what is a credit card for if not christmas shopping for ur friends. no, don't look at the balance
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what is a credit card for if not christmas shopping for ur friends. no, don't look at the balance

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oh my god so her dead girlfriendās name is cassieĀ and one of her teammates just called herĀ āLexā
Was this a fanfiction made into a book? itās just... a lot
i basically feed off of other people's feelings, so when people are unhappy/seem unhappy, i'm also unhappy. so i'll just be sitting here like: !!! oh my god!! you're doing fine!! nothing bad is even happening to you why are you so fucking sad?? :-)))
hmm well after typing that stuff out yesterday in a (mostly) composed manner and reading people's responses/similar struggles i'm a little mad now and i need to let loose and rant a bit (ok fine a lot)
look okay, i could go on and on for hours about this, but if you feel the need to police the fuck out of someone's identity and tell them what they are and what they aren't, i hope you know that you're a terrible person. i hope you know that you could be spawning years of self-hatred into someone, and that it might get so bad that they'll start to deprive themselves of all the good things in life because they don't feel like they're worth it. i hope you know that people like you have blood on their hands. i hope you know that this toxic mindset you're promoting takes years to escape, and that's just for those fortunate enough to step outside of that. i don't care if you're joking, i don't care if it isn't a big deal to you. don't fucking do that to anyone.
i know this can apply to various things, but i am specifically speaking re: race and racial identity and all that stuff i wrote about my own experiences (x), so please don't ignore that very important context. yeah yeah i've had to go through shit and had have shit thrown at me because i'm a woman and because i'm bisexual etc but by FAR the worst treatment i've received has been linked to my race.
sometimes i really want to but i know that i am never, EVER going to forget the people who hurt me in this way. my family moved a lot when i was growing up, so i got to leave some of these terrible people behind, only to find new ones who treated me like dirt in whatever white ass town we decided to settle into. if i ever ran into these people today i don't know what i'd do. my more imaginative side likes to believe that i'd slam them down with a speech if not slap them the face and, above all, make them say they're sorry for all the ugly ideas they've drilled into my head. but i feel like in truth i'd still be too scared, and i'm trying to tell myself that it's okay if i'm being a wimp about that, lol. those possible scenarios are only in my head, after all, while the scars these people left are definitely, definitely real.
honestly you're probably going to hear much more about this shit from me because i have been holding this stuff in for YEARS. those two racist fucks on the bus pushed me to my goddamn edge when i was already teetering so i need to let this stuff out. i have to. i will. i don't care how long it takes. i am sooooooooooo tired of toning myself down and tailoring my anger my language my PERSON into a shape that's more convenient for other people, namely, white people. no. no, fuck that. you made me feel small. you made me downright miserable. i don't owe you anything. i don't exist to satisfy your standards.Ā it is not my duty to make sure you're comfortable when i'm showing you every goddamn wound you've given me.
i've been trying to think of something to write for AAGU's next batch of AFAD posts. it's having me sort through some pretty bad shit i went through in order to better piece together everything i want to say, and i know i'm not exactly in the healthiest mindset right now to write something so heavy, but now that i think about it, not too much has changed. sure, i've grown to accept myself over the years -- i wouldn't say love, necessarily; loving myself is still so difficult when i am stuck in a system that wants me to shut up, to not exist, and when every day i am bombarded with messages not only saying that i am not good enough, but that i will never be good enough.
but yeah, anyway. before i just start posting shit i figured i should work through my thoughts first.Ā i'll put the rest under a read more because of how ridiculously long and messy it'll probably get, and due to all the personal content, etc. i've been needing to vent about this stuff for years now and i should probably start letting it out, because i know in the future i want to make something bigger out of it.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Spell your name with songs and tag 10 people
I was tagged by cortina2 - ty!<3
Jenny was a friend of mine - the killers (lol..or maybe jenny from the blog? ..)
Everybody wants ro rule the world - lorde
No light, no light - florence + the machine
Never surrender - combichrist
Young and beautiful - lana del rey
so tired bluh but at least I did some things and am warming up and now own three different flavors of marshmallow and two different flavors of candy corn, one of which is caramel machiatto flavor.
Now I am gonna make cocoa and eat easy warm food and not push my body into developing more aches than it already has