Jan 11, 2024
Realizing everyone I love did me dirty last year is crazy to me. LMAO when I’m up PLEASE do not come for me.
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Realizing everyone I love did me dirty last year is crazy to me. LMAO when I’m up PLEASE do not come for me.
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there should be some obvious change in the world. it should be rocked by the fact that he’s gone. why is everything still moving.
I recognize that people do like me and people do care about me, but nobody really talks to me, you know? Like, when somebody has a story about their day or if something weird just happened to them or if they just want to talk about random whatever, everyone has someone else they go to, I'm not anyone's first choice for that. Or I'm never considered for spontaneous urges like going to the park with someone or going out to eat. I feel like I'm out of the loop a lot. I like, don't even know if anyone still considers me their "best friend."
So whenever I have something random to talk about or vent about or whatever it just feels awkward no matter who I go to because it feels like I'm trying to insert myself into a dynamic that already exists for them with someone else and so that kind of connection is never really reciprocated or shared with me the way that it is for that other person. Sending casual/personal messages to people just kind of makes me feel like I'm... invading their space? Because no one ever really initiates conversation with me to make me think they're interested. Yet I feel like I'm the one to initiate conversations the majority of the time but they never go anywhere and I'm still not going to be thought of in a day or an hour. I feel like I try really hard in all my relationships and just... No one reciprocates. I don't want to have to force every interaction, I don't need to be someone's first choice, I just want to be thought of. I don't want to always feel like an outsider, cause feeling like everyone is always moving on without you is a really lonely way to go through life
Me right now after taking the SAT:
Breaking free from a cycle of negativity and cynicism is really hard. It’s easy to get into the pattern of complaining and thinking negatively but it’s also draining.
I never use to be like this and I feel like I let my life circumstances sort of cast shadow over my inherint light and optimism and I gotta shake that shit. Gotta find a way to exude love and positivity again.
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SHOULD I CHANGE MY THEME????? IM CONFUSED. HELP.
fuck my ass i start school on the 16th i wanna kms (dabs)