2020 Health: Setting Boundaries
By Leighana Martindale
Needing to set boundaries can be triggered for many reasons and each of our reasons will vary.
However, boundaries are essential and something that everyone has, or needs to have even if they don’t realize it. Too often we get tired and worn out from over-committing and then feeling guilting when we do take time for ourselves or finally set those boundaries. In order to protect our energies, minds and our hearts, it’s okay to need time for yourself, it’s okay to want or not want something and it is most certainly okay to set boundaries whatever your reasoning might be!
I have a hard time saying no. That’s partly why I’m writing this. I have a hard time not helping people, not solving issues, and feeling obligated to meet up with everyone that invites me out or feeling guilty if I can’t. This isn’t healthy and shows a lack of boundaries. It definitely doesn’t make me feel good and I imagine it doesn’t make the people in my life feel good.
I’ve recognized myself needing to hear that “it’s okay”, needing to hear the words and to be “given permission”. So, I’m going to give myself permission to set limits and to let it be — I am also encouraging you to give yourself permission to set healthy boundaries for yourself.
Because at the end of the day, we all have our limits and we all need to respect the fact that other people’s will be different from ours. But before we can even get to this space of clearly communicating our comfort levels we need to identify, respect and uphold our own.
Let’s go back to this sense of guilt we often feel when we have to tell people that they’ve crossed a line or when we clearly draw the line in the proverbial sand, why is that? Is it because we are all (especially women) told that we need to please others? Is it from something we were told as children? Or even an idea we hold in our head that we don’t want to let go of?
I find that for me, it is my need to please others, the need to be “liked” and to solve things or to be the reliable one. This is often what creates my personal guilt. Especially when I uphold and respect that boundary I will feel guilty and like I am letting others down — when that simply is just not true!
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New Years resolution of a people pleaser #2020 #detoxmode #justsayno #personalboundries #boundaries #no #goals #metime #relaxmode #morerelaxing #sorrynotsorry #2020vision
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We are supposed to take time for ourselves! We are supposed to honor our boundaries and allow ourselves the time, space and freedom to explore, to relax, to do whatever it is that sets our souls on fire with passion!
IT IS OUR JOB TO MAKES OURSELVES HAPPY. We can only do that if we take the time, space, and freedom we need. And we can only do that when we set boundaries.
On the other side, when we don’t uphold and respect our boundaries, we end up feeling overwhelmed, triggered, upset and angry with ourselves and potentially even others. So when we don’t allow ourselves that time, space, and freedom we deny ourselves happiness which affects not just our lives, but those who are also closest with us.
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#spiritualgrowth #spiritualawakening #spiritualawakening #consciousness #unityconsciousness #unity #weareone #ascension #personalboundries #authenticself #selflove #selfcare
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Setting these boundaries is much harder said than done, but the repercussions of not setting them are far too great. Amongst anger, frustration, and anxiety we can sever relationships we have with loved ones, potential loved ones, healthy habits, and even the relationship we have with our highest self. When we deny our authentic self the boundaries we need to heal and grow then we miss out on the opportunities of a lifetime! We miss out on living our most authentic lives.
So how do we work on setting these boundaries for ourselves so we can connect with the highest version of ourselves?
5 steps for setting boundaries -
1. Be clear about why you are setting boundaries and what exactly it is you want -
Set them for your own wellbeing and health, not out of the desire to control others. Ask yourself: Is this a healthy boundary you are setting or a toxic boundary? Are you doing this for your highest self or is this a fear-based and egotistical boundary? Why are you setting this boundary? How will it help you? Why is it necessary? When we have the clarity of knowing why we are setting a boundary and what exactly it is we want then we have the power to honor that boundary.
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#PersonalBoundries are link to #SelfEsteem . Set limits for #Acceptable behavior from those around you. So critical for your mental health . Extending boundaries does have a price to pay, which may be loose acquaintances along the way #Loveyourself #PeaceofMind #Eyethemind
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2. Set boundaries when you have emotional clarity -
Setting boundaries when we are upset and/or hurt can lead us to acting out of pain or fear which can lead to an unhealthy or aggressive boundary. When we are hurt we can lash out at others or get very upset, but when setting boundaries it is important to do so in a state of clarity and with love. Boundaries should be set with love, positive intention and a need to honor yourself, not out of pain, fear, or our suffering.
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What’s on your self-care to-do list today? COMMENT BELOW👇👇👇 ( 🎨 by @blessingmanifesting ) #selfcare
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3. Maintain a positive point of view and attitude, don’t let resistance discourage you
Setting boundaries is not easy and sometimes we will face resistance, but it is important to keep that positive and balanced mentality. When we know these boundaries are not set maliciously but are put in place to protect ourselves and allow growth then we can switch from resistance to acceptance and allow ourselves to vibe and flow when others cross the boundaries we set.
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Setting your boundaries is self-care.♥️ We will be including boundary-setting door hangers for 8 more days in all orders!! 🙏 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 Boundaries are your personal limits and they protect you from feeling unsafe. Its normal for boundary setting to feel difficult. However, once you set your boundaries, your relationships will improve. All healthy relationships have boundaries and you deserve to feel safe in all of your relationships. In order for others to respect your boundaries, you must protect them. Which boundary do you need to protect at the moment? Emotional? Material? Time/energy? Mental? Physical? ( 🎨 by @shopsundae ) (graphic #2 & #3 @the.holistic.psychologist )
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4. Be direct and don’t apologize for your needs -
You can do it! It sure as hell won’t be easy but you can fucking do it! Stand tall and confident in your boundaries, be vocal when people cross them and know that you do not have to apologize for setting healthy boundaries. If people do not want to respect them, that is their problem and honestly tells you everything you need to know.
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5. Setting Boundaries is an ongoing process -
This will require constant upkeep and maintenance, and that’s okay. Once your boundaries are set, you will have to make sure they are being respected and upheld. You will have to consistently reaffirm your boundaries and take the space you need to honor them and yourself.
What to do when people cross your boundaries -
1. Retreat from reaction
When your boundaries are crossed it can feel upsetting, painful, and enraging even, it is so important to retreat from a reaction at the moment and let ourselves seek clarity. Some of our boundaries can be very emotional and hard boundaries, so when they are crossed we get triggered and fearful — this can be an especially difficult moment to seek clarity, but I promise you can do so by breathing and shifting your mentality.
2. Breathe and shift
Breathe through feelings of discomfort and shift your mentality until those feelings of discomfort begin shift to lose their negative power and instead turn into empowerment and positive feelings. Breathing is the number one way to take control of our minds and our thoughts. There are various techniques that can help with this mindset shift but these are my favorite: Kundalini Breathwork, Wim Hof technique and Diaphragmatic breathing aka belly breathing.
While breathing, clear your head and aim to reach a state of calmness, then think back on your feelings and shift them from pain to empowerment. Because at the end of the day it is beyond amazing and beyond empowering that YOU are recognizing and honoring your boundaries, that you are holding people accountable and taking the space you need.
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How often do you pay attention to your breathing? I used to find myself holding my breath quite often in stressful situations and then it became a habit regardless of my stress level which is really unhealthy. Slow long deep breaths have numerous benefits. Breathing deeply increases the supply of oxygen to your brain and stimulates your nervous system, lowering your heart-rate, regulating blood pressure, all of which helps decrease how much of the stress hormone cortisol is released into your body; ultimately promoting a state of calmness. Throughout the week, consistently remind yourself to breathe and try this deep breathing exercise: Inhale for five seconds and then exhale for five seconds. Do this in repetition of 10 several times throughout each day. As you get more comfortable with it, increase your inhalation and exhalation to 7 seconds and then 10 seconds #deepbreaths #deepbreathing #breathing #healthylifestyle #healthyfood #healthyeating #balancedeating #wellness #mindfulness #selflove #selfcare #fitness #takecareofyourbody #takecareofyourmind #eatgoodtofeelgood #foodismedicine #zen #goals #lifestyle #healing #living #fibroids #tumors #anemia #knowledgeispower #360being
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3. Stand firm
Continue to respect your boundary by restating it and asking the boundary crosser that they respect it. There is a way to do this from love and clarity that allows you to openly communicate. Communication is the most important part of human connection and something we all need to work on, and when we do have clear communication we can have clear boundaries and all feel much more respected and safe.
4. Use affirmations
If you get pushback, it’s okay! It’s honestly bound to happen at some point. Just take that and make a mental note, when people get upset with our boundaries that tells us about them and the type of person they are. It doesn’t however make the entire situation feel better or go away, so use affirmations to help your mindset.
10 Affirmations for when your boundaries are crossed:
• Other people’s emotions are not my responsibility
• Boundaries are healthy
• My boundaries are healthy and necessary
• I trust my intuition
• Setting boundaries is a way to care of myself
• Setting boundaries does not make me mean, selfish, or uncaring
• Setting boundaries allows me to care about myself too
• My boundaries are worthy of respect
• I am not responsible for other peoples emotions
• I am responsible for respecting and upholding my boundaries and the people’s in my life
5. Get High
Cannabis always helps me to shift my mindset and calms me to a state where I can move from resistance to acceptance. This plant is beautiful and amazing for its various terpene profiles and effects. My favorite effect when working to obtain clarity when I’m upset is euphoria.
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It’s time🙋🏻♀️🍁✨☁️
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Keeping your Boundaries
1. Seek other boundary setters
We all need support, especially when beginning to set boundaries which can make us feel guilty at times. So seek the support of other boundary setters to encourage you, be patient with you and most importantly respect each other boundaries. When you seek these people, just make sure you are respecting and supporting them equally. We all need love and we all need support.
2. Practice saying no
Ask a friend or someone you trust to have a practice session and communicate openly and lovingly about a situation that you felt hurt by. Just be sure you work with a friend who will be happy you are communicating openly with them and not feel confronted. We can also practice saying no by being honest at times we don’t have time, when we need to take some personal time, or even when we just don’t want to do something.
3. Practice respecting other peoples boundaries
This will help you recognize a boundary and practice honoring other people’s boundaries which in return will help you cope with when people cross yours and help others to honor yours. This is like the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated and respect other’s boundaries the way you want your boundaries respected.
“Respect other’s boundaries the way you want your boundaries respected”
