#personal headcannon

Bonus image:

So, we all know that Kenpachi and Chojiro have cannonically bathed together. I honestly think that they tried to date at some point. It didn't go well, as Chojiro is very refined (and a little old) and Kenpachi is neither of those things. Kenny darling was very into rough sex and battles while Chojiro was,,,,, decidedly not into either of those things. They parted on good terms and still bath together and share self-care tips. Until Chojiro got his ass wiped by the Quincies.

Asane walked in on Soi Fon cuddling with a doll of Yoruichi once, when she was in the Squad Four healing stations. Mysteriously, when Soi Fon woke up, it was clean. Asane denies all accusations.

Kenpachi has and will continue to ignore whenever Yumichika is getting his ass pluughed. He doesn't care. He has shit to do and everyone else is sleeping or eating.

Yamamoto listens to records. Sometimes, he'll secretly send put Shinigami to the mortal realm to get him some. He likes Frank Sinatra, The Beatles, Queen, Elton John, and Paul McCarneys solo albums the most. He pays said Shinigami extra.

Komamura made his gigai look as much like his human form as possible. Some nights he'll sit and stare at it, wishing he could just look like that all the time. That is, until his Leiutenant comes in and starts yammering away about whatever er boring thing he's done that day. Then he gently puts it away to listen. His Squad doesn't judge him, and that's enough.

Byakuya once challenged Kira to a fight over who has the best hair. Shuhei has to physical restrain Kira and haul his ass to Unohana personally when Senbonzakura was released. Yamamoto is still pissed about it.

On that note, far too many Shinigami have called Shuhei "Dad" or some variation thereof for it to be a coincidence.

No matter how hard he tries not to, Urahara will cry himself to sleep. He misses the Soul Society more often than not. He makes sure to not make a noise.

Yoruichi lies awake, hoping Soi Fon is okay.

Shinji only pierced his tongue on a dare. He has his nipples done too and has little swords in them. He thinks he looks cool but Hiyori called him a whore when she found out.

Rose once hit his head so hard he only spoke in Spanish. But the only Spanish he knows is from whatever songs he listens to. Just imagine your friend desperately quoting 'Despacito' to you while in tears. Essentially, that's was Rose's life for a week and a half.

Chad has never once masturbated nor will he. He's beginning to think he's asexual. Oh, and far too many girls have confessed to him. He gets embarrassed every time and ends up rejecting them. He likes his girls with bite but he only seems to get the good girls. He's never once thought about Tatsuki that way though. He though she was a cross-dresser for months.

Orihime punched someone in the face once, and only once. They called Chad a homo and she said immediately after she'd do it again if they were ever homophobic near her.

Ichigo doesn't know what the fuck Rainbow Mafia means and thinks it's and actual mafia.

Uryu has seen porn and he threw up right after. Ryuken thought he had the flu.

Hiyori tried going to school once in the mortal realm. It took her all of three hours to put eight people in hospital, create three news rules and then get expelled. No she will not talk about it.

Tatsuki had a breakdown when she saw a fluffy cat once. It was so chonky and had a squished in face. She cried for three hours and blamed it on dust. Orihime just went with it.

Grimmjow, for me personally, is a virgin. He doesn't even know what sex is. He's not a sex God he's a little shit with sharp teeth.

On the flip side, Ulquiorria once had sex with Tôsen. Did not go well.

Tôsen was the one who suggested they bring in Orihime. He liked how she is an LGBTQ+ ally. As a gay man he appreciated her violence towards homophobic assholes.

Gin doesn't know people can be gay. He thinks it's a myth. He missed every single time when Shuhei tried to chat him up.

Aizen eats mints more than he drinks water. He likes the spicy ones. They make him feel powerful. He also eats lemons like apples. Szayelaporro is terrified of this.