#policyfailure

It’s not a realistic expectation that fear of what could happen will suddenly make active drug users simply stop. I think as humans we fear the inability to face our darkest truths. When you struggle with things like traumatic experience or mental health disorders you run much higher risk of addiction and have an even harder time getting yourself out. I believe all addiction ultimately stems from trauma. I think more than ever the concept of harm reduction and policy change should be at the forefront of this epidemic.

It’s ok to say you’re not ready but it isn’t all that hard to be as kind to yourself in the process of your pain.

Harm reduction is carrying naloxone

Using with friends and taking turns

If you have to use alone you can download apps to be in contact with compassionate medical professionals and peer support specialist’s who are there to keep you alive and respect your life’s story.

Seeking help for addiction through programs like

And at the very least testing your substance so you can use safely.

I feel overwhelmed a bit lately. I’m working peer outreach where I come face to face with death and disease, my closest friends struggle immensely with their own traumatic experience and unhealthy coping mechanisms such as high risk sexual encounters, sharing drug supplies and taking unknown substances that all too often lead to fatality.

My old boss told me my dream job reached out for a reference and so … it’s all around me.

I can only hope that through meeting new people working in the healthcare industry that I’ll grow my own support network which just seems really small here.

I struggle everyday with dysregulated emotions, extreme fear of intimacy, fear of being alone and unworthy of love because of what’s happened to me, grief, shame, poor body image, imposter syndrome and anxiety and depression.

I guess I just realized that all my life I’ve just wanted to live without fear, with security, with love and health and someone wonderful to grow into something beautiful with.

Maybe that’s fairytale dreaming , I’ve done that ever since I was a little girl because I wanted to escape the fighting and screaming and abuse. I wanted to feel like the girl that ever dude thinks is beautiful while at the same time make myself as ugly and unhealthy as possible so no one would notice me. So I could hide.

Addiction soothes those overwhelming fears but it doesn’t ever make them go away. It robs you of everything you want and makes you think it’s the love you never received. It’s a trap.

Pain sucks, it’s exhausting, frightening, infuriating, isolating ….

Trust , I get it. One of the most soothing feelings the traumatized child will ever experience is the moment it chooses self love. When you can sit with the scared little kid and tell them they are loved, they are worthy and they matter. Most of all, that they are safe.

I’ve devoted myself to it and still sleep alone to protect myself from fears that don’t exist , they are just memories. Fragmented little clips of all the times people have brutally hurt me.

It’s not easy but I’m certain it will be worth it. I truly believe for the first time in my whole life that I am loved, worthy, safe and I matter. Everyone’s trauma is unique , but our healing is found within love.

If you’re struggling with addiction, I hope you know that there is hope and even if sobriety isn’t in the cards just yet… safety is always a choice that can be made. You are worthy of being safe.

Emotions are a beautiful monster

Let them come, let them go

They don’t change that you are deserving of joy.

The Paris attacks on Friday the 13th, November 2015 shook the world as an immanent warning to all countries. After the Brussels attack at the end of March, worldwide outrage was met with an attempt at securing one’s own borders. Our government met each incident with its own attempt at strong, American legislature. As of March 2016, 26 states in the US would not consider admitting refugees. Five states would consider it with increased screenings on the incoming refugees. The immediate response from the American public after the attacks was absolutely heartfelt. People poured out their support on their Facebook pages, and a young boy’s letter to President Obama offered his home and his toys to the very famous picture of the Syrian boy harmed in the warfare. This issue was much more popular right after the fact, but later down the road we see implementation of previous legislature being halted in an attempt to overturn the original bills. Little to the public knowledge, Senate Democrats blocked a Republican bill earlier in the year that cracked down on Syrian refugees.