#ping lo

A cutting from the selection criteria section of my application, as submitted last week...

Dear ma'am, sir, or repurposed Dexter-the-love-robot,

Included is my application for the position of "Social Media Coordinator", which I understand to be a temporary backfill role, while current social media ninjitsu master Ping Lo adapts to the joys of parenthood and attendant horrors of children.

If you accept this application, please also consider it my request to transfer from Newscaff to Innovation. I might have to give you my bank account number again, though. It has a habit of getting lost.

Extensive proven experience of working in the digital or media environment, preferably with specific professional experience working on social media activity and strategy for a large organisation.

It all began eight months ago, while I was scrubbing blood off the walls of the old 7.30 Report set after a gruesome Tony Abbott interview.

I'm so grateful that Leigh Sales and Chris Uhlmann don't disembowel their guests on a regular basis like Kerry O'Brien did... cleaning up their shiny new set would be a nightmare! I completely approve of the splendiferously incarnadine 4 Corners set constructed in Kerry's loo, by the way.

Except for the initial spike during the 2010 election, and a lull over the summer, I have enjoyed the company of an additional 500 followers every month since that fateful night. They are all very funny, and I have no idea what they see in me.

My 4000 odd Twitter following compares favourably to Ping's, especially when you consider that she has appeared, and used her voice, on television and radio. I once hid under the Q&A desk next to Greg "measurable emissions" Hunt for a whole hour, and McEvoy's droogs didn't even put my Twitter name on screen! The only other time I came close to an on-air moment was when I fell over a chair in the News 24 studio.

I'm catching up to Virginia Trioli, but few can compete with Leigh Sales. Not even Big Bear! Awkward. Let's all agree to not mention Marieke Hardy for now.

Of course it's not all about followers. There's also the matter of "professional" and "strategy".

As I'm sure you're aware, the remuneration package offered for this role is a 100% pay rise from my current position... give or take a few fringe benefits like snacks from the Q&A green room (the label might say hummus, but I assure you it's not), champagne and canapes from parties around the building (what can I say? I blend in), my favourite red stapler, and the occasional untouched prawn cocktail left behind after board meetings (so seventies chic).

Which makes it kind of difficult to claim that I have been a professional social medium (it's not an art, it's a séance) for the last eight months, doesn't it? Well, you can't say I haven't been strategic in my use of social media... sometimes people even pay attention to my stupid hash tags!

Demonstrated use of both mainstream and niche social media platforms as well as good knowledge of new media industry developments and audience trends and a technical understanding of social media platforms.

As I'm sure you'll understand, being pseudonymous, anonymous, infamous, or all of the above does limit my social media options, so I have not ventured far in this guise. I'd be on Facebook if it didn't give you a list (with photos and educational background) of all the men and women with whom my sister has swapped spit. It has been a handy Saturday morning reference for her, though.

I can say that I adapt to the unique properties of new social media technologies quickly. After adopting Tumblr, I learned the art of taking unflattering screen captures, image manipulation, LOL captions and even animated GIFs!

Proven experience working and negotiating with senior stakeholders and the ability to drive and influence strategic outcomes.

This one time, I suggested that we put Tina Fey's Mark Twain comedy award broadcast from NPR on iView and Big Bear said I had management potential! There's no "strategic outcome" if it didn't make it to iView though, is there?

Then I suggested we should simulcast more live performances, so we had that whole Tim Minchin thing blow up like a grenade in our underpants. How does such a rational guy have such irrational fans, anyway?

It has been rumoured, despite his repeated denials, that my secret identity is in fact ABC Managing Director, Mark Scott. Were that the case, obviously my ability to drive and influence strategic outcomes would derive mostly from my position on the org chart and (just quietly, no need to be alarmed) the prerogative to hire and fire. As such, no particular experience, negotiating talent, or proof thereof is required.

That said, I would like to point out that Mr. Scott is both charming and collegiate (not to mention generous and entertaining) in his relationships with senior, junior and indentured staff. He also does a cracking Lee Lin Chin impression!

Marketing experience is desirable, including an understanding of how to effectively use social media networks as part of a communication strategy.

I have been described as a "rogue promotional tool", and although I'm guessing the emphasis was on the word tool, it also mentioned my ability to promote. So there's that.

Knowledge of and interest in ABC's broad range of programs and interest in entertainment, popular culture and news and current affairs.

I love all the things!

You will know from my Twitter comments, that I am a keen observer of politics, media and the topical ephemera of the day, but my interests range deeper and wider than such trifles! For instance, I wish I could claim to be the only religious viewer of both the First Tuesday Book Club and Good Game, television programs of such quality and whimsy that only the ABC could put to air.

Although I'm unsure about the daylight-fearing mole-people on Level 2.

Understanding and commitment to ABC values, policies and practices including Equity and Diversity and OH&S.

I should probably start by not calling any of my colleagues "mole-people", right? OK.

To begin with a cliché, in this era of unprecedented change, the values we share are more important than ever before. Look, I can even name them: Integrity, Respect, Collegiality and Innovation. (Collegiality doesn't mean playing beer pong, does it?)

It's 2011, and we're talking about social media: communication at a pace and interconnectedness unimaginable only 20 years ago. About 1% of Australians had mobile phones in 1990. The Internet was still mostly academic. We didn't have a website until 5 years later. Everything has changed around us, and yet the ABC is still Australia's largest media organisation and most important cultural institution.

Though some still see social media as trivial or frivolous, it has strengthened the expression of our values, both within and without. Friendships and associations formed through conversational social media criss-cross divisions and seniority, fostering greater cooperation and innovation. More personal engagement with communities of interest or location has built understanding and respect for our values in the wider community, which in turn grows trust.

We have even had the opportunity to create new platforms for existing but under-serviced communities, such as ABC Open, RampUp and Heywire. That they have been so warmly and widely embraced is an implicit validation of the way our values are expressed in such intrinsically social endeavours.