ugh alright so like admittedly around two or three years ago there was this collective mindset in a lot of people i knew that being heartbroken was the 'thing' to be. for some reason. i dont know how it happened or what triggered it but suddenly everything felt like it was about being heartbroken, every lame blog post, every dumb letter you never send, every night you spend crying alone in bed being like 'SHE NEVER LOVED MEEEEEE' and everyone was super game for it like everyone be all ' if you're crying over somebody right now gather round and let's talk about how beaten and bruised we are by love together' and wow. Wowww.
so now im trying to avoid that way of thinking again, that every time i like someone my life has to revolve mainly around that one person. because it's kind of lame and gross. but recent events kind of makes me miss liking someone??? and it's weird because it used to be pretty easy, like 'oh hey this girl is giving me way more attention than im used to, i think i really like her oh god.' and i can still recognize the feeling and i get it around certain people but i dont feed it or acknowledge it as anything important anymore? like if i think you're the bees knees then good for you, i'll be nicer to you than i am with most people, but otherwise it's like. i dunno man. this is the stuff i used to spend all my evenings writing about. and it was sad and dumb but it made me feel like i had some kind of purpose. like what happened to that.
im trying to write a love poem for this thing and idk i mean i wasn't like the greatest writer ever back then but at least i could get started because there was always someone at the back of my mind to write about. now it's like i dont know who to write about, i dont know what to write about in terms of how i felt, how it all played out, whatever. its frustrating.
i mean its hella stupid but i dunno i just miss liking people sometimes. it made me feel like i had something to look forward to, even though it was plame and also disgustingly sad and pointless.
