sometimes, drinking leads you to do dangerous things.

at a formal moustache and cocktails party, i met a young gentleman caller from the south with a college degree and a job. check!

how did i lure this scholar back to my bedchambers? dangerous move #1: the pinky move, which is dangerously effective. the pinky move has a 100% success rate when implemented correctly. ladies, pay attention. the pinky move works like this: during casual conversation (and without making eye contact) clasp pinkies.

that's. fucking. it.

boys love it. here's why: 1) it's adorable without being overly aggressive, and 2) it demonstrates physical contact, which to a man, means sex.  seriously. try it.

after successfully performing the pinky move on our virginia gentleman, i proceeded to wow him with my knowledge of civil war battle sites. the deal was done. enter dangerous move #2: letting a drunk stranger pedal you home on a beach cruiser. at 3 am. clearly, i wore the helmet. this poor boy proceeded to pedal my rusty bike home, with me sitting on the cushy cruiser seat, for ~3 miles. that is dedication, my friends.

did this man end up being my soul mate? hell no. did he end up actually getting into my pants? no. but getting to order men around is one of the only perks of dating to tahoe, and must be taken advantage of, even if it is stupidly dangerous.

until the next adele song,