#peyline

Peyton stopped walking for a second. When was the last time she checked? Hell if she could remember. "Uh…" The next step she took was in shame. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was supposed to be keeping track!"

Madeline chuckled. "You weren't."

"Is one of them full tonight?" Peyton turned her head back a little, as if looking over her shoulder at Madeline. "Wait, don't tell me. Are they both full? That'd be something. I don't think that's happened yet since we came here, has it? …Is that super rare, or do their phases line up pretty often?"

No answer. Peyton could've cheated and looked for herself if she really wanted to. There was nothing keeping her shuffling around in the dark with nothing but vague muscle memory and her girlfriend to guide her. No blindfold, no hand over her eyes. Nothing but Madeline's request to end the date night she'd been planning for them with a little surprise… And the trust that she wouldn't let Peyton trip and fall face-first into the grass.

So as Peyton kept moving forward, she fought the instinct to look down at her feet or up at the moons. Madeline's word, and Peyton's promise to trust it, were unbreakable.

Unfortunately, so was the feeling that the silence meant she'd been running her mouth too much. "Sorry. I'll be quiet now," she said, lowering her head.

A pat on her shoulder and Madeline's low giggle melted the tension in Peyton's chest. "Sweetheart, don't be. I love hearing your voice."

Peyton felt a little blush color her cheeks. "…And I love hearing yours, too, sweetie-muffin."

Madeline's hand curled over Peyton's shoulder and gave it a squeeze before she pulled her girl back from the step she was about to take. "And stop! We're here. Don't—don't open your eyes yet, I have a question for you first."

"Lay it on me."

"Do you remember the night of our first kiss?"

Peyton snorted. "What kind of question is that? Of course I do. I'm never gonna forget it as long as I remember my own name, I don't think."

It'd been the day before a night on Earth much like this one. Long after the neverending hearings and therapy sessions and messages left unanswered, Madeline had just found her way back planetside from the far-off place where she'd been living since… well, since everything. By that point, Peyton figured that all of Madeline's "I-love-yous" were just in the heat of the near-death moment and nothing more. But when Madeline finally answered Peyton's messages, Peyton was answering the door to see her not long after, for what would become one of the most important days of their lives.

Peyton grabbed them some drinks from the fridge and they sat out on the balcony together until the sun set, just watching the clouds roll across the sky and talking about whatever came to their minds. They said everything they'd been holding back all that time, figuring out who they were now after everything they'd said in that dimly-lit corner of the Bottle Ship.

Everything went quiet between them when they realized how they'd be testing out their plans for the future.

They carefully closed the distance between them. Peyton handled Madeline as delicately as a newborn kitten as she felt Madeline's willowy fingers sink into her plush skin. Timid eyes refused to meet for a moment before locking on to each other, then fluttering shut as their lips closed around each other.

Under the natural spotlight of a full moon, they shared their first kiss. And their second. And their third, each fueled by a deeper burning hunger than the last.

"…Peyton?"

"Hmm?" Peyton shook herself back to reality.

"I said open your eyes."

The darkness lifted from Peyton's sight, and she realized she was standing at the top of a grassy hill. Madeline stood before her, next to a bench and some of the little cakes they'd baked together that morning all bundled up in a blanket. With a tilt of her head and a cheeky grin, Madeline held up her hands, guiding Peyton's gaze to the two moons hanging in the sky. Both full, and lighting up the hill so brightly that not a single candle was needed.

Peyton stepped back, taking it all in. "…Wow…"

"I see our memories of the moon, and I raise you two more!" Madeline looked around bashfully. "It's… not as much of a surprise when you technically guessed it before."

"It's beautiful, Lin," said Peyton, her voice nearly breathless as the moons and the stars among them filled her sight.

Madeline leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. "I'm glad. Now let's sit and eat, before any scavengers get to our dessert. We can find ways to top our kiss from that night later~"

Peyton blinked, eyes wide and face flushed. "O-okay." She hurried over to the bench with the longest strides she'd taken since stepping outside. As she sat down, she yanked Madeline down beside her, bowling them both over in a fit of giggles.

"Stop~!" Madeline took a little swipe at Peyton's arm, then accepted the first little cake that Peyton offered her from the bundle with a still-giggly "thank you".

"So you do know how often this happens, if you had it planned out for a while," said Peyton, in between bites of blueberry lemon cake. "Is the double full moon a once-a-year thing, or more like once-a-decade?"

Madeline waved her hand as she held her cake in the other. "Multiple times an Earth year, actually." She pointed skyward. "The smaller one is Charybdis, and it cycles through its phases at approximately 1.25 times the speed of its larger partner, Scylla. With their relative positions in orbit, this means that their full moon phases will align once every three Scylla cycles or so. Of course, this isn't exact…"

Everything else fell away as Peyton scooted closer to Madeline, her eyes darting enraptured between Madeline's olive eyes glittering with starlight and her lips stained with blueberries. She was so goddamn gorgeous when explaining anything, really, but especially something as miraculous as objects in space putting on a show for any organisms lucky enough to see it. It was all a miracle… The moons existing and aligning this way, and the two of them being alive and here to witness it together.

Something welled up in Peyton's chest, a heady mix of gratitude for this moment and craving to make the most of it. Before she could second-guess herself, she was reaching for Madeline's rusty red hair and pulling her face in close, kissing her deeply and whining softly into her mouth.

When they came apart for breath, Madeline's eyes blinked open in a lovestruck haze, but then her brow furrowed and her lip curled. "…Hey. Were you even listening to me?"

"O-of course I was! You were just about to say more about the two moons' effects on the tides. I just…" Peyton fiddled with her fingers around the last bite of cake. "…I'm sorry, I just love listening to you, y'know, talk science to me. I love it so much. I… I didn't mean to ruin it."

Madeline's expression softened. "Peyton… You've been apologizing for everything since we came out here. It's breaking my heart a little."

"Well, y'know… Date night, and all."

She cupped Peyton's chin with her free hand. "Even if you had been too distracted to listen, it wouldn't have bothered me for more than a few seconds. You know I could never ask for a sweeter audience."

That helped Peyton swallow the lump she didn't know had been caught in her throat. "And I couldn't ask for a better teacher." She winked. "Or girlfriend."

Madeline nodded, and when she closed and opened her eyes, Peyton swore she saw stardust on her lashes.

Then Peyton finished her cake with a smile and opened up her arms, inviting Madeline over. "Now that we're done eating, did you want to explain the rest like this instead?"

If there was any annoyance left in Madeline, it couldn't stay at that prospect. She let herself fall into Peyton's cozy embrace, pulling the blanket over both of them, and the two lovers looked up at the universe on the horizon together. "I love you, Peyton."

That voice saying Peyton's name was something she'd never get tired of. "Love you, too, Madeline."

"Now," said Madeline, booping Peyton on the nose. "Scylla drives the tides, mainly. As the larger satellite by a considerable margin, it has greater mass and therefore gravitational pull. But the forces exerted by Charybdis moderate those effects, and in different ways at different points in its orbit…"

--

"Hmm?" Madeline looked up from her shirt she'd just been buttoning, and the moment she laid eyes on the box, the color started draining from her already pale cheeks and she stared like she was seeing a ghost. "Oh. Don't… Don't open that, please." She watched Peyton start to slide the box back into the drawer. "Yes, put it back."

Peyton shoved the box back as far as it would go and covered it with some brightly-colored socks with cats and hedgehogs on them. "…What's in there?"

Madeline looked off at the wall. She shook her head. "It's… something I'm not ready to open yet."

"Ah." Peyton took out a pair of black socks and closed the drawer, then stepped towards Madeline. She wrapped her arm around her body, making Madeline stiffen for a bit before looking back at Peyton and smiling weakly. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Madeline straightened her back and patted down the bottom of her dress shirt. "You don't need to worry about me."

"Oh, you know I always do." Peyton ran her thumb over the small of Madeline's back and gave her a kiss on the cheek, making Madeline squeak and close her eyes, before stepping aside to let her finish getting ready.

Madeline threw on her blazer. "Let's go, Peyton. I've been dying for some cuisine closer to what we're used to on Earth."

"Same! …And you know, you don't have to now, but… If you ever want to talk about anything bothering you, I want you know you always can. I'm here. Always."

"I do know that. Thank you, love."

And for a while, the most Peyton thought about the box was whenever she'd happen to brush her hand past it again looking for socks or underwear. She knew it wasn't her business what it was, and there was no way she could ever violate her girlfriend's trust by going behind her back and looking, but that didn't stop her from wondering. Something she was ashamed of, but couldn't get rid of? An old keepsake that brought back painful memories?

An… engagement ring?

No. Stop it, Peyton. If it was that, why did she react that way to me finding the box? She usually blushes when something like that comes up… Right?

***

The next time the topic of the box came up, it was a night when it was the last thing on Peyton's mind.

She and Madeline were snuggled up under a couple blankets on the couch, piping hot bowls of chili the way her family always made it sitting in their laps. Their tiny quarters had at least come with a dining table in a separate little space from the kitchen, but it didn't feel right not to get cozy while sharing something so warm and so personal to her. Peyton tried to savor the moment with her girlfriend and enjoy every bite while ignoring how she hadn't waited for it to cool long enough and burnt her tongue a bit.

"Still can't believe you're okay with my family's recipe," she said with a chuckle.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Madeline skimmed the top of the red, soupy dish to get some of the melted cheese from the top on her spoon.

"Because we're both picky eaters and you didn't grow up with it? And it's got potatoes in it?"

Madeline stuck the spoonful in her mouth, then swallowed with a grin. "You've forgotten the times you had me over for dinner with your parents when we were kids? Peyton, you've got to remember what a fine guest they always found me."

"…Did we ever have you over for chili night?"

Madeline nodded, then took another bite.

"Really?" Peyton followed, getting herself a nice big mouthful of beef, beans, and potatoes. It tasted wonderfully hearty and spicy on her tongue, the heat from both its temperature and spice level making her nose run a little. "Guess I forgot you've been around my family so long. We don't got much onboarding to do to make you one of us!"

They both kept eating for a while, spoons scraping against bowls and the occasional reach for a napkin or tissue, when Madeline set hers down on the low table in front of them. Her eyes looked focused, but nowhere in particular, which Peyton always knew meant that she was going over something in her mind. "I've been thinking about that."

"About…?"

"Being a part of your family." Madeline squeezed her eyes shut. "Being with you."

Peyton felt her face heat up. "Really? Madeline, I…"

"I can't help but feel like it's something I don't deserve."

"What?" Sudden pain struck the back of Peyton's eyes like they were a backed-up faucet, forcing sudden tears into them that she had to hold back. "Lin, why?"

Madeline looked at Peyton impassively. "Do I need to say it?"

"Is this about, y'know… The whole…" Peyton didn't need to say anything else before Madeline nodded again. She set her own bowl down next to Madeline's so she could lean in closer. "Madeline. I'm fully aware of everything you did leading up to what happened. I was there. It wasn't all your fault."

"Peyton, it was my responsibility—"

"All, I said." Peyton took Madeline's hands in her own. "I'm not going to claim none of it was. We both know that's not true, that won't help anything." She closed her eyes for a moment and the tears came flooding in, one she couldn't keep from slipping out when she opened them again, and the words came flowing out, too. "You're doing everything you can now. How many lives do you think you saved with that distress call, or the Feds you helped convict? How much are you helping the people of Aether here and now? I don't see how anyone could ever ask anything more of you."

A tear slipped down Madeline's cheek, as well, as her breathing became ragged. "Is that what you really think?"

"What more could you even do?"

Something about those words seemed to still something inside Madeline. The shallow rise and fall of her chest with every breath became steady again. "Peyton? …There's something I think I need to do with you."

"What's that?"

Madeline took a deep, long breath. "Open the box."

It was a moment before Peyton remembered that little pink box in the dresser. "Oh! The velvety one…" And she remembered exactly how Madeline looked when she found it the first time. "Is that going to help? I don't want it to feel like something you have to do."

"Please, Peyton. I need to know that I can face what's in there without hurting myself with it again."

Peyton felt her heart drop into her stomach.

It must've shown, because Madeline immediately backpedaled. "P-Peyton, no, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean… It's nothing like that!" She looked down timidly. "It's… More of a painful reminder I have to stop myself from going back to."

Peyton didn't know how to feel about whatever this object was. She felt completely out of her depth, feeling like any wrong move could be the wrong thing for Madeline, making her feel worse about everything for the rest of their lives. But she couldn't think of any way out of this without helping Madeline somehow.

With feet that felt full of lead, she got up from the couch, helping Madeline stand up alongside her and making their way back to their room together as the hallway in front of them seemed to stretch into an infinite corridor that they'd never reach the end of. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on Peyton's part.

But they got there, and soon enough, they were both standing in front of the drawer, eyes fixed on each other. Peyton finally reached inside and went rummaging around, taking her time getting all the pairs of technicolor socks out of the way.

The moment she pulled out the pink circular box and it caught the light again, she realized where she'd seen something with that color and shape before.

She knew exactly what was inside that box.

So she slid it back to the back corner, threw the socks over it again, and closed the drawer.

"Peyton, what are you…?"

"I'm sorry, Lin." Peyton looked back at Madeline. "It's not that I don't trust you, about it being something you need to see again. …I just don't think either of us are ready yet."

Madeline's eyes widened as she realized what Peyton meant.

Tears started streaming down Peyton's face now. "I miss her too, Lin. I still think about her all the time. Everything else I could've done for her. …I wish I could tell her how sorry I am."

Madeline threw her arms around Peyton, and the two of them sobbed into each other until there were no more tears left in either of them.

***

Once they'd gathered themselves again, they'd had a long conversation about what to do with the box. They decided that if they ever opened it, it wouldn't be until they were ready to lay the memories inside to rest properly. They knew it would hurt no matter what, and they still believed that they probably deserved it, but they also knew there was nothing for either of them to gain by opening the wound back up now, when neither of them were ready and there were better ways to atone for what they'd done.

For now, the two of them were back on the couch, having just finished their chili that'd long turned tepid in the time it took to get back to it. They were cuddled up to each other, watching whatever random movie they happened to find flipping through their library, winding down so that they could be ready for another day of service to the labs tomorrow.

"I love you, Madeline," said Peyton, muffled against Madeline's neck as she lied splayed out alongside her. "Forever."

"I love you, too, Peyton." Madeline clutched Peyton like she was the only thing tethering her to this universe. "Thank you."

--

It'd be bad enough to speak her mind to a dyed-in-the-wool Fed if they just happened to be fellow humans that shared a lab space. But now the four-pointed star printed on Big Klaus' sleeve felt like a watchful eye. For all Peyton knew, his humble demeanor could've been hiding ties to what was left of the sect she and Madeline testified to bring to justice. The ones who might do something rash if either of them said too much.

So she kept to her phone, checking her usual rotation of websites over and over again and rolling the candy over her tongue to try to drown out her own objections. She couldn't accuse J-Vrk of putting together something inauthentic. It was like a family holiday party all over again.

The one person here that she knew would know how she was feeling was Madeline, and she was standing over in the doorway, chatting about something with Lily, one of the resident biologists of Sanctuary's biotech labs.

Peyton couldn't quite make their words out over the cacophony of a televised stadium full of cheers and a room full of chitchat, but it looked like quite the engrossing conversation. Madeline's gaze wandered for a bit before staring past Lily, which Peyton knew Lin only did when she was about to pull something profound out of that brilliant head of hers. Then she said something that made Lily have to pause to soak it all in. She read Lily's lips saying "oh", eyes widened, before going to pull out her phone. To look up something about what Madeline said, Peyton was sure.

Madeline cast her dreamy gaze aside before meeting Peyton's, her adorably shrewd face lighting up as she waved a little to her. Peyton felt a little tug at her heart as she waved back before Madeline left Lily's side for a bit to talk to someone else.

Man, Madeline was so effortlessly fascinating… Peyton would've gone up to her to hear more right then if she didn't want to risk losing her seat. Or getting too clingy with her girlfriend. We spend the rest of the day together, anyway, she thought, slipping another candy past her lips to keep her tongue occupied while she held it. What kind of partner would I be if I got all jealous over one conversation? Even if I do wish I could hear absolutely everything she has to say…

"Hey, Ms. Polari. Will you pass me one o' those?"

Peyton shook away her cloud of self-doubt to see Jeff sitting further down the couch. A Fed, too, but a teenager, light of his visor locked firmly on the candy dish. "Sure thing." She took one and, nodding and gesturing to the boy to confirm he was ready, tossed it over.

He plucked it out of the air with two fingers. "'Preciate it, bruv."

And he bit into it as he went back to the handheld computer mounted to his wrist, and memories came to Peyton's mind of retreating into her own computers at parties when she was his age. While he worked alongside the adults and did his job diligently as part of his engineering apprenticeship, it was moments like this that Peyton remembered he really was just a kid.

She didn't want to pry when he looked so engrossed. But she felt a twinge inside at the idea of him also growing up in that kind of self-imposed bubble, wondering years down the line how many more memories he would've made with people he'd since lost had he just been more present.

So she decided to be no better than a nosy cousin at a family dinner. She put down her own phone and looked over at the tiny screen on his lap, where she saw a spreadsheet he had open, scrolling through thousands of rows of numbers upon numbers.

"Whatcha got there?"

The light on Jeff's visor panned over to meet Peyton's eyes. "Blasty records."

Of course he calls it "Blasty", thought Peyton, trying not to snort. "I thought you were just hanging out like me. You're watching the game, huh?"

"Watching the game? I live the game." He scrolled up for a second before highlighting a row. When he pointed to it, his ever-impassive face never changed, but the straightening of his back against the cushions felt like his version of a proud smile. "Ever heard of Andy McCloud?"

"Sorry, I don't really keep up with the sports ball."

"He's my brother. I've had the inside scoop on all his teammates' physicals and performance in practice since they signed him on."

Peyton nodded, picturing him on the sidelines at Blast Ball practice, arms folded and watchful visor gleaming as he sat silently in the bleachers or a cheap lawn chair. "Oh, wow. That sounds really cool! Do you go to his games often?"

Jeff paused for a moment. "I did. Now I've my apprenticeship to worry about." He wordlessly asked for another piece of candy, and Peyton obliged.

"Do you ever miss him?"

"I…" He fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt. His eyes were obscured completely by the visor, but Peyton could feel the silence weighing both of them down. "…I would miss working with machines more, if I went back home now. Besides, he travels a lot, too."

All Peyton had to offer was a tilt of her head and the slightest smile as sympathy clouded her eyes. "I get that. I hope it's good that we all get to see him here, at least."

"His team's not playing today."

"Oh."

So that was what Peyton got for thinking she had anything worthwhile to say.

Then Madeline's arm was around her, making her melt a little before catching herself. "Oh! Hi, Lin." Peyton helped ease Madeline down next to her on the sofa, where Jeff handed her an extra pillow from his side before returning to his computer. "What'd you talk about with Lily?"

"Ah, you know…" Madeline grimaced a little.

"Peyton!" Lily swung on by, popping a squat on the low table across from everyone's legs. "I was just wondering, did you and Madeline, y'know, incorporate neural tissue into your machine interfaces during your work together?"

Peyton blinked.

When she finished processing all that and tried to think of the answer, her brain snagged on images of flesh and carapace melded with steel, images she knew large contingents of the Federation never wanted to leave her head again.

She looked over at Madeline, who was wrapping her free arm around herself tight, eyes more distant than usual. Peyton subtly brushed her thumb against Madeline, a silent affirmation that they were both here, together, relatively safe. Madeline leaned back against her as much as she could without seeming too affectionate for a coworkers' social.

Their non-answer wasn't good enough for Lily, who pouted. "You're giving me the silent treatment, too…"

"It's not you, Ms. Thran, their work's definitely still classified," said Jeff, without looking up.

"Is a simple yes or no that confidential, Glasses?"

"In this situation, yes."

"Fine. Here, Peyton, can you at least be a dear and pass me one of those, please?" Lily held out her hand.

Peyton realized what she was asking for and took another piece of chocolate from the candy dish for her. "Here you go."

"Thanks, sweetheart." Lily scarfed it down, not even bothering to let it melt before swallowing. "Now, Glasses, were you telling her about a spot o' the ol' 'Blasty'?"

"Not how I say that. But yes, I was in the middle of showing her my data collection."

"He's so proud of it, y'know," said Lily, grinning over at Peyton and Madeline. "I've never heard him talk more than when he's going over what all those columns mean. It's adorable."

Jeff groaned. "Lily…"

"No, Jeff, it's all right. We're all geeks here, aren't we?" Madeline accepted a candy from Peyton's hand.

Peyton nodded. "Yeah! You can keep telling us about it. I'd love to listen!" Better than trying to jump in, she thought, already feeling her brain scramble itself a bit with all the different voices chiming in around her.

Madeline looked at Jeff's screen, her lip sticking out ever so slightly as she oriented herself enough to find something to ask about. "What is 'GPP'?"

"Games per point," said Jeff, and he continued before anyone else could speak, "which sounds backwards compared to other sports, I'm sure. Because there are six players to a team and every game in the champions' bracket follows a first-to-three-points ruleset, it represents the ratio of how many games are played for each point scored per player."

"I see, I see." Madeline moved her fingertip to another column. "And RPG?"

"Role-playing game?" asked Peyton.

"Rocket-propelled grenade?" asked Lily.

"Repairs per game. A standard indicator of damage sustained."

"Right, from what I can tell, keeping your suit operational is an important component of play." Madeline smiled as she requested two more candies from Peyton. "Just like in robot combat."

Jeff's visor light trained on Madeline, who offered him one of the treats. "You're familiar with robot combat?"

"You don't seem like the type," said Lily with a shrug.

Madeline let out an exasperated laugh. "I used to compete at around your age, which I guess means I've been away longer than I realize sometimes." A smirk that didn't come out too often anymore returned to her face, making Peyton's heart skip a beat. "How familiar are you with bot battling? Have you ever heard of Dream Sickle?"

And Jeff's jaw nearly hit the floor. "You're Delly Dreamer?!"

"You're only recognizing me now?" She blushed a little. "So, that's how different I look now…"

"Oh, Delly, I still see that wild warrior in your eyes!" Peyton poked Madeline and grinned. "Even if she's softened with time~"

Madeline closed her eyes and leaned her head on Peyton for a moment. "Peyt…"

As Madeline collected herself to prevent herself fully cuddling up to her girl, Lily shook her head and held up her hand. "Wait, wait, wait! Madeline, I thought you were kidding! You actually made fighting robots?" She scooted the table closer to the couch, watching her sitting coworkers attentively. "You've got to tell me everything now."

And so the party went on, with Madeline sharing stories of her bot battling days as part of the Dream Team, Jeff relating famous robot battles to Blast Ball strategy and history, and Lily acting like it was all the most fascinating stuff she'd ever heard in her life.

Peyton didn't have much to say, save for the occasional joke or answer to a question from Madeline, but someone had to keep passing out the candy. And that always came with either a thank you or the clear sight of them savoring the chocolate as she kept an open ear for them to tell all about themselves. She'd expected to leave the party pent-up and overwhelmed, and she was sure she still would. It was a loud event that kept pulling her attention between each of the speakers surrounding her, after all.

But she was looking forward to coming back to her room that night to fall asleep with Madeline, with a belly full of chocolate and a head full of everyone's stories.

--