do you ever read a fic that's so good you wonder why you even bother writing cause it will never be as good as what you just read? cause - and i mean this in the bestest most complimentary way possible - that's how i feel after reading october birds (truly genuinely you are so! so! talented!!!)
but i was just wondering if, as a writer, this is something you've ever felt and - if so - how you motivate yourself to keep writing
Oh my god YEAH I get writer envy all the fucking time -- it's par for the course when you're writing in a space with such an abundance of talent. Every writer I've talked to on here has talked about feeling the same thing at some point, too.
You are so so so far from alone. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's one of the most unifying experiences besides writer's block lol
There are a few ways I deal with this, though none of this advice is even remotely original:
What makes a story impactful isn't just the words
Sometimes I get writer envy on a level of like, feeling jealous over someone's eloquence, their word choice, the sort of maturity and polished-ness they get into their fics. And that's fair! Everyone wants to improve, everyone has styles and pieces they idolize and study from.
But when it comes to getting back into my own ideas, I remind myself that what makes a story isn't just the technicalities. The most beautifully executed novel could still fail to hold my attention if the idea isn't gripping. Hundreds of thousands of words of gorgeous prose and scenery doesn't mean anything to me, personally, if it doesn't make me feel.
What makes your writing special is the fact that you -- with all your unique experiences and perspective -- wrote it. You took the idea and made it your own, and no other person could do it exactly like you did. And that matters! The way you feel emotions, how you choose to show the world to the reader, that matters! You could hand a hundred authors the same outline, and no one would create the same story because none of them have lived the same life, and that's wonderful! All of that, the intangible bits, matters just as much as someone's artfully crafted a sentence -- so never forget that.
It's cruel to use others to belittle yourself
This doesn't just apply to writing, but I have to remind myself that using others to put myself down is, in a way, assuming things about them. Why have I decided that this other author, someone who's writing for fun and love, would look at me and say that they're better? That my writing isn't worth pursuing? Why would I put something so awful on another person who's only ever put good into fandom?
Similarly, why have I decided that the people who read, enjoy, and connect to my writing are, what? Devoid of taste? Dull? Wrong? Jesus, what the fuck have they done for me to think that about people who have only ever been kind?
As dumb as it sounds, I have to reverse bully myself to stop the negative trains of thought. I would never want to make someone out to be cruel in my head, and that means I can't decide my writing isn't worth something by using other people as a scapegoat.
Writing is a progressive skill
Sometimes when I'm struck particularly badly, I go read my old work. Frankly, I don't love a lot of my old stuff in terms of execution -- I always think that I could do it better now. But I love my old work for what it tried to be; I love my old ideas, I love my old characters, I love my old effort and care.
And as I look back at it, I know that if past-Liquid could read my current stuff, they'd be astonished to know they'd get there one day. My writing still isn't perfect, I'm constantly hitting my head up against the limits of my current skill set, but that's the POINT!
Every fic I've ever tried writing has been a step closer to becoming the writer I want to be. Every idea I attempt, even if it seems too difficult at the time to really nail, gives me the experience to do it better one day.
The author you're envious of right now, they had their own journey, too. Maybe they hit the ground running a little faster than you, or maybe they've been writing since before you could even read! You have no way of knowing!!!! All you can do is think about the fact that every time you get knee-deep in your own docs, you're getting better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're getting closer to becoming your own writer envy :)
