#poetryandstuff

Being ghosted insinuates that the other party knowingly disappeared of their own accord. 

I feel forgotten. And in a way, that feels worse. 

You feel as though your personality and presence isn’t enough to warrant the thought or the time of the other person. You’re just… there. Taking up space that wasn’t important enough to be even semi-permanent in the walls of their mind. Just barely there to where a slight change in wind could mean you float away without a sound. 

A feather doesn’t choose to move, the wind forces it to. However, the wind is just doing what it normally does, not knowing the disruption it caused. Much to what it feels when you want to put your all into someone, but they unknowingly let you go. Letting your heart fall to the wayside without as much as a sideways glance. 

"Maybe if I slide my hair on my shoulder I’ll look more attractive. Maybe if I walk with my hips swaying, you’ll be seduced, forced against your will, to love me. Maybe if I change the way I talk, you’ll like me better. Maybe if I talk about the games you play, the books you read, the music you like, it’ll change what you think of me; how you think of me.

And maybe, just maybe, if I do it all right, when you close your eyes tonight, you’ll see me, and you’ll wish you would’ve loved me right."

I’m trying to trace back our steps from where we first fell together, not in love, my darling, but we fell together, somehow, somewhere along the way. I’m tracing back our steps to when our eyes first met. I’m tracing back our steps and I’m trying to remember when we knew it was love. I’m tracing back our steps and I can’t remember where it all went wrong. I’m trying to trace back our steps and I wonder still how we ended up here.

And maybe, my love, while I trace back the steps, someday I’ll understand, How you made such a fool of me. Maybe someday, my love, I’ll see where I went wrong.

I heard you fought your own body,

to clean out the stench of lovers that did not bother to stay,

you tried to , didn't you?

Your mother gave you this skin that was your grandfathers soil,

it remembers it all,

the tormenting sun,

she will curse the day you forget to wear it like, some precious metal she passed down to you.

I heard you can smell lost lovers in the air sometimes,

like their scent forgot to leave the fibers of your clothing,

i heard the memories come flooding back ,

like the rain our people prayed for,

see when the Gods opened the skies it poured for three days straight,

 and on the fourth i found your sister crying outside,

she says we shall surely perish, we shall perish! 

See, when she awoke yesterday, half your house had washed away.

  Lover, i regret to be the bird that brings you this bad news.

Lover! Everyday this body is a battlefield i wake up in, and i don't know which side i've been fighting for.

Love was a thing we did while our house still had doors.

Yours Thabo