if anyone's going to be doing the pathologizing on this brain, it's going to be me. I know it better than anyone else
at this point I will allow mental health professionals to be consultants out of respect of their immense study of, care for, and experience in the field. but at the end of the day I know they can only have a incredibly biased view of me even if it's an incredibly formed one, because of the simple fact that I am not the same person from day to day. they are only ever seeing glimpses
which is what I had liked about the idea of mental hospitals back before I realized their real purpose. I thought being under constant observation would allow for more accurate assessments of my psyche. but unfortunately they're only there to blindly force you into conformity while doing some very basic teaching of self assessment and self regulation skills. granted I never was in a particularly good hospital, but I've heard plenty of stories to know that it's a lightning strike to get care that actually does everything that you need it to
I do not do well in coercive treatment. and I do not do well at giving coercive care either. my work in mental health is very much informed by being more of a consultant, gentle guide and cheerleader. if I am introducing something new I do it gentle as hell. I am introducing concepts/ideas/tools and allowing them to explore further if and when they choose, with as much or as little help as they need, and I do it with complete non judgement. we all have different journeys to take and trying to force someone to take the path I did (or to take the most commonly traveled highway so many are forced on by the psych system) is just fucking harmful imo
my therapist gets that too, which is why I do trust her as much as I do to be such an incredible consultant on my bodymind system. she is so so good at pointing out things I missed, especially helping me determine when something is or isn't under my control and why that is. she is my ethical compass, even with her flaws I can at least respect her reasoning when I disagree and allow myself to ponder on her words longer than I would allow any other professional to take up space in my brain. and my partner is similar in this level of respect I offer him in his evaluations of my Self, even if he is even more flawed so I have to sort through his bullshit longer to figure out what parts of his perspective I actually appreciate haha.
