#poepic

Alright, it’s the middle of January and I’d rather not be doing this

But shouldn’t I be freezing and not sweating in my room like this?

It’s a continental sensation that an hour above me is snowing to the top of the nation

And I’d like to laugh that the weather’s playing some prank

But I’d rather see mistletoe followed by a couple of flakes

And it’s sad to know that the government’s ignoring an entire world of nations that’s slowly burning right in front of my face

It’s a tragedy to see the world in sadness and in disarray

But it’s worse to see the world burning up and going wrong in this way

It’s a story of malcontent and a shit ton of hair spray

When the world can’t agree on one way to fix the day

It’s gone past global climate change and come to global Hell this way

Because some people would rather not I speak these words about my shitty day

Caused by the hot January day that wrecked my body’s working system

By causing confusion in my goddamn nervous system

And my back can’t take that the seasons have switched

When I wore my coat in the middle of August

And now the world’s turned upside down due to the magnetism switching and fucked up shit happening overground

When the people are rioting because of social injustices

I’m trying to get the AC to work and my fans to provide some of this cold air that I’ve been hearing so much about

Because the south can’t figure it’s shit out long enough to figure out some people have the power out

And at the end of the world we won’t go out with a bang

I wanted to shapeshift so I dyed my hair

And the dead cells changed colors

And I felt more alive

I wanted something new so I pierced my ears

And I liked the shiny gems

And I felt a little pain

So I cried over a face because it wasn't mine

And I tried something new

And I felt something wrong

So I begged a god to make me new

And science told me off

And I felt guilt

Because I never wanted what I had

And I was told that was wrong

And I felt angry

Because I was told I could change

And I was told I wasn't allowed

And I felt sad

Which made me become who I am

And I knew I could get there

And I felt renewed

Which showed me the way to myself

And I strived for my voice

I am not who you want me to be

I am who I need to be

Because what I need is a me

To be seen

To be heard

To be teased

I need a me to be who I am

For when I can’t be me

To point at and go

“You see?”

Because I can’t always be me

And someone else has to be

Or else I’ll go along and be unable

And I’ll walk through my days

And I won’t be free

Because what I need is someone else to be me

To the friend who gave me a panic attack today

To the clothes that will give me dysphoria tomorrow

To the grandmother who I thought was joking

To the grandfather who I will always fear

To those who have loved me

To those who have lost me

To those who have stood with me

Or above me

Or beside me

Or away from me

To the man who stalked me when I broke his heart

To the one who first broke mine

To the cousin who told me about her first girlfriend in the middle of a lake

To the people who threw grapes at me at the lunch table in high school

To the friend that introduced me to love

And hate

To the enemy that taught me chess

To the first girlfriend I had

To the mischievous sibling

To the abusers

To the long-distance girlfriend I had for years

To the friend’s aunt who helped me when I broke my nose

To the friends who have grown apart from me over the years

To the first adventure I ever went on

To the girl who taught me to climb trees

To my first crush

To the friend that let me dog-sit with her when I stayed with her for a month

To my best friend in elementary school who lived next door and taught me to rebel

To the babysitter who listened to indie metal as she drove me to ballet with ice cream

To the friend who showed me being weird is alright

To the other person in the first fight I ever got in

To the people who saw me every day in school and never said anything

To the boys I arm wrestled for a quarter in fourth grade

To my best friends

And my worst friends

And the friends in-between

To my mom who adopted me because I couldn’t afford her book

To the people I’ve told stories to

To the first person to read my poems

To my boyfriend and his girlfriend

To the boy who nearly got me killed

You are the reason I am who I am

For better or for worse

You are the reason I am how I am

For rise and for fall

Wrote this a couple of weeks ago and now want to dedicate it to Jay.