#pennypaperbrain

so you know what I've been thinking about a lot with this ask, actually? I've been thinking about the idea of Valkyrie and Loki and non-sexual bondage/ropeplay.

I don't have a lot of fully formed thoughts beyond that - there's just something about...I mean, the appeal of this pairing for me has always been in large part about the fact that they are both complete and utter disasters who are an emotional mess, and I feel like there's...something at the edge of my brain that's thinking about control and loss of control and trust, but it specifically not being sexual

and I think part of why I'm thinking about the latter (despite the fact that I have read and very much enjoy sexual valki) is because of my thoughts about (a) Valkyrie and self-indulgent hedonism and the way she used it, on Sakaar (primarily with drinking but I would bet there was sex in there too) to avoid her guilt, grief, and loss, and (b) my headcanons about Loki's thoroughly fucked up relationship with his own sexuality, and how easily he trips into "why should I choose between a kink and a trigger" territory.

Greetings, new friend!!!!!! <33333

I absolutely love it when someone experiences that love of Loki freshly. Young Loki is so often forgotten but he's the germ, the seed, for the more developed character we all find so fascinating.

I think everyone who loves Loki, from all different angles, has a love/hate relationship with Marvel and Disney and its battery of producers, writers and directors.

No, @pennypaperbrain, I you haven’t missed one, because I haven’t posted one.  People here are very broke and very generous.  I’m tired of having to reach out to people who can’t afford life any more than I can, and it kills me to remember I’ve already done something like that once.  While I was on a grad-student budget again from 2015-16, I gave my Patreon a push and got it temporarily to $500/month so I could survive during that time (because my about-to-be-ex-spouse was too busy cheating on me an ocean away).  Fandom had a lot to do with that, and I hope I’ve given back what people deserve since then.  I encouraged people to drop off past a certain point, so I only get about $120/month from that source at present (which does help somewhat, this is not calling my patrons anything but the amazing and generous human beings they are).  I am not at all good at having to seek help, and when I finally do it, I feel like it’s proof of what a failure I am in spite of my accomplishments.

I’m afraid to put too much content bearing my real name here on my fandom blog.  My Patreon has my RL identity attached.  This might seem silly, as a lot of people I work with in my RL writing and editing circles know who I am over here, but after the alt-right Nazi fuckers who attacked me here on Tumblr back in July, being doxxed and attacked again for my political leanings and my, um, being Jewish and queer/intersex, is a huge concern.

My ko-fi page is the only place I can take any kind of funds without my identity being revealed.  I know that’s not a proper fundraiser, but I feel unsafe even here these days to a degree.  I wouldn’t feel safe setting up anything big, because those require a real name.

i have to admit

all i did was copy

i got all the idea from this beautiful manipulative monster:

look at this fucker, he just loves to make sherlock look as cute 

and innocent

and adorable as possible

BUT

THEN!!!!!!!

HE GOES AND DO STUFF LIKE THIS TO SHERLOCK

MADE SHERLOCK SO TORTURED

AND VULNERABLE

Have you ever made yourself cry writing a fic?

Oh, 100%. solid bet that if you've cried reading something of mine then I probably cried writing it.

I think the most recent thing I wrote that made me cry was in a fic that's as-yet unposted, and I feel like the thing itself maybe wasn't worth crying over but what it was actually about it makes sense that I was.

it's about what people think they deserve and bleak self-perception and stuff like that, that's all.

What is your fave fic from another writer?

you want me to fucking pick one? I have 831 bookmarks on AO3, I can't narrow that down

i relate to him on every level, except i’m not as brilliant or smart as he is, and neither am i talented at playing the violin