somewhere in the middle.
slowly but surely lately I've just been dipped off in the cut. minding my business and keeping my head down, nothing interests me enough anymore to put my all there. I'm oddly chillin somewhere in the middle. connections, well doors opening left and right for love and I'm stuck in the middle. the middle of not wanting a single thing and wanting it all. no one can really keep up with my mind and at this point it almost feels wrong to get anyone to try. I'm learning the ropes of this life. I'm still learning about myself on the daily and as great as it would be to share that with someone, I can't choose just anyone. maybe, I am too picky. maybe I'm scared because you never know the outcome of love but regardless most take that leap anyways. my legs feel broken though. chest feels a little caved in like a crash course but like many many times I slowly rebuild. I slowly put me back together. every time. its me. I have to not lose sight of that. so until then ill coast here in the middle, learning to feel, learning to heal but maybe finding something that gives me a spark again. I tend to put that spark in others when I know I have it in me too, its just beautiful to see others shine too. but I can't always give all my light away because then im left in the dark alone when they leave. its my fault because I give others too much power. I'm quick to give someone the benefit of the doubt and it usually comes back around to teach me a lesson. I'm tired of lessons though. I just want steady. I don't want anything people think is perfect, I've been there. living to everyones standards of your relationship never leads to a good place for the two actually in it. I want to say with my whole chest that I don't have it in me to give it another shot but there's that 10% of me thats always gonna want love. always want something solid and in sync. someones out there that matches me great, I just don't know if id even give them a fair shot when the time comes. a person can fully heal and still not want to risk being hurt again and sadly I think thats what's gonna become of me . eh imma delete this shit  im sure but needed to get it out.
