#personal rambling

…only for some new show/media/thing to suddenly pop up that does absolutely EVERYTHING you ever wanted for this character concept AND MORE, and also does it so completely and utterly PERFECTLY that after getting into this show, you really no longer have any interest in looking elsewhere for this character concept or even working on it yourself.

It’s like, this one show is doing absolutely EVERYTHING you could ever want with this idea so any and all desire to see it is now being completely satisfied.

This is a story about that.

You see, towards the end of highschool and into early collage, I became particularly interested/fascinated/obsessed with the idea of ‘Badass Little Red Riding Hood’. Honestly I don’t really remember where I got the idea from exactly, it was probably from multiple sources. But for a few years I absolutely loved the idea of a take on Little Red Riding Hood that was some cool, badass fighter and fought the big bad wolf.

It led to me looking through a number of different shows/movies/comics/etc over those few years, particularly a fair few of those ‘Fairy Tales but they’re Dark and Edge’ webcomics that were popping up at the start of the 2010s. But I never found a take that really clicked with what I was looking for…

At this point, you can probably guess where this is going XD

Because on this day, 13 years ago, as I was watching the last episode of Red vs Blue Season 10, I just so happened to watch this:

Which promptly made me think Holy SHIT this is the BEST THING EVER! WHEN ARE WE GETTING MORE?!!

And the funny thing is, ever since I haven’t really felt any real interest in seeking out this concept of a ‘Badass Little Red Riding Hood’. Because for the last thirteen years and counting, I have been watching a show and been fully immersed in a fandom featuring what I would consider to be the absolute, PERFECT, platonic ideal of the Badass Little Red Riding Hood.

If anything, now when I see other takes on the concept, I kind of invariably end up thinking ‘Yeah, that’s good…

When I first stumbled across it, I didn’t know how thoroughly it would change my life. At the time, I was in a marriage of desperation and loneliness. I didn’t love him, wasn’t attracted to him. And the first time I saw Xena, I finally knew it more clearly than I’d been able to admit.

Watching these women fall in love, living and fighting and dying together, I felt my heart crack wide open. I felt something starting to heal, something unspoken and buried under layers of denial and shame and self-loathing, that suddenly saw beauty and an undeniable truth that could give me peace.

Almost thirty years ago, I made peace with myself, and more than that, I embraced the joy of being exactly who I am. My queerness ceased to be a source of disquiet. Decades of turmoil resolved itself.

Maybe it seems silly to say, “a syndicated spinoff of a show about a Greek demigod changed my life and helped me shake off my internalized homo/biphobia.” But it’s the truth.

Forever grateful for this wonderfully uneven, ridiculously over the top, melodramatic show about two badass women who find their truth, their peace, their home in one another.

A stutter that has stayed with me into adulthood.

Finally this year is almost over. What a year, what a horrible year. 2024 was already not that good, but 2025 had really bad vibes from the beginning.

I had lovely things over the year too, live music being the best thing again. Feeling the music in my whole body gives so much energy.

Mentally this year was probably worst of my life. So many things happening that affected my mind, I struggled so much sometimes… Especially autumn was very difficult and I was on the verge of work-related burnout. Somehow I survived though and the very end of the year was a little better again.

Music helped me through this year. Sometimes a new song or album found me at the right time and it made me keep things somewhat together. That was visible in my music wrapped too.

Rammstein helped me through this year again as well. That’s the constant in my life (beside my family of course). Their music and looking at photos, gifs and videos is so comforting and I’m sure everyone in this fandom agrees with this.

Being a part of this fandom, this little corner that I hope will stay comforting and cozy and fun, has helped me very much. It’s so important to have people, who understand this brainrot of mine to the fullest. Because we share it. Thank you, the lovely people here, you have made my life so much better. ❤️ Thank you for all the fun and cute and beautiful content, be it art or fanfiction or gifs or photos. All of it matters.

I also want to thank from the bottom of my heart for the support I got, when I needed it. I believe you know who you are. ❤️ It’s been an honor and joy to get to know some of you better, and I feel like having quite a many new friends now. Thank you. ❤️

This year made me a fanfic writer too. That wasn’t on my bingo card. 😅 I never wanted to become a writer myself and I just loved reading the lovely stories from others. But then something happened and the urge to write hit me out of the blue. Writing has been a good outlet too now that something in my brain altered for good. I thought that I’m a oneshot writer, but then, again, something happened and now I’m continuing one of my stories chapter by chapter. That wasn’t on my bingo card either… But this has been such a weird, fun and educational journey. I’m looking forward, what next year brings in this regard too.