like an unearth graveyard, the walls were painted red instead of their normal sparkly wooden color. The butler and the cleaning crew was the one who discovered the baby was alive. It took them a while to crack the code. They wrack their brain for any combination of 6 digits numbers that was special to the Min family until they heard the door unlocked. They picked up the quiet baby and thanked the stars to know their master’s gang would continue. He was their hope, their dream even if the baby didn’t know that. At least the baby would live on, and not starve to death in this tight room had no one came to the rescue.

Your parents had actually survived the raid and came home to their daughter. You were awake, had always been since they left. You ran down the stairs to greet them as you saw your parents walking in, tracking bloody footprints and droplets trailing. Their weary eyes met yours and you could have sworn they looked like they just saw a ghost. They were about to lecture you when they heard the safety pin of a gun being released and the cold metal pressed against the back of their skull. “Turn slowly and place your weapons down”, a cold voice commanded. Your parents froze but slowly comply as you backed away in fear. “You can do whatever you want to us, please just spare our daughter” you heard your mother says. A second later, you heard it, two resounding gunshots and your parents fall to the ground as blood spews onto the marble floor. You screamed while tears streaked down your face blurring your vision as you ran to the safest place you know, your room. Hidden within its wall was an underground playroom, accessible only by voice activation. Your parents had originally built it to house your toys but mainly to protect you in the case there was ever a gang house raid on your property. Your maids and butler came running to the sound of gunshot to find your parents had been assassinated as the rival gang members stood menacingly at your front. They had killed the workers that came running to the scene as they scoured the house to find more prey who bore witness. There was no such a thing as mercy when their boss was killed. They left you though because they deemed you’d be traumatized and end up a weakling who is forever silenced through your nightmares. Oh how wrong they were. That night, you made a promise. Not one of revenge but one of staying strong and surviving.

*12 years later*

The deed of what his family owned would be transferred to Yoongi. He grew into an emotionless stone, though his feature aged like fine wine, as he entered university. He had taken over the gang when he grew old enough to understand the family business.

He was informed long ago that the rival boss’s family had a daughter, one that was alive. Coincidentally, she was attending the same university that he’s currently enrolled in. She was the top of her class while he was simply passing through the day and sleeping it away.

The day you two had met was because you were crying alone near the open field that led into the forest. The university was built on a mountain, one that overlooks the beautiful ocean from afar. The land in between was covered in miles of green forest. He knew of you, of your status as an ex rival gang daughter but also the highest GPA student in the biological science department. You were on track of pre-med after all. You had snuck out of the school festival of mother’s day as students show appreciation for their parents. It was simply too painful, even if the nightmare was 12 years ago. As for Yoongi, he just didn’t care enough and wanted to spend his day elsewhere, a quiet and secluded place at that. He sat down next to you and offered you a cold bottle of water. You turned to see him looking into the forest beyond as you rubbed your eyes quickly. “It’s alright, let it out. It’s better that way”, he whispered almost too quiet but you heard him. You simply nodded, fearful that your voice might be too hoarse and broken to reply. He patted your back soothingly as you twisted the cap and gulped down the cold drink. “What are you doing here Yoongi?” you turn to him as he spun his head to look at you. Your gaze met his for a second before he turned away, rolling his eyes. “I could ask you the same thing”. You just left it at that, not wanting to delve too much and invade into his privacy. Your friendship started from that day onward as he continued to sit with you in silence, his hands never stopping to rest as it rubbed your back soothing. The rest of the time there was history.

As the bother of you entered your third year, he invited you over to his house. The memory of the first time that you had agreed would be forever etched into your mind. When you walked a step through the front door that the maid had opened for you, you came face to face with a black caliber pointed at you. “Who are you? Why are you here?” he says as you squint to look at the man before you. “Yoongi invited me here, it should be me asking who are you to point a gun at a guest? Aren’t you simply being quite rude?” you replied back smartly as you heard the cocking sound from the metal. “Watch your mouth” he spits out at you before a resounding yell cuts through the tension between the two of you. “Put that gun away NOW Jungkook” Yoongi yells as he quickly descends the stairs, nearly leaping to get to the two of you. Jungkook pauses to considers his boss’s order for a second before putting his guns away, his scold still potent on his face as you both stare daggers at each other. Yoongi reaches you in a flash to stand between the two of you as he pushes Jungkook back by the shoulder. “Hyung, she could be an invader, you let a stranger into the house!” he says as he throws up his hand in a questioning stance to mock his leader. “She’s not a stranger, she’s a good friend of mine from my class” he says as he levels his gaze as his youngest. Jungkook only sighs and shrugs back before turning to leave. “You’re not off the hook for this. What he says better be the truth or I’ll have a bullet in you in seconds” he threatened as he turned left to head towards the wing that he came from.

The nights you spent at his new house (bought after he sold his parents property but copied the design with the exact same structure and hidden base) by the ocean was comforting. You first came to study for your midterms together. Half of the time was just finding ways to distract the other while the other sighed and scolded to get back to studying. It had been nearly 3 hours so you both figured a break would be fitting.

Huddling close together on the cool sand as you snuggle into him. The creamy color sand felt soft beneath your palm as the breeze from the ocean flew gently through your hair. The sulphury smell of the sea drifting into your nose as you inhale the fresh air. The beach was a place where you confided in him of your dark secrets that were hidden away. Years of secrets house within the castle of your being. The secrets entailing how you were always alone, the nightmare of having seen your parents murdered in front of you at such a young age, and of your upbringing as a daughter of a mafia gang and the history of your life. The nightmares that keep recurring, forcing you to relive it endlessly. In a way, you could say it’s PTSD. The fear gripped at your skin making you shiver every time your mind relieves it, the memory still fresh and the warm blood that painted your palm.

Of course, he already knew the majority of your history, having dug it out when his parents were murdered by yours. If he had to be honest, he had originally wanted to take out his anger and revenge on you. To carve living hell into your existence as he toys with your insignificance being. To take out his frustration of having to lose his parents to the rival gang. That all changed when he finally got to know you, from meeting you, becoming your best friend to falling in love with you. You don’t know the latter part of his secrets of course being an airhead and oblivious as a brick since you never dated anyone nor cared to. Can anyone blame you though given the trauma you went through having your loving parents murdered and losing them at such a young age? Of course not. He listened intently as you continued to mumble out your life stories. The sound of sniffle grazes through the breeze before he turns to look at you. The cold eyes that looked so human shined at you. You didn’t want to turn to look at him to show your weakened state.

There was a comfortable silence with the sound of your sniffles here and there before he broke it with his own confession. You didn’t really know much about your parents gang or their business so he filled you in. He told you the truth of that night that it was his gang who had murdered your parents. It was a constant war,

of bloodshed, lost lives, missing drugs and more. You nodded in understanding, it makes sense why two large gangs that control Seoul would have to eventually wipe the other out for a full reign. You didn’t blame him though because he was barely a young child much like yourself that night. Despite now knowing that your parents and their gang had been the one to invade his. “In a way, we’re in the same boat. Your parents are gone and so is mine. At least, we have each other” he whispered while looking down at the sand below. He turned to you as his gaze softened, hands reaching to brush your hair down from the breeze. You nodded before saying “We should go inside and really study for this final Yoongi” you as you hold back your laughter. He looks like hes tired to the bone, about to fall asleep seated here on his private beach behind his estate. “Mhm alright if you say so” he nodded as he got up and held his hand to you, pulling you to your feet.

The first time he had planned to invited you to his estate, his inner circle of consigliere had protested. They had gathered to discuss the situation, with Jungkook missing as he slept his fatigue away. They knew who you were. Namjoon especially made a good argument that you could be a double agent to spy on their base so you carry information back to your own gang. He laughed and told them off since he knew for a fact that your gang wasn’t led by you. You hardly even knew the existence of the gang your parents had run. You didn’t care to, gang wasnt your spotlight. You hated physical violence and the mere sight of having to see another body fall lifeless at your feet. The person who stepped up to take care of your gang after your parents had died were the older members of their inner circle. You were simply too young at that time. Even if you had grown older, they never seeked you out nor did you try. “Namjoon, I’ve known her for nearly 2 and a half years. I know her ins and outs, her secrets that she kept hidden for so long. Trust me, she’s not harmful to anyone”, Yoongi replied as Namjoon only scoffed and whispered “yet” under his breath.

Overtime, you have gotten to know his inner circle members. At first, they were cold to you, unrelenting in showing you any ounce of emotions they had for fear of betrayal. You didn’t mind, after all, you only really came for Yoongi since he was your best friend. The only family you’ve ever gotten closer to know aside from the butlers and maids who raised you. It took them nearly half a year as they slowly dropped their mask and took down their walls to show you the real them. You had been instant friends with all the members, especially Hoseok. The sunshine personality of his never fails to make you laugh and smile till your jaw muscle is sore. They knew every bit about you as you knew some about them.

Before you know it, 4 years of a stressful yet blissful life had finished in the blink of an eye. You graduated the top of your class and were accepted to enter into a prestigious medical school while also getting a minor degree in computer science. The boys were delighted to hear the news of your medical school acceptance as they invited you for a celebration dinner. The meal consisted of authentic korean barbecue was delicious sided with sparkling champagne.

That night, you stayed over having gotten a bit drunk and too lazy to go home. Yoongi had a spare room in the main house so he offered for you to stay there.

In the morning, you had woken up earlier than all of them to make breakfast. The kitchen smelled wonderful as you plated 8 sunny side ups, kimchi stew and rice. The boys were ecstatic to have woken up to delicious breakfast as they thanked you endlessly to which you only blushed and said a thousand of thanks in reply. It has been a while since you cooked ever since your parent’s passing. Cooking was what your mother had always loved and so you never touched it, leaving it all to the maid to care for you instead. It reminded you too much of her and the memory was simply too painful to bear again.

“Why don’t you just move in with us y/n?” Hoseok asked as he chewed the vegetable in the kimchi soup. You blushed before turning around as you replied, “Was the food that good or what?” in shock.“Good? Just good? It was amazing. I could eat this every” Jimin pipes in. You only shook your head and laughed. “I’ll consider it since the medical school is closer to your house than mine” you say before turning back to cleaning your dish. Your house was located on the other side of Seoul, an hour drive from his house to yours. A 40 minute drive with traffic from your house to the Seoul Medical University Campus.

It’s a full year before you start medical school as they forced their students to have a gap year in order to encourage students to shadow a medical professional to make sure one last time that they were sure they wanted in. This just simply means an extra year of break for yourself.