#personal vibes

'Tell me why I'm waiting for so long... They couldn't give a fuck about me...'

Redimus heard the lyrics from Faith's song list play on repeat in his head. He had accidentally stumbled onto her own songs she went to for comfort and healing, but this song brought no healing. Only heartache. He had remained by Faith's weakened frame after managing to heal what was left of her injuries. It was successful. She was alive. But, this time... she took longer to heal. Already two weeks had passed with no signs of awakening from her weakened comatose like state. Her eyes were still the same vacant grey, her hair now a bright white, but immensely shorter now that the once long hair had broken apart as if it had been cut off at shoulder length. Redimus watched her frame, unmoving but also in deep pain. His hearts ached with pain. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep knowing she was like this. The Doctor could only watch from afar, unable to take Redimus out of his sulken state. Rose Tyler had tears flowing down her face, caring about Faith like a little sister at times, now seeing her little frame remaining that of a six year old child. Her abilities hadn't even returned fully yet. Redimus doubted they ever would. The Doctor knew she would come back to normal after this, but this was taking longer for her to heal, while Mickey tried comforting Rose Tyler by staying close to her side. Redimus was inconsolable. His hide remained low and slumped over Faith's frame as if he were examining her every movement. He only held her little hand in between two of his taloned fingers, her hand being so small in comparison to his. His other hands stayed rubbing her brow as if he were comforting her while she healed.

"Faith... Pleaze be okay. Eet's been two weeks, zince we got you healed up. I'm begging you to finally wake up. I need my little friend again. The friend that drove me crazy going through zo many wild adventures, even making me feel youthful once more. I need to hear from you again." His voice croaked out, sounding dry in his throat, when in reality, he was holding back sobs from how tired and sick he was feeling. He had refused to eat much those days, only eating one small human sized meal to fill his crop while remaining by her side. He never took his eye off of her, fearing she'd vanish from his sight and be lost to time itself. Despite being older than everyone there, Faith was mentally young. She was always deemed an immature Darkling amongst outsiders, viewed as if she were a disabled child, when actually she just wanted to relive her youth since she was constantly reborn at such young intervals throughout her energy's lifespan. Darklings couldn't be chosen in such a fashion, except by a divine cause. She had been reincarnated over a thousand times and lived a thousand lives only knowing how to be too mature for her youthful age. Now, she that was a Darkling, she didn't have to worry about such responsibilities despite being a first blood born Celestial of her class. So, she got to enjoy being childish in her life, traveling with the Doctor. Redimus saw her act mature in a lot of cases, but he preferred her childish demeanor far more because it healed what he had lost: his own innocence. She remained innocent for so long that he forgot how it felt to be so innocent. So, he wanted to at least preserve what little innocence there was that was still alive, thanks to Faith.

"Redimus...? Hey, buddy, I think... we should let Faith rest for now. She's going to be fine." Mickey slowly walked towards his burly frame, gently placing a warm and delicate hand on one of his many limbs. Redimus didn't budge from his spot.

"I will not leave her. Not until I see her wake up. How do you even know she'll be alright? Ze Doctor here doesn't even show any remorse for Faith. Only standing back there. I thought that with heem traveling wiz her for zo long, he would show more compassion." Redimus grumbled, his words stinging with hurt and anger that bubbled in his throat. The Doctor furrowed his brows at the accusation.

"I can only do so much for Faith, Redimus. Same as the TARDIS, Rose Tyler, Mickey, or even you. You can't blame me for this one. You need to give Faith time to he-"

"I would love to give her time to heal! She wouldn't even be in diz mess if eet weren't for me being here! Not to mention dat you could have easily stopped the Daleks at any time! Yet, you let them live despite them hunting Faith like some pest! You haven't even shown any remorse for Faith! You barely even care for her! You throw her into problems you can't fight because you know you'll lose those fights! She relies on you as her protector of not only her but also her people! And you throw her away to get hurt and get killed! I've seen her take too many hits for others, including me. I can't bear seeing such selfish people abusing such innocent ones like her!" Redimus bellowed with rage, turning his tired, solemn face to them, talons bared on his dominant hands while his other limbs balled into tight fists. His words echoed in the chamber, sending chills down everyone's spines, but the Doctor's. He merely stared at him, knowing he was right, but also knowing he was speaking out of a tired and broken mindset. Redimus wasn't doing well in this situation. His entire body showed a sickness that comes to those who are burdened with loss and self-loathing. He blamed himself for getting Faith so severely injured, but also blamed the Doctor for allowing Faith to continue such self-destructive behavior like sacrificing her life for others continuously.

"Redimus...?" A soft voice whispered in the now quiet room. It's gentle call ringing in everyone's ears, leading them all to look behind Redimus. Faith was awake, but her eyes were still a vacant grey, as if they were not done healing. Redimus immediately came to her side, holding her little body tightly in the pool, a weak but relieved smile resting on his face.

"Faith! Oh, thank Orbona's Rings, you're alright!" He choked out, gently pressing his large head against hers. Her body still felt cold from the healing pool she was in.

"What... happened? I don't... feel so good..." Faith whispered in a sickly voice. Redimus's one eye welled with tears, finally flowing down into the pool, causing the water to glow and ripple, accepting his everflowing tears.

"You got... badly hurt. But, eet's okay now. I got you. You're safe. I'm zo sorry. Diz is all my fault. Faith, I-" His throat grew dry, choking on every breath he let out, every word fumbling out of his maw like a deep and sickly tasting bile. Faith could only rest in his arms, her breaths smelling of her gold blood, but giving off a sickly sweet scent of poppies.

"Faith, you're okay!" Rose Tyler ran to Redimus's side, looking down at Faith in the pool. Rose looked at Redimus, seeing his tears flowing down into the pool, violet blood dripping from his maw down to his chin from biting his own lip so hard to stifle back sobs. His hands were locked up, holding Faith in the water.

"Did I... do something bad, again? Why is Redimus crying...?" Faith softly whispered, her arms too heavy to lift to wipe the tears from his eye while Rose slowly lifted Faith out of the pool.

"No. You didn't. We... are all just hurting because you got hurt. You almost died because of us... and Redimus isn't... taking the guilt too well right now. He hasn't left your side this whole time. He hasn't even eaten or slept in weeks since you have been healing. We're just glad you're okay, and we promise to make it up to you." Rose whispered to her, cradling her like if Faith were her own daughter, gently rocking her while also holding Redimus's hand for support while he couldn't bear to look at anyone while sobbing silently. Faith stared at Redimus, wanting to comfort him despite being so fragile at that moment. Rose Tyler could only hold Faith now, cradling her like a baby to help her get some sleep to make sure she still finished healing. The Doctor and Mickey stayed close to Redimus during this time, telling him to rest in the healing pool to heal his body while taking some private time to heal his spirit. Rose Tyler changed Faith's wet clothes into soft pajamas to make her feel safe and comfortable and laid her in her now bright green bed, no longer her room full of death and decay, but now new growing life instead.

'Tell me why I'm waiting... for so long... they couldn't give a fuck about me...'

The lyrics still echoed in his head once more, tears flowing from his eye as he lay in the pool, his arms tucked under his frame, his gaze remaining on the reflection in the water. He questioned why he was there. Why was he even alive? Why was he such a disgrace? Why was he such a failure to everyone around him? Just why? Why did everything have to be so cruel to the sweetest of people? Why was his life such a disappointment to others around him? He viewed himself as such a disappointment on Orbona, but now, traveling on the TARDIS, he was a disappointment to his own comrades. Especially to Faith. He had been just as guilty as the Doctor for putting her life on the line. He clenched his eye shut tight, ducking his head under the water, holding his breath as long as he could. He heard a gentle heartbeat in the water, definitely not one of his larger heartbeats. This was quieter. Softer even. He felt his burly frame sink deeper into the supposed shallow water in the pool, its bright blue color becoming darker as he sank. He opened his eye, immediately noticing he was floating in darkness. How did he? When did he? He looked around in the water, trying to find some source of light, only finding himself engulfed in darkness. Until... he felt a tiny hand brush his back, immediately making him spin around to see who touched him. It was Faith in her child form. She was surrounded by a soft white glow, her hair gently floating around her face as she stared up at him.

"Redimus? Are you okay?" Her voice was so innocently sweet. Reminded him of his own voice in his youth. He only stared at her in surprise, his maw slightly opening at a loss for words until he immediately started choking on the water he was in. Faith gently swam to his face, tracing a small insignia on his face, allowing him to breathe underwater.

"Faith! What are you -!? How are you -!? Faith, I-I am sorry. Eet iz my fault you're hurting. I shouldn't be alive. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't -" He cut off the minute he saw her form once again. She was in her adult form once more. Her hair being the original length it was before her fatal injuries. He could only stare at her in surprise, unable to speak. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, her embrace surprisingly warm despite floating in the dark abyss of the water. He hesitated to hug her back, not knowing what to do.

"I'm sorry I made you worry so much. I heard your spirit hurting. You're in your mind right now. Surrounded by the darkness you are hurting from. It's not your fault. You are only doing the best that you are given. I would never blame you for this at all. I'll gladly give my life to my people, my friends, my own family, and my loved ones. You are one of my very best friends I could ever befriend, and I'll lay my life on the line for you time and time again. Do not blame yourself for this. Let your mind and spirit heal. You need rest. Rejuvenate yourself for now. In the meantime, I'll be resting for a bit longer. I don't know when I'll wake up, but I'm okay now. Don't be sad for me." She whispered softly to his ear, his body now quaking with sobs deeper than he could have ever felt before. His burdens becoming all the lighter for him at that moment, his body slowly floating back up to the surface, allowing him to pull his head out of the healing pool he was in, back to his conscious state of mind. He looked around, gasping for air, the room empty all except for a soft song playing in the background. The lyrics were different this time, repeating the phrase:

'I'll keep you safe in these arms tonight...'

He knew... he was going to be okay now.