#personal seriouslycontemplatingleaving

I am questioning so many things. How can I move on like this? We’ve been stuck for like 5 years, getting absolutely nothing accomplished. No college, no jobs really, no talks about moving in together, just..nothing. It’s even worse now that I’m actually trying and well, he’s not. How can I even think about being with him for the rest of my life if I’m legitimately worried that if I don’t do things for him, he’s going to just not take care of himself until he dies. If I don’t do his laundry I’m actually afraid that he’ll just decide “fuck it, guess I won’t have clean laundry.” and just keep wearing the same dirty shit. Laundry is such a huge thing for some goddamn reason, it’s just this huge mountain that he can’t even fathom to TRY to climb. Jesus, it’s just fucking laundry for God’s sake. The money situation right now is pathetic and it’s not what you think. It’s not about not having money but what it’s being used on and where it’s coming from. It’s just pathetic and I hate that it’s even joked about.

He is seriously too lazy to do anything. His room is a fucking mess with clothes everywhere, stacks of paper, stacks of boxes (big and small), just random shit all over the floor and tables. He will just throw all his clothes on the bed, floor, chair, anywhere except where it should be. If I don’t put it away every now and then it would be huge fucking piles. They’re already pretty big piles by the time I decide to finally put shit away FOR HIM anyway. He says it’s not a big deal and that I don’t have to deal with it WHICH IS BULLSHIT because I am the one who always has to move the piles because they are on the chair that I use and the bed that we BOTH use. He says its just clothes. lol. He thinks that placing his clothes on the back of the chair instead of on it makes a difference. lol.

His closet is unusable because there is just so much junk in it. Like seriously, I have no idea what’s even in there anymore. I haven’t seen the floor in there for years.

His drawers are unusable because they are filled with clothes that he doesn’t wear and won’t fit. I can’t put the fresh clothes that I just washed FOR HIM in the drawer because 1. he would be too lazy to look in there and 2. there is no space. He has TWO hampers, one for dirty clothes (the small one lol) and the other just has more clothes in there that he never wears. All he wears are at the top of the pile of the second hamper or in a pile somewhere in the room.

Please keep in mind that this is a SMALL ASS ROOM.

“Why don’t you just talk to him about it?” You ask.

WELL I HAVE. And he knows how much his room bothers the fuck out of me. Ok, I take that back. He probably doesn’t understand how pissed off it makes me. He just knows I don’t like it. When I talked to him about it and about how we could finally get his room organized and clean, his reply was, “I’ll think about it.”. LOL WHAT???? WHAT IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT????

After some more nagging, he finally says, exasperated, “Ok ok, I already agreed to do it, alright?”

So, he finally agrees to get his room organized and clean, although very hesitantly.

Ha well, guess what? HASN’T BEEN DONE. HASN’T EVEN BEEN TALKED ABOUT SINCE THEN. I bet he’s waiting for me to nag him again. Like, he gets mad because new things get fucked up somehow because they're on the floor or something and it's like...well...if you cleaned up....it wouldn't be on the floor....it would be somewhere safer???? All I got was silence after I said that.

I mean there’s so many things. He’s bad with money (I mean I guess that balances me out ‘cause I’m pretty frugal but he is too much). He absolutely refuses to take care of his health. Obviously he doesn't exercise or eat well but regardless of that, when he's feeling sick and he feels so bad that he should probably go to the doctor (he admits it too), he still does not go. To make that worse, he fucking keeps saying dumb ass shit like "If I die..." "I'm going to be so sad leaving everyone behind." GOD, that shit pissed me off so much. IF YOU FEEL THIS WAY, GO TO A FUCKING DOCTOR. You have NO right to talk like this if you refuse to go to a doctor.

God there are seriously so many things that I hate about this situation right now that I don't feel right posting on here because it's so personal to him. Just know that I really wish he would change some things. I just imagine moving him with him (which honestly seems like it's never going to happen at this point) and being pissed off all day because I have to be his mom I would rather be on my own.

I know that I need to be patient and just see how things are in a couple of months where hopefully he'll sign up for classes or something. But it's just getting harder and harder to be around him when he refuses to do anything about his situation RIGHT NOW. Seriously, can we please just fix your room. I fucking hate being here. Sometimes, I feel like cleaning everything, ignoring him while I'm doing it and then just leave. Like not come over for a couple days and not talk to him. I know that will accomplish nothing but God, I can't fucking stand this room right now.

I AM A LAZY POS TOO, YOU KNOW. But there is a difference between lazy and straight up negligence.

The worst part is, he knows it. He hates his room too, just not enough to actually do anything about it. He hates his situation too, but he still won't do anything about it. He actually fucking dangled seriously moving in together in front of my face, after a rough fight with his dad and guess what happened like a couple hours later? Oh, yeah well I'll just talk to my parents and see how it goes. (hint: he never talked to his parents).

I'm just...I've never had much patience to begin with but I don't know how much longer I can "wait" for him to improve. Talking to him does nothing. I mean...obviously I want things to work out. But for someone as stubborn as he is and as LAZY as he is....it seems like it will be a long and rough fucking road.