#pilldoodles

"...More than once, I caught them getting high together while wearing camos and bullet-proof vests. Not sure what that's about -- but they're real giggly when they're high!!"

"And the big beefy ginger one is kinda into gardening -- some herbs, some flowers, but mostly tomatoes. He talks and even sings to them sometimes."

("He's um. Mostly off-key, but. I guess it's the thought that counts, huh?")

"Come tax season, the grouchy one sometimes escapes out into the balcony with their laptop and a shit ton of paperwork. He'll smoke like a chimney and chug close to ten energy drinks a night while he's at it. And then they'll argue. A lot. God, those two will yell at each other like they own the whole goddamn apartment complex or somethin'!"

"...And all that yelling would, um, inevitably lead to a face-off. Sometimes they tussle -- and they don't hold back, lemme tell ya!! I once saw the grouchy one break the nose of the ginger one, I had half a mind to call the cops!!"

"But, most times, they resolve their arguments... well... In other ways..."

"What?? You asked!! And they NEVER seemed bothered that everyone and their moms can see them bang out in the balcony! And---"

"--This? This is not what you think. I uuuuhh... I mean..."

"...I... brought a spare? If you wanna...?"