#personal boops

shit

didn’t think I could be more socially akward than before, but uhh...

But, I’m kinda terrified

I’m bad at promoting myself

And I know most people who follow my art blog only due so because of my pokemon/digimon fanart, which is fine

However, I really want to do this and do my best, and am still looking up as many tips for beginners as I can

and just a little bit intimidated

really intimidated

I’m intimidated as fuck

Back before deviantart changed their front page, I was starting to get noticed

Then they changed the front page from newly submitted/uploaded to what’s hot on deviantart

Now I’m starting to get a little momentum on tumblr, and then this happens

I know part of it is purely on my end, I should be more out there and should have been more actively uploading on places like twitter

But at the same time, upload anything anywhere is stressful to me, which I also know sounds completely ridiculous, especially when I want to start doing things like opening commisions

But I also don’t want to sit here and say that I suffer from this or that, because although I have a pretty good idea what it could be, I’m not in a postion to go and get diagnosed. Even if I went to my doctor and told him, I’m not insured and also don’t have any money.

And even if I did that, there’s no guarantee that I’d be able to get help.

Especially since the Mood Disorders of Manitoba website only have info on borderline personality disorder on their personality disorder page. Like thanks for that brah, totally didn’t have a break down for 2 hours because there doesn’t really seem to be any hope for help, and the prognosis for this can lead to total isolation of one’s self. Which kinda, absolutely, terrifies me.