#pleaseindulgeme

they say something about friendships forged in fire, and i'm inclined to believe them; because hardship brings out the very worst in people, and to be able to overcome that, and love each other regardless, and understand each other even though we've seen each other at such low points--i believe that to be one of the marks of true camaradarie.

look, i was a huge asshole durng luncheon prep. we all became huge assholes! ms mcmahon, usually such a patient, reasonable person who understands and appreciates artistic intergrity, became--welll. but--even though we were screaming, exhausted, paint-splattered beasts by the end of the first day, even though we snapped at random passerbys (not without reason) and refused help and spent the entire weekend in a haze of paint and pain--we were at ease today. we were comfortable with each other today. we were not assholes, and we did not think each other assholes, despite knowing each other capable of a level of assholery. because we understand.

sharing is, of course, an important part of any friendship. i mean, of course you must share love and care and affection and food. but difficult experiences are to be shared too; they're easier shared and they're better shared and--i think--we are better for having shared it.

unlike many of you, it seems, this kind of friendship is not...unusual for me. i--crave it; i adore people, i enjoy casual interaction, i thrive on physical affection, i love my friends, all my friends. but nobody but unicorns know what luncheon prep was like. i high-fived a million demons that day, and you were there to do it with me. that kind of experience, history, and incredible instance of mutual support cannot be artificed or replaced. it is unique. and it is unique to us.

yes, i have different friends for different occasions. i have people to shout angrily about social issues, people who will permit me to clutch their face when a new episode of young justicecomes out, or community or korra, people with whom i share drawings of cute critters and people with whom i share porn. some friends were there when i couldn't stand to look at my tablet. some people were there when my classmates were being bigots. some people were there when i loathed myself and everything i stood for. but all of my friends have been there for me at some point and you have all supported me and you have all made me who i am today, and i know i will always try to be there for you, too. i've room enough in my heart for all the people who've helped me.

and it is because of all this that, even though it was one of the most exhausting and draining and nightmarish periods of time i've ever had the utter misfortune to suffer through, i am glad luncheon prep happened. i am thankful it happened.

because exhaustion is temporary, but unicorns are forever.

so thank you, ridiculous high school tradition. thank you, outrageously unreasonable grade director. thank you, whichever incompetent fucking asshole invented acrylic paint. thank you for my unicorns.

and thank you, unicorns, for not hitting my existence in the face.

(I LIKE YOU GUYS AND I DON'T WANT TO DO WORK, SO)

because otherwise ..you know, we're all in different groups and we'd hardly be able to see each other regularly or even realise how well we click

and that would have been such a shame i mean the atmosphere was so comfortable WE JUST WORK VERY WELL -

i'm glad that we dragged isabella and jess and sally into it (and not some other girls whom clara and i might have speared with a paintbrush second day in)

i'm glad we spent all those days, from 7:30am to 4:30pm, covered in paint and frantic and panicking and half-conscious (me, mostly, oops)

i'm even happy that miss mcmahon acted like an asshat and told us we had to paint the banner OUTSIDE, WITH OUR HANDS, where it was windy and burning hot and there were those FUZZY SEED THINGS and also a million ants

AND NOT TO MENTION TOLD ME I COULD USE CHALK INSTEAD OF WHITE PAINT + also HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS DOING

...and she was really mean to all of you ESPECIALLY LEONIE AND CLARA which was very bad i'm still sorry about that i probably should have said more

+ it was awful, horrible and draining and tiring and i probably made a million really, really bad life choices like standing up too fast but 

we were all there for each other and WE HELD THE WHOLE THING TOGETHER (admit it, the banners and the backdrop is what made luncheon so amazing) and we supported each other ESPECIALLY HOW ALL OF YOU WERE THERE FOR ME after i .........had a bit of a breakdown (i'm sorry!!) and idk it means a lot i hope you all know that

----and how we made signs and stuck them everywhere about no hovering unless they want to be human palettes and got into arguments with people because of it AND EVERYBODY WAS ANGRY but we did not care 

also going on paint/food trips with leonie and how people bought applejuice for us AND LEFT US ALONE because we might eat them too

(but seriously for a while had ONE more person asked 'so what are you guys painting?' i might have thrown my paintbrush at them)

and also how we got the final day off and we got to go and eat cheesecake and icecream outside the hall and free food and we got to go home early 

and i don't know, but apparently the best relationships are born out of ..some sort of hardship, i suppose, or maybe just .......interesting circumstances

and i'm glad i have you guys because i don't like people easily irl because people can be so dumb and

i wouldn't trade what we went through at luncheon for the world --

i'm glad today happened 

i'm so happy ;____________;

i don't know i'm weirdly emotional today sorry and i'm drunk-tired typing and oops i'm sorry

OVER AND OUT