Hand in dark river-

Oil on top

From the mill

My kin call savior.

It easy to see now

That the poor here

Have no saver.

Pull the line up

With calloused hands-

Cruel cruel father

But he was a hard working man.

Lungs full of lime dust,

You can hear it when they talk-

I know more burn victims

Than I ever did of love.

Dirty south

Know now how they see us-

Teach the boys how to profit

Off of blood

And show the daughters how to be less.

Fields or mills or hospital rooms,

There isn’t much to do here

But the youth can make do.

Jugs out of boat

See them bob

And think of truth.

Breaking down bodies

As they can only speak of service-

Work until deaths door

But best believe fed mouths

Are worth it.

We’ve all got stories here-

Of family lost to addiction

Or disease or fear.

Bones stacking up

Taller than statues of confederates-

Misinformation spreading

Like a disease that has ate restlessness.

And don’t get me started

On the lies that are fed in this-

Bass in the boat,

Fighting for what’s left of it.

Uncles losing hands

And fathers of fathers

Fighting for ease

From needless wars in foreign lands.

There is no pride here truly,

But dancing in survival-

The most beautiful music

Played from street corners

And people with eyes low.

Don’t tell me of resilience

Till you’ve tasted the honey

Of sleep after working until arms are weak-

When there are mothers

Forgoing food so that the babies can eat.

States full of policies

For the few that will profit

And the ones that will fall for it.

We’re the uneducated surely,

The lesser, the misknown.

But there is something beautiful

In this flooded, long drenched home.

How community finds it’s way

In places not meant-

Like truth of human kind,

Pack built, long spent.

Life after storm,

Matters not who you are-

Hardship and hate sure,

But warmth and love filled arms.

Scaled bodies up for grabbing,

Fill the needy and the hungered-

Gutted fish and children laughing,

And some days movement feels real hard-

But I still dance on the good days,

And skip like childhood in my heart.

Won’t let tiredness be the downfall

In my happiness at breath,

Gotten a bit better about resting

And focusing on intent.

It is difficult come Monday morning

To accept what I can’t change,

But by Thursday I am set

On humming through the pains.

I’ll tell you all the difference

That has been made in what I see,

To take aches as communication

Instead body failing me.

But there’s movement in the listening

Feel the rhythm of the music,

And I think I’ll get back to playing-

Something about creation

Makes energy worth paying.

And isolation is much harder

Now that I know the touch of care-

I flinch and I still furrow

But have community that I thought rare.

Lifting up the moments

That I can lift nothing at all,

And filling up the space

When I feel inconsequential and small.

Know me for my trying,

I’ll surely fuck up and swear a lot.

But finally thankful I’m not dying

And sifting through the rot-

Of everything that they taught me

About who’s allowed to acknowledge pain.

I am no big savior to the masses

But am surviving through the day.

That’s a fact now to be proud of,

Even when I feel small-

Yes I bleed much but I laugh more,

Earth says feed me

I say have this anger, it is plentiful.

She says your anger is nothing

Give me joy give me joy.

I say where is joy,

I have not found her.

Earth says breathe in.

Air is not joy I giggle

Ah, but joy is all that exists

She says

That I laugh at truly,

There is no joy in much.

Joy is in possibility,

Of all, says Earth.

She is in blood- in growth- in birth

so have my blood, I say

That’s easily given- though joy no way.

And at this she chuckles.

No, give me your longing- your curious- your hopeful

There’s plenty of joy in that.

Can’t you feel it, can’t you taste it?

Earth says feed me.

I say have this long day,

She says thank you,

And keep growing.

Joy is in all

I can’t feel anger

Towards you anymore,

Just understanding dis-attachment-

And I think back to 07,

Picture you laughing

Before time got so heavy.

I can’t blame you really

For the way you seek to self destroy-

Pain brings pain and brings pain

And it’s so hard to endure.

I can’t feel spite towards you now,

Just hoping you won’t drown

The whole town with you-

As you circle the drain

Grabbing at anything near.

The dying always reach desperately-

It is our nature I fear.

I just feel sad for you these days-

Dreaming of somewhere else

Where you grew up calm

And weren’t a kid with kids to raise.

Where you could’ve learned personhood

In more than snatched glances

And hand me down joy-

I know now your resentment for me

And can’t say I don’t get it-

Fucked as that is.

But metal cans

And smashed car fronts

Won’t change anything-

You can never go back

To 5 or 10 or 15-

Just got to figure out

If you want more than 38.

And I pray you learn to swim

Because we’re all so tired

Of toughing out these waves

For love of you and

Visceral feeling of your pain.

My body

Tell me what you need.

I can’t hear you honey

Over your worries of greed.

Be hungry body

And I know that you feel thirst.

Is that an ache there baby,

It’s okay to sit and work

Rest body

This body

It’s okay

It’s okay

Comfort is not sin darling

And sleeping here is safe.

Breath body

My body

Slowly inhale

Do you smell the dirt

The grass

The air

Feel it on your skin

Wind dancing fierce

Taste the sweat on your upper lip

Be body

My body

You can live here freely

Release body

My body

The tension that you’re keeping

Open your jaw

And shake your limbs until it’s freeing

Cry body

This body

Feel it without flinching

Laugh while sobbing if so needed

Dance body

Move baby

Tell me what you need

Tune in body

My body

Feel it then let go

I love you

Skin and bones

I respect you

Worn in home

In the breaking of the light-

And I love you for the way you speak

The pain of the night.

It’s a true relation

How our bodies ache and bite.

I’ve known a one to speak

Of how you have to give and fight.

Oh I know you see it given

The way you thrash and moan-

But I only view creation

And the agony of true home.

I see you in the way

That you give space for what is true,

And the empathy you feel

For the realities you once knew.

This is the honest now

This is the real-

Life hanging on string

And dirt beneath your fingernails.

I have not seen the whole of you,

And I likely never will.

But I view it as a blossoming hope,

And I pray you know it well.

How the growth seeps in your skin

Past the shoulders

Past the hips-

Abandoning the shame

If what fell from your fathers lips.

You are not blameless-

Yet beautiful in fault.

I could not feel that way

For anything short

Of skin and imperfect bones.

Grasping for your hand

In the eternity which you’ve seen,

And understanding I have my own-

So many lifetimes to glean.

This is the lesson-

When you skin the flesh

And hear the scream-

Everyone feels everything

What do you mean this flesh is seen?

I hide behind laughter

And the appearance of revealing everything.

But I conceal so many assets

As to avoid the sting-

Of someone knowing and then flinching

At this magnitude of need.

Exhausted at my core

But how I smile how I gleam-

Know me for my sunshine

While I am scared of everything.

I run from the action

Of being human, being skin-

Do not see these scars,

These stretch marks

This lived in.

I am fearful of the knowing,

Of the seeing past humor-

All jokes at my expense,

Please do not look any further.

It is painful to be self

To be anything but useful,

These days I need much help,

Need a lean-to

Need a breather.

But the asking chokes me up,

It is harder than suffocation-

So I’ll walk by with a limp

And carry loads not worth taking.

My nakedness scares me,

Seen through clothes

And ghosts and tired quips-

I shudder at the thought

That you could read my lips.

Not in what I’ve said,

But what I have choked down.

Do not hear begging,

Do not turn around.

I know not vulnerability

Unless I write a poem,

I can not speak clearly-

These words?

And you’re telling me they’re free.

Birds feathers pulled flightless

And you’re telling me they’re free-

Their naked little bodies

Slammed twenty to the steel

And yet you’re telling me they’re free.

Bloody bodies in the streets

And you’re saying they can just leave.

Birds falling bullet ridden from their nest

And yet you say that you can’t see.

Ecosystem dying

Don’t you know who keeps the cogs flowing-

Surely not the apex

The man, the “all knowing”.

The birds who are up before lights

And traffic going.

But here they are snatched and beheaded before knowing.

Don’t you know the flight plan,

The direction that we’re going-

A fear that breeds violence

And misinformation snowing.

I beg you take a second

Listen to the screaming-

Monsters don’t sound like children

And blood gleaming.

I ask you please look

Feathers scattered,

Food left.

The avians are hungry

And begging for a rest .

But here you are laughing

And saying god bless.