Thinking about 1980s Peggy, who is happily married to Stan, and they've had one child. Peggy had a LOT of trauma-response to being pregnant on purpose after not knowing she was pregnant the first time, and Stan has her back completely and tells her, "We'll only have another if you want one," and she really doesn't. It's a little girl. They name her Heather. Heather Rizzo-Olsen. No middle name.
Peggy finds a therapist who is ALSO a former Catholic, and she unpacks her shit. And one thing that Peggy will ALWAYS stand for is birth control and comprehensive sex ed. She ends up telling her book club that she had a baby and gave it away. It tumbles out because they've read Mommie Dearest, and another woman says, "My god, can you imagine you had to give up your child, and it was to this woman?"
And it falls out. And the silence after makes Peggy afraid because she's been taught over and over her secret is shameful. Even though Stan doesn't think so. Even though she's starting not to think so.
And then one of her friends says, "Oh, Peggy, that must have been so sad for you."
And another says, "That Catholic School education lied to so many of us, though I never had to give up a baby."
And then another says, "I did. 1964. A little boy."
And Peggy and that woman go out for coffee later and talk about it. Directly. Honestly. Torn open but smiling a little at each other because this is the world they have now. One where they can SAY IT. And be LOVED.
And then the 1980s. Heather's 15 learning to tease her hair, and Stan's left knee is starting to grumble, and there's a knock on the door as Peggy reads the latest pick for book club (Misery, and Peggy is starting to worry that Barb isn't doing okay [Barb's doing great; she loves fucked up books]).
And there's a man with Pete's chin and Peggy's eyes, and it's Stan who answers the door, and he shouts, "OH SHIT" at this child's lineage so clear on his face.
"Honey," he shouts over his shoulder, "he came back!" Because his only defense in this moment of shock and surprise is to revert to being an ass.
Peggy comes to the door and stares, then realizes what Stan said and slaps him on the chest. "I'm Peggy," she says as Stan feigns horrible pain and this man who was once a baby looks very confused and scared. "I'm the mother who gave you away."
His name is William. He has a confirmation name. Stan pours him a stiff drink, then pours Peggy a stiff drink, then says, "I'll go help Heather burn her hair off."
And William watches Stan walk away, then looks at Peggy and says, "You know I'm your son."
"No," Peggy says, then winces when William looks away. "No, I mean. You are mine. You ARE. But. You're not. You..." and the old words come back, but this time she finally gets to look at him and say, "I had a baby, and I gave it away."
And she gets to watch him meet her gaze, her eyes like hers, like her father's. His hair and chin from Pete--who had written years ago to tell Peggy he'd told Trudy, and she'd sighed and said, 'Well, at least Peggy's not some floozy,' and then Trudy had written and said, 'Our first marriage was Peter making every mistake he ever wanted to try, and I would have preferred you not be wrapped up with them, but men do love to shit where they eat.' (Peggy had laughed so hard to read Trudy saying something so crass, and it reminds her of Trudy being excited to watch a boxing match all those years ago.)
"You gave me away," William agrees.
Peggy takes a fortifying drink. "I have a little girl," she says. "Well, not so little, but always little like I know you're an adult, but you're always a baby."
"The baby you gave away."
"Yes," Peggy agrees, and William's shoulders drop, like it helps that she doesn't flinch from it. "I'd like to know about your parents," she says, "If you don't mind."
"I want to know about you," William says.
Peggy nods. "Where do I start?"
"What did you do after you gave me away?"
And Peggy tells him.
