#petitecunt

sorry this kind of long and rambly. so I recently got promoted to supervisor in the kitchen I work at. we had a sort of "initiation" ceremony on Saturday where the vet supes basically try to get the new supes as plastered as humanly possible. while it technically did not go as bad as it could have gone (I didn't cry/barf in front of anyone and my boyfriend brought me home before I could do anything truly embarrassing) I'm still bothered by how it went. my work is very clique-y and everyone has their groups except me. nobody was really talking to me or really giving me drinks at all. it's always been hard for me to make friends because of my defensive nature which seems like something I'd be used to except I have this really fatal flaw that I care too much what others think of me. it's just hard for me because I'm introverted yet I'm still longing for attention. it's this life long battle I've been facing with myself. I think I'm slowly starting to accept that this is just how I am and I can't care what others think or over analyze the words people say to me. I just need to focus on myself because that's when I'm happiest. this losing weight thing has done wonders for my self love and I need that to be the focus of my life. friends will come when they come. I remember I used to be obsessed with finding a boyfriend but I didn't find him until the minute I stopped caring. so that's what I have to do. I'm going to try my best to not be bothered by others opinions and focus on what I do have: my health/fitness, my wonderful boyfriend, my supportive family, my job, and school. I really do need to remind myself that I am really blessed. it's just been really difficult these past couple days. I think I'm getting my period also. I've been good about working out this month and its already starting to show. I just can't let this funk keep me down. exercising is really an amazing way to deal with emotional pain or anger because its either gonna make you feel way better or the workout itself will not be as painful because you're so distracted. fight on.

petitecunt needed a change. still a cunt tho.