#pohst

(got tagged by @g-oetic hiiii thanks for taggin meeee)

slipknot -> self-titled

ghost -> infestissumam

genesis -> genesis (2007 remaster)

thousand foot krutch -> the art of breaking

angelmaker -> dissentient

zeal & ardor -> stranger fruit

royal blood -> typhoons

dealer -> crooked

zeal & ardor -> zeal & ardor

so this is my third eye surgery but im gettin it done at a different hospital. so i had to do presurgery testing with an anesthesiologist. which i didnt need to do for the previous surgeries (i got regular surgery clearance from my primary care doc those times). anyways i was wearin a sweater and pushed up my sleeves mid-conversation about my multiple sclerosis doagnosis and the anesthesiologist was like oh. what happened there?? (gestures to her arms, obviously talkin about my self-harm scars) is that from the multiple sclerosis?

🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 maam. i know you're an anesthesiologist. but how the fuck hell shit would obvious old self-harm scars be symptoms of multiple fucken sclerosis.

she was like you know those will disqualify you for getting an organ transplant?? and then she was naggin at me about cutting and how she doesnt understand why people my age do that sort of thing when we have such easy access to computers. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

and then the nurse lady in the corner of the room was like what dyou do for work?? and i was like i work with my dad he does flooring installation. and the anesthesiologist was like hmm. you need to look for a different job. maybe something in the field of a.i. or doing the business side of your dad's job. and i was bamboozled by her lecturing and also the mention of a.i and then she was like yeah so has anyone ever told you that your heartbeat is slow?? and irregular??

and she was like hey so you should start seein a cardiologist cuz somewhere down the road you might even need a pacemaker.

so basicallyyyyy i left the office confused as to if im fucken clear to go thru the surgery or not. so i called to leave a message like hey can yall tell me if im good to get this fuckass surgery done for my fuckass eye or not???? my gods!!!!! i was just bombarded with shit and then my momma is mad cuz i didnt ask enough questions. im like bro i fucken hate sittin around in medical rooms and you want me to spend extra time in there askin fucken questions????

also!! towards the end miss anesthesiologist also suggested that i should be a fucken. idk. inspirational youtuber?? so i can. inspire people who also happen to have my same medical conditions??? she said. "you can make a lot of money doing that". okay well maybe i dont wanna be grifting online for money maybe i dont wanna stand in front of a camera and be like hey yall whats goin on my name is zero and i have multiple sclerosis and glaucoma and uveitis and these conditions have each made me wanna fucken kill myself multiple times in the last seven years!! thats not inspirational lmao