#pinehurst chapter 4

"What is there to do?" you fret, dazing downwards at the wooden floorboards beneath his feet. Of course, there wasn't enough time for either of you to check the boat’s leaky interior, you'd have to teach him how to fix that immediately when you got back, if you even managed to.

"Alright then", Jean adjusts his hand that rests under his jaw "...tell me what's been going on between you and Eren."

"You're seriously more worried about my past relationships than our safety right now?"

"Is there anything better to do?" he apathetically pleads, exhaling to another gentle bob of the canoe. "Just explain everything to me from the beginning. Maybe with the time we have, we can figure out exactly why he resents you now." You assent to that, readjusting in your sticky shorts before contemplating where to begin.

"I think, this attitude of his began the night of the fire."

It takes Jean a few minutes to remember what exactly you mean by those words, staring into your eyes as if you barked rather than processed any understandable sounds, but soon his face alters into wide eyes and a frozen jaw, realizing what you'd said was in fact proven to be true this entire time. "I thought that was fake, just a rumor for the camps to demolish that old church no one ever used!" In his excitement, he keeps himself content enough to lean forward, pulling his sweatshirt back over your shoulder from where it had fallen as you continue.

"It was far from fake Jean." For years guilt had built up inside you and your forgotten memories, reasons as to why you could never muster, like how exactly you got there, Eren's state while your conscience dwindled in and out, what exactly Marcel had done to save everyone but himself.

"Well tell me dammit! Who was there? Why did you follow? Was everyone okay? Well, it's obvious not everyone was but-"

"Jean, I can't remember much. I was unconscious half the time-" The boy curiously jabs your side with his fingers positioned together like a blade, stopping you on those last few words that so easily slipped out of your mouth.

"I... I took a few hits, from which boy I can't remember but-" Jean stops you again, waving his arms around as some exaggerated question had yet to be answered. "You're telling me Eren could be mad at you for something he did?" He pinches his steep-slanted nose, stifling a laugh so desperately wanting to be let out. "I mean I knew he was an idiot but this is just too much."

"Jean you ass, let me finish. It was what happened afterward that made us grow apart and it's my fault. I never reached out to anyone else to check up on him." You cross your legs, leaning closer in case his walnut-size brain had trouble comprehending again. "For years I’d been texting his mother's cell, not him. He never bought his own phone until after we parted from camp, so all my attempts at keeping in touch went to waste because… she passed. The worst part is I figured all of this out today!" Your voice had changed from painful whispers to frustrated yelps, following a fit of coughs in substitute for your water bottle which was also left by the camp's dock.

Jean's eyebrows twitch down, squinting off to where the oars should be as if his response could be found right in its empty loopholes. "You can't blame yourself if you didn't know, texting requires effort from both people, yeah? I understand he must've been dealing with a whole bunch, but he didn't bother to message you either. Eren wouldn't leave someone hanging like that, especially you." And you forced yourself to believe him, that this was all just a misunderstanding between you and him, between Pinehurst and Marceign, that these feuds had been rumors from the start. Eren forgot, he didn't really resent you he just needed space, Marcel was well, and the church was still in its place. It was all some dream.

Glancing over the water to ponder in your thoughts, you notice an emptied lot of what used to be towering Pine trees, now replaced with dry dirt and scattered driftwood. But Jean noticed every changing detail in your complexion, contorting from one of acceptance to regret as your mind searches for reasoning in your past. You were at fault for both a camper's death and one's mental health, weren't you?

"Y/n," The brunette cuts in, breaking up the thoughts he knows you're easily suffocating in. "Start from the beginning. I took us off track with that comment, I’m sorry." He's much gentler now, fiddling his thumbs that place over his thighs. Through his little smile, you let yourself restart, allowing the warmth in his features to steam away any last pessimistic ideas.

"...Who I remember from that night was Eren and Reiner? A taller boy with blackish hair came along too, Reiner's friend but I can't remember his name. Eren and he were roughhousing about something but the only thing I can remember next is Marcel shoving me out of his way. His spatial awareness always sucked so my knee caught a small lame, but by the time I made it out everything went black to me." You rubbed both eyes, settling the migraine and exhaustion Jean had built up with that last nagging conversation.

"Are you sure they were just messing around? Marco spoke to me in the days following, while I was away." Jean smirked a bit, losing his focus over the apparent drooling experience of his vacation years ago, but shook his head to snap out of his trance. "He remembered yelling, screaming from our dock that day, but he always mistook it for usual camp banter. I think an action during Eren and Reiner's 'fight' had to have been the reason for the fire, why the camps refuse to partake in anything together, and obviously Marcel's death. That just seems the most logical since you were the last few people in contact with the building, and from what you remember no one had brought anything that could've intentionally started it. The fire must have begun naturally."

You could only stare blankly into Jean's eyes, realizing the story he assumed sounded extremely accurate, if not very familiar to you.

"Stop looking at me like I’m a dumbass y/n you know I’m right." He chuckles, and you purse your lips, holding in a truthful laugh he's much happier to see on you. Preparing to carry on with the remainder of your story, you look over your shoulder again to the dry, empty lot of used-to-be pine trees, taking a mental note that you'd like to check it out sometime. You couldn't lie, it looked quite patchy from your sitting point, but your eyebrows furrowed in a patient curiosity. It was a place you'd plan on thinking about later if it weren't for observing a single Pinetree. It remained damaged by the trunk, standing a few feet from the rocky clearing, and beside it, a crimson canoe.

You snap your entire being around this time, re-cracking a few aching muscles from yesterday's activities. You swallow, searching for air that you couldn't inhale, within seconds Jean notices your shaking figure he nearly mistook for a panic attack but follows your trembling arm as it points to the opening.

"Jean, we're not alone."

He stares back and forth between you and the blotches of red he now sees himself, huddling closer to you while his features copy your tongue-tied state.

"I think we're on the south side." You whisper, huddling your figure closer into his jacket.

"Stop saying shit like we're in a Netflix thriller and tell me information I'll understand!"

"Jean, I'm saying we aren't in Pinehurst territory anymore! That clearing right there, that's where the church used to be!"

"What, are we banished from stepping into the other camp's territory?" He questions.

"Exactly that Jean, because the fight ended up in flames, Marceign ultimately blamed Eren and our campers for the incident since the church tower sat closer to their land. That's why we never talk anymore, it's why we're being sued to this day!"

Jean pauses in his hovered stance, adjusting his arms behind him to sit back down in confusion. You huff, bringing a hand to your temple before leaning over your canoe, beginning to row in frustrated paddles through the water with your bare hands. He catches your action and immediately retracts your wrist from the water, tightening his grip as you detest.

"After everything you just told me you're paddling towards the other campground, are you crazy!? We're gonna get murdered!"

"We'll be fine if we stay quiet. Would you rather drift off to the Gulf or do you wanna get back to camp?"

"We're going to die either way!!" He shrieks in a high-pitched tone, covering his hands over his face.

"You're the biggest pussy I’ve ever met." you eye roll, drifting your hand back down to row in the mysterious canoe's direction. And Jean mimics it this time, despite how utterly stupid he thinks the idea is. The two of you eventually find yourselves shallow enough for the boy to step out and tug the small boat over to shore.

Jean doesn't hesitate to reach his hand back out to assist you, keeping your form behind him as you enter the scene in silence. You flick his shoulder blade, questioning why he's brought this tough act up all of a sudden. "Listen Y/n, mentally I might be a pussy, but if we're counting on anyone's physical strength, I’d rather it be mine. We'd be goners much sooner if you were in front of me."

Your mouth gapes open from reputational ruining, following right behind him as you approach the clearing. His honesty needs to find itself better timing but you appreciate his sincerity, you know he cares.

A rustling bush from the right catches your attention. Instinctively you grab Jean's arm as he hovers his hand over his pant pocket. A cheap, gas station pocket knife rests inside, stashed away in case of emergencies, but you both doubt it'll be of any help. Only your shallow breaths and the unknown figures are heard, and you don't relax until a clear view of a lanky, raven-haired boy appears in front of you. With two oars in his grip, he stays calm down his path, at least until his eyes astonish at the sight of Jean. He holds the oars out before him for protection stoically with a clenched jaw, but he softens, bringing them back down as his gaze switches over to you.

“L/n?”

"Hoover?”

The ding of the main hall's bell signaled campers to make their way for evening activities before curfew, and when everyone appeared except two counselors well, no one honestly cared.

At least no one but a young and frantic dirty-blond bouncing his knee under the table like a maniac.

"Falco quit it. You keep hitting my leg and I can't eat my food!" Kaya glowered, jabbing her fork into her pasta with a face that nearly stated 'you're next’. He leaned back, scared stiff as his fingers began picking at themselves for a less disturbing comfort. After what felt like an hour had gone by, Gabi's eyes lifted to search the hall as well, fingers pressed tightly in hopes not to lose the thread entwined within her self-made bracelet.

"Falco, Y/n's never this late. Did you make her mad or something?" Gabi unashamedly questioned, only making the dirty blond's eyes widen. "No!... Well, I don't think so!" His hand trails to his mouth, biting down his second thoughts of your interactions with him earlier in the day. You had promised to sit with him as you always do, surely you hadn't lost the love for your best friend’s little brother, right? That would be too unordinary.

The boy peers to the side, taking in an older brunette whose prime concern should be his job of chaperoning but instead fixes himself within his trio. Martin suddenly returns from around the corner, a mason jar of colorful beads in hand, and drifts between Falco's darting eyes and the counselor's table.

"Hey, ErEn! Where's your girlfriend at?!?" he catches on, cupping a hand over his snickering mouth. Eren darts his head up, eyebrows hanging so low it was hard to identify his deathly scowl from any other angle but Martin's. The kid shuffles his feet in the opposite direction with a frightened squeal, charging into Connie who rests on a bright green bean bag by the reading nook.

The blonde beside Eren follows up on Martin's comment, furrowing his features as he searches the hall worryingly. "He's right Er, where is Y/n?"

"Does it look like I care?"

Armin stares blankly at his best friend, slacked jaw accompanying his thoughts of how the hell could someone despise another so much. With a simple nudge, Eren's on his feet, scoffing towards his camper’s table more childishly than any camper in the mess hall.

"Look Falco, I have no clue where she is. Why do you need her here?"

"Eren, she promised to sit with me! She wouldn't leave me alone, she- she'd never!" he pleads.

"She promises things too much doesn't she." he replies as if his own story with you might convince the younger boy of your "cruel" heart.

Eren double takes on Falco's eyes now brimming with tears, stepping back from his babyish response.

"Eren, what is wrong with you?!" Mikasa blurts from behind, shoving past him to kneel beside the young boy sniffling. "Did you even bother to check where she was? I can’t find Jean anywhere either, weren't they together?" and

Eren stiffens from those last few words. You and him, Jean. Together.

Of course, those words made his knees buckle, even if it were meant in a different context. It eagered him to replace the idiot's name with his own-

While mustering a response in hopes of cooling down the anxious children, he's blinded to the sight of a well-built male approaching the entrance, partnered beside an irritated Levi.

"Eren? My god it's been years hasn't it, you've grown!"

Eren shifts his head to the side, allowing his ear to pick up on the rasp in the unidentified male's voice. Armin can be seen swiveling around the unsteady bench, creasing his forehead from a sight that must be so bewildering to gaze upon. Eren's eyes peek over his angled shoulder, nearly missing the shine of the man's rounded lens'.

"Are you here to babysit, boss me around again or something?" Eren says, dismissively snarking his lip above his little growl.

The male lets out a chuckle, grabbing his stomach with one hand and supporting his lower back with the other as if he identified as a senior citizen. "That's what brothers are for, yeah?"

Eren finds the older blond strutting to the wooden bench, his stubbly appearance intimidating the children as if whatever matter were to go down was dead serious. Mikasa places her hand over Falco's shoulder, guiding him to another table while Gabi and Kaya exchange a few concerned glances back and forth from the situation, a bit hesitant to shuffle away across the creaky floors.

"Is there something you want Zeke? Or do you plan to waste my time again?" Levi seethed, folding his arms tightly across his "counselor" jacket. Zeke waves him off gently, informing his past friend that his cause for returning after so long only happened to be because of a family matter.

"Why are you here?" Eren grumbled, plopping himself down on the other side of the table. Zeke lifts his hand revealing a large, tie-dye shirt, softly whipping it in his brother's direction. "You forgot your counseling attire. I'm surprised they even let you in!" he grins.

"Cut the shit Zeke, what do you want."

And his sweetened smile disappears, only silver eyes grimacing into lighter pools of turquoise and emerald green. Zeke leans his head forward, a bit closer than expected, making Eren unable to tolerate his brother’s glare down to the few freckles scattered past his cheeks.

"I'd say the reason I’m here is more for something I need. I’m done waiting around for you to get off your ass."

Eren shifts in his seat, avoiding Zeke's gaze like a sign to continue, he supposes.

"Where should I begin... Maybe, with the number 30? Does that sound familiar to you?."

Eren glimpses upward, observing the tranquility in his brother’s appearance. He sits tall as his loosened button-down opens before his chest, deceiving one to believe he's a bit buffer than claimed. How different Zeke appears from the younger male practically pissing himself from the height difference alone. Eren contemplates between gaps in the old table’s wood of what exactly his brother is bringing him down into before its expected irruption. "I- I don't understand what you mean-"

"In five years I’ve collected every expense you've ignored, every lawsuit against you has been filed to me when your parents couldn't handle it, handle you. Every reminder I get that my brother, nearly a stranger to me, has demolished another's property. I add it all up and regret ever knowing you sometimes."

Zeke's hands grip the table just a little harsher, wrinkling against its grainy textures. His grin is so wide, so corrupt.

"And since you're legally capable of handling yourself now, that and I haven't given one glance at those papers in the last two years, you owe not only me but Marceign over thirty-thousand dollars."

"Thirty-"

Erens lungs squeezed with every attempt to release some word out. Any emotion would do, he was feeling them all at once.

Lawsuits come with their own fines, right.

Will he take me to- ?

Court, fuck. I'm going to court.

I'll spend time-

What could Eren do but freeze from the forgotten responsibility's now held for his past actions. Actions that weren't his, they weren't right? he couldn't seem to remember. His gut had told him the guilt shouldn't belong to him, but accepting it would be so much easier for everyone. Everyone but himself.

Zeke intertwines his fingers with each other, rocking his joined hands right and left on the table like he was trying to hypnotize a child. "As your new guardian it was my job to fix every one of your mistakes, but I simply don't want to anymore."

"T- That's fine by me. I'm an adult Zeke I don't need your help-"

"Oh you may be one legally but you certainly don't act like it. Didn't your friends here ever help you realize that?" Eren couldn't necessarily proceed at the moment besides his lower lip, that just wouldn’t stop quivering. Let me process my debt a little longer Zeke give me time, please-

"What about that girl hm? That big mouth you always hung around, where did she go? Surely you didn't scare her off too?

"No I- we don't talk anymore." Don't talk about her like that

"Why's that? I could barely hear how important she was to you over all the drool that spilled from your mouth when you spoke about her."

"We lost contact Zeke, enough." Eren's voice rasped, causing it to grow in volume. Hands he knew had lost their blood flow continued to fist in his pockets.

"But I’m having my fun, it's been a while for me to have some since you came into my life. Tell me, did she "stop contacting" you after your parents..." he flailed his hands around in circles, not bothering to finish the sentence as Eren had already figured the direction it had gone in. But what he couldn't understand was why Zeke was bringing you into this. You had nothing to do with the situation and having you involved would ruin Eren from the inside out.

"She didn't call me anymore, Y/n didn't bother." Why didn't she

"And where was your input? Did you expect the work to be done for you? How typical of you brother. You could've called her at least one last time before you decided to ignore her for half a decade."

"How could I Zeke! Her number was in Mom's-"

Cellphone.

I didn't buy a cellphone until after I saw her last.

His shout halted, unsure of absolutely everything in this moment. Pausing so suddenly had gained the attention of his two closest friends, accompanied by a dry, tear-stained child sitting next to them in panic.

Did you call? Had you cared for him as much as he wanted you to?

Had he unknowingly ignored you for five years straight, giving no explanation in return? He did, he really did.

The only person to blame was himself, for everything.

Zeke understood this pause of his, an O-shape present across his beardy lips.

"What a shame Eren, really. I thought you'd be more responsible than this. Have you simply wasted these past five years relying on one friend to another, Hiding your remorse just to live out your teenage years as normal as possible?"

The young boy lowered his head, covering his eyes to catch the pricking tears now caught in his thick eyelashes. With every quickening inhale he only prayed to live without his flourishing self-guilt, a reality where he wouldn't face consequences for being such a burden.

He grits his teeth to hold a quiet sob in place, biting down harshly that thin veins protruded from his temples. Maybe in that said life, he would have tried just a little harder to keep his friendships, consider what his loved ones wanted most, remembered how much people cared for him when he chose to let those he loved go.

It isn't all wrong, for Eren still might have you.

And he loved, he loves you so much.

"I think I owe... people an apology."

"Well look at that, the most mature thing to have ever come out of your mouth. I think you should start with me, kiddo."

But Eren rose from his seat, puffy under-eyes decelerating the trail of his tears. Zeke scoffed at his actions, growing impatient with every step Eren took farther out of the dining hall, and to the dock barely visible in the moonlight.

It's embarrassing to consider you a Jaeger. Eren heard last. His step-brother’s words slipping through his ears, straight to his head and daggered heart. Quickening his pace into a careful sprint, he squints at the glossy phone screens face-up against the shore below a tall figure escorting a mullet. Next to him, a pair of sandals being lifted into a smaller female’s hands.

The remainder of Eren’s group catches up to him in heaves, followed by a young blond and brunette, practically bouncing more than running to your location.

And when Eren’s eyes meet yours he can exhale, the developing sob in his chest only coming out as a sigh of relief. You offer him a tender smile, waving a delicate hand to him, and he doesn’t ignore it, nor does he turn away. He waves just as passionately, maybe even more. His childish movement causes your shoulders to rise and fall, pearly teeth showcasing themselves for him as if he hadn’t already been in awe. Had he never seen you in the moonlight before, he would have sworn a treasure stood before him. The sight of you, that full smile of yours, was more than enough to fade the final teardrops back into his skin.

@halparkebitch @emeren @prxttyguardian @erensslutt @purelydarling @bbyju @lagrimasdeglitter @plutowrites @characterswithtrauma