grieving // verb

feel intense sorrow

on the 28th of june at 9am, that’s when we first met. you have been in my life for 127 days. i came to you when i was at a very low point, seeking guidance and well… i guess, someone i can be honest with. honest about where i really was mentally. it was refreshing. we caught up once a week for six weeks then our catch ups have been stretched out further and further and now i have one more left in 3 months time. week by week i slowly let my guard down and continued to open up more and more. and suddenly you were it. you were the one person who knew everything that went on in my head. i could be honest with you and openly talk about how mentally drained i was without feeling uncomfortable or like a burden. naturally i got attached. you are a dad-like figure for me. you told me you were proud of me for the progress i was making, you genuinely cared that i made it to every session and that i kept myself safe in between them. i felt loved and valued. the only issue i’ve found with this program was joining when i was at my lowest because i was (and still am) so vulnerable with you. i feel very connected to you because you have been helping me out of this low point. i understand that i am just a client of yours but to me, you are my saviour. you equipped me with the tools i needed and held my hand as i faced these battles. i’m still fighting some but unfortunately i’m learning to fight on my own. i still have all of your tips and tricks though helping me through.

now the reason for this train ride? it’s finally hit me that we have one more session. the only way i could explain it to someone is that i feel i’m going through a breakup. i am grieving you. you won’t be in my life forever and i’m needing to move on. obviously you’re going to hold a special place in my heart. you saved me. i don’t want to start again and reopen up because let’s be honest, no one will compare to you but i know i need to. i’m not sure how long my grieving process will be but i’ll get through. i know i will because you helped me and showed me how strong i really am and i will forever be grateful for you. you and thor.