#pd fic

Tommy was gone. Tess was gone. Bill and Frank were gone. Lianne was gone.

Lianne was gone.

Joel is alone. Alone with a fourteen year old girl, tasked with trekking her across the country for the “fucking Fireflies.”  The one thing he had hated about his brother. The one thing he prayed Lianne wouldn’t fall in with. And it had sucked him right into it. 

Joel and Ellie had spent the night nestled in the woods a few miles from Bill and Frank’s house. Joel sipped on the coffee that was promised by Lianne.

How long had it been since Lianne was at Bill and Frank’s before Joel found them? Did she know already? Had she stayed with them until the end? How close behind her were Joel and Ellie?

Ellie had stuck her nose into the percolator to take a strong whiff, turning pale in a recoil at the smell. She let out a wretched noise, contorting her face in disgust as she quickly closed the lid to the coffee percolator, pulling Joel’s attention back to her.

He twists to look over his shoulder, brows shooting up as he examines her scrunched face.

“You don’t like coffee?” Joel asks the young girl, voice gravely in a gentle surprise.

“Is this that shit they used to sell at Starbucks in the QZs?” She had asked him, face still scrunched in a pained grimace.

“It was a lot fresher than this, but yeah,” Joel had responded, voice barely above a gruff grunt.

“You ever go there?” Ellie continued quizzically. “Before?”

“Not really to Starbucks, but to smaller coffee shops,” Joel answered, voice becoming softer. “My wife liked the local-”

“Your wife?” Ellie perks up, face contorting into a whole new expression of surprise. “You? Married? Dude, why haven’t you said anything?”

Her words fall upon deaf ears, Joel turning from her with a grunt.

A memory of her floats across his vision. The golden rays of the morning sun seeped through the cafe window to cast a warm glow around her. Her cheeks were pulled into a smile, full and rosy, laughing at something Joel had said. His thumb had traced the swell of her soft cheeks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her warm and forgetless eyes shined bright, crinkled in the corners.

The thought of her made his stomach turn.

“Forget it,” he chides in Ellie’s direction. He’d let it slip, the mention of Lianne. He had wanted to bring her up earlier, when he and Tess first met Ellie and she had asked if the two of them were together, or when they first reached Bill and Frank’s. He especially wanted to talk about her when he didn’t know what the fuck to do, and knew that she would have the answer. Wanted to bring her up just to keep the memory of her fresh in his mouth. But he had kept his tongue bit, wanting to keep her separate from this journey, as much as his body and soul ached in longing for her to be beside him. She would know what to do. She would know where to go. As much as she would keep him on his toes, she would be there to keep him grounded and his mind level.

—-

Weeks had turned into months of radio silence. The group that Lianne had left with all that time ago no longer existed; people giving up the fight and dying off. And still no sound of Joel. 

Lianne had made it to that safe house in Nebraska about a week ago. In the beginning, she cleared out the town of any infected, ensuring her safety and isolation. Evening passed and morning came - that was the first day. 

She spent what was left of the few remaining candles the first night. After a night of cold darkness with no electricity, Lianne had found some more candles in an old store down the road. The main floor of the house glowed warm, dozens of candles lighting the windowsills, climbing the way up the staircase, and above the fireplace mantle. 

“Let there be light,” she had whispered to herself, a bitter chuckle escaping in harsh breath. She watched the stars that night, just like she had all those years before. And like those years before, a single satellite traced its endless orbit across the sky. And again, it was a beacon of something that was never changing in an ever changing world. And she wished for Joel. 

 Evening passed and the morning came - that was the second day. 

The walls had begun cramping around her. The boarded up windows seemed to pound at her skull. So she’d found an old hammer and began ripping the boards from the window panes, letting the white sunshine flood the first floor. 

The breeze chilled her skin as the sun soaked her bones, and she let herself lay on the wooden floor to bask in the sun. She wanted to find window panes in the old store down the road to replace the no-longer-windows, but installing them wasn’t in her skill set.

That’s a job for Joel, she had thought to herself.

Joel. 

And it hit her like a freight car, a tsunami wave crashing over her and pulling her to the bottom. Grief and guilt and pain and sorrow and frustration and guilt and grief and guilt. It ate at her, gnawed at her soul, clean through to her marrow. And she let it eat her, at first. He never left her mind, not for a moment, not for a second. She bargained with herself, any attempt to convince herself that she made the right decision. Joel was still at the QZ, safe and alive and helping Tess. 

And then she began to pray. To pray for Joel to be there, to be anywhere. To be there in Nebraska with her, or at the QZ in Boston. Just to be alive, anywhere. She prayed for the will to go back to Boston and find Joel in their apartment, to beg him for forgiveness for letting herself leave without him. To beg him for forgiveness for leaving him. 

Evening passed and morning came - that was the third day.

Curtains made from mis-matched and discarded sheets waved in the windowsills, the breeze becoming colder as the winter truly set in. A fire burned constantly under the mantle, and Lianne kept bundled in wool sweaters and a blue suede jacket. She had built a home in the safehouse in Nebraska, a home she often thought that Joel would like to share with her, if they had ever gotten the chance. She sits on the porch, cheeks red from the cold air. Her stomach is full and she is safe.

When she slept at night, she thought of him so hard she swore she could feel his arms wrapped around her, reaching for her through the wall.

And she thought of Sarah. A cavern formed in her chest daring to rip itself in pieces with the emptiness. Longing for those moments in time where the only feared bite was that of a mosquito. 

Evening passed and morning came - that was a countless day.

It was the middle of the night when one of them broke in, snarling and rotten and climbing up her with rotten teeth. A hoard had followed, swiftly overtaking the house. The curtains were pulled from the windows with ragged fingernails.

She had tipped the bottles of kerosene over in the fight, drawing the hoard to the center of the house, before making a break to dash outside. She lit the end of a rag soaked in a liquor bottle and threw it to the house. The few that followed her outside were slain in a moment, but she knew more would come. She stood still for a moment, becoming a witness and watching the fire before her. Her feet pushed her tired body through the snow, sprinting westward through the night at an unstoppable pace, her lungs burning and threatening to burst.

Evening passed and morning came - that was the last day.  

— 

It was the smell he noticed first, nose crinkling at its harshness as he and Ellie walked through the woods. There’s this smell, like rainwater, burnt grass, burning plastic and, rotting wood, rotting… something. The smoke from a burning fire had been wafted through the air and into the woods where the two of them were.

“What’s that smell?” Ellie said, nose turned up in equal disruption. “Is something on fire?”

“Yeah,” Joel responds, a brief cloud of smoke catching his eye above the treeline. It doesn’t hit him at first, a sense of nervousness slowly washing its way over him. It breeches upon him like a warm wave, begging to drag him under. The forceful movement of his legs is the only thing keeping himself from sinking into the feeling.

They break from forest, the treeline receding from them in the background, as they further themselves into a clearing that has since been overgrown with brush. Joel comes to a halt, Ellie almost bumping into his backside with her lack of attention, before she stands right outside his peripheral.

A feeling Joel hasn’t felt in many years overwhelms him. It creeps through him at first, an icy cold freezing its way through the veins of his arms. Paralyzed and eyes wide, his heart thumps heavily in his chest. His eyes scan the doubly deserted town in front of him, the town in the middle-of-nowhere Nebraska that he, Tommy, and Lianne had built a safe house in. The safe house that lingered at the edge of the town, just far enough away and just close enough. The safe house that was now a smoldering ash, the roof of it collapsed in on itself, smoke from past flames lingered in a plume. 

Joel begins to break through the brushed clearing, Ellie instinctually following him as he pushes his thick legs through the tangled vegetation. She only fell still when Joel’s pacing became incessant, his face locked in a scowl as his brows folded over his eyes, but the whites of his eyes still showed in panic. She stood there watching, helpless, as Joel’s racing mind materialized into endless, pacing circles around the crumbling house.

Charred, black bodies littered the foundation of the exposed house. Joel’s gut began to churn at his inability to tell if they had been infected or not. Or if she could be one of them.

Ellie’s incessant badgering of unrelenting questions barely registered to Joel, her words brushing over him as his ears rang. 

“Was your wife supposed to be here?” Ellie called to Joel, and he finally stood still. 

His haunched hackles pulled back as he squared his chest, lifting his head taller, as her words finally hit him. His glowered lifelessly into the distance, vision focusing on nothing as the edges of it fuzzed black, before he turned around to march back to Ellie. His shoulder brushed hers, and at his closeness Ellie could finally see the blacks of his eyes. 

“We’re done here,” he growled as he pushed past her. And she’s right on his tail again, questions picking back up from where they left off, even though she knew she’d only be answered with silence. But still, she persists.

He continues to march them westward into the dipping sun, not stopping when Ellie begs for him to let them rest for the night. He’s silent, the crunch of dried leaves and feet on hard snow drowning out Ellie’s voice to his deaf ears. 

It elicits something in Ellie, the smallest prick of fear not about Joel, but for Joel. When they’d lost Tess, Joel had remained silent until Ellie confronted him, urging him to work out his shit. But now was different; the air around him was hostile, walls never seen before barricading him from her. There was no key to unlock Joel, no way to break down that wall he unknowingly forced back up. The strongest of flames couldn’t lick away at his walls. 

With Joel pushing them as far into the night as he can, Ellie fears he might not make it back from this one. It doesn’t get him until the next day, a fearsome grip clasping around his heart and squeezing with a vice so strong it has him gasping for breaths. He’s doubled over, hand resting on a tree as he grips at his jacket in an attempt to relieve his lungs. Ellie’s panicked words are drowned out by the sudden ringing of his ears.

I’m okay, he mumbles repeatedly, trying to convince himself as he levels his breathing.

“But are you okay?” Ellie asks, her voice finally breaking through to him. “Because just a reminder that if you’re dead, I’m fucked.”

Joel only grumbles a response, something that sounds like he’s okay, that it was just the cold air all of a sudden. Ellie watches him rise from the tree, her heart pounding just as quickly as Joel’s. It created a fear in her, one that sparked as a tiny flame in her chest, and she wouldn’t let it grow further than that, not wanting it to burn the whole forest down and take the two of them with it.

— 

Joel held his brother in his arms. When Tommy was born, Joel was one of the first to hold him. The immediate sense of protecting and belonging overtook him then, holding his tiny brother in his arms. The world gave Tommy to Joel to protect and to save, and Joel will kill to succeed.

He held his brother in his arms now, again, decades later in the middle-of-nowhere Wyoming. A hug like the first, of love and disbelief, and of never knowing of the chance to do it again. Joel had found his brother, after months of on-foot travel across the country, he found his brother, and the hope that came with it glistened brightly in his eyes.

And now, Tommy was taking care of Joel. Filling his stomach with warm food, welcoming the young girl Joel traveled with with generous hospitality, and letting him relax in the protection of Jackson.

“How ‘bout a tour?” Tommy asks, finally, the question gnawing at him since his brother arrived. Tommy’s wife, Maria, had sat rigid next to him, eyes staring Joel down. The tension rose in him gradually as he watched his brother and Ellie scoop copious amounts of food into their mouths. “Somethin’ I think you’re gonna wanna see.”

Tommy and Maria led the way down the main street of Jackson, Joel and Ellie lingering a few paces behind them as they followed. Dozens of people lined the street, shop owners leaning against the entrances to their stores as they lazily waited for customers. Shouts of children down the street were cheery and free. Joel’s senses were in overdrive, vision becoming tunnel-like as he tried to focus on what Maria was saying.

“So are you, like, in charge?” Ellie speaks up as they pass what Maria told them was a church of multifaith.

“No one person’s in charge,” Maria begins to explain. “I’m on the council. Democratically elected, serving 300 people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting. Everything you see in our town… the greenhouses, livestock, is all shared. Collective ownership.”

“So, uh,” Joel chirps up. “Communism.”

“Nah,” Tommy lets out with a scoff. “Nah, it ain’t like that.”

“It is that,” Maria interjects matter-of-factly. “Literally. This is a commune. We’re communists.”

Tommy hesitantly looks back at Joel, casting a dejected gaze towards the ground. Joel’s eyes glint with amusement, casting a smirk towards his grimacing brother. 

“Tommy!” A voice calls from somewhere behind them. “Wait up a second!”

Joel swears he’s made it up, the voice calling for Tommy only in his head. It’s a voice Joel would know anywhere. Even in death he would have the melodic voice memorized, praying it would be the last sound he heard. It sounded foreign at first, like a long lost memory that lingered on the tip of his tongue leaving a heavenly aftertaste. Only, he heard this voice in his dreams, kept it with him daily in fear of ever forgetting. 

Tommy was the first to turn to face the calling of his name, and Joel the second, eyes scanning the town square to see where the possible voice came from. 

A woman stands on the other side of the square, hand raised in the air in a wave. Her cheeks are rosy and full, pulled up into a smile, and her eyes twinkle in the sunshine. When she knows Tommy sees her, she turns to quickly finish a conversation with a man next to her before making her way towards them.

When her gaze shifts from Tommy to his brother, she freezes in her tracks, the small smile fading quickly as her face goes pale.

Joel’s heart thuds loudly in his ear and his tunnel vision returns, locking on her. He blinks, convinced she’s a mirage, a hallucination, an angel appearing before him. But she stays planted, and Joel feels faint. A blush creeps along the tips of his cheek, turning him crimson and his neck begins to burn.

He remembers her, all those years ago, an unknowingly frightened thing in the road, eyes glistening as her hands shook with her emptied pistol. How she had been a complete shell of any part of her that used to be.

She stands there, now, put together, and from a distance is seemingly untouched. Her cream, knitted turtleneck stands out compared to the navy canvas jacket that blends in with the darkened buildings of Jackson. Her dark hair curls around her shoulders as if she’s taken the time to put a curling iron to it, scarce strands of silver wisp their way through it.

Her breath had hitched in her throat, before becoming almost ragged as she took small, stuttered gasps. 

Their hearts stutter in their chests like two doves in two cages, screaming to be let out. The rhythm pushes against their chests, pulling at their ribs to finally move their feet forward. Joel doesn’t move until she takes her first steps, and his knees buckle under him as he finally steps towards her. His feet land heavily on the ground below, but he feels as if he’s walking on air.

Two waves crash against each other, tectonic plates shifting in the core of the earth, as the two of them finally collide. Limbs wrapping around them, hands latching into place to hold each other close. 

“The house-” Joel starts, pulling back to let his eyes desperately search hers as he holds her face in his hands.

“I know,” Lianne gasps. “The radio- You stopped-” 

“I know, I’m sorry,” Joel whispers, only to her, hands desperately brushing the hair out of her face to make sure she’s still real. “I left a message…”

“It doesn’t matter,” she smiles the smallest, most gentle smile, and oh, how his world spins. A smile not seen in years, a smile that shines bright, a smile that pulls at her cheeks and pulls the corners of her eyes into crinkles. A smile that has Joel’s eyes shining with the beginning of unfalling tears. 

He knew he had no right to touch her, crave her like air, but he did both. And when he put his mouth on hers, he recognized the taste of her, like she’d been made just for him. And he kissed her. He kissed her with all the power he could muster, making up for the months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds their lips hadn’t been touching. And finally, finally, it felt like her world was no longer burning around her. The forest fire within her subdued in his arms.

“Why didn’t you tell me about her as soon as we got here?” Joel asks Tommy, brows furrowing in mock-frustration, but the curl at the corners of his lips says otherwise.

“Figured we should get some food in ya first,” Tommy says with a slight smile. “Didn’t want the old man collapsin’ on us.”

“We can give you two some time to catch up,” Maria says, her smile friendly but her gaze still hesitant towards Joel. “Make that man get a shower. I’ll take Ellie to our place where she can freshen up, get some warm clothes.”

Joel’s focus remains solely on Lianne, he doesn’t hear Ellie’s quiet and confused protest when she calls out his name.

“You’ll be fine,” he says softly, finally turning his gaze to the young girl. She still stands there, frozen, with Maria gesturing for her to follow. “Go on, you’ll be fine.”

“Wait,” Lianne murmurs, barely above a whisper as her eyes finally connect on Ellie’s hunched figure. Lianne’s eyes gleam in interest as they gauge from the young girl and then back to Joel. She nods to Ellie as she asks, “Who’s this?”

Joel turns, almost too quickly, to look at Ellie. Her face is pale with nervousness, cheeks rosy from the chilled air. She’s looking at Joel with pleading eyes, silently begging him for some kind of reprieve as her thumb picks at her ratted glove.

“Ellie,” Joel says softly, the whisper of a smile in his voice. “Lianne… This is Ellie. Ellie…” Joel’s voice falls short, head turning as he looks back to Lianne to make sure she’s still there. “This is Lianne… my wife.”

“Oh…” Ellie murmurs, brows raising in realization. “Well, shit. You didn’t say she was-”

“Ellie-” Joel grunts at her in disapproval, but the sweetening sound of the laugh from the woman next to him has his gaze pulling to her again. Lianne gently brushes past him, a faint but warm smile radiant on her lips, and gently sticks her hand out as she reaches the young girl.

“Hi, Ellie,” Lianne says gently. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Ellie’s voice is barely above a murmur as she greets Lianne in response, eyes casting down towards where their hands meet. 

“How’d you get on Joel’s good side?” Lianne asks the young girl, a teasing lilt to her voice.

Ellie only smiles awkwardly, eyes shifting past Lianne towards Joel.

“I’ll explain,” Joel says. “Later.”

Maria approaches Ellie again, continuing to lead her away from Joel and Lianne. Joel only gives Ellie a nod, reassuring her that she’s safe with Maria. Lianne quietly leads Joel back to her house, a house that she can’t help thinking of the possibility of becoming a home with Joel.

“So,” Lianne finally says, a gleam in her eyes as she turns in Joel’s direction. “Who’s Ellie?”

Joel rubs at his hands, thinking of a response to give her. So, he tells her that Ellie’s cargo, some Firefly big-wig’s daughter he’s taking out west. He lies to her, and she knows it. It will have to do, for now.

“Surprised Tess ain’t with y’all,” Lianne responds simply. She teases him by adding, “Before I left, told her to keep you in check while I was gone.”

Joel slows his steps before finally coming to a stop. Lianne continues a few paces before turning back to check on Joel. Her smile fades when she clocks his expression. His brows are furrowed again, eyes not willing to meet hers as he casts them away to his feet. When he finally meets her gaze, his dark eyes are soft and somber, pools of regret swimming through a current to beg for forgiveness. A grip takes its place around his throat, tightening until it choked him. 

When his eyes meet hers, she knows Tess is gone. And all she can do is nod.

“How?” She asks.

“Got bit,” Joel finally pulls the words from himself. “Saved me and the kid, though.”

“Good,” Lianne responds again with a nod. “That she saved you.”

Joel nods, too.

“Bill and Frank, too,” Joel says. “Got your message ‘bout you stayin’ there, thought I’d stop by too with the kid after… Tess. See if you’d maybe be there. Bill left a letter.”

Lianne stands quietly for a moment, grinding her teeth and chewing the inside of her lip. 

“I’m sorry,” Joel offers, quietly.

“Me too,” is all she says as she nods again, before turning to lead him further down the street to her house. “Frank was in pretty bad shape when I was there.”

It’s a two-story house, like the one in Austin. Unlike the house in Nebraska, the porch doesn’t wrap all the way around the four sides of the structure. Instead, the dark fencing of the wooden porch is shortened to cover half of the front of the house, stopping where it connects with gray paneling. Another porch matches this one on the back of the house, facing a well-sized backyard and renovated garage. A white picket fence outlines the perimeter of the property, and Lianne had chuckled when she first moved in at the idea of that cherry-pie kind of life.

Lianne leads Joel in through the front door and the smallest hint of clean laundry mixed with old coffee wafts through the air to soak into Joel. It could make him breathless, the trigger of a memory of their home in Austin flashing briefly before him, only to be replaced by the dim surroundings of this unfamiliar structure. 

“Do you, uh, wanna shower or anything?” Lianne finally speaks, scratching mindlessly at a spot on her cheek. “Not sayin’ you need one or anything.”

“‘S a good idea,” he replies quietly. “I’d appreciate that.”

Lianne only nods and leads him up the staircase to the second floor. She pushes a door open on the right, and a sunlit room with a simple spread is on the other side. A bed with linen sheets and a blue patterned quilt, a pile of worn clothes tossed over a chair in the corner.

Her bed is made, only one side sloped in and the edges ruffled, while the other side lay perfectly neat and barren. A side saved for him.

“I feel like all this ain’t really mine,” she says, almost as if she’s explaining her tidiness. “Gotta keep it lookin’ nice for Maria.”

Joel chuckles softly, a whisper of a laugh, watching her sweep a hand over the quilt to soothe out a wrinkle, before she’s back in front of him. 

“So,” she starts again. “Who really is Ellie?”

“She’s immune,” the words are out of his mouth before he can even think to hold them in. His eyes widen in panic, while Lianne’s stay calm and curious.

“To what?” She asks, just a breath away from a confused chuckle.

But Joel stays silent, and her brow furrows.

“She’s immune,” she repeats his words slowly back to him.

“It was Marlene,” Joel starts, mouth moving faster than his braind. “She hired us to smuggle her to some Fireflies. I’ve seen the bite on her arm. I’ve seen her get bitten. And that was months ago. She’s immune.” 

Lianne only stares at him, his words rolling through her head like a pearl. He can see the gears turning behind her eyes, the scale of judgment of belief or disbelief. His heart pounds in his chest, that fear coming over him again in an icy grip.

“Okay,” Lianne replies. Her voice is soft, eyes warm again as she looks up at Joel. “So what’s next?”

“I don’t know,” Joel breathes, the words falling from him on a gasp. 

“Okay,” she says again.

She reaches instinctively to help Joel from his canvas jacket, fingers gently pulling the fabric from him as if the slightest move would spook him like a wounded animal. His gaze follows her movements, soft eyes never blinking her away as he continues to track her. She finally slips the sleeves off his wrists, and the broad expanse of his shoulders takes her breath away. When she finally looks up to meet his eyes, they reflect that same longing and lonesome she’s found herself in since September. The softness of his dark eyes remind her of October, of a chill that can only be subdued by the warmth of him.

She puts her hands on either side of his face, and the room falls away. Joel had always gotten lost in the kisses shared between them, but never quite like this, like a fever taking its grip. And then, the space between them explodes. His heart keeps missing beats and his hands cannot bring her close enough to him. He tastes her and realizes he’s been starving and it burns him alive.

Maybe it lasts a minute, maybe it’s an hour. Joel only knows this kiss, how soft her skin is when it brushes against his, and that even if he did not know it until now, he had been and would continue waiting for her forever.

“I should shower first,” Joel whispers as he forces himself away from her lips. His forehead remains pressed heavily against hers, just as his fingers dig into her hips. 

“I don’t care,” she whispers back, latching herself onto him once more before he can pull further away. 

His hands are back on her, cupping her face to hold her closer, breathing her in, trying to clear away the fear that she’s not real. She maneuvers them closer to the bed, Joel shoving off her blue suede jacket as her hands push and pull and search across his flannel. Her hands only leave him to pull her turtleneck off and throw it to the floor, revealing a haphazardly buttoned white blouse.

Closer to the bed, she’s pushing him gently to sit, and he obliges. In quick timing, but not quick enough for Joel, she straddles him. His hands immediately land on her waist, strong and heavy, and he pulls her closer on his lap. His hands lose themselves in her hair, entwining themselves with it to pull her into his mouth. 

She kisses him ravenously, the want of each other in the way of flesh wanting to knit itself together over a wound. 

She wondered if he had hated her, when she first left Boston. If he hated her for leaving him there alone, no family but Tess, without the only thing to keep fighting for. If he hated her for her short and shitty messages she left him, or the shitty excuse she gave when she left. She wondered if he hated her, and prayed that she’d never know the answer. 

She pulls the white button-up tauntingly slowly from her shoulders, the warm sun illuminating her exposed chest as he watches her. A stab of hunger came over him, and he found nourishment in the very sight of her. The blouse drops to the floor behind her, and her chest expands with a pull of wanton air. 

His fingers reach up, ghosting along the skin of her chest to leave goosebumps in their wake. He has to drag his eyes to meet hers, and when she sees them they’re black and hungry. His hands wrap around her waist, eyes never leaving hers, as he grips her close to him and flips her over onto her back. She’s pinned between him and the mattress like a flower pressed in a book. 

His lips are on her chest, hungry, wet kisses covering the skin there. He loved her like a rotten dog, drooling and painting and messy. Loved her like his canines were falling out of his gums; like a monster, like a beast. 

She’s wrestled him out of his clothes, the tip of his throbbing cock nudging against the inside of her thigh. He had rocked himself into her hundreds of times, thousands even. Each time different from the last, and just as good as the first. It presses into her wetness, and he holds back from sinking his teeth into her. He could let go right now, just having her underneath him again. She keens for him, hips begging to be split.

Their bones whisper to each other: Where have you been?

I’ve been lost but I’m here now. You’re the only person who has ever been able to find me.

His body is on fire, a fever taking over him as he finds himself nestled within her. The tip of him kisses the deepest part of her, over and over, and she’s panting beneath him. Her hands latch themselves in his hair, grounding herself to him as he loses himself in her.

The air is hot and sticky, suffocating in the small space between them. The airway is narrow, any breath reaching their lungs a soothing relief. 

She says his name, over and over, like it’s the only word written on the pages. Three more heavy thrusts and she’s undone, unbinding herself as she comes around him. Her hand claws into his shoulder, pushing him away and holding him close. Sharp gasps are pushed from her chest, and he breathes them into himself as he rests his cheek against her own. Her back arches, breasts pushing further into his chest. Her pussy squeezes his cock, and the haze in her eyes has him coming inside her. 

He nestles his cheek against her chest, hips coming to a slow still as he stays inside her. A lazy hand runs through his hair, the sweat-damp strands cooling to her rough fingers. They let each other rest, soaking each other in, leaving mindless kisses on each other’s skin.

He finally pushes himself off of her, taking the weight off her chest. He rolls to his side away from her and runs a hand down his face. A soft chuckle comes from her behind him, and he looks over his shoulder to see her flushed state. A smirk grows across his face, and she runs her hand down the length of his back. When her hand leaves him, she pulls her arm back to herself, a solemn look overtaking her features. 

Joel’s smirk drops, a slight frown creasing his brows.

“What?” He calls to her softly.

“I just want to forget,” she says quietly, arms crossing over her stomach.

“What do you want to forget?” he asks, voice soft as he still looks at her over his shoulder, fingers reaching out to trace the edge of her face.

Everything. She wants to forget ever leaving Joel, every moment that had passed without him near her. She only wanted to know Joel, to breathe Joel, to feel Joel.

He watches her eyes, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her swollen lips, eyes never leaving her face.

“How can you even forgive me?” She whispers, and he pulls away from her only to look in her eyes, nose bumping gently against hers, and her chin tips up achingly for the return of his lips. He drags his lips to her forehead, planting a kiss on her damp skin. 

“Because I thought about you,” Joel responds. “Every day and every night. You know there’s nothing you could do that I wouldn’t forgive you for.”

His lips return to her skin, nipping gently at the skin of her jaw. She was his darling, never to be unloved by him, too well tangled with his soul. 

And they make love again - Lianne used to say as she would tease Joel in fake mockery at his use of the term - until the room became golden and the sun hung lower in the sky, hot tears slipping from the edges of her eyes down to her ears to make their home on the pillow. Until she was able to forget.

—

Tommy had been the one to interrupt their brief bubble of paradise, his fists knocking on the front door and luring the two of them down the staircase. That’s how Joel found himself sitting in a bar, the Tipsy Bison, running his hands over the wooden counter, his girl sat at his side while his brother poured him a drink, for the first time in since who knows when. 

“Been a long time,” Joel murmurs, mostly to himself, as he continues to admire the handiwork of the bar top.

“So, what’s up with the kid?” Tommy asks, unable to hold in his curiosity.

Joel takes a sip from the glass in front of him, the bite of it burning down his throat with a wince. 

“Tryna find her family somewhere out here,” another lie. “I was headin’ in this direction anyway, so…”

“Really?” Tommy asks, brows raising in surprise. “Goodness of your heart?”

Joel stares aimlessly into his glass, and Lianne shifts in her seat next to him before swallowing her drink.

“There’s a payment,” Joel says gruffly. “So, you know where they might be? These Fireflies?”

Tommy shakes his head slightly at his older brother, the smallest hint of disbelief laced across his face. 

“Well,” Tommy starts with a sigh. “Heard they got a base down at the University of Eastern Colorado. It’s a week’s ride south. But it is severely fucked up between here and there. Infected… Raiders… It’s not exactly an easy trip.”

“It’ll be easy for us,” Joel says immediately, looking between Lianne and his brother who remains behind the bar. “Seeing as how you can headshot infected from half a mile away. Which is a bunch of bullshit, by the way.”

Tommy finally takes a slow, long sip of his drink, gulping it down harshly with gritted teeth. He slowly shakes his head.

“Yeah, I can’t go,” he says slowly, eyes peering up through his lashes at his brother, afraid of his reaction. 

“Oh, come on,” Joel persists. “I made it across the country. The three of us can make it from here to Colorado.”

Tommy only sighs, looking briefly at Lianne with eyes pleading for help.

“Hey,” Joel says harshly, getting Tommy’s attention back on her. “What, cause your wife won’t let you?”

“Joel,” Lianne’s voice calls to him from his side, a warning in her voice to cool it down.

“She the one that kept you off the radio? Is that why you stopped messaging me back?” Joel presses.

“They’re good people,” Tommy finally interjects. “Didn’t have to take me in, but they did. All they ask is that we follow their rules. They’re very protective of this place, is all. And for good fuckin’ reason.”

“No, I heard,” Joel bites. “Wrong people might show up… Is that what I am? Am I the wrong people?”

“Joel,” Lianne warns again, this time with a sigh. 

“Those things I did,” Joel can’t help the river of relentless words that spill from him. “Tommy, those things that you judge me for, I did those things to keep us alive.”

“We did those things,” Tommy agrees. “But they weren’t ‘things.’ We murdered people. And I don’t judge you for it. We survived the only way we knew how, but there were other ways. We just weren’t any good at ‘em.”

Joel rubs a hand down his face, rubbing the gruff hair that lines his jaw. When he opens his mouth to respond, Tommy interjects.

“I’m gonna be a father,” Tommy says, letting it out as if he had been holding his breath. 

And Joel freezes. He lets his head drop, letting it shake back and forth as he lets out a scoff. Tommy’s face turns red, and his jaw clicks as he squints his eyes at Joel.

“You know what?” Tommy says harshly. “Just because life stopped for you… Doesn’t mean it has to stop for me.” 

Lianne snaps her attention towards Tommy, mirroring him in a squint of disbelief. Joel only remains silent. His eyes go cold as he swallows the rest of his drink, the glass landing heavily back onto the countertop as he pushes himself up from his stool.

“We’ll grab some supplies and be outta your hair in the mornin’,” he grunts before pushing his way to the door of the bar.

Lianne stays planted, gaze remaining piercing on Tommy. His head is hung lowly in instant regret, eyes peering up to meet Lianne’s gaze. Neither of them say anything, and Lianne has to steady herself from flaring smoke from her ears. She pushes herself from her spot at the bar, making her way to follow Joel.

“Lianne,” Tommy calls after her.

“Don’t,” she stops him, boots heavy on the wooden floorboards as she continues her way outside. 

Joel isn’t far from the entrance of the bar when she finds him. He’s bent over, hand gripping the wooden post of a street light right outside the bar. Lianne’s pace quickens as she approaches him, her heart dropping to her stomach when she sees the pale state of him. He’s breathing heavily, fast and gasping breaths fogging in the Jackson sunlight.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lianne murmurs, immediately resting her hand on his back. “Joel, what’s going on?”

Joel’s hand that’s gripping his chest latches on to her, finding the nearest part of her to bring her closer and hold himself steady. His eyes were glazed, but the tears from the stinging cold kept them sparkling in the sun. He can’t hear her ask if he’s okay, the panic slicing through her voice, his ears ringing again as they did in the woods. Her hand replaces where his was pressed on his chest as she begins to rub soothing circles, trying to get him to stand upright to better get breath in his lungs. She watches his eyes, noticing their locked on something further away, so she follows his gaze. When his breathing finally steadies, Lianne catches a glimpse of a head of dark curly hair amongst a group of people further down the way, and her breath hitches for a moment. The woman in the town center bends down, handing something to a little girl with the same hair. Lianne’s heart breaks when she turns back to Joel.

“I thought the same thing when I first got here,” she says softly, watching Joel take full breaths. “But she really doesn’t look anything like her.”

“She could’ve, though,” Joel finally says, and it breaks Lianne further.

“I’m sorry, Joel,” she whispers.

“I’m okay,” he says, trying to reassure himself. “It’s okay.”

—

Later in the night, the two of them found themselves in a tiny storefront, renovated into a shoe repair shop that was almost always empty. Joel had wanted to fix his torn boots himself, the soul of them peeling from the bottom to reveal his toes. Lianne had insisted she could trade something for a better pair for him, but he refused and refused, insisting he could fix them himself. Joel hadn’t seen Ellie all day, accidentally allowing her to get scooped up by Maria and roped in to a community movie night at the town’s center.

A swift breeze of the cold night air swept through the store as the door opened, a bell jingling as Tommy appeared through the threshold. He smiled awkwardly as he approached the couple, his shoulders tense as he kept them close to his ears and his hands in his pockets. Lianne turned to return his smile before resuming her watchful position on Joel. 

“The guys said I might find you here,” Tommy says as he continues his way over to them, steps slow with caution as he approaches his brother. 

Joel looks up to look at his brother, but quickly resumes the work on his boots.

“I shouldn’t have said what I said,” Tommy continues with a sigh. “I don’t even believe it. It’s complicated for you… And I’m sorry.”

Joel stays silent, this time giving a look to Lianne who quirks an eyebrow at him in return. 

“So you gonna let me off the hook, or what?” Tommy presses.

“This ride to the university,” Joel speaks up suddenly. “Is it a suicide mission?”

Tommy doesn’t answer right away. He looks to Lianne, his composure slightly taken aback in the shift of conversational direction.

“No…” Tommy starts slowly. “It’s dangerous, but it’s nothin’ you can’t handle. Just prepare and do what you do.”

“You’ve had people go that way and come back?” Joel asks again.

Tommy nods. “All of ‘em,” he responds, crossing his hands over his chest. “What is this?”

And Joel tells him, from the beginning. That the leader of the Fireflies hired him and Tess to smuggle her out. After Tess, it was just the two of them. And in Kansas City, Ellie had to save Joel. His face fell suddenly, paling at the memory, eyes growing glassy with tears. He froze then, words coming to a halt, just as he did that afternoon. Just as he did in Kansas City.

“I was so afraid,” he mutters. “I’m not who I was. I’m weak.”

It takes everything in Lianne to not break at the sight, to hold his sweet face in her hands and kiss away the worries. Her heart thrums loudly in her chest, drowning out the sounds of Joel’s words as he continues.

“You want me to take her,” Tommy says, face soft in understanding. 

“I’m just gonna get her killed,” Joel says, voice breaking as he forces the words from his mouth. “I know it. I have to leave her.”

Tommy and Lianne share a knowing look, the conversation having gone in a direction they are too familiar with. 

“This is your chance to bring your kid into a better world,” Joel continues, eyes pleading and voice begging. “You’re younger than me, still strong. You said it yourself, you’ll come back. You have to take her.” 

Tommy sighs, looking around the room before his eyes fall to the floor.

“Tommy, you’re the only one I trust. It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you, I swear.”

Tommy looks back to his brother, then to his brother’s wife. She looks equally as broken as Joel, her gaze never leaving him, with her lips turned in a hard frown.

“I’ll take her out at dawn,” Tommy replies.

Back in the house, voices are raised behind the walls, anger laced and spitting with venom. And all Lianne can do is pace her bedroom. She chews on the nail of her thumb, heart pounding as she waits for Joel to return to the room. The voices grow louder, until they’re finally silent.

A door slams, and heavy footsteps grow louder as they step down the hallway.

The door to Lianne’s room swings open, Joel’s gaze falling on her as her pacing comes to a stop. He slowly closes the door, latching it softly behind him.  

He slowly brushes past her, squeezing her hand in passing, before planting himself on the edge of the bed. His head hangs, his hands rubbing circles into his eyes as he rests them on his knees.

“Joel,” she says quietly, kneeling in front of him. Her hands rest on his knees before coming up to rub along the length of his arms.

“I have you,” Joel says suddenly, his eyes pleading to her, his voice trying to convince himself. “That’s all I need.”

“I don’t think that’s as true anymore, Joel,” she says softly, a knowing gleam in her eyes, and his gaze falls to his lap. “You need that little girl, Joel. Just as much as she needs you. You gotta see this through with her.” 

“I just got you back,” Joel replies, voice cracking under the weight of his words. “I can’t leave you again. Ain’t lettin’ you outta my sight.”

Her crumpled face mirrors his own, eyes glossy and brows furrowed, as she takes his face in her hands. The rough pad of her thumb ghosts over the dry skin of his cheek, and he can’t help but close his eyes at the feeling.

“Then I’ll come with you,” Lianne says, her words definitive. “If you’re sure that’s what you’d need, I’ll go with you.” 

He takes her hands from his face, running over the lines of her palm that etch across her skin before softly planting his lips onto her calloused palms. 

Lianne laid on her stomach, head fuzzy with sleep. Joel’s hand was splayed on her back, resting lightly above her hip. But he was ridgid next to her. The quiet of Jackson made his head buzz, the ceiling above him swirled in his vision.

She rolled her head towards him, a soft hum radiating from her as she pulled herself closer to his warm body.

“Sleep,” she mumbled, pulling him into her. “It’s safe here.”

She knew what he was feeling, a bit all too well. Like the walls would fall away and they would be back in the middle of the woods, exposed to the elements and the Infected, one twig snap away from a nearing death. 

“You can sleep,” she says. “Sleep in my arms.” 

He felt warm and familiar. He felt solid and safe. But there was something different about him after all their time apart. A man changed, a man who now had less anger in his heart. An anger that had festered for so long, entwining itself with him, that had now been replaced by something all together different. She wanted to cling to his shirt, bury her face into the warm curve of his neck, and never let go. She kissed his neck and shoulders, feeling faint from loving him so much. 

Lianne woke up while it was still dark. Joel had only stirred briefly as she left the bed, quickly falling back asleep once he heard the running water of the shower, the smell of her lingering on her pillow lulling him to sleep. 

It was the toss of her towel on her empty spot in the bed that jerked him awake, eyes snapping wide as he remained frozen. His side of the bed dipped behind his back as her fingers ran softly down his arm. He turned with a groan, reaching out to land his hand on her waist.

“Get a groove on, Miller,” she said softly, hand now brushing the hair from his face.

“‘Time is it?” He groaned again. “‘S still dark.”

“Almost dawn,” Lianne replies in the quiet of the dark. “So get up, get dressed. We’re goin’ to the stables.” 

That was half an hour ago. The golden sunrise had begun to creep over the snow-capped mountains. Joel’s breath lingered in the morning air as he contemplated Lianne’s decision.

“I just ain’t sure about this,” he says, hands still adjusting the straps of the saddle. 

“At least give her the choice,” Lianne tries to persuade. 

Only another moment of silent shuffling passes before the crunches of footfall approach the stable. Tommy and Ellie round the corner, and the young girl stops in her tracks when she sees Joel, a look of disdain weaved over her. 

“You came here to say goodbye, or something?” Ellie tosses sharp words in Joel’s direction. 

“No,” Joel says as he grinds the toe of his boot into the dirt. “We came here to steal these horses and go.”

“I would’ve given you one,” Tommy chirps with a soft shrug.

“I know,” Joel says, still keeping his eyes to the ground. “Anyway, that was thirty minutes ago, and I guess…”

His voice trails off when he finally raises his eyes to Ellie. Her glare is sharp and her jaw is set.

“You deserve a choice,” he finally says. “I still think you’d be better off with Tommy-”

His words are cut off as Ellie shoves her sleeping bag into his arms.

“Let’s go,” she says bluntly.

Joel nods slowly, a soft and assured okay leaving his lips. He helps Ellie up onto his horse, letting her take the reins as he leads them out of the stable. Lianne follows behind on a horse of her own as they head to Jackson’s main gate. 

Tommy gives the three of them directions to the interstate, a small yet knowing smile on his face as he says goodbye to his brother. 

Lianne travels quietly alongside Joel and Ellie, taking in the rambling conversations of the young girl and Joel’s short but giving answers to her. Ellie’s convinced him to teach her how to shoot the rifle Tommy gave them, and to Lianne’s unsurprised surprise, Joel has given in to the young girl.

The three of them find themselves in a small, grassy opening off the side of the road. Joel’s set up a target a few dozen yards away with some old socks stuffed with grass, the word ASSHOLE written on it for encouragement. Ellie complains and complains, saying the target’s too small, or the rifle doesn’t aim right. Joel rolls his eyes, arching his brow in discontempt at Lianne who gives him an amused smile. Joel takes the rifle from Ellie, willing to prove it’s just a skill issue. He talks her through the process, words slow and heavy as he readies himself. 

“You gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?” Ellie asks with a smug smirk, and Lianne can’t help but chuckle quietly from the otherside of Joel. Again, Joel raises his glance to Lianne, a look of disappointment that can’t be wiped from him as Lianne nudges him knowingly with her elbow. 

Joel readies himself behind the rifle again, and not a second later has a hole blasted through ASSHOLE. Ellie drops the binoculars she was holding in disbelief, the smug smirk once on her face completely gone and transferred to Joel.

“You dick,” she hisses slowly. 

The three continue on horseback, the sun lowering in the sky. Ellie had braved enough to ask Lianne about herself, who she was before the outbreak, how she met Joel (which Joel changed topics immediately), which Ellie followed up with asking Lianne what her role was in the Boston QZ. 

Lianne found herself happy to answer Ellie’s questions, giving as much of herself to her as she could. The feeling of making up for lost time had taken hold of her thoughts, feeling she needed to be on the same level of Joel in connection to the young girl. 

A warm yellow silhouetted the three, riding over rolling hills and dipping into shallow valleys. Lianne rode ahead of them, stopping atop a high mound of land to take in the sunset. Joel stopped next to her, crinkled eyes softening as he watched her. She sat content on her horse, warm sun dripping off her like honey. She turned to him, cheeks pulling into an equally warm smile as her cheeks rosened. Joel couldn’t help but mirror her smile, and when Ellie peeked out to Lianne from behind Joel, the young girl joined them in a toothy smile. 

It wasn’t the smell that had her heavy lids peeling open. The smell of iron, of rust, of death.

It wasn’t the rolling of her stomach, churning with emptiness and threatening to purge itself of nothing.

It was the buzzing. A buzzing that followed death, that hovered itself around a stench of rot and something foul. It was muffled at first, a consistent hum, before seeping in to tickle her eardrums. 

A breeze from a cracked window blows against her bare skin. Eyelids heavy, vision blurry, she felt like she was spinning around the room. Her arms hung numb above her, chained and hooked over something to keep her upright. Her toes barely touched the floor. 

The warmth of a body approached her peripheral, the movement of the body blurred in motion. A face appeared in her vision, still too blurry to distinguish their features. The only distinguishable trait was the foul breath that ghosted over her cheeks.

“I followed you,” the voice started, echoing through the air and swirling towards Lianne. A hiss of a snake, a timbre of nothing manly. “I was with you, there. I invited you in, twice.”

Her stomach churns again, goosebumps raising up the skin of her spine, and her nose crinkles as she tries to pull away. 

“I thought I was the only one left… But now you’re here.”

Her head spun, the rotten stench swirling through the air, before darkness consumed her again.

—-

It happened in the university, much faster than any of the three of them expected. A group of raiders, what they thought was less than a dozen, turned out to be more. Lianne thought she’d gotten the last of them, until she heard Ellie screaming for her from down the way. 

It was a scream that vibrated through her skull, her heart dropping to her stomach and a cold sweat creeping down her spine. When she rounded the corner to find Ellie, the young girl was half way down a pile of rubble that led its way to the floor below them. 

“What?” Lianne called to her, feet pushing her forwards to catch up with the young girl.

“It’s Joel,” Ellie called back, voice holding back another scream. 

Her surroundings became a blur as her feet willed her body to the edge of the balcony. Joel lay on the ground below, head rolling in pain, a pool of crimson growing by the second. Before she could even blink she was at Joel’s side, belt sliding off her hips and around his torso. His hand flew to her, his fist gripping onto the sleeve of her jacket as she tightened the belt around him. 

“Hi,” she said calmly to him, forcing her eyes to meet his. Her stomach twisted as she finally met his eyes, the brown glazed over as he gritted his teeth. 

“Go,” Joel grumbled to her. 

Fuck you, is what she wanted to say, spit it in his face and force him to his feet.

“Guys?” Ellie called. “There’s more.”

The voices of the rest of the raiders grew nearer, and Lianne’s attention whipped fiercely to Joel.

“What do you want to do?” She asked flatly. “We can fight ‘em off here, or get you up and outta here.”

The voices drew nearer with each passing second, the steady heartbeat in Lianne’s chest giving her the amount of time before they were screwed.

“Joel!” She snaps, shaking off his fists. “Stay, or up?”

Joel glared at her, eyes fierce through their gaze. 

“Up,” he grunted, reaching for her again. 

“Good,” she sighed, turning this time to Ellie. “Can you cover us?”

“What?” Ellie stammed, eyes glued to Joel bleeding out on the white tile.

“I need you to cover us,” Lianne calls sharply, all patience in her tone gone. “Can you do that?”

Ellie remains frozen in her spot, mouth opening as if to say something. Nothing comes out.

“Ellie!” Lianne snaps, forcing Ellie’s attention on her. Ellie finally gives her a small nod, readying the gun in her hand.

“Fuck,” Ellie mumbles, turning to watch as the men come nearer. 

“Come on, old man,” Lianne grunts as she raises Joel’s arm up and around her, readying herself to pull him from his place. “Gotta get you outta here.”

—-

A force had shifted in her mother. A dark shadow cast over her eyes, her teeth bared almost beastly as she stared at Isaiah.

The sun had begun to set when Isaiah took Ethel from the house. Lianne stayed huddled in her bed, knees tucked up to her chest, scraped shins and cold toes peeking out from her nightgown. She could hear her father, from somewhere out in the woods that bordered the property, sounds of his preaching echoing against the trees. 

It was dark when her parents returned, the reflection of the full moon trapped  in her mothers rattled gaze. She returned damp and pale, teeth clicking together as her jaw trembled, strands of hair stuck to her slick forehead. Eyes sunk and sullen, a darkness surrounding them.

“Your mother isn’t feeling much better, I’m afraid,” Isaiah begins as he steadies Ethel. “She needs some rest.”

The cough started the next day, the fever following soon after. Isaiah had confined Ethel to her bed, his words of explanation that this was God’s way of healing whatever sickness her mother had had from the day before. 

But they needed to pray, and they needed to pray hard.

It was Lianne’s turn that next night to pray with her father. He had led her towards the woods, a wooden altar near the treeline. He knelt with her, praying for forgiveness and for God to heal his wife. Begging Lianne to repent of her sins. 

When they returned to the house, the door to her mother’s room had been left unlatched. Slowly, Lianne pressed an unsteady hand to the door. It had groaned lowly on its hinges, unlike earlier in the day. The rattled breaths of her mother echoed in the dry room, moonlight reflecting on her mother’s pale skin, slick with fever. 

—-

“We need real food,” Lianne says quietly to no one in particular, her gaze never leaving Joel’s pale face. Her knees groan as she pushes herself to her feet, running her palms over the thighs of her jeans. “I’ll head out, see what’s out there.”

“I’ll come with you,” Ellie pipes from her position near Joel. She shared a quarter of a granola bar with Lianne earlier, her stomach turning in on itself in hunger.

“Can’t leave Joel here alone,” Lianne says as she shakes her head. 

“Then let me go,” Ellie bargains. “You stay here with Joel. I can go out.”

“Ellie-”

“I can do it,” Ellie says sharply, following quietly with, “I’m tough.” 

Lianne sighs heavily, her eyes softening.

“I know you are,” Lianne replies.

“I can take care of myself,” Ellie continues.

“You have,” Lianne agrees. “You still do. You always will. I’ve just joined in, too. Now we take care of each other.” 

Ellie’s silent at that, too hungry to put up much of an argument. Ellie settles herself along Joel’s side, tucking in the corners of his blanket around him, and Lianne leaves them. 

The wind had picked up a bit, a slight whistle to it as it blew through the subdivision. 

Sure, she could track her prey. The footsteps were easy enough to find in the snow, staying downwind and keeping a good distance between herself and the animal. But Joel was the professional, his stealth to an entirely new degree. He would’ve given her shit about losing the rabbit she had been after, and said some kind of witty remark about being a city girl. And he would’ve been proud that she tracked down a buck, readied her bow, and released.

The arrow hits its target, and the deer sprints out of sight as it wails. 

She hisses a curse, pushing herself through the snow to track the trail of the blood the deer leaves. Her steps are quiet and calculated, avoiding the crunch of the snowfall. The trickle of blood is bright on the white snow, the hoof prints frantic as they scatter the forest floor. 

The deer huffed to a slump, a long and last groan wheezing its way out from its chest before it stilled on the floor of an opening. Lianne kept herself hidden behind a tree, about to step foot after the deer, before the sound of voices had her pressing herself further into the tree. 

“I don’t see anybody,” one of the voices, a deep and brassy voice, hushes. “Think we can just take it?” 

“Yeah, quickly,” another voice, with even more brass, responds. “Whoever shot it’s probably nearby. 

The two walk around the deer, examining and sizing it up. Lianne is feather-light across the snow, bow raised as she approaches the two men.

“Don’t,” she calls out, voice strong and steady, echoing in the clearing. “Drop your rifles. Turn and face me, slowly.”

The first man that had spoken obeyed immediately, slow movements as he began to drop his rifle before the hand of the man next to him reached out to stop him. 

“You’re quite the hunter,” the second man said, his ginger hair fiery in the morning sun. “We didn’t even hear you coming.”

“Turn around,” Lianne says again, firmly. “And walk away.”

“Okay,” he says nonchalantly, raising his hands upwards. “But all I ask is ten seconds of your time. I just wanna talk.”

“I won’t say it again,” Lianne says flatly, the twang in her voice she tried to suppress seeping it’s way through her tongue. 

“Please, just ten seconds,” he asks again, teeth showing in a small smile. “My name is David. This is my friend, James. We’re from a larger group and we're all very, very hungry.”

“I got people too,” Lianne says cooly. “Also hungry.”

“Well, even so…” David continues. “You look mighty strong, but you can’t drag this back on your own. We’re not asking for charity, we can trade you for some of the deer. What do you need? We have everything. Boots, medicine-”

Lianne’s ears perk at that, a glimpse of a reminder of Joel laying sweaty and cold on that basement floor. And her stomach grumbles, hackles raised in desperation at just wanting to take the deer back to Joel and Ellie. He had screamed when Lianne sunk the needle into his skin, passing out briefly from the pain as she attempted to sew him up. His fists had locked around her wrists, praying for her to get away. He wouldn’t survive if he didn’t get help, get medicine for the infection that grew around his aching wound. She knew that, but she didn’t want to show her cards.

But fuck it. 

“What kind of medicine?” She calls to the men, arrow remaining notched, string remaining taught, and bow remaining ready.

“Got a bunch of antibiotics and stuff, back in our village,” he responds.

Bingo.

“You’re welcome to follow us.”

Lianne slackens the bow, quilling the arrow and slinging the bow across her shoulder. Only to replace it with the rifle she had slung across her pack, pulling it up to her shoulder to aim back at David.

“I’m not following you anywhere,” Lianne says dryly. “Your buddy can go get it. He comes back, you get half the deer. Anyone else shows up, I put one right between your eyes.”

David turns to James, instructing him quietly but still just loud enough for Lianne to hear. Hesitantly, James looks back to Lianne, squinting in her direction before slowly backing from David. Once he’s far enough away, he turns to make his way back to the village. 

Now that it’s just her and David, she relieves herself from her post near the tree, rifle remaining locked on him. And she slowly approaches.

His hands are still held in the air, watching her as she nears.

“It’s gonna be a while… before James gets back,” he says. “I have some oil and matches in my pack. We could take shelter, start a fire.”

Lianne only nods towards the deer, nudging the gun in that direction.

“Bring him with us,” she instructs.

—-

She snaked her way back through the woods, panic beating loud through her veins. She followed the path she had come from, careful to land each footstep in the ones formed earlier. She knew she’d be easy to track, that the hunters were just giving her a head start. But she needed to save Joel. She needed to save Joel.

Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck.

She bursts through the door of the garage, nearly knocking it off its hinges. The horse lets out a startled snort as Lianne hurries past it. Her footsteps are heavy on the kitchen floor, letting Ellie know she’s back. When she reaches the door to the basement, her hand shakes as it reaches for the knob. She forces herself to take a breath, relax her hunched shoulders, brushes the hair out of her face and tucks it behind her ears, and pulls the door open with a steady hand.

Joel’s paler, skin a green-gray, and each breath is pulled in a painful shiver. His eyes are red, hands gripped in a white-knuckled fist under his sleeping bag. Lianne freezes when she sees him, hand flexing at her side.

“How is he?” she asks quietly. 

“He’s still breathing,” Ellie responds in a sigh, chin tucked over her knee as she sits next to Joel.

“Good,” Lianne answers with a nod, finally approaching the two of them. “I got medicine. Should help.”

Ellie whips her head around to look at Lianne, mouth gawking in shock. 

“Long story,” Lianne says flatly. “Couldn’t get us any food.”

“That’s okay,” Ellie says quietly, eyes still timidly peering at Lianne. 

Lianne slowly begins to unzip the side of Joel’s sleeping bag, heart clenching at the shiver that continues to rake through his body. With gentle fingers, she begins undoing the button of his jeans.

“Help me roll him over,” she whispers to Ellie. Her stomach drops at the borderline scream Joel lets out as the two of them roll him to his side. She quickly brushes his gray curls with a cold hand, her face falling flat as Ellie’s pulls into a grimace.

“Why are we-” Ellie begins, but Lianne quickly cuts her off.

“I gotta put…” she begins before her voice falls short. She pulls the vile from her inside pocket, trying to keep her hands from trembling as she readies the needle. “I gotta put it in his ass.”

A soft, oh, falls from Ellie’s lips, her face paling at the sight of Joel’s pained face. 

“Just keep him steady for me, okay?” Lianne instructs, and Ellie gives a stiff nod. Joel manages to grip Ellie’s hands in one of his own, eyes squeezed shut as Lianne pushes the needle into his skin and pumps him with penicillin. Once the needle is empty, she slowly rolls him back down onto his back, wary of the stitches that cover each side of him. She tucks his sleeping bag around him again, holding her breath as she watches his face relax as he becomes unconscious again. 

Ellie lets out a sigh, gaze hesitant on Lianne. Lianne releases a breath, falling back to sit on her heels as she closes her eyes. She urges Ellie to get some rest, saying she’ll stay up for watch. She tries to keep her breaths steady as her heartbeat thrums loud in her ears, trying to keep aware of any creaking footsteps in the snow.

The footsteps came in the morning, birds cawing in the trees nearest the house. The voices of men had Lianne up on her feet, adrenaline causing a black out as her focus zeroed out. 

“Take this,” she’d said sternly, shoving her shotgun into Ellie’s hands, but not letting go until she added, “Anybody comes through that door, you shoot.”

“What if it’s you?” Ellie asks, eyes still wide with panic as she tracks Lianne towards the basement steps.

“That’s up to you,” Lianne responds before turning around.  “You stay here, and stay alive. Keep him alive.” 

—-

They said it was consumption that had taken her. The fever was too much for her frail body, a strange and rapid decline that had her breathless in a matter of days. 

She had wanted to be by her mother’s side, wiping away the sweat with a damp cloth. Whenever she would peer between the crack of her mother’s door, her father’s footsteps would creak along the floorboard and she would hide herself in her room.

She prayed the rosary, pleaded for forgiveness, repented for her sins. Tried to believe she was praying hard enough for God to save her mother.

She knelt outside the door of her mother’s room, whispered prayers hushed into clasped fists. 

“There’s nothing you can do…” Her father says from behind her, a pale hand reaching out for her.

“Dad?” A mumbled whisper falls from her lips, head hung between her shoulders as her eyelids struggle to open.

A soft laugh echoes around her, the closeness of the warm breath causing her to pull her chin into herself.

“You can call me that,” David says suggestively. “Daddy… Father.”

A snarl gets lost in her throat as a cold finger reaches out to push the hair from her face, and she tries to pull her head back before the cold fingers latch around her jaw.

“Why you got me all hung up?” She asks through his grip.

“You’re a dangerous person. You’ve certainly proven that. You love blood too much,” he whispers, leaning in close to breathe her in. “But not like I do.”

Her arms were growing numb above her, strung up like skinned cattle as she swayed in his grasp. His eyes were like glass, threatening to cut straight into her skin. 

“I saw you,” he hushes. “Felt you, gave you. You have a violent heart. And I should know, I’ve always had a violent heart. I’ve struggled with it for a long time…”

She finally lifts her gaze to meet him, locking her fierce glare on him. Her nostrils flared, her lips pulled up at their edges. His eyes were on fire, the knowledge of the undesirable burning bright within them. 

She wants to hiss at him, spit in his face. Don’t fucking look at me.

“You don’t have to say yes to me,” he hisses right back at her. James appears behind him, a blurry shadow in the entry of the room. David orders him to take Lianne down, and the pain that sears through her shoulders rushes with the warmth of blood to her arms. 

She slumps to the cold cement, James barely attempting to hold her upright. She faces the cell next to her former, her eyes casting their gaze to an object in the middle of it. A pair of pink underwear lies bloody on the floor, and her blood runs hot. She turns to lock her eyes with David’s, and she can see it in his eyes.

“What have you done?” She snarls through clenched teeth.

David bends slowly to reach her gaze, hands resting casually on his knees as his lips twitch. He pulls himself closer to her, whispering slowly in her ear. “There’s nothing you can do,” his lips brush against her ear. “That’s already been done.” 

He pushes himself up straight, pulling in a deep breath before nodding towards James.

“Hit her again,” David says from behind her, and a crack against the back of her skull has her unconscious. All she can think about is Ellie.

—-

Joel’s bloodied fist became beaten as he landed blow after blow to the face of the man in front of him. His other fist gripped the man’s shirt, pulling him up from his position in the red chair to better pummel the man’s face. 

Ellie stands century in the corner away from the action, rifle ready in her fidgety hands, eyes trained on Joel.

“Stop…” the man pleads, eyes watery as blood spills from his nose. “Stop, please.”

An agonizing groan fell from split lips, a sickening thud of Joel’s fist cracking against his jaw. 

“Leave him alone,” another man pleads from his propped up position at the wall, voice straining as he begs. He’s sat with his hands tied, the sounds of the beating rounding his peripheral. 

“You’re next,” Joel all but growls, words spitting through gritted teeth.

“Please…” the man whispers again. Blood spits from his lips, his sweaty brow and swelling eye clouding the image of Joel in front of him. A beast from the woods, the hunter becoming the hunted. Joel’s eyes are empty, locked on the man in front of him. 

He wipes his cracked knuckles on the side of his pants, pulling his switchblade from his back pocket in swift movements. The blade shines in the light of the afternoon sun as it swings open, the reflection of the blade glinting in the wide eyes of the man Joel faces. A small smirk crosses Joel’s lips, teeth shining in a sneer, as his knife finds home in the thigh of the man. 

The man on the floor calls weakly to his partner, making Joel plunge the blade in further.

“No, no, no,” Joel says quickly, tapping the butt of the knife. “He can’t help you. You focus right here, or I’ll pop your fuckin’ kneecap off.”

“She’s alive,” the man in front of him responds quickly, voice breaking between syllables. 

“Where?” Joel growls, 

The man lets out a string of loud curses, before the words tumble from his lips: The town.

“What town?” Joel roars, face inches from the man in front of him. His blood begins coursing through him, the pain in his side subsiding as adrenaline takes over. He’s on autopilot, barely hearing the man say the words Silver Lake. 

“A resort?” Joel huffs, breath fanning over the broken man. The man stays silent, biting his lip to hold in his words. Joel wraps his fist around the knife, a yell echoing through the room as he pulls it from the flesh.

Joel places the handle of the bloodied knife into the man’s mouth, ruffling open a map that he splays flat so the man can see.

“You’re gonna point to where we are… And where your resort is,” Joel begins to instruct, his voice hushed. Venom drips from his teeth,  “And it better be the exact same spot your buddy points to.”

—

Her vision is just as fuzzy when she begins to regain consciousness. And she feels like she’s on fire, being split open from the inside out. The room moves around her, jostled rhythmically as wood scrapes along her back.

The ringing in her ears blocks out all noise around her, the buzzing of the flies still the only distinguishable noise she can pinpoint. Finally, breaking her focus, is the soft grunts of someone above her. Her eyes roll to the back of her head briefly, willing herself to stay conscious.

Stop.

Her limbs are numb, her head can barely roll around to take in her surroundings. His fingernails dig into the flesh of her hips, pulling himself further into her.

Stop.

Her head lulls to the side, that pink pair of underwear catching her gaze. 

Stop.

Her fingers twitch, brushing along the handle of something that lays next to her. David sits in the corner, watching with his hands in his pants. 

Stop.

It begins in her chest, somewhere deep in the bottom of her ribcage. It builds slowly, a wave rolling over into mountains. She takes in a short breath, fingers wrapping around the handle of the thing next to her. It rattles up through her chest, churning behind grit teeth. 

It escapes, a scream ripping from her throat, bubbled up from the depths of her chest. A soul piercing scream, world ending and none forgiving.

She swings her arm through the air, the glint of a machete blade catches her eye before it lands in the neck of that man above her. She uses the leverage to roll herself off the butcher table and onto the cement floor, scrambling to her feet to propel herself towards the door. David shouts behind her, words drowned out by the echoing of her own scream. A glimpse of a pile of her clothes catches her eye at the front of the room, and she scoops up what she can before rushing out the door.

Her feet hit the cold tile, the smell of burnt meat wafting over her. Her pulse throbs violently through her skull, the rhythmic beating threatening her vision. Her gasping breaths become steady as she straightens, willing herself to stay focused. A spark of an ember catches her eye, forcing her towards a small fire under a hanging pot. First instinct, she takes a smoldering stick from the pile, the embers still smoking violently as she continues through the kitchen. 

He calls for her tauntingly, tells her there’s no way out. 

You don’t know how good I am! He calls out. You don’t know what I could’ve given you, if you had just let me! You can’t hide from me forever.

When he enters her field of vision, she throws before she can think, the fiery plank of wood narrowly missing his head and landing in the burgundy curtains behind him. 

“Neither one of us is dying today,” he sneers. “I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided you do need a father. So I’m gonna keep you… And I’m gonna teach you.”

The yell that escapes her forces her body to move, lunging towards him mindlessly. He blocks her first blow, hand readying itself with a blade that remains firm in his grasp. Quickly, Lianne twists his wrist at the same time he thrusts it forward. She uses the weight of herself to push at his arm, his own blade piercing him in the gut. He swings a powerful blow, knocking her away from him and she stumbles to the floor. 

Her eyes flutter and the room spins, breaths become gasps as the room fills with flames. A foot connects with her side, all air knocked from her as she falls to the side. The corners of her vision blacken, speckles of nothing crossing her mind. 

She’s rolled to her back, and she’s thankful for a moment at the quick breath she’s able to retrieve. David hovers over her, and she fumbles to push herself away from him. He crawls himself on top of her, a wolf coming to take the suffering. His hands latching against her wrists to hold them in place above her head as she spits at him, willing the venom of her tongue to seer its way into his flesh.

But he only chuckles, fangs shining in the light of the flames.

“I thought you already knew,” he taunts again. “The fight is the part I like the most.” 

She lets out a frustrated scream, face crumpled in exhaustion as her body betrays her. She wills herself to move, to break free of his grasp, but she only becomes more dizzy.

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispers above her. “There’s no fear in love.”

The positions of the two are switched in an instant, the sudden fear in David’s eyes fueling the fire that burns through her veins. She had reached the machete that had dropped earlier, slashing it aimlessly towards David to get him off of her. He had stumbled back with a groan, holding a hand to his chest.

She is not merciful, and she is not kind, and she was not afraid to make him wish that she was.

He pleads with her, only for a second, before that same machete swings over her frame and into his flesh. 

The crackle of the wooden frames around her bleed their way into something else, the rattle of her mother’s lungs surrounding her. Angry, wrathful, bellowing screams shake from her body, her rampage continuing as she strikes the machete again and again.

She hovers above his disfigured form, a flash of a man lying lifeless on reddened snow from years before makes her shake her head in disbelief. Her panting breaths pull in smoke, lungs burnt as flames continue to lick around the room, threatening to pull closer to her skin. 

She is nothing but a dark silhouette amongst the flames, heaving and threatening over David’s lifeless body as her fist grips around the handle of the machete. She looks to her bloodied hand, heart threatening to beat its way out of her chest as her fist shakes. 

When she forces herself out of the burning lodge, the winter air is a respite to her burning form. Her eyes still held the light of the flames, fierce against the white snow. Her lungs burn with the crisp air, the fog of her breath a reminder of being alive. 

A firm grip latches itself around her arms, and all she can do is scream and thrash. The will to fight is fading, and tears threaten to spill from her eyes. Her voice is pleading, and it breaks as she begs to be let go. A voice responds repeatedly, but the pathetic tone of her own voice is all she can hear. 

She’s spun around quickly, met with the dark canvas jacket and green, bloodied flannel. Her voice trails off, eyes lifting upwards to see the face that blocks the sun. 

“It’s me,” she finally hears. Her eyes search his, deep brown crinkled in a deep frown. She’s breathing again, a panicked rhythm to the harsh breaths she pulls in. “Hey… Look. It’s me, it’s okay.”

Her fists latch on to his coat, a tearless sob breaking from her chest as her knuckles freeze in the cold. 

“Joel-” her voice breaks. “He tried- I couldn’t-” 

Her eyes are wide with fear, a sight that sent a chill through his spine, like that poor thing in the road he’d found all those years ago. 

Ellie’s name falls from her lips in the form of an apology, and Joel’s eyes search her face in forgiveness.

A figure steps into view from around Joel, Lianne’s wild eyes locking on them. The young girl is pale in shock, her knuckles red from the cold as they kept themselves latched onto Lianne’s pack. Lianne’s heart races in realization, her eyes casting back to meet Joel’s.

“It’s okay,” he whispers again, and she closes her eyes at the sound of his voice. She falls into him, a broken sob falling from her as he wraps her in his arms. “It’s okay, angel. I got you.” 

SUMMER 2006

Chicago, Illinois

Joel had found something to fight for, something to keep him going as the world that they knew continued to fall. He learned how to fight to survive, and to survive was the fight itself. The fight is what he fought for. He had tried to convince himself that it was his brother and his girl he was fighting for, but something twisted in him felt the pleasure that came with the pain.

He stood at the end of an abandoned parking lot, weeds that were sprouting up between the cracks leading the way to where he was under the gas pump awning. He stood broad and ready, eyes scanning the horizon for any signs of a following.

The doors to the gas station squeaked on their hinges, spinning Joel around to see who walked out. The beating of his heart picked up for a moment as she walked out, her eyes squinting in the sun as she began her way over him. The arms of her muscles pulled at her shirt as she swung her arms at her side.

Her breath hitched as her eyes caught him, dark and brooding in the shade of the overhang. Tommy pushed past her, eagerly approaching his brother to show him the goods he found. Mostly canned foods, jars of peanut butter, and some looted ammo.

The three of them met the rest of the group as the sun began to set, bleeding onto the streets between buildings. The ragged group scoped out their spot for the night, splitting up as they claimed their own areas amongst an abandoned apartment building.

Lianne’s skin crawled as she made her way down the hallway, the men leaning against their doorways staring through her. But not long enough before Joel came up to her side, arm brushing against hers, instantly putting her at ease.

Fear still swirled within her, an almost constant feeling that kept her light on her feet and her eyes alert. A sense of urgency was always lurking under her skin, the constant need to move and be hidden pushing her through the days.

Joel knew this. She never said a word, but he knew. Whenever he could pick up on her tension, whenever they were staying in a spot for too long, he had the three of them packed up and moving. He could see the fear in her eyes as they moved throughout the states. But at the end of the day, when the nights were long and dark, holding her close and feeling himself inside her, he watched the fear dwindle away.

Tommy had bunked with a small group of guys, while Joel cleared out a room at the end of the hall for just him and Lianne. She closed the door behind her, pushing a nearby dresser in front of it. As soon as she turns around, Joel’s on her.

His lips are rough against her lips, needy and hot. His fingers are gentle as they cup her face, and he grinds himself against her and pushes her against the dresser.

The dusty sheets crinkle against her face as he sinks himself into her. Her fingers bunch the fabric as soft moans leave her mouth. A banging on the wall is followed by loud chatter, causing Joel to instantly still his hips. The loss of motion has her whining, attempting to push herself back against him for some kind of relief. Joel shushes her gently as he waits for the shouting to quiet down, tenderly splaying his hand over the hard muscles of her back.

“Joel…” she calls for him softly. Meeting her eyes, he’s pulling himself to her, peppering kisses along her shoulder. He grabs her hips and spins her around to face him, their bare chests brushing against each other. She arches her back to press her chest into his, and he helps her lazily wrap her legs around him, pulling him closer.

They sleep naked that night, something that is rarely worth the exposure. The heat of the room has forced them to, their bodies sticky with sweat as they’re wrapped around each other. Lianne is the first to wake as the sun cracks in through the broken shutters. She rolls away from his grasp, immediately causing him to stir himself awake. The room stays silent as they dress themselves and begin rummaging through the non-perishables in their packs.

They meet up with Tommy at the end of the hall where he stands with a group of roughed-up men. The one in the middle, a battle-scarred man, is making a game plan for the day. Assigning people their spots and duties, he’s split up Tommy from Lianne and Joel.

Joel stiffens at this, but Tommy gives him a silent, reassuring look that he’ll be fine. And Joel knows he will be. Just the thought of not having his brother in his line of sight makes his nose flare and his skin burn.

Joel and Lianne gather their weapons, making sure they’re clean and loaded, before meeting up with the third hunter they’ve been posted with. A broad and tall man, eyes red from restless nights. His arms stay crossed over his chest as he introduces himself, but Joel pays no mind as he brushes past him to head out.

The three of them are to be near the QZ, trapping any tourists that might be passing through and gathering supplies. Not soon after they’re at their post, another group of hunters passes through their area, calling to Joel to talk to him. He gives Lianne a hesitant look, but she nods to tell him to go. He’s still in ear shot when he joins the other group, keeping the spot where Lianne was in his peripheral.

Joel freezes as he takes in the spot where he left Lianne. Her back was turned to face their third partner, rummaging through her pack that was propped up on a fence post. The hunter had sauntered his way up behind her, but she paid no mind to the foolish words spilling from his mouth. Leaning closer to her, his hand grabs a handful of her ass as he pushes her to be bent over the fence railing. She attempts to elbow him away from her, but his hand comes up to push her head further over the fence.

Joel’s blood runs hot, vision blurring, and the thud of his boots is the only indication to himself that he’s moving forward. He’s ripping the man away, slamming him against the ground. Once the man is down, Joel quickly turns to face Lianne, his brows scrunching in worry.

And she’s pissed, that much he can tell. He only takes one step towards her when a strong grip has him by the shoulder, spinning him around to be met with a searing force that has him stumbling back. Joel’s vision is blocked by a white heat, but he finds himself moving forward towards the man.

It’s become second nature to him. He knocks the knife from the man’s hands and kicks it away. His fists are swinging, connecting with any part of the man that he can. A fist connects with his jaw, his ears ringing and his pulse thudding as he continues his beration.

Lianne’s face was hardened and her eyes cold as she watched his fist swing down on the man in front of him. She kept a broad stance, the light from the afternoon sun spilling over her to cast a looming shadow onto the scene in front of her.

Blood drips from his nose, running down into his mouth, and he spits it to the ground, not bothering to wipe it away. His vision comes back, focusing on the man in front of him gasping for air.

Slowly, his eyes trail to Lianne. Joel’s chest rises and falls in heavy breaths, expecting her to be staring at him in fear, in disgust. But when he meets her cold eyes, they aren’t looking at him. Her eyes are locked on the man in front of them, the smallest hint of sadistic pleasure appearing in a slight smirk on her lips.

Before the man gets a chance to retaliate, Joel has him on the ground, fist pummeling into him, pounding him into the ground. The man has long become unconscious as Joel continues, seething as he watches the man’s face become bloodier and bloodier until it’s no longer recognizable.

Lianne is eventually pulling Joel off of him, sudden worry in her voice as she tries to get his eyes on hers. Red eyed, bloody fisted, nose slashed to the bone. He continues his ragged breaths, not realizing the animalistic grunts escaping him until Lianne is grabbing him firmly by the shirt, dragging him away from the scene with mentions of getting out of there.

She has him sat in their room on the windowsill, the cloudy sky still offering enough light to see what she was doing. She tenderly cleans up the blood from his nose, now not bleeding as intensely. She pours alcohol onto the wound, causing Joel to pull back with a hiss.

“Where did you get all this?” Joel asks through gritted teeth, eyes squeezing shut as Lianne works a needle through the skin of his nose.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” she whispers as she focuses on her work, fingers moving delicately as she continues to stitch him up.

Joel opens his eyes as she finishes stitching him up, expectant of her warm gaze over him. But when he meets her eyes, they are cold and reserved, working through the motions of cleaning him up. His stomach churns at the realization of her, that her eyes are no longer bright but cold and lacking. Guilt creeps up into him, from his stomach up his neck, blooming across his chest.

Tommy is insistent at Joel the rest of the night, noticing the longing in usually reserved eyes. Joel had distanced himself from Lianne after she stitched him up, causing a spark of curiosity to light in his younger brother. Joel had still kept his eyes on her, lingering on her from a distance, never letting her out of his sight for too long.

Until Tommy cornered him in a room, trapping him with the request to help him clean his guns. Now he doesn’t have instant access to look at her, to keep him grounded. And he lets the guilt begin to devour him, practically spilling out of him as he babbles to Tommy.

“The things she’s seen. The things she’s done, that she had to do, because of me,” Joel says, casting his eyes down as his voice cracks. “I need to leave her. Get her somewhere safe, somewhere with walls and nothing can hurt her.”

“Joel-“ Tommy tries to interrupt.

“Where I can’t hurt her.”

Tommy lets out a long, frustrated sigh as he rubs at the back of his neck. Joel’s eyes sting as he swallows.

“You know her, Joel,” Tommy finally says. “What you’re sayin’, it would kill her. And you know that.”

Joel sits quietly, shoulders hunched in defeat. Footsteps round the corner, and there she is. Her arms are crossed, fabric tight over the muscles under her skin, and she doesn’t further her way into the room. Her glare pierces through him, a cold shiver teasing at his spine. He’d die right there on the spot if he could, the fuming presence of her alone is enough to have him dizzy and breathless.

“You never say that shit,” she grounds out. “Ever again.”

Joel is on his feet, face going pale at the sight of her. He wants to reach out and cup her face, suffocate her in his arms, tell her he didn’t mean a word of it. But he remains frozen in place, his heart pounding loudly in his ears.

“Come on,” she says, her voice demanding as she nods her head to the hallway. “Both of you. I got someone I want you to meet.”

She turns and disappears into the hallway, and Tommy slowly rises to his feet as he warily casts his eyes towards Joel. Still pale as a ghost, Joel’s practically hypnotic as he moves across the room to follow Lianne.

She leads the two of them down the apartment building, through the tall buildings along the river, and into an old bar with shattered windows and broken floorboards.

“How’d we know this ain’t a trap?” Tommy whispers harshly as they crawl their way over the window sills.

“Just trust me,” Lianne whispers back, shooting him a look.

A floorboard creaks on the other side of the bar, and Joel and Tommy immediately draw their guns. As their flashlights shine in the direction of the sound, they’re met with a tall, pointed woman with her hand up to block the light from her eyes. She’s joined by a man, bearded facial hair covering the scowl on his face.

“Easy, easy,” Lianne says, motioning to the brothers to put their guns down. They don’t, remaining strong in their stance.

“Who the fuck is this?” Tommy hisses.

“She did say she was a package deal…” the woman murmurs in amusement.

“This is Tess. She’s good people,” Lianne starts. “You make sure you weren’t followed?”

Tess nods.

“You hunters?” Joel finally speaks.

“Nah,” Tess shakes her head, her nose wrinkling at the question. “We’re from the QZ.”

“You part of that rebellion group people talk about?” Tommy asks this time. Again, Tess shakes her head.

“We’re just people that want out of the QZ,” Tess replies.

Joel casts his glare away from Tess and towards Lianne. “How do you know her?”

“We’ve been trading,” Lianne says slowly.

“What?” Joel rumbles. “When? Alone?”

“It don’t matter,” Lianne tries to wave him off. “Look, I wanted y’all to meet, so we’re meetin’.”

“Those people you’ve been staying with,” Tess starts. “They killed a friend of mine. Now, I don’t want to start any trouble with you, but I do have a problem with the people you’re with. Just thought we’d give you the heads up before we do anything.”

“Then we’re out,” Lianne says sternly. “We’re done with these guys.”

“The hell we are,” Tommy says abruptly. “We’re stayin’ alive, being with them.”

“Those people ain’t good people,” Lianne tries to reason. “We’ve been with bad before, but it ain’t ever been this bad.”

“Well we ain’t any better,” Tommy quips.

“But you can be,” Tess responds, causing all eyes to fall on her.

“Look,” Lianne starts. “We’ve been lookin’ for an out. This is our out.”

Tommy is immediately disagreeing, saying something about how they have roofs over their heads, food in their stomachs, when Joel begins to speak over him.

“Then we gotta kill ‘em,” Joel interrupts. “We gotta get rid of ‘em all, or they’ll just come after us. I’ve seen ‘em do it before.”

“We can help you,” Tess says, still in her place on the other end of the bar. “I got a group of people wanting out of the QZ. Just five or six of us but it’s better than nothing. Right now, we’re holed up in a safe house not too far from here. We help each other by taking out those assholes.”

“What’s in it for us?” Tommy asks.

“You can team up with us, no questions asked,” Tess offers. “We’re making our way out East with a shipment for a QZ out there. Come with us, start over there.”

Lianne turns suddenly as the noise of outside chatter catches her ear. Tommy and Joel are quick to follow suit, ducking below the view of the windows.

“I thought you said you weren’t followed,” Tommy hisses at Tess.

“This isn’t us,” she defends, crouching down and pulling her gun from its holster.

The group creep their way out of the back of the bar, keeping as quiet as possible while finangling a way through the alleyway. They make it two buildings down before the chatter of another group breaks the silence.

“Patrol?” Lianne asks Joel, who’s in the lead, with a quiet voice. He only nods, holding up a hand to signal the rest of them to stop.

“It ain’t soldiers,” Joel whispers back. “They’re from our place.”

Slowly and quietly, Joel pulls a bottle of sorts from a pile of old garbage, tossing it as best he could somewhere across the street. It thankfully draws the attention of the nearest group of hunters, who whistle down the street to the other group. Tess has the suggestion that since the two groups are together now, it’d be in the best interest to get them all from behind. Joel gives her a nod, and the five of them split their ways into the street, following the hunters who begin to split up in search of whatever made a noise.

Tommy is the first to strike, stealthily maneuvering his way behind a hunter who had lingered off from the herd. He grabs the hunter from behind, bringing him down to the ground for cover before snapping his neck.

The rest followed suit, picking off the rest of the seven hunters one by one. It was almost too easy, Lianne thought. She wiped her bloodied blade on the side of her jeans as Joel came up to her side, giving her a once over for any sight of harm done.

“We have to finish this,” Lianne said, meeting Joel’s eyes. “Tonight. These guys don’t get back, people are gonna know somethin’s up.”

Joel gives her a single nod, before Tess calls to them that they should go now. Lianne leads them back to the apartment building, making sure to take a different route than the one she used to get to the bar.

The building is dark when they get near, drawing no suspicion that any person would even be in there.

“How many are there?” Tess asks quietly, hidden in the shadows.

“After what we just took out,” Lianne starts. “Maybe ten or twelve.”

“It’s light work,” Tommy says with a grunt.

And it is. Almost too light. The group makes swift work of taking out the men on sentry duty, easily sneaking their way into the building to begin working their way up. They clear each level as they go up, as quietly as they can. Most of the hunters are sleeping, easy to take out in their sleep. Others are up talking, drinking, gambling, fighting. That’s when the gunfire started. But with extra eyes to keep watch of each other's backs, the group spent little effort taking out the rest of what used to be menacing men.

The new group had made it further east over the next few weeks, losing people, gaining people, doing what they could to survive. Getting out of Chicago alive proved more difficult than Austin, but getting through and out of Gary was a shit show. It took them days to get through the disheveled city, infected that were left for dead had posed a threat at every corner. The people remaining there had become maddened with insanity, trailing the group down and picking off three of Tess’s people.

The remaining survivors of their group pushed through, stopping to rest for the night atop an open rooftop of a tall building. The neighborhoods of remaining survivors had become smaller and smaller as the group journeyed on, making it easier to pick them off and take food and supplies. The group kept the height of the building to their advantage, switching shifts every few hours to keep a look out over the city.

“You got people out there still? Somewhere that isn’t here?” Tess asks Lianne as she stokes the fire the two are huddled near. Near the door to the steps of the roof, the sound of a rustling sleeping bag draws Lianne’s attention away from the fire. Joel’s rolled himself from his left side to his right, now facing the fire, but eyes still pinched shut in an unpeaceful sleep. Lianne lets her eyes rest over the sight of him before slowly turning back to Tess.

Lianne shrugs, thinking over the question before finally settling on a response.

“My dad,” she answers quietly. “Don’t know where he is though, or if he’s still alive. Hard to keep contact nowadays,” she ends with a dry laugh.

“You ever think of finding him?” Tess asks, her voice softer now.

“No,” Lianne states. “No, I ain’t worried ‘bout him. Tried not to worry much about him before all this, either.”

The unzipping of a sleeping back has Tess peering her eyes over Lianne’s shoulder. Following Tess’s gaze, she’s expecting to see Joel waking from his restless state, but sees Tommy making his way to them after standing up from his spot with a grunt.

“I’m tappin’ in,” Tommy says with a huff as he approaches the two women. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep,” he says to Lianne, tapping her on the shoulder.

“You sure?” Lianne asks, stretching her arms over her head.

“Yeah,” Tommy sighs. “I ain’t gettin’ any sleep any ways. Go on.”

Lianne nods in agreement as she says goodnight to Tess, leaving her to chat quietly at the fire with Tommy. When she reaches Joel, she pushes his arm to roll him back over onto his other side before crawling into the sleeping bag with him. The warmth of his body was overwhelming, almost suffocating, as she wrapped an arm around his waist. He was awake now, grabbing her hand to kiss the knuckles before holding it close to his chest.

The stars twinkled above them, the open air a refreshing change to the rotting stench of the apartment building they’d been in. That night, the steady beat of his heart and his breaths lulled her to sleep.

The sound of steady gunfire is what wakes her the next morning, her body lurching to get up. Joel has a vice grip on her hip, willing her to stay down and beneath him.

Fuck that.

She’s pushing away from him and to her rifle, crawling on her stomach to the edge of the rooftop where Tommy and another traveler of their group are firing onto the street below. Joel is right behind her, peering through the scope of his rifle as he rests at the roofs edge.

“What’s going on, Tommy?” Lianne has to shout to him over the gunfire.

“Fuckin’ stragglers, man,” he shouts back, pinning his back to the cement barricade of the roof as he reloads his gun. “Just started openin’ fire. Must’ve seen the fire.”

Joel let’s out a curse next to her and pulls away from his gun and closer to her.

“It’s someone from Chicago,” Joel states, voice heavy.

“What? How?” Lianne asks loudly. “We cleaned out all those guys.”

“Apparently not,” is Joel’s only response.

Tommy is up again, firing onto the street when he says, “What’s the plan, Joel?”

Lianne doesn’t give him a chance to open his mouth, a plan already spewing its way out of her mouth.

“Joel and I can head down, keep anyone from makin’ their way up here,” she starts. “We’ll take Tess with us, the others can stay up here to back you up.”

Tommy gives Joel a look of hesitation, causing Lianne’s brows to furrow in frustration. She doesn’t give them time to think it over before she’s making her way to Tess, grabbing an extra pistol and ammo, and leading the way down the stairs.

Joel is instantly trailing behind her, following close behind down the stairs. When they get to the main floor, a few men have made it into the building. Joel makes quick work with his rifle, only needing to fire a single shot for each of them and they fall to the ground.

There’s more trying to make their way in through the front, firing at the three of them from outside, shattering the windows. Lianne ducks for cover, every so often taking a shot at them. Tess is able to move forward, asserting herself on the front lines and making quick work to nail the rest that were outside the building. Joel assisted with his rifle, firing from a distance to knock down the ones further away.

Tommy and the rest of the group on the roof have been able to take out the rest of the men that were still out of sight for Joel and Lianne. In a matter of minutes, the gunfight was over and the sound of gunfire silenced. Tess turns to Joel, a scowl written on his face, and gives him a nod of appreciation.

He stops frozen in his tracks, his eyes glazing over as he stares at her. His face goes white, screams of his daughter rattling through his skull.

Lianne looks at him in confusion, the adrenaline finally wearing off as she takes deep breaths. A searing pain stings in her side. Looking down, the left of her gray shirt has darkened with blood. She absentmindedly places her hand over the bloodied area, hissing at the sting it creates. Tess is at her side, lifting her shirt to examine the wound.

Joel can’t feel his legs. His heart thrums in his chest, the force of a freight train about to break through his sternum. His arms are limp at his sides, eyes stinging with the threat of locked away panic. His name being called hits him softly, breaking through the white noise ringing through his ears.

“Joel!” Tess calls again. “Get over here, I need you to put more pressure on this.”

His feet are moving, the frozen fear thawing as his eyes remain focused on Lianne. When he reaches them, he crouches down to where Tess has rested Lianne against a wall. His trembling hands push themselves to force pressure on Lianne’s bloody side.

His silence has created a new level of panic in Lianne. No longer worrying about the wound in her side, her heart stops at the paralyzing look in Joel’s eyes.

“Joel,” she calls sternly. “Joel, look at me.” She reaches up a bloodied and dampened hand to cup his cheek, forcing him to look away from the blood and into her eyes. “Look, I’m okay, see? It’s just a graze, a deep one but I’m fine. It ain’t nothin’ we can’t fix.”

Tess has already pulled a pack of bandage wraps from her back, working the bandage around Lianne’s torso and having to nudge Joel’s hands out of the way to finish wrapping. She gives Joel a wary look once she’s secured the bandage, never having once seen him break his strong and stoic expression in the weeks she’s known him.

“Joel,” Lianne says his name again. Heavy breaths come in and out his nose, his face still a ghostly pale.

“Joel,” Tess snaps at him. He blinks once, eyes examining Lianne’s face. “Joel, help me get her up. We gotta head back, get the others. The noise’ll bring more infected.”

“Can you walk?” Joel finally says, voice thick and dry.

“Yeah,” Lianne says in reassurance, relief washing over her as Joel finally focuses in. “Just… help me up for a sec.”

His arms are immediately around her, one staying looped around her to hold her upright. She leans into his side, head spinning as she’s finally on her feet. Joel grips her tight, not loosening his grip even once she’s steady on her feet.

The stairway door bursts open suddenly, Joel spinning to aim his gun at the intrusion. Tommy has led the rest of the group down to the main floor to meet them, eyes going wide when he sees Lianne.

“What happened?” He barks, coming up to where Joel still holds Lianne.

“It’s just a scratch, I’m fine,” Lianne replies. “Just dizzy.”

“She lost a bit of blood,” Tess adds. “She should be-”

“She’s fine,” Joel interrupts, voice still harsh as he tries not to bark out the words. “I got her, she’s fine.”

Tommy’s eyes scan over his brother. Joel isn’t as pale, but his eyes still have a fierce intensity of panic lingering in them.

“Okay,” Tommy nods. “We gotta move out. We packed up what was left of our supplies from the roof, but we’re short on ammo. We stick together, head east til we hit the interstate. Hopefully find a car or somethin’, but we just gotta make it to the highway and we’re clear.”

Joel gives him a firm nod, and with Lianne by his side, he and Tess blend with the rest of the group and make their way out of town.

They’ve made it a few miles east, walking a day’s worth along the interstate. When the sun had started to sink in the sky, the group made their way off the highway and found a small town pharmacy to spend the night in. Most of the group began setting up their spaces for the night after making sure the area was clear. Joel headed straight to the shelves, still half full of bottles of pills and supplements. Once he found what he was looking for, he all but dragged Lianne to one of the rooms in the back, making her sit on a chair while he popped the bottles.

She instinctively took whatever concoction of medications he had handed to her, something for the pain, something to prevent infection. Joel had found some clean gauze and fresh bandages in the room they claimed. Carefully, trying to keep his fingers from trembling, he begins unwrapping the old bandage around Lianne’s torso. And she lets him, leaning back in her chair.

“See?” She asks once the bandage and gauze are removed. “No big deal.”

Joel lets out a grunt, not meeting her eyes as he continues his work. New gauze pads in place, he wraps her tightly in the bandages, and once satisfied, turns to begin rummaging through his pack with his back to her.

She watches him work. For longer than usual, she watches him work. He’s had her back turned to her for a few seconds too long, and it claws at her chest.

“Joel,” she calls to him, voice soft and tender.

“You ain’t ever gotta do this again, you have a choice, you know that?” Joel says suddenly. “I ain’t ever makin’ you do harm like this again.”

“You aren’t making me do anything, Joel,” she says steadily. “I do what I do because I have to. It’s what’s kept us alive, and that’s all that matters.”

She lets him approach her, and her heart thrums against her ribcage as she takes her hands in his. The feeling of him leaning into her hands cracks at her heart.

“Everything that we’ve done,” Lianne starts, her voice unwavering as her eyes pierce into Joel’s. “We’ve done it to survive. And we are surviving. But that doesn’t make us good people, Joel. And I’ve known that for a long time, but I would do anything to keep us alive and together. We might never be good, but as long as we’re surviving, then at least we’ll be okay.”

“If something happens to you, that’s out of my control-” he says, stopping himself and failing to attempt to keep his voice unwavering. “You are everything to me, Lianne. And it’s killing me.”

“Then show me,” she hums, barely above a whisper. “Show me how much I mean to you, Joel.”

And he does. He has her there, on a make-shift bed of a pile of their clothes on the floor. Keeping her warm, keeping her hidden, keeping her safe and good. And she’s clinging to him, her life dependent on it, as a silent tear slips down her cheek. He buries himself in her chest, both of them feeding off each other, addicted to each other, breathing life into each other.

“I ain’t ever leavin’ you,” Joel whispers into her.

SPRING 2008

The warm air of the changing season was thick against their skin. The trees had budded their green leaves, rebirthing themselves after a tiring winter. 

Joel had taken Lianne to a nearby river away from the rest of the group to clean up after their day's journey. The others stayed back to start a fire and set up a camp area, the spot they found surrounded by brush and out of sight. He had perched himself on the bank of the river, keeping his focus on her as she waded in the water, the pile of her clothes next to him on the bank. 

The sun shone through patches of the trees, lighting a golden cast on her skin. Joel watches the muscles of her back ripple under her skin, just as the water ripples around her waist. The scars had faded from her back, only the slightest tint of pink remained. But her long hair covered the brand between her shoulder blades that still remained a blistering red. She still kept Joel in the darkness of what happened, and he never pushed her to talk. It filled Joel with a chest full of dread, a dread he wasn’t sure would ever dissipate. 

Lianne cupped her hands in the water and brought it up to spill down her face, the coolness of the water quenching the oiliness of her skin. She let out a sigh, the water refreshing her senses. She goes again to bring more water to her face, but when she opens her eyes to look at the water in her hands, her gut coils and her heart stops. The water has turned into a thick red liquid that trickles from her fingers, spilling down into the river and staining the river red. 

It starts as a bubble in her chest, boiling through her veins as it grows and trembles through her limbs. It pushes through her teeth, a wretched, broken scream bursting from her as she vigorously wipes at her hands. It only spreads the liquid, causing a greater panic to raise in her voice. She’s unaware of the splashes behind her, and doesn’t see Joel immediately appear at his side with a scowl of panic. 

Her fathers face appears in the water below her, distorted and broken and leaking. It pulls another scream from her chest, and it cracks in her throat. Her legs push to send her away from the water, but Joel catches her in his grasp. 

She’s inconsolable, gasping for air and mumbling words of nonsense as she screams. Joel sees her wiping herself down, and his eyes begin scouring her skin for any sign of injury, or perhaps she’s been bitten by something in the water. But there’s nothing, save for the various scratches and bruises that have become memorized by him. 

He cups her face, trying to get her eyes on him, but it was as if she was slipping through his hands, becoming part of the water that surrounded them. He pulled her to him, out of instinct, and her screams muffled against his flannel as her body shook with sobs. He begins leading her out of the water, away from the space that had filled with her screams, and the ground at the bank of the river crunches under footsteps. 

His gaze snaps towards the noise, his face hardened as he holds her impossibly closer to keep her safe. He turns near her, shielding her body with his own. Tess and Tommy appear at the river’s edge, faces pale with worry. Their guns are ready, just as they are to fight off anything that causes harm.

“What’s goin’ on? What’s wrong?” Tommy calls to them quickly. 

Lianne grips at Joel’s flannel, her screaming now quiet as she continues to breathe in heavy gasps. Joel immediately goes to remove his flannel, still keeping her close to him, and he drapes it over her shoulders. He grabs at the front of the flannel, pulling it tight around her before bringing her back into his embrace. 

“Joel,” Tess calls to him now. Tommy’s eyes scan the area, eyes alert but still full of alarm. “What’s going-”

“It’s fine!” Joel barks at them, his grip tightening on Lianne. “She’s fine, we’re fine. Just - turn around, go back to camp.”

Tommy and Tess exchange a glance, hesitant to leave the river bank. Joel gives them a menacing glare, his eyes glazed with a harsh glow of protection.

“Go,” Joel says again, his voice having less bark to it now. “I got her.”

Tess glances in Tommy’s direction, her eyes shining with a fierce hesitancy as she waits for Tommy’s movements. He only stands there for a moment, still as he becomes frustrated with guilt and worry. Finally, he pulls himself away from the sight of the pair in the water, trudging through the grass as he leads Tess back to camp. 

“Right, angel?” Joel says softly into her hair, the water now slowing to stand still around them. “I gotcha. I always got you.”

His hands run up and down her body, swallowed by his flannel, to mend her shivering. 

“Come on, baby,” he says, voice heavy and low. “Gotta get you cleaned up.”

He leads them out of the water, slowly and carefully to not trip on the rocks beneath them. Once reaching the bank, he sits her down on a nearby boulder and leaves her briefly to return with her clothes that rested on the bank. He starts with her legs, carefully taking them one at a time to slip her underwear back up her legs.

“I’m sorry,” she says suddenly, voice soft. Joel stills, gazing upon her with soft eyes as his fingers become still and lingering against her skin.

“Hmm?” He hums, and he almost thinks he made her voice up in his head.

“I’m sorry,” she says again, voice stronger now as she shakes her head. She straightens, eyes clearer now, but still adverts Joel’s gaze. “I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what that was.” 

Joel remains silent, eyes locked onto her in fear that she’ll disappear in front of him. He uncontrollably reaches a hand out to run down her hair, resting against her neck as he moves forward to learn his forehead against hers.

“You’re alright,” he whispers. He only leads the two of them back to their group when the color begins to return to her cheeks. 

When they get back to where their group made camp, everyone’s voices are buzzing frantically. 

“What’s going on?” Lianne asks, and Tess is the only one to turn to her. Tommy continues instructing the others, passing out guns and telling them where to go. 

“Signs of raiders about two miles out,” Tess starts to explain. “We’re going out there to see what’s up.” 

“Alright,” Lianne states. “Let us get ready and tell us where you want us.” She turns quickly, but Joel catches her arm. 

“You’re not going out there in your condition,” Joel says flatly, holding her by the elbow.

“My condition?” Lianne retorts. “You say that like I’ve got a disease or something.” 

“You’re still healing from…” Joel sighs, at a loss for words, as he stares into her piercing gaze. “And what just happened in the river, it’s too much for you goin’ out there.”

She sighs in a frustrated disbelief, giving a look to Tess and Tommy that pleads for some backup. 

Joel moves away to gather his things, readying himself to journey out with the group. Lianne hasn’t appeared by his side, instead lingering in the corner of his vision. When he turns to look at her, her stare is vacant and weighs heavily on a large boulder in front of her. 

“Whatcha thinkin’?” Joel asks as he makes his way to approach her.

“I-” Lianne starts, not wanting to meet his gaze at first, but forces herself to look up at him. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Then I’ll stay with you,” he replies immediately, eyes melting softly as he looks at her. He feels guilty that he had even thought about leaving her here by herself. 

“No, they’ll need you out there.”

“I’ll ask Tess to stay with you,” he responds quickly, his voice almost desperate.

Tess’s ears perk up at the sound of her name coming from Joel’s lips, the tips of them burning red as she drags her attention to where he stands with Lianne. His broad shoulders stand wide and confident, almost blocking Lianne from her view. His shirt pulls at the muscles of his arms and back, and she yearns to reach out and drag her hand down his spine. 

Joel and Lianne’s hushed voices snap her out of her miniscule daze, and she finds herself unknowingly moving towards them. When she appears from behind Joel, Lianne’s eyes catch her and her voice falls silent. 

“Heard my name,” Tess says, her voice strong as she makes her presence behind Joel known. 

“Just decidin’ that I’m gonna stay here with Lianne,” Joel states as he shifts the weight of himself on his feet. “Keep watch over the camp.”

“Joel-” Lianne argues, face red with guilt.

“Sounds like a good plan,” Tess nods. Her gaze lingers warily on Lianne’s tight expression. “You good?” She finally asks.

“I’m good,” Lianne assures with a nod. Her eyes are washed with guilt and disappointment, but Tess knows if she presses any further it won’t get her anywhere. So she nods again, turns on her heels, and joins Tommy and the others to update them and make their way away from camp.

When Joel turns to face Lianne again, her back is to him, stiff shoulders blocking the sight of her from him. It chips at his heart again, that tightness returning to his chest, but his feet are moving forward to follow after her. 

He had laid her down under grass and the dipping sunlight, and touched her forehead with fragile fingertips, knowing by the knot in her brow that the ache and the hurt have gone to rest there. He laces his fingers with hers, for just a moment, to tangle and sweeten the air around them. The birds cry nearby, finding their roosts for the night.

The sound of nearby grasshoppers almost drowned out the distant gunfire, the sounds of the bugs and the weight of the thick air making her eyelids heavy. 

It was her birthday, suddenly. 

Sounds of singing voices fluttered through the air, the strongest coming from Joel. He stood at the head of the table, cheeks red and pulled back in a bright smile. His eyes crinkled at their corners, no longer from worry and anger, but from endless moments of a lifetime of laughter. 

Sarah stood next to him, her strong curls bouncing as she clapped her hands together. But her face was featureless, only the memory of her joy and naivete radiating around her. 

And Lianne felt at home. 

Lianne had opened her mouth but her words fell silent. The singing continued, and she had forgotten what it was she meant to say.

In the corner, Isaiah sits in a rocking chair. His gaze is empty and his eyes are hollow as he sits still in the dim corner. A cool sickness grows in her stomach, crawling its way up her throat and raises in goosebumps along her arms.

She spins herself away, turning into a new room that had almost been unfamiliar to her. The small bed and creaky floor are reminiscent of her apartment in New York. She lays on the bed, Joel appearing at her feet to kiss up her legs. She tangles her hands in his hair as he crawls his way up the bed towards her, his hot mouth leaving marks along her skin.

His eyes are warm and dark as he pears up at her, her breaths falling in need from her mouth.

She sat up suddenly, perching on her elbows against her sleeping bag under a starry sky. Exhaustion still stuck to her, a heavy weight dragging her to turn her gaze. She could still feel him tied to her, and it weighed her eyelids down.

Her father was still there, sitting on a boulder that protruded from the earth. They studied each other for a moment as she lay there. He turned slightly from her, the side of his profile barely appearing over his shoulder. 

“You were looking for me,” he said. He hadn’t sounded like himself, his voice gentle and no sign of calculation.

Lianne only looked at him.

“In your dream,” he continued. “You were looking for me.”

“I’m always looking for you,” Lianne whispered.

2010

Boston QZ

The four of them had been at the Boston QZ for about a year and a half. A year and a half of rationed meals, a year and a half sneaking out of the walls, a year and a half of being constantly watched and having skin that crawled. She was exhausted, but Joel said that it would be better there for them, the promise of keeping her safe and taken care of. 

She hated it. 

It was her that started smuggling, a way to escape out of the walls and away from the watchful eye of the guards. It was a way for her to get away from the strict rules and work for rationed meals. She’d been able to smuggle goods in and out of the QZ to people in the area, similar to their time in Chicago. It was Joel and Tommy that still stayed in the QZ to trade with the guards and other smugglers for ration cards and equipment. 

Joel hadn’t caught on to her smuggling business until Tommy let slip his suspicions, and Tess had confirmed that she’d joined Lianne on a couple of trips. It had made his blood boil, but only at first. He thought she’d been working shit welding and construction jobs, which kept him at ease knowing that she was safe within the walls of the QZ. Once knowing what she was truly doing, he immediately made the decision that he would join her. She hadn’t refused, only appreciative of the extra muscle that would come in handy. A new constitution of trust had been built between the two of them, and only grew with each day.

As much as she hated the QZ, Lianne only kept the smuggling jobs within a few mile radius, never wanting to stray too far from the homebase the four of them had created. Any further, her chest would tighten and she would long to be hidden in the dreary apartment her and Joel resided in. The walls had remained empty during their time there, the wallpaper slightly peeling at the corners. But Joel had tried his best to make it a home for her, wanting her to want to stay put, even if just for a little while. 

She had awoken early one morning before Joel, who had reached out across the bed to find her spot cold and empty. He found her aimlessly staring out their side kitchen window, leaning on crossed arms in the open window frame, the morning sunlight casting a warm glow around her. A purple hue shimmered its way onto the floor of the kitchen from the butterfly suncatcher that hung in the window, a piece of home that Joel had brought with him from Austin. It never left his backpack until they settled down.  

He appears close to her side, and she naturally slides over to allow room for him in the window sill. He mirrors her, leaning against his folded arms on the window sill. When he turns to face her, her eyes are closed in the morning sun, soft skin warm in the glow of it. He drinks her in, the dark tank top she’s in tight against the built frame of her body, and he can’t stop the hand that reaches out to brush soft fingers against the strong muscles of her arm. 

Slowly, she turns to look at him, eyes finally opening to allow the sun to bounce off of them, the smallest upturn of her lips catching his eyes. He reaches forward to ghost a kiss on the skin of her shoulder, his hand wandering up to the back of her neck to rest its weight there.

“Hi,” she whispers softly, the softness of her voice soaking into him like a long forgotten melody to raise goosebumps on his skin.

“Hi,” he responds just as softly, the simplicity of the moment in the morning haze seeping deep into the depths of him.

“I got you something,” she says, voice still as soft as the morning sun. Joel gives her a quizzical look, and she nods towards their kitchen. “Top shelf, above the fridge.”

He pulls himself away from her, but now before he presses a kiss to her temple and runs his hands down her hair. Opening the top shelf, he’s met with a singular tin can that he pulls down. Opening it, the smell hits him instantly and his legs go weak as his mouth waters. The aroma of the ground coffee in the can fills the air, and he closes his eyes at the scent.

“Where’d you get this?” He asks, eyes soft as he looks back to her, the sun silhouetting her and bouncing through her hair. An angel of the morning, present in front of him in the flesh.

She shrugs, a small smile on her lips. 

“Traded for it,” she responds. “Didn’t wanna make any for you yet, wanted to show you first.” 

He can only rest his eyes on her, mouth hung open slightly before he sets the can of coffee on the counter. He takes a step towards her, but stops when a rhythmic knock against the door breaks the air.

“A bit early for her to be comin’ ‘round, ain’t it?” Lianne asks, pushing herself away from the sunlit spot of the window. Outside noises of the surrounding areas of the QZ finally break into their sunlit bubble, and Lianne’s shoulders deflate as she sighs.

Joel removes the chain lock on the door, turns the deadbolt, and unlocks the door handle before opening it, Tess leaning in the doorframe awaiting a welcome.

“Morning, sunshines. Surprised you two are up,” Tess says as she greets them.

“Surprised you’re here so early,” Lianne responds. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been talking to a guy about twenty miles west of here,” Tess starts, fully entering the kitchen to lean herself against the counter, folding her arms over her chest. “Says it’s just him and another guy looking to trade. I’ve been telling him about the QZ and the supplies we have here for a few weeks now, and he’s invited us to dinner.”

“To dinner?” Joel asks, brows scrunching in surprised confusion.

“That’s what he said,” Tess confirms, an amused light in her eye. “Says they’ve got a nice place set up out there, good walls to keep out the bad. And apparently has the means to cook a hell of a meal.”

Lianne and Joel stay quiet, looking at their friend expectantly.

“I told him we’d meet them the day after tomorrow,” Tess finally says.

“That doesn’t give us a lot of time,” Lianne says flatly. “What all do they need from here?” 

“Not much right now,” Tess says. “Figured this would just be us testing the waters with them, see what they need and what they have to offer. If it works out, gives us a connection out of the walls and a safe house.”

Lianne only nods, agreeing silently.

“There’s only one condition for this first time around,” Tess says. “They just want two of us going. Says that’s all they can handle for now before they trust us.”

“Joel’ll go with you,” Lianne states. Joel casts her a glance, but she only nods to him. “If it’s two men out there, better to even the playing field. If one of them already knows Tess, it’s best if Joel goes this time.” 

Her tone is flat, no cadence to its normal rhythm. Joel’s hard stare remains on her, a tension building in his chest that he holds in with baited breath. 

“Works for me, boss,” Tess says as she pushes up and off of the counter. “Tommy and I are meeting some guy later to work a deal, told him I’d meet up with him soon. I’ll see you guys later.” 

Lianne nods a goodbye, and Joel follows Tess to the door to bolt and lock it once again. He makes his way back to his spot at the kitchen table, Lianne working at the counter with her back already to him.

“Why ain’t you goin’?” He asks as he takes his seat.

“Already told you,” she responds, voice lacking in life. “You’ll go.”

“There’s more to it than that,” Joel suggests. 

“I picked up some extra shifts at the metalsmiths,” she responds again, back still facing him as she prepares his coffee. 

She felt herself becoming more like her father, losing herself in work and leaving a taste of bitterness in her wake. Her father’s blood had become her blood, and will be her blood until they’re both rotting in the ground. When she finds herself staring lifelessly in a mirror, his face will be the one glaring back at her with the utter disdain and disappointment only a father can truly have. It would fill her with rage.

She could see the similarities of her father in her reflection, the new and scarce lines of age and survival fading onto her skin in the same pattern as her father’s. She felt more alike to him now than she would ever care to admit, and it would fill her with rage. A rage so pure that she became certain she knew she was her father’s daughter.

She’d been working a lot. Joel barely had the time to see her these past few weeks it seemed. She’d drawn into herself since the group of them arrived at the QZ, but recently Joel had noticed she’d become more distant. She’d begun excluding herself from the smuggling trips that she planned, only sending the three of them without her instead. She would seclude herself in the apartment, and the lights were always off when Joel got back. Or, she’d lose herself in various shifts of work, whatever it was, always the excuse for more pay and more ration cards. 

When she turns to face him, two cups of coffee in hand, his thoughts of worry increase slightly at the tight draw of her lips in a forced, small smile. 

“You’re alright with just me and Tess going?” Joel asks as he takes his first sip of coffee, forcing a humto stay buried in his chest. “I don’t wanna leave you here alone.”

“I’ll be fine,” she says in partly fake assurance. “I got Tommy to keep me company. And I got work.”

—--

Bill, the older of the two men, had prepared nothing light of a feast for when Joel and Tess arrived. He was reserved and grouchy, hand on his gun as his silent gaze tracked the two visitors like a predator to its prey. Frank, the one that Tess had been in contact with over the radio, was a stark contrast and a breath of fresh air. Joel doesn’t remember meeting someone this chipper and optimistic. Frank had immediately greeted Joel with the name of Texas, having only heard him referred to that from Tess.

The older couple is a mirror to Joel and Tess, Tess thinks. Brooding and stoic, friendly and inviting, no matter how fake the “friendly” might be. Tess and Frank tried their best to ease the tension between Joel and Bill, attempting to make the introductory process as smooth as possible. 

The four of them had settled around a patio table on the couple’s front lawn, a delicious meal of rabbit and greens paired with a delicate red wine served under the clear sky. Frank had invited Tess into the house to show her something, despite Bill’s persistent pleas that they don’t go in, leaving Joel and Bill to their disgruntled selves. 

“I understand,” Joel says, voice strong in the tense silence. “If my, uh… If mine … brought strangers into our situation, I wouldn’t be happy either. But of all the people you could’ve found on the radio, we’re actually decent people just trying to get by.”

“Oh,” Bill snorts. “Well, aren't I the lucky one.”

A moment passes, and Joel debates continuing the conversation.

“You sayin’ you two ain’t together ?” Bill asks, eyes squinting in the sun. 

“Me and Tess?” Joel asks, a small laugh of surprise slipping from him. “No, no. I, uh, I got a wife back in the QZ.” 

“Oh, shit?” Bill says in a sudden burst of surprise. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Joel bristles at that, not liking the implications of the older man. His brows furrow, shoulders stiffening in defense, when Frank and Tess return from the house, their drunken laughter filling the air. Joel’s leg began to bounce under the table, his fingers flexing in and out of a fist as he became anxious to leave. The sun began to dip in the sky, and he longed for the warmth of Lianne pressed to his back. 

“It’ll be dark soon,” Frank beams as he approaches the table. “We have a guest room all set up downstairs, you two are more than welcome to stay the night.”

“That would be great,” Tess says with a cheery smile, her cheeks blushed with slight intoxication. The same time that Joel declines the offer and states they should be on their way. 

“He’ll probably wanna get back home to his wife ,” Bill says, urging the pair to get off their property. 

“Your wife?” Frank asks excitedly, surprise written in the arches of his brows. “Why didn’t you bring her with? I’d love to meet her next time.” 

“I'll be sure to mention that to her,” Joel responds, lips tight in a flat smile. “But I think we’ve overstayed our welcome for today. We’d better head out.”

Joel didn’t trust the couple, not yet. Frank was more than welcoming, and his warm gestures put Joel at ease. But he didn’t want to overstep the boundaries that Bill had placed. Which meant they would be leaving that night.

It wouldn’t be until late in the next afternoon that he would unlock the door to the apartment in the QZ, chest lightening with easier breaths as soon as his foot stepped over the threshold. It was dark, the buzzing of the refrigerator the only sound in the entire apartment. A note laid on the kitchen table, scribbled in her handwriting. 

If you’re back, I’ll be out til the evening. X

He folded it neatly and slipped it into his pocket after trailing his fingers over her penmanship.

He’d only been unpacking for a few minutes before the door rattled open, and he finally was in her presence again, gaze softening in comfort as his eyes fell on her. He stayed silent as he watched her kick off her boots with a long sigh, splashing her face with water from the sink, and grabbing a drink of water.

“You do that a lot,” she says quietly, the slightest hint of a tease in her voice.

“What?” Joel asks quietly.

“Just watchin’ me,” she says as she finally turns to face him. 

“Always,” he responds instantly, the simple word slipping heavily from his lips like honey. She chuckles softly at him as she finally makes her way over to him.

“How’d it go with the guys?” She asks, the tips of her toes touching his, and he finds it equally as hard to pull his eyes from her as it is to reach out and touch her. 

“Was fine,” Joel says, the soft of his breath brushing against her face as he gazed down at her. 

“And Tess?” She asked, the smallest smile still on her lips. He was silent for a moment before letting out a short sigh. “What?” Lianne asked again.

“She was kinda drunk on the way home,” Joel finally starts. “She was sayin’ some stuff.”

Lianne’s eyes pierced into him, pressing for more as her head tilted softly to the side. 

“Sayin’ that-” he stops as soon as he starts, and pulls away from Lianne, walking to his side of the bed to create a distance between them. His feet ached with the distance he’d traveled as he sunk into his spot on the mattress, resting the back of his hand over his eyes. “I don’t know. She got real brave and started sayin’ all kinds of stuff. She’s got feelings for me, but more than that. Things were kinda weird between us once she sobered up.” 

Lianne chuckles again at the blush that rises in his cheeks as she begins pulling her jeans down her legs, finally causing Joel to peek out at her from under his hand. 

“Well, I mean,” Lianne starts. “Are you surprised? I see the way she is around you, how she looks at you.” 

Joel is propped up on his arms now, looking at her as she continues to undress herself, sliding herself over him to straddle his lap.

“Even though you’re an old man,” Lianne begins to tease. “You’ve still got it.” 

He doesn’t even bother rolling his eyes at her comment, his hands reaching out to rest softly on her hips, squeezing the flesh there to hold her in place. 

“It doesn’t bother you?” He asks, forcing his eyes to connect with hers. Lianne shakes her head.

“Tess is as close a friend any of us have,” she says gently. “I trust you, and I trust Tess. With my life.” 

—-- 

2023

The room is dark and silent, as expected, when she slinks into its darkness. She’s careful not to let the floorboards creak under her boots as she locks the door behind her, knowing full well that any sound she makes won’t awaken the passed out Joel that lays on the bed. The half empty bottle of pills and whiskey glass were proof enough of another restless day for him. 

The bruising around her eye had grown swollen, the split in her lip pulsing with pain, but she didn’t care. Joel was completely slumped, unaware of her approaching footsteps. He was asleep on his side, his now graying hair reflecting in the moonlight that seeped in through the window. His good ear was exposed to listen for her entering their apartment, but he only woke when her knee first hit the mattress. His eyes barely opened, relief settling in his chest when he saw her darkened silhouette. She pushed at his shoulder, rolling him to his other side so she could nestle up against his back and into the crook of his knees. Her hand sneaked its way over him, settling on his chest to rest over his steady heartbeat. He falls back asleep before he can even think about pulling her hands to his mouth to kiss her knuckles.

She had woken before him, the clinking of her spatula on the pan finally pulling Joel awake. The scream of a baby was muffled through the walls of the apartment complex and the buzzing of a siren at the edge of the QZ had Joel’s head pounding. It was the smell of the sizzling eggs on the stove that finally had Joel on his feet and out of bed. 

He was at Lianne’s side in a few small strides, walking the length of their small apartment in just a few seconds. He rested his hand on the back of her neck, the warmth of it spreading through her. He pressed a soft kiss above her temple, lingering there as he closed his eyes. She only leaned her head into him as she continued scrambling the eggs, not turning to meet his gaze.

It wasn’t until Joel sat at his spot at their table, ran a hand over his tired face, and let his gaze follow up Lianne’s arm as she placed a plate of eggs in front of him that he saw the red and purple bruises that painted her skin. His face immediately hardened into a scowl as he reached up to cup her jaw, inspecting the swelling of her eye and the split in her lip. Lianne takes him by his wrists with a gentle grip, the pads of her fingers rough and grimey. 

“Tess and I got jumped by a couple of guys,” Lianne begins, a gentle voice leaving on a heavy sigh. 

“What guys?” Joel asks, his voice surprisingly gentle with concern. He’s only met with a long sigh from Lianne as she removes his hands from her face, taking them to lay gently in her lap as she traces the lines of his palms.

“I need you…” she says slowly. “To take a breath.”

Joel stiffens at that, eyes searching her face as she looks up at him. The creases of her forehead run like treads on a wire. Singular pieces of silver had twisted their way into her dark hair. He tries to read her eyes; eyes that didn’t shine as bright as they used to, eyes that used to crinkle in laughter now creased with years of frowns, eyes now crinkled in the corners with the age of survival. 

“What,” Joel grunts, not even a question, his voice barely gentler than a bark. 

“I just need you to think slowly about this, okay?” Lianne starts, and Joel doesn’t even blink at her. “The guys that jumped Tess and I were with Robert.”

“Son of a-” Joel hisses as he pulls away from her, sitting back in his chair as his hands run through his hair. 

“Joel,” Lianne says, her voice stern in warning. She explains all too quickly that Robert, a fellow smuggler, had sold the car battery that they needed in order to go out west to find Tommy to someone else. Joel began to seethe, and Lianne’s plan of him helping Tess get it back lacked in reassurance. It wasn’t until he realized that Lianne hadn’t mentioned herself in said plan that snapped his attention back to her.

“What about you?” Joel says, brows furrowed in confusion. 

Lianne takes a breath, her words hesitant as she says,  “I took a job, gonna relocate some stuff to a QZ out west.”

Joel just blinks.

“There’s a group goin’ out,” she says flatly. 

“If you say it’s the fuckin’ Fireflies-” Joel exasperates. 

“It’s not, Joel,” Lianne interrupts, voice unwavering and just as stern. 

“You ain’t goin’,” Joel says as he crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes burning into hers.

“Joel…” she sighs, and the look on her face had the wall around his heart shaking in its structure. “I don’t want to stay here anymore, I’m tired of being in these walls. Been here for damn near fourteen years. I’m tired, Joel…”

He tries to focus on her words, eyes focusing on her lips, but the buzzing in his head muffles the sound of her voice. A tight grip fisted its way around his chest, the tightness almost making him light headed as he tried to keep his breathing even. He felt like the room was spinning around him, the edges of his vision going blurry. His gaze became tunnel-visioned on her mouth, watching the silent words spill from them until her last words snapped him back.

“Tess has some shit goin’ on with Robert. You gotta stay here and help her,” her words finally melt their way into his ears.

“Are you tired of me?” Joel says suddenly, not aware of the fact that he interrupts her, not bothering to hear her fully.

She flinches slightly at his words, her gut clenching at the subtle quiver of his lips. She takes his face in her rough hands, gently brushing her thumb along the bone of his cheek.

“No,” she says quietly. “I’m tired of it here . This is just something I gotta do.”

His eyes meet hers, his heart tightening in his chest. Again, there is no light in her eyes, a void of feeling lingering in the depths of them. The years in the QZ hadn’t been kind to any of them, working shit jobs just to get by. Tommy had left a while ago, stating he’d never want to see Joel’s fucking face again. Joel, Lianne, and Tess had made a quiet name for themselves, successfully smuggling various cargo in and out of the QZ. They were a powerful trio, almost feared by others around them. The three of them together smuggled more shit in and out of the QZ than regulated imports, working with stragglers on the outskirts of the QZ to get to them what they wanted in exchange for something more. 

He wants to be selfish, to do anything in his power to keep her from going. He’d lock her in their apartment if he had to. He would go to Hell and back if it meant she’d stay there with him, to stay in his arms and be safe and warm and hidden. They had melded into one person in their time in Boston, and the thought of the two of them now being alone ripped at his skin. He wants to be selfish, but he can’t. 

“Okay,” Joel says finally, the warmth of her hands finally seeping their way in to thaw the cold grip of his chest. He could never want to control her fire, all he needed was to be near it.

“Okay,” Lianne sighs, a hint of relief lingering in her breath.

“When do you leave?” Joel asks.

“Tonight.” 

His breath hitches in his throat before it escapes him in a defeated sigh. 

“When do you come back?” He follows, trying his damn hardest to keep his voice from cracking.

Her eyes fall from his, to rest again at the sight of their hands together, and his blood stands still.

“Are you coming back?” He asks again, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course,” she says, her voice gentle as her eyes meet his once again. “Of course I’m coming back.”

The day continued as if it were any other. Almost. The two of them barely saw much of each other, or so Lianne thought. Joel had lingered around her, trailing her in the shadows of the QZ, not wanting her out of his sight. She could feel his presence in the darkness of the walls, and she let him follow her while she worked. 

She spent the day making last minute trades with other low-level smugglers, tying up a few loose ends with some traders and guards as she readied for her travels. It wasn’t until the mid afternoon when Joel made his presence known and joined her at her side, the temptation of being close to her overpowering his lurkish movements in the shadows.

The sun had set and darkness fell over their apartment, Lianne rummaging through her things and taking what she needed to be set in a small pile on their bed. Joel took from the small pile and packed her items into her backpack. He had already cleaned and readied the guns she’d be taking with her, removing them from their hiding spot in the floorboards of their room. Her movements slowly became more hesitant, her gaze avoidant of Joel’s helpful tendencies. 

“I’ll be stoppin’ at Bill and Frank’s,” she finally speaks, slinging her backpack over her shoulders. Joel approaches her, but only to carefully clip a bulky satellite radio onto one of the straps of her backpack. 

“Check in,” he grunts. “Every mornin’, every night. I’ll be waitin’ for you.”

“Got it,” she says quietly, adjusting the straps of her pack.

Joel stares at her, his mind reeling with thoughts coursing through him at the speed of light. 

“I-” Joel starts, but his voice falls flat with a croak as his silent words hang in the air.

“I know,” Lianne says softly, eyes glistening briefly as she looks over him. “I’ll be back.”

“I know,” Joel nods. 

She slinks out their apartment door, the dim light of the hallway casting a dark shadow over her silhouette, the dark hair of Joel’s braid work disappearing as the door shuts behind her. Her stomach remains hungry, and she remains unseen and unheard. 

And he will be waiting for her, and she knows he will be. That if she were to return home, to him, weary, with blood on her hands, he would be waiting there. She could rest her head in his lap, and he would kiss her burning forehead and wash the blood from her.

He will be waiting, and that string that knits the two of them together will only stretch. 

He waits for her to radio him the next morning, pacing impatiently down the hallway that leads to the room designated for radio messages. When he’s called into the room, his fingers tremble as he’s read the message she had left for him. 

Just got to Bill and Frank’s.

All is good. There’s coffee here.

Tell Tess they say hi.

It’s short and sweet, and leaves him releasing a held breath in relief. He relays a message to be transferred back to her, saying he’s glad she made it and hopes she enjoys her coffee.

The messages are just as short and sweet over the next few days. Lianne updates him on her location and well-being, and lets him know there’s no more coffee. 

On the fifth day she’s gone, Joel leaves a message to be sent to her in the middle of the night. He and Tess are leaving the QZ with a young girl, no longer having use of the radio base there. He’s not sure she’ll get the message, or when he’ll be able to contact her again, and he grinds his teeth to pray away the nausea. 

Lianne never received that message on her fifth day out, the only noise that was able to be picked up on her radio this far out in the middle of nowhere was nothing but static. She continued to attempt to reach out to Joel every morning and every night just as she had promised, and it was a measly attempt at keeping her hopes up from the silence on the other end. 

As the weeks passed, the silence grew louder. Not a single sound had been picked up on the radio before its battery died, and the group of travelers had dwindled in numbers. She wanted to believe that he was still alive, that Tess would have gotten a message to her somehow if something happened. But all she got was silence. 

Months had passed when she reached Nebraska, that emptiness gnawing its way through her and making a home in her ribcage. She was the last remainder of her group and had been left to her own thoughts for weeks on end, the sound of her own voice becoming a stranger to her. If she could find the safe house that her, Joel, and Tommy set up all those years ago in the beginning of the outbreak, she could be okay. 

Daydreams of setting up a homestead and removing the boards on the windows to replace them with lace curtains pushed her further through the vast state. Joel had mentioned once that he would like to retire on a farm, just the two of them with their sheep. Cooking warm meals on the fire, drinking their coffee on a wrap-around porch. A dream of domestic bliss that could only aid in their sanity. 

SEPTEMBER 2003

The sunrays cast a golden sheen through the window blinds, covering the room with a warm glow. The cool morning dew seeps into the ground, dampening the grass. The song birds awaken from their roosts, filling the air with their morning songs. The patter of footsteps on the floor grows closer, followed by a banging of the door.

“Alarm!” Sarah shouts, her footsteps beginning to recede.

On the other side of the closed door, Lianne has one hand gripping the headboard while the other is lost in Joel’s hair as he devours her. Ignoring the sudden call of alarm, Joel’s eyes never leave her face as she grinds into his mouth, biting her lip to silence her moans. As she arches her back off the bed, Joel’s hands move from the grip on her hips and tries to keep her legs from collapsing around him. Joel is chasing her high, his eagerness building as she loses herself against his mouth. After she finishes, he gives her a moment before pressing sweet kisses along the inside of her thighs and up to her stomach.

“Marry me,” she whispers breathlessly, coming down from her high. Joel brings himself higher to meet her, giving sparing kisses along her chest.

“Wait,” he whispers, planting a chaste kiss to her lips. “We got all the time in the world.”

It had only been a few weeks since Lianne had moved from her apartment and into Joel’s house. It had been his idea, insisting that he “wanted to take care of her.” The fact that she didn’t have a reliable car combined with his need to be with her all of the time had been heavy on Joel’s mind, finally blurting to Lianne that he wanted her to move in. She had thought about it for days after, but eventually Sarah found out that Joel had asked, and the girl practically begged Lianne to say yes.

Joel and Lianne had tried to be as discreet as they could about their situation for as long as the world allowed them. That was only a few months. Sarah got the jist pretty early on, and God bless her for keeping it to herself and not spilling to Tommy… Until she did. She had proposed the idea to him like it was a hypothesis, a mystery that they had to figure out and prove right.

The Miller family had planned a trip to see the rapids and partake in a rafting tour in Nebraska, and Sarah had immediately wanted to invite Lianne. This is where Joel kind of messed up. He let it slip that he already invited Lianne and that she would love to join them. Tommy and Sarah had given each other a suspicious look while Joel had turned his back, their hypothesis furthering itself to be leading in the right direction.

During a clear night at the cabin the four had been staying at, Tommy had taken Sarah down to the water's edge, the two of them planning to give Joel and Lianne some “adult alone time,” as they had put it. Joel and Lianne had been sitting on a log bench near the cabin, Joel occasionally tending to the fire. The twinkle of the stars reflected off Lianne’s eyes as she watched Joel’s arms add a new log of wood onto the fire.

Joel returned back to her side, taking his place on the log bench next to her and resting his arm along the short bench back. After a few moments of gazing at the bright stars, his hand had wandered to tangle itself in the back of her hair, pulling her closer into his side. He had softly nuzzled his nose into her hair, letting a deep sigh escape him as the scent of her hair took over his sense, a mumbled “Love you,” slipping from his lips.

Lianne just about died right then and there, her heart leapt into her throat and her blood ran hot. She pulled back slightly from him, only to see him casually sipping on his beer that he had previously brought from the cooler. Her heart was loud in her ears at the quiet words from Joel, so loud she didn’t notice Tommy and Sarah chatting their way back to the fire until Joel had subtly pulled away from her, sending her a wink as he relaxed into his seat on the bench.

This is what Lianne was thinking about now as she stood in front of the mirror and mindlessly brushed her hair. Joel had come in behind her, placing his hand softly on the back of her neck and giving her a proper good morning kiss on her cheek. The quick act caused butterflies to dance in her stomach and up through her chest, her lips folding into a smile.

Moving quickly, Joel had thrown on a shirt and began making his way downstairs, Lianne just a few steps behind him. They found Sarah already dressed and in the kitchen, working contently over the stove as she fried some eggs.

“I thought we were havin’ pancakes,” Lianne stated as she watched over Sarah hard at work with the eggs. Sarah only turned to give her father a pointed glare as he absent mindedly drank the cup of coffee he had poured.

“Was I…” Joel trailed off as he finally turned to meet Sarah’s gaze, knowing full well he was in charge of getting pancake mix. “Oh, yeah I was.”

Sarah began urging her father to drink some orange juice, but Joel just teasingly waved her off, slurping from his mug. Lianne rolled her eyes and took the glass of juice over to Joel, placing it in front of him. The nearing sound of an engine coming closer pulled Joel from his eggs, causing him to turn and face the garage door.

“Is there enough for Uncle Tommy?” Joel asks as he scoops a handful of eggs into his mouth.

“There would’ve been,” Sarah responds with an apologetic shrug as Tommy walks through the garage door and loudly enters the kitchen. He stops and takes a look at the trio at the table, all scraping the last of their eggs off their plates.

“I thought we were having pancakes,” he announced disappointedly.

“That’s what I said!” Lianne declares, sending an amused glare to Joel, who lets out a defeated sigh.

“Y’all know I don’t really like pancakes,” Joel states, a failed attempt at defending himself.

“It would’ve been for our benefit,” Sarah replies, teasingly furthering the guilt trip that Joel has found himself under.

The conversation diverges to the focus of Tommy and Joel’s work plans for the day, leaving Lianne and Sarah to pick at their eggs, the light chatter of the radio taking its space in lack of conversation.

“...Continued disturbances in Jakarta, but are advising U.S. citizens…” The news reporter’s voice fills the room for a brief second before Joel speaks over it.

“Jakarta…” He begins. “Where is that, Middle East?”

Tommy crosses his arms in thought before shaking his head. “Doesn't ring a bell. It's definitely a country. Or maybe part of Asia?”

“Jakarta isn't a country,” Sarah states flatly with a roll of her eyes. “Being a part of Asia isn't mutually exclusive with being a country, and in fact, it's the capital of Indonesia.”

“Shit,” Tommy says with a chuckle. “Hope for us yet.”

The loud beep of the microwave breaks the group from their conversation. Joel pushes himself up and away from the table, taking his plate and coffee mug to the counter.  

“All right,” Joel grunts. “Finish up quick, we'll drop you off.”

“I'm still eating my eggshells,” Sarah mumbles with a mouth full of food.  

“You got seven minutes,” Joel grunts again, beginning to rinse his dishes.

“Your t-shirt's inside out,” Sarah points, continuing to get under his skin.

Joel does a once over of himself, grimacing as he sees the seams of his shirt sticking out. His face blushed with embarrassment as he makes his way past the other three with a scowl. He curses under his breath as he leaves the room to fix his shirt.

Tommy snorts out a laugh as he shakes his head, looking at Sarah who’s got a bright smirk plastered on her face.

“He's losin' it,” Tommy sighs.

Before Lianne can grab the dishes to begin cleaning up, Sarah snatches them from her quickly and makes her way to the sink in the kitchen. Feeling bad for letting her do them on their own after she worked so hard on scrambling those eggs, Lianne follows her and attempts to help.

“He’s not gonna remember to pick a cake, you know,” Lianne teases. “I can stop and get one after work.”

“Oh, yeah!” Sarah says excitedly as she suddenly remembers something. “Are you able to fix watches?”

Lianne shakes her head with a frown. “No, I’m just a jeweler. That’s something that you’d have to take to an actual watch-smith. I think there’s one in the city, though.”

Sarah nods. “Would you be able to go grab Dad’s watch for me while I finish these plates? I think it’s upstairs in a box in the drawer by the bed. I can take it to get it fixed after school.”

Lianne nods this time. “I can meet you in the city after work, if you want? We can pick out a cake for Joel and come back together.”

Sarah happily agrees. Lianne makes her way up the stairs, passing Joel and Tommy who are starting to make their way out to the truck, telling the girls they’ll meet them there. Making it into the room, Lianne begins rummaging through the nightstand on Joel’s side of the bed. She started with the top drawer, finding two small boxes. Opening the one on the left, she found a smaller jewelry box that she flipped open without thinking, just trying to see which box had the watch. Upon opening the small box, she’s met with the daintiest gold banded ring with a petite diamond pronged carefully in the middle.

Her stomach dropped in a heartbeat, her eyes widening as she held the ring in front of her but not removing it from its place in the box. Was this what she thought it was? How long had Joel had it? The two of them had never talked about marriage, never really even talking about the future, just taking each day as it came and enjoying every moment they had together. Had Joel felt this serious about her? Is that why he had asked her to move in? Hell, she had asked him this morning to marry her when she was still in her sex-drunk state. And he told her to wait. Trying to calm her racing mind, the fact that Joel had told her to wait somewhat put her at ease. Maybe it was something he had just in case, maybe there was no urgency behind it.

Either way, she would’ve yes. In a heartbeat, she would’ve said yes.

“Lianne!” She hears Joel call from downstairs, making her jump in her place. “You comin’?”

She snapped the box shut, putting it back into the bigger box and grabbing the box next it, opening it to make sure it had the watch in it.

“Y-yeah!” She called back to Joel. “I’ll be down in a sec!” She quickly shoved the watch’s box into the pocket of her flannel, closing the drawer and quickly turning around to head downstairs. Joel had stayed at the base of the stairs, waiting for her to walk out with her and lock up behind her. He swears his heart races each time he sees her, noticing the increase as she makes her way down the stairs. Her face is flushed a deep red, panic creeping into him as soon as he noticed.

“You okay?”

“Of course,” she kisses him, soothing his anxieties in a single movement. “Happy birthday.”

Sarah had been suckered into spending time with the Adler’s next door after school, so Lianne was able to take her time coming home from work. Making a last minute stop before going home, she remembered to grab a cake for Joel.

Lianne had gotten home before Sarah, which surprised her that Sarah wanted to spend this much time next door. The poor girl could never say no, too sweet for her own good. Lianne had thought about going over there to bring her back home, but no more than a few minutes passed and Sarah had finally come through the front door with a loud sigh.

The evening sun had slowly begun to fill the kitchen where Sarah made her way to find Lianne heating up leftovers in the microwave.

“Hey,” Lianne greets her with a smile. “How was school?”

“It was fine,” Sarah says absentmindedly. “Have you heard anything weird on the news?”

Lianne chuckles softly in response. “How weird are we talkin’?”

“I don’t know, like this morning with the news in Jakarta,” Sarah starts. “The people at the watch shop closed like four hours early. They seemed kind of panicked about something.”

Lianne could only shake her head as she sat two plates on the kitchen table, one for herself and one for Sarah.

“I haven’t been hearin’ anything,” Lianne says.  “Jakarta is all the way across the other side of the world, so I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Sarah doesn’t seem soothed by Lianne’s response, barely eating the microwaved leftovers as she slowly plucks away at the food. Trying her best to soothe Sarah’s worries, Lianne does her best at keeping the conversation light.

The sun has completely disappeared and the sky is dark when Joel finally comes through the door, kicking off his boots with apologies for being later than he planned. Something about not having the right parts that they needed, having to wait around for the parts until they could start. Whatever it was, it had caused Joel to be an hour later than he had promised his girls earlier that morning.

Sarah began setting up a movie in the living room that she had snagged from the Adler’s, while Lianne began cutting the cake in the kitchen. Joel followed her in, letting out a long sigh as he came up behind her and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Joel,” Lianne teases. He spins her around to face him, running his hands down her hair to rest at her neck.

“Long day,” he sighs. He plants a gentle kiss to her lips which she immediately smiles into in return, resting her hands on his hips.

“Are you guys coming or what?” Sarah calls from the living, causing Lianne to chuckle.

“‘Or what’ is more like it,” Joel says with a fake groan. He grabs the readied dessert plates to help Lianne carry them into the living room.

Sarah is seated in the middle of the couch with a mischievous grin on her face when she looks at Joel and says, “I got you a present.”

“You got me a present?” Joel asks, as if he’s surprised his daughter was thoughtful enough as he takes a seat next to her.

“Swear, on my life,” Sarah responds with a beaming smile. From its hiding spot in the couch cushions, Sarah pulls out the little box that she then hands to her father. Slowly and hesitantly, Joel begins to open the box, casting a side eye at his daughter. His eyes soften as they settle on the object in the box.

“Fixed it for you,” Sarah says with a sweet, genuine, toothy smile. Joel finally reveals the watch that was nestled in the box, his fingers gentle as if it was brand new. He admires the face of it, running his thumb over it before lifting it up to his ears.

“Did you?” A look of confusion wavering across his face and he slightly shakes the watch next to his ear. “I don’t hear anything.”

Sarah launches herself towards the watch, grabbing it from him in a hurry to inspect it, panic washing over her. Finally, she rolls her eyes as she shoves the watch back into Joel’s hands.

“Oh, ha, ha,” she mocks, her eyes rolling even further. Joel lets out a deep chuckle and begins fastening the watch around his wrist.

“Where’d you get the money for this?” He asks.

“Drugs,” Sarah states. “I sell hard core drugs.” Her southern accent twangs her words, making Lianne let out a soft chuckle from where she stands in the living room.

Sarah picks up the TV remote and maneuvers her way through the DVD menu while Lianne finally makes her way to the couch. Joel begins shoveling bites of cake into his mouth, letting out a hum of appreciation.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he says to Sarah with a mouthful of cake.

“Course I won’t,” she retorts. “It’s too riveting.”

Sarah had predictably fallen asleep twenty minutes into the movie, stretched between Joel and Lianne on the couch with her head resting in her father’s lap. Joel had his arm outstretched on the back of the couch, his fingers lazily brushing circles on Lianne’s arm that she had propped up to rest her head on, barely keeping her eyes open. Slowly turning her head to look at Joel, she gives him a sleepy smile and he chuckles.

“Wanna go to bed?” Joel whispers, still gently stroking the soft skin of her arm. She shakes her head, her eyes struggling to stay open.

“Movie’s not over,” she quietly mumbles. Joel smiles, letting her turn to continue watching the movie.

His eyes follow down her other arm to find her hand resting loosely around Sarah’s ankle. The sight of his girls peacefully nestled together with him, this small family that he has created,

The phone rings on the coffee table in front of them, and Joel lets out a groan as he reaches to answer it. The sudden ringing sends the drowsiness from Lianne’s body, allowing her to be fully awake to listen. The strike of slight panic disappeared as she realized by the tone of Joel’s voice that it must be Tommy. Joel carries on a brief but disgruntled conversation before hanging up the phone, pinching the bridge of his nose and groaning.

“Tommy’s in jail,” he grumbles as he sets the phone back down.

“What?” Lianne asks, that pinch of panic coming back for just a second. “What happened?”

“Some kind of bar fight,” Joel says with a sigh as he runs a hand down his face. “He’s fine. I gotta go get him.”

“I’ll stay here with Sarah,” Lianne says with a slow nod. Joel just chuckles.

“You say that like you don’t live here.”

“Sorry,” Lianne chuckles, too. “Still gettin’ used to it.”

Joel’s movements are slow and calculated as he carefully takes Sarah into his arms, careful not to wake her. As he takes her up to put her to bed, Lianne grabs the three completely empty dessert plates and takes them to the kitchen. They’ve been licked clean, almost worth debating on if she should even wash them or not.

Joel’s heavy footsteps are in the kitchen once more, making his way up behind her like before. This time, she’s already turned around to face him.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be out,” Joel says as he rests his hands on her hips. “Don’t wait up, ‘kay?”

“Okay,” Lianne says softly, accepting the gentle kiss that Joel places on her lips. She’s still planted near the sink as he pulls away, laces his boots back up, and closes the door behind him.

With a sigh, Lianne shuffles her way back into the living room where the TV still plays softly. As much as she knows Joel loves this movie, she just can’t hang on much more. Her lids get heavier with each passing moment before she wraps a blanket around her and drifts off.

The house rumbles, pulling Sarah from her deep sleep. Groggily, she opens her eyes in time to see the bright green light fill up her room, sending her scrambling up and looking out her window. Out in the distance over the skyline of the city, a plume of green smoke billows over the tall buildings.

Still drowsy from her slumber, she wonders for a moment if she’s even seeing things clearly. There’s a commotion downstairs that draws Sarah’s attention away from the window and has her on her feet and making her way down the stairs. Stopping at the end of the stairs, Sarah finds Lianne is already outside, just out of the front door, eyes locked on the direction of the loud blast.

“What’s happening?” Sarah says, her voice croaking with sleep. Lianne all but jumps out of her skin at the sudden sound of Sarah’s voice. She turns to face the young girl, eyes now wide as she becomes fully awake.

“I don’t know,” is all Lianne can say as she makes her way back into the house.

“Where’s Dad?”

“He went to pick up Tommy,” Lianne deadpans, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

“Why? Is he okay?” Sarah asks. Lianne turns to face her, and the fear in Sarah’s eyes sends a wave of guilt through Lianne, overriding her own fears and forcing her into a protective mode.

“Yes, of course,” Lianne says as reassuring as she can, beginning to make her way over to Sarah who still stands at the bottom of the stairs. “Everyone is okay. But what we’re gonna do is lock all of the doors and stay right here until your dad and Tommy are back, okay? No one comes in or out of this house unless it’s Joel or Tommy, yeah?”

“What about the Adler’s?” Sarah asks in a hurry, her brown eyes are wide as they meet Lianne’s. Lianne lets out a nervous sigh, the incessant barking of the dog at the door raising the hair on her arms.

“I’ll check on them, promise,” Lianne replies as she gently rests her hands on Sarah’s shoulders. “Stay in the house, okay? Lock the door behind me. Just… do not go outside.”

Sarah nods vigorously, and Lianne turns to walk back out the door towards the barking dog. Upon reaching the dog, Lianne gives it a few good scratches behind the ears before taking it by the collar and trekking next door to the Adler’s to return the dog. Getting closer to the neighboring house, the dog begins to whine louder and pull Lianne away from the house. Lianne is able to get the dog all the way to the front porch, but the dog suddenly jerks away from Lianne and quickly dashes down the street and out of sight.

Lianne’s stomach begins to turn at her failed attempts of calling for the dog to come back, and her blood stands still as she turns back to face the door and notices that it’s been left open a good few inches. Her hair sticks on end, and all signs tell her to turn back and go home. But the fear that had been in Sarah’s eyes in concern for their elderly neighbors linger in her mind, pushing her forward and into the house.

She’s met with a dead silence.

“Mrs. Adler?” Lianne quietly calls out.

Silence.

Her legs feel numb but continue to push her forward, a dim light from the kitchen drawing her further into the house. Slowly maneuvering through the front of the house, there is absolutely no sign of any of the Adler’s, almost as if they had just up and left.

Questions begin to fill Lianne’s mind. If this was the Rapture, why was Lianne still here? Is this some sort of punishment for her sins? Had what she heard on the news earlier about a new street drug been true, and someone got high and broke into the Adler’s house?

Finally reaching the kitchen, the first step she takes has her slipping slightly on wet linoleum. Looking down, the light of the open refrigerator shines on the slippery surface on the floor. Expecting water from an over-running sink, her gut rolls as she’s met with a deep red smeared across the floor creating a crimson pathway to the fridge. Letting her eyes trail along the bloody path, her eyes land on Mr. Adler leaning against the fridge, blood pooling around him as he holds the bloodied side of his neck. His breaths are labored as he weakly lets out a wheeze and points next to him. Following the direction of his finger, Lianne finally sees Mrs. Adler splayed out on her back, arms flailed to her side, and her mother on top of her. At first, Lianne thinks the eldest Adler is crying, until the old woman looks up slightly, a trail of blood dripping from her mouth and landing on the gaping hole in Mrs. Adler’s neck.

Panic doesn’t even begin to set in before Lianne is sprinting out of the kitchen, careful not to slip through the blood. Leaving sticky footprints behind her, Lianne finally reaches the front door and begins to run back to Sarah in the house next door. Finally reaching the property line, the world rumbles around her as bright lights blink down at her from the sky. Helicopters whir overhead. The sound is paralyzing, stopping Lianne in her tracks, but only for a moment as she wills her feet to carry her home to Sarah.

Reaching the house, Sarah is already outside watching the helicopters in the sky, eyes wide in confusion.

“Sarah!” Lianne calls out, hurrying over to her. “We need to go back-” She’s abruptly caught off as the two of them are suddenly flooded with light, the screeching of brakes bringing Tommy’s truck into view. Unknowingly, Lianne pulls Sarah tightly to her amidst the chaos.

Joel is the first to get out of the truck, his face ridden with panic as he yells to them to get in the truck. Keeping Sarah close as she leads her to the truck, time begins to slow down and her head starts to spin.

A distorted scream comes from the Adler’s house. The old woman that Lianne had seen in the kitchen is rushing down the porch stairs. She suddenly trips and lands heavily at the bottom of the steps, her neck twisting with a sickening snap.

Sarah quickly has her arms wrapped around Lianne as she clings to her, the group of them watching in shock as the woman lays contorted on the ground.

Joel was at Lianne’s side in an instant, telling her urgently to get Sarah and herself into the truck. In the next second, the woman that had laid unconscious at the bottom of the porch is up again, a warbled screech escaping her throat as she charges towards them. Joel immediately grabs a metal pipe from the back of the truck, and has it swinging at the woman’s head before she gets close enough to the girls. Once the woman is on the ground, Joel swings the pipe again, the blow of the pipe crunching her skull.

Time picks up in double time, and the scene of chaos catches up to her.

Lianne quickly pulls Sarah into her, trying to block her line of sight from the woman now laying bloodied on the ground. Heaving in deep breaths, Joel slowly turns to look at Lianne and Sarah, another wave of panic and guilt flooding through him as he sees the state of shock they’re in. He rushes over to his girls, dropping the pipe to the ground, and cradles Sarah’s face in one hand while the other gently caresses Lianne’s neck.

Taking in quick breaths, Sarah quietly speaks. “You killed her.”

Pain flashes in Joel’s eyes and his face wrinkles with guilt. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he says softly to his daughter. Tommy’s yells for them are droned out as he continues to yell for them to move.

“Listen to me,” Joel continues, eyes moving from Sarah to Lianne. “It’s not just the Adler’s. But we’re gonna be brave and we’re gonna get out of this,” he finishes, locking eyes with his daughter. She gives him a curt nod, loosening her grip around Lianne. Looking back to Lianne, Joel’s dark eyes shine in a way that she hasn’t seen before. His dark eyes are almost screaming with fear, but instantly soften as Lianne nods with him. Whatever is happening, Lianne is far from understanding. She knows, body and soul, that whatever Joel says to do is the right thing to do.

An explosion of noise bursts nearby, and Tommy is yelling at them once again to get in the truck. Joel guides the girls to the back of the truck cab, Lianne pulling Sarah close to her and pushes her into the truck first. Once Sarah is in the truck, Lianne quickly turns back to Joel, who is hovering close behind her, waiting for her to get in the truck after Sarah.

“Joel-” is all she’s able to get out before his hands are caressing her neck and he plants a firm kiss to her forehead.

“I know, baby,” Joel says, his voice gentle. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. But we gotta go, okay?”

Lianne nods numbly, allowing herself to get in the truck behind Sarah. Joel closes the door and rushes to get into the passenger seat in front of her. Tommy is stepping on the gas, high-tailing it out of there. Other neighbors begin running out of their yards and onto the street at an inhuman pace, tackling others to the ground. The tires screech as Tommy spins them around to get them out of their neighborhood, the force of the spin turning Lianne in her seat.

We’re all gonne die we’re all gonna diewereallgonnadiewereallgo-

She squeezes her eyes shut for only a moment, breathing heavily through her nose, and she feels a hand clamp down on her knee. When she opens her eyes, Joel’s hand is resting heavily on her knee, but his conversation remains locked on Tommy as they try to navigate an escape plan.

Chatter fills the cab of the truck, Sarah nervously asking brief questions. Joel says he’s heard it’s some kind of sickness, a virus or parasite, but there’s no way that any of them would be sick. Tommy says he heard on the news that it’s mostly people in the city.

“But you’d have to go to the city all the time, right?” Sarah squeaks out. Adrenaline now weaning its way out of Lianne, dread begins to build up from her stomach to her chest as she looks at Sarah. Sarah had been in the city today. Lianne works in the city. She’s in the city every day. Her fears of ostracization amongst the family creep up her spine, fearing they’ll leave her on the side of the road right then and there in fears that she could be sick like the Adler’s. Sarah scoots closer to her in the backseat of the cab, wrapping herself around Lianne’s arm, instantly soothing Lianne’s fears.

Reaching highway 71, the entire lane is backed up for seemingly miles. Joel yells directions to Tommy, the truck is veering off the highway and into the grass. Speeding through an open field, Tommy leads the way as other cars begin to copy suit. They break into an opening on the street, right in the heart of downtown Austin as the ground begins to rumble.

“What the fuck…” Tommy mutters. Lianne and Sarah turn in their seats, bright lights filling the sky as planes begin to roar lowly overhead. Screams from outside fill the air as a swarm of people begin running from the end of the street in front of them.

“Tommy, you can’t stop here,” Joel states. Immediately, Tommy launches the car into reverse and cuts through the street. From this end of the street, another swarm of screaming people begin running from the buildings and alleyways, causing Tommy to send the truck screeching to a stop.

“Dad?” Sarah says loudly in a panic. Lianne turns to her to see her looking out the back window, and before Lianne can turn to see what she’s looking at, the truck is upside down and rolling one way and another.

The next time Lianne opens her eyes, she’s looking up at the night sky, eyes blinking in the street lights overhead. The wind is knocked from her lungs, and someone is pulling at her arms and onto her feet. The world spins around her, and she catches her head in her hands. Someone’s gripping her shoulders, shouting something that she can’t make out over the ringing in her ears.

“Huh?” She finally says, fully opening her eyes to see Tommy right in front of her.

“You good?” Tommy shouts again. Lianne only nods, looking back to the truck that is now flipped upside down. Peering in, Sarah is pinned inside, one of her legs twisted and pinned up above one of the headrests. Lianne is immediately clambering her way inside the truck to be next to her.

Gently, she shakes Sarah awake, telling her to stay still. Joel appears on the other side of Sarah and immediately takes her in his arms. He begins to carefully pull Sarah towards him, and Lianne is cupping Sarah’s head tenderly in her hands to make sure she doesn’t bump it on anything. Once Sarah is out, Lianne feels a hand on her legs and quickly whips her around. It’s just Tommy, there to help her get back on her feet and onto the street.

Before Lianne can even get her legs to move to the other side of the truck to get to Joel and Sarah, another large vehicle comes flying into view and collides with the back end of Tommy’s truck, instantly catching on fire and blocking the way to get to Joel.

Tommy comes from her left and grabs her to check on her, but her wide eyes are still locked on Joel and Sarah.

“Get her out of here!” Lianne calls in desperation.

“Hell, I ain’t going nowhere without you!” Joel calls back.

Tommy begins to shout as well, agreeing with Lianne that Joel needs to get Sarah out of the wreckage and chaos. Joel stays planted, turning his head in the open direction and turning back to Lianne.

“Go!” Lianne shouts. “I’ll meet you later, I promise.”

Joel gives Lianne a hard stare. His heart and mind are at war with each other, knowing he needs to get his daughter to safety, but still feeling there is no way in Hell that he’s leaving without Lianne. The sound of explosions nearby forces him to make a decision. He nods to Lianne, who nods back, and he takes off with Sarah.

“Come on, we gotta go,” Tommy is shouting at Lianne, pulling her by the arm as she stares after Joel. “I’ll cover you, come on. Stay behind me, and stay close.”

Grabbing onto the back of Tommy’s shirt to stay close to him, Lianne begins following him quickly, but not before grabbing a pipe from the debris of the wreck in her hand. They hastily make their way down the street, Tommy leading them through an alleyway. On the right, a door opens into an emptied bar, and Tommy leads them into it for some temporary cover.

As soon as they enter, a piercing screech comes from the left as a deranged person comes into view. Tommy fires his shotgun, blowing the person backwards and into the wall. Before Lianne can process what’s happening, another warbled scream pierces her right ear, spinning her around and heaving the pipe through the air to connect heavily across the person's skull.

Ringing fills her ears, her gaze a piercing glare at the body in front of her. Tommy’s hand connects with her shoulders, and her gaze snaps up to meet him. It’s not until she sees his worry-knit brows that she realizes the heavy breaths she’s taking.

“I said, ‘you good?’” Tommy says, his voice direct and sharp. Lianne only nods, her face cold in a hard focus. Behind Tommy, another sick person clambers their way over the counter of the bar, hurtling it’s way towards them.

Lianne doesn’t give Tommy a chance to ready his shotgun. She pushes past him and is immediately swinging her pipe at the person, connecting the pipe into their side before swinging again to land a blow to their head.

“We can’t stay here,” Lianne says bluntly, not bothering to turn to Tommy. Tommy instantly grabs her by the arm, pulling her out the door they came in and back into the alleyway. Trying to find a less busy area to move through, they continue down the alleyway and make their way to the opening to the next street.

Rushing out onto the street, Lianne stops dead in her tracks as a voice calls her name from behind her. Spinning around, a man is trying to make his way to her, fighting off an infected that tries to tackle him to the ground.

“Dad!” Lianne calls out, stepping towards him when Tommy grabs her.

“What the hell are you doin’?” He asks harshly. “We gotta keep going.”

Lianne turns to face him with wild eyes, pulling her arm from his grasp. “That’s my dad,” she states. Tommy’s eyes flicker to the man in the distance, then back to Lianne.

“Joel and Sarah..” he says quietly.

“You go find them. They don’t have anyone to cover for them. Please, Tommy go find them. I’ll find you soon, I promise. You gotta get them safe.”

Tommy gives her a disagreeing look, and turns his head to assess his surroundings behind him. By the time he turns to look back at Lianne, she’s already hurrying towards her father. Tommy lets out a frustrated yell and attempts to follow after Lianne. From his left, a small group of infected charge towards him from the alley way, blocking his view of Lianne.

Making her way towards her father, she swings the pipe she’s been carrying towards the infected, knocking it off and away from her father that had been pinned underneath it. Before the infected can get back up, Lianne is swinging the pipe at its head, her hands vibrating as it comes in contact. For a final swing, she raises the pipe above her head and lands it full force on the infected’s head, skull shattering and blood spurting onto her jeans.

The commotion of more infected spins her around to search for Tommy, a group of infected blocking her view of Tommy. She feels her father pulling at her arm, and she finally turns to face him. Panic is ridden all over his face, his hand shaking as it holds onto her arm. Lianne grabs him by his arm and drags him away from the infected. She leads him down the street and into a building, hiding behind a wall and trying their best to keep out of sight.

Taking a minute to catch her breath, Lianne finally turns to look at her father, whose eyes are wild with bewilderment and fear.

“Hey, if they hit you,” her father says loudly, voice shaking with fear as he shoves a small pistol into Lianne’s hands. “You hit ‘em twice as hard, you hear me?”

“Where did you get this?” Lianne asks, more than confused on why her father has a gun. His only explanation is that he just found it, which has her giving him a quick nod before disappearing around the corner.

Getting her father out of the city was easier than Lianne expected. She had assumed that he would try to stop and help anyone they crossed paths with, but something in him was different that night. He kept his wild eyes on his daughter as she fought and slaughtered her way down streets, keeping his head down and stumbling his way in the path that she cleared. He was slow for his age, and often dragged behind Lianne. She tried to allow as many rest breaks as possible, but the adrenaline coursing through her wouldn’t allow her to stay put for too long.

A moment of relief washed over her as the morning sun began to creep its way over the city. Her hope diminished quickly as the faint screams from the heart of the city could still be heard from where they were on the outskirts of town. Her plan was to make it out of the city and back into the suburbs to Joel’s house, hoping maybe that the other three had doubled back to wait for her there. She knew it was a long shot, and prayed that they were able to get out of the city entirely.

It was midday when they had finally neared the subdivision where the Miller house was. They were still a mile out when Lianne saw the flashing blue and red lights of police cars. Military trucks lined the streets of the neighborhood, families being marched from their homes with their suitcases and beginning to line up by the trucks. Lianne’s father continues his trek forward, but Lianne grabs him.

“We’re not going any further,” Lianne says, her tone harsh with exhaustion.

“Why not?” Her father questions. “It’s the military. They’re here to help.”

Lianne shakes her head before saying, “I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Something just doesn’t feel right about this,” Lianne says, shaking her head again. From what she can see from her distance, the neighborhood is being split into groups. The soldiers assess them individually, and either tell them to get in a truck or stand to the side of the road.

“Now what?” Her father asks helplessly.

“I don’t like this,” Lianne says. Her lips twist in thought as she tries to think of a plan. She’s exhausted, and knows they need a place to lie low for a while to sleep. “Joel and Tommy were working on a new development a few miles from here,” she begins. “You think you can make it a little further?”

Her father nods in response, and Lianne waits for a moment for the two of them to breathe. It isn’t until she hears gunshots from the neighborhood that she’s moving the two of them again. She tries her best to take the most covered route, staying off the roads as best as possible and keeping the less busy areas in mind as the two continue their journey.

—--

Joel stared blankly ahead of him, barely registering the slow heartbeat drumming in his ringing ears that constantly reminded him that he was alive. His gray shirt was now almost black with the blood stain that he could never make himself get rid of. It had seeped through his shirt and onto his skin, mixing with his sweat and becoming part of him.

Tommy was talking quietly a few feet away from the medical cot that Joel was seated on, something about how Joel’s got a girl that’s still out there and how he’ll fly the coop as soon as he’s cleared to find her.

“She’s dead,” Joel stated, his voice flat and heavy as he said the words through gritted teeth.

“Joel-” Tommy can only try to reason with his brother.

“You left her out there, alone,” Joel spat out, not bothering to look at Tommy. “She’s dead.”

“She’s still gotta be out there, Joel,” Tommy almost pleads. “You should’ve seen her. She’s a hell of a fighter.”

Joel is too numb to let Tommy’s words ignite any sort of hope in him. If he couldn’t protect Sarah, how was Lianne supposed to survive out there on her own. The scene repeats in his head, making him grip the thin sheet on the cot.

“I’m gonna find her for you, I promise,” Tommy says as he uncrosses his arms. “Hell, she promised she’d find us, Joel. When has she ever broken a promise?”

Joel can’t begin to hear the truth in Tommy’s words. He pushed down the smallest, fleeting feeling that she could be out there. After Sarah, any morsel of hope had been lost, which is why he was stationed on this cot in the first place.

—--

Lianne and her father had gotten to the housing development in the late evening. One of the housing plots only the foundation poured, and knowing that Joel and Tommy had been here doing that comforted Lianne, feeling that she was just a little closer to them.

Her father and her had spent the night in one of the further developed houses. They had a roof over their head, but the late fall breeze that blew in through the windowless walls had left a chill in Lianne’s bones when she woke up. She had tried her best to sleep through the night like her father, who continued to snore softly on the other side of the room. The longer she had rested on the floor of the upper floor, the more her body began to tremble as the adrenaline slowly left her body. Her heart had pounded loudly in her ears all night, almost keeping her up whenever she would doze off.

Now, she sat against the wall under the window, watching her father sleep. He had just appeared from nowhere when she was in the city. She wanted to shake him awake, interrogate him on what he was doing there. Her glare bore into him, fearing she was just imagining him.

Before she can wake him, a loud rumble of commotion comes from downstairs and the sound of footsteps enter the house. Lianne is immediately on her feet, gently kicking her father awake as she readies her pistol and aims it at the top of the steps. Her father startles awake, a panicked grunt coming from him. Lianne raises a finger to her lips to silence him, but in his groggy state he’s lost in confusion.

“What’s going on?” he says, too loudly for Lianne’s liking. Apparently, it’s too loud for the liking of whoever’s downstairs as well. Thunderous footsteps are rushing up the stairs and Lianne readies her gun when a small group of men appear at the top of steps. They become still as they make their way closer into the room, wavering in their stance and swaying on their feet.

The men are ragged and worn down, a hunger lurking behind their wide eyes. Lianne had heard stories from Tommy of people from the city coming out to the construction sites late at night to shoot up, and by the looks of the men they were strung the fuck out. Lianne keeps the aim of her pistol pointed at them, but her father approaches them with his arms in the hair in surrender.

“What’re you doing?” Lianne hisses towards him. Her father says nothing in return as he continues to approach the men. The few with guns keep them pointed at him as he approaches them, his arms beginning to tremble.

“Howdy, fellas,” her father begins. “We don’t want no trouble, now. I think we’ve all had a rough couple of days.”

The men are silent, staring hungrily past him at Lianne.

“My name’s Isaiah, I-I’m a preacher and I don’t want no harm done here,” her father continues.

“The girl,” one of the men barks out, pointing a finger to Lianne. Her eyes remain sharp on them and her nose twitches in disgust. Isaiah turns to look at her, his eyes empty as he turns back to the men.

“Why don’t we, uh, why don’t we go downstairs and talk?” Isaiah tries to bargain. “She’ll stay up here, keep a lookout if anything’s coming. We can go downstairs and find something that works for all of us.”

The group of men stare at Isaiah hesitantly, and warrily look amongst themselves before back-stepping towards the stairs. Isaiah begins to follow them while Lianne whispers after him. He turns and gives her a hard stare, sending a chill up her spine when he pointedly tells her to stay put.

Again, Lianne plants herself by the window, keeping an eye on the road for any infected or any other people that decide to come this way. Letting out a long huff, she tries to pick up any conversation that she might hear from downstairs. From the last few days she’s been with Isaiah, she knows he’s bound to do something stupid that’ll get them killed. On the other hand, the slightest sliver of hope fills her that maybe, just maybe, Isaiah is worried about her and her safety. That maybe, he doesn’t want that group of men to do anything to her. Maybe that’s why he took them downstairs.

The conversations downstairs have grown eerily quiet, eliciting concern to spark in Lianne. About to step away from the window, scuttled footsteps can be heard outside pattering against the concrete. Lianne peaks her head through the window to see the group of men, and Isaiah, emerge onto the paved road and run down the street. After a moment of confusion, her blood runs hot. She’s frozen in place, watching them get further and further down the street. Before they disappear from her line of sight, she spins around to push her back against the wall, taking deep breaths as she continues to be frozen in place.

The house is silent. She is alone. And for some reason that she can’t define, she feels better that way.

—--

OCTOBER 2003

Tommy had slowly pulled the truck into a rolling stop, letting Joel pull out the pair of binoculars to look at the figure slowly moving on the thoroughfare.

“It’s too slow to be infected,” Tommy says in a hushed voice.

Joel is quiet as he lowers his binoculars. Having no response from his brother, Tommy turns to gauge Joel whose face has gone white.

“It’s a girl,” Joel whispers.

Tommy instantly revs the truck back up, seemingly flying across the road to get closer to the girl. Upon approaching her, the truck comes to a screeching halt. Joel all but falls out of the truck as he tries to get closer to the girl, but she continues her slow movements forward.

“Stop,” Joel calls out flatly. The girl spins around quickly, arm outstretched to point her pistol straight at him. It isn’t until she’s fully facing Joel that he’s able to take in her features besides her dark hair pulled up in a bun. Mud and red had stained all exposed skin, her jeans ripped where her boney knees showed through, her collarbones slicing over the top of her shirt.

But her eyes. Though glazed with exhaustion, the ferocity reflected brightly in the Texan sun and pierced Joel right in his gut.

All of the air was knocked from the unknowing breath he had been holding. Trying to keep from buckling at the knees, he slowly steps towards her, only for her once slow steps to rapidly increase as she shuffles away from him. His heart cracks at her reaction, her rushed movements and ferocious eyes staring him down like a wild animal tracking its prey.

“Baby,” he calls softly, holding his hands up towards her in surrender. “Baby, it’s me. It’s Joel.”

Her stance is rigid and unwavering, her eyes and aim of her pistol still boring into him. Seeing that she is now unmoving, Joel tries to take a step towards her. She immediately follows suit and takes a step back.

“Hey, hey, don’t run,” Joel tries to soothe her. “It’s just me. Tommy’s back there at the truck, see? Think you can come with me to the truck? Get you out of the sun and somewhere safe?”

“Where?” The single word croaks out of her throat. The force of the word coming from her dry mouth burns the back of her throat, the tang of blood rising from the dryness of her throat.

“Anywhere,” Joel lets out with a sigh of relief. “Anywhere, Lianne. I’ll take you anywhere.”

A moment of stillness passes between them. His heart is pulling at his chest, forcing his unwilling legs to take a step forward. This time, Lianne stays quiet and waits for Joel’s next movements.

“I need you to come with me, baby,” Joel pleads as he slowly approaches her. He slowly reaches his hand out, taking the pistol from her hands. “Please, Lianne.”

Her legs begin to tremble and she can’t help the tear that slips down her cheek. Her eyes flutter closed as she collapses into Joel, everything going dark around her. Joel rushes to scoop her up into his arms and carefully walks back to the truck where Tommy is waiting by the driver’s door.

“Here, let me help,” Tommy says as he begins to make his way to the other side of the truck that Joel is approaching.

“I got it,” he grunts, his eyes never leaving her unconscious form in his arms. His blood runs cold and his mouth goes dry, the sight of her in his arms washing away the movements of Tommy as he opens the door for them. Carefully, Joel places Lianne in the backseat of the truck. He crawls in behind her and pulls her back to gently rest her head in his lap. He gently brushes the hair from her face, rubbing his thumb over her cheek, afraid that her frail form will shatter to dust if he touches her.

Tommy is stomping on the gas, sending the truck veering back down the thoroughfare to the makeshift quarantine zone they had come from in the city. Tommy is instantly reaching back to hand Joel a plastic water bottle to begin nursing Lianne.

“Come on, baby,” Joel says softly as he unscrews the water bottle. “You gotta wake up for a minute. Gotta get some water in ya.”

Lianne is still unconscious on his lap. Gently, he rests the top of the bottle to her lips and lets a few drops wet the dry skin of her lips and leak their way into her mouth. She swallows, putting Joel a bit at ease.

The few hour drive back to the quarantine zone felt like forever to Joel. Tommy watched him warily from the rearview mirror, but Joel’s eyes never left Lianne for a moment. He couldn’t stop his mind from racing, wondering what she had been through during those few weeks since he’d seen her last. His mind began creating scenarios,

A mile outside of the zone, Lianne had jerked awake, Joel instantly soothing her back into a more relaxed state as he explained where they were.

“It’s a sort of military compound,” he said. “They’ll fix you up good as new, just like they did me, I promise.”

Lianne is too weakened to form any thoughts in response, her vision still too strained and blurry to see the bandage on the side of Joel’s head.

The truck slows to a stop as they reach the quarantine zone, a few soldiers posted guard immediately making their way to the truck, guns raised in apprehension.

Tommy pulls out some ruffled paperwork to hand to the guards, explaining that they had left from this quarantine zone earlier that morning. One of the guards circles the truck, inspecting every nook and cranny of the truck before stopping at Joel’s window. The guard peers through, and his brows furrowed as his eyes land on Lianne. Joel freezes in his spot and his muscles become tense.

“She sick?” the guard barks.

“No,” Tommy says, turning in his seat to face the guard. “But she needs a doctor.”

“She bit?” The guard asks again.

“No,” Joel grunts back, the protective grip he has on Lianne’s body becomes stronger.

Joel doesn’t let her out of his sight, carrying her wherever he’s directed. He takes her to a small and secluded washing station, not letting anyone near her as he gently sets her down and begins undressing her. His fingers tremble slightly as he unbuttons her white blouse, and he tenderly slides the sleeves down her arms. He gently peels off her undershirt that has become matted to her skin in the dried, sticky blood. He’s expecting to see gashes and deep wounds with the considerable amount of blood, but is surprised to only see a few deep scratches and light cuts.

It relieves him, slightly, to know that the blood that is smeared over her isn’t her own, but is quickly overcome with an immense wave of guilt. Her skin is tender to the touch, red and purple bruises patterned her skin, and the sharp bones of her ribcage begin to show. He wants to run his fingers over the bruises on her skin, but he’s too scared to touch, afraid something might be broken.

Slowly and carefully, he continues to undress her. He’s easily able to slide her pants down her bony hips and carefully folds them up and sets them with the rest of her belongings.

Joel grabs a clean rag and soaks it with warm water, at first letting it trickle onto her skin before gently brushing it down her arm. The mud and dirt swirl on her skin, and Joel continues to wipe until he sees her clean, warm skin. He gingerly rubs the rest of her arm, letting the dirt and mud drip off her body and pool onto the floor. He takes his time washing her, looking over every inch of her for any bite marks or signs of the sickness. He lets out a long sigh of relief as he washes the last of the dirt off of her, finding no bite marks as he examines her once more.

Not worrying about her matted hair, Joel finally wraps her up in a hospital gown that was given to him. He can’t help but reach out to her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close as he rests his head on hers. He tenderly rocks her back and forth, and she’s too weak to wrap her arms around him.

An unknowing medical personnel suddenly enters the room, and before Joel can order them to get out, they’re calling for assistance to get Lianne to a med station. A number of masked people enter the room, pushing Joel out, and carrying Lianne out of his sight. His ears ring and his vision blurs, and doesn’t notice that Tommy has appeared and is holding him back, his anger brewing through him like a storm on the ocean.

Time feels to drag on for eternity while Lianne is away from him, being poked and prodded and tests run and IV’s stuck into her and lights flashing in her eyes. It isn’t until she’s stable and resting that Joel and Tommy are allowed to see her. They have her resting in a tent out of the sun, stretched out on a nearly broken hospital bed.

Joel stares down the medical examiner who leaves the tent, eyes brooding another dark storm. Joel settles himself in the folding chair next to her while Tommy lingers in the corner, chewing on his thumb. Joel’s eyes are glued on her, burning a hole through her, afraid that if he blinks she’ll disappear in a second.

Lianne sleeps for a day and a half, often stirring awake to fall right back asleep again. Tommy repeatedly offers Joel food from the military rations, but Joel always refuses, insisting he was fine.

It’s late in the afternoon when Lianne opens her eyes. Her sun-burnt face no longer as peaked, her eyes brighter with a clarity as she tries to sit up and look around the room. Joel is immediately at her side, soothing words trying to coax her to lay back down. But she’s upright now, a look of panic on her face.

“You’re okay,” Joel says in a hushed voice before Lianne can say anything. “You’re safe. You’re back in Austin. We’re at a military base camp, they’re callin’ it a quarantine zone. They fixed you up real good.”

She turns to look at him, eyes instantly softening as they roam his face. She reaches her hand out, fingers brushing along his cheek. Joel can’t stop himself from closing his eyes and leaning into her hand.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Lianne croaks out, voice still hoarse. After a moment, her eyes finally land on the fresh scar on the right side of Joel’s head. “What happened?” she asks sternly.

Joel tries to shrug the question off, but her piercing eyes have him saying otherwise.

“A fella shot at me,” he starts. “He missed.”

A suspicious look flickers across Lianne’s face, but she just turns to look at Tommy who is now standing at the end of her bed. They give each other small, tight-lipped smiles, and Lianne leans back against her bed and lets out a sigh.

“So,” she starts. “Where’s Sarah?”

A series of emotions flash across Joel’s eyes, finally settling on panic as he tries to look away from Lianne. His face goes pale, and his fingers that were once holding her hand begin to tremble. His silence has Lianne’s gut turning. Her heartbeat is loud in her ears as she turns to Tommy, hoping to get some kind of answer. Tommy just shakes his head silently, sending her heart straight to the floor.

“Joel?” she whispers, panic creeping its way through her again as tears begin to fill her eyes. “What happened?”

He doesn’t look at her, can’t bear to see the look on her face. His head hangs as he clenches his fists, rage begins to tremble through him. His jaw has clenched tightly shut, forbidding him to speak.

“We were with her,” Tommy says quietly from the end of the bed, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

A single, strangled sob shakes its way out of Lianne.

“How?” she aks quietly, her voice breaking. Looking at Joel, she is only met with silence. “How?” She asks again, louder this time and rage in her voice.

“She was shot,” Joel’s quiet voice breaks through the silence of the room, his voice quivering as a tear slips down his cheek, the sight of his daughter bleeding in his arms still so real in his mind's eye.  

Lianne squeezes her eyes shut, tears stinging them as they spill over. The three sit in a tense silence, Lianne hitting every emotion while her mind soars through a rollercoaster. She settles in a confused rage, and reaches out to grip Joel’s hand.

“Joel…” she starts in a whisper. Upon looking at him, she silences herself. His eyes are cold and glued to their hands, his shoulders are rigid and he has built a wall around himself, knowing that if he met Lianne’s eyes he would surely fall apart.

The three are met with a deafening silence; so quiet that Lianne swears she can hear Joel’s heartbeat next to her. It isn’t until Tommy excuses himself and returns with a medic that movement fills the room again.

Bright lights are once again blinding Lianne, a thermometer is pushed into her mouth only to be pulled out almost immediately, a tongue suppressor pushed into her mouth that causes her to gag at the sudden intrusion. All of the close encounters were dulled down, blocked out by a racing mind of thoughts only worrying about Sarah.

The medic tells them Lianne’s to be on an IV overnight, and they’ll be back in an hour for more blood tests. The three of them are left with silence again. The hustle and bustle out of the tent catches Lianne’s eyes, but only keeping her mind occupied for a few moments. After a while, Tommy had left to scrounge up what food he could find for him and Joel. Lianne had rested her head on the cot, letting the drowsiness that she had been fighting consume her once again. Joel stayed right by her side for the rest of the night.

Lianne had been cleared for discharge the next morning, after the numerous tests and observations had resulted in no signs of the sickness. Joel had somehow managed to find some clean clothes, but to Lianne’s surprise it was a set of her own clothes. Joel had said he knew she’d want some fresh clothes for comfort once they found her, and grabbed a few things when he and Tommy went back to check out the house.

The first night out of the med tent, Lianne spent it sleeping under the stars. They were brighter now that the city lights were gone. When she was younger, she found relief in looking up at the stars and seeing them looking back at her. Now, it felt odd to still have such beauty, something that stayed the same, in a world of death and destruction. The stars damn near pissed her off.

For lunch, the trio sat at a wooden picnic table in the designated cafeteria area. Jugs of sloppy stew and piles of rationed military ready to eat meals were lined up against a makeshift wall. Volunteers manned the area, assisting those around them with food.

The entire place was in disarray. The survivors were mangled, eyes completely empty as most of them sat frozen. Families were broken apart, children were crying, and the stench of something rotten filled the air.

“I’ll get you more water,” Joel grumbles, rising from his seat next to Lianne and taking her glass with him. She watches longingly as he walks away, feeling as if she’s tied to a string that could snap at any moment.

“He went just about batshit crazy looking for you,” Tommy says to her, hushing his voice over the table so only she would hear. “He wasn’t sleeping, barely eating. Hell, he ransacked every place he could find lookin’ for you.”

Lianne was quiet at first, shoving another large bite of the MRE meal into her mouth. “He’s different,” she finally says.

“Well, yeah,” Tommy says. “What he’s seen, what we’ve all seen. It’s bound to change our chemistry make-up somehow.”

Joel approaches the table with a fresh glass of water for Lianne, finding his spot next to her and he continues to scrape away at his food.

“Well, we have to get out of here,” Lianne states matter-of-factly as she rests her hands on her hips.

“No, we can’t,” Joel levels. “Not ‘til you’re strong enough.”

“I survived out there for weeks on my own, Joel. It’ll be easier with the three of us.”

“No,” Joel grunts. “You get your strength back, then we’ll talk about it.”

They stayed there for three months. One to get Lianne strong again, two for good measure, and another just because they had nowhere else to go. Lianne hated it. Everyone hated it. They were hardly safe from the infected that still lingered in the city. Food was running out, and people grew more agitated and aggressive as time went on.

The final straw for Lianne was that she felt alone. There was no longer a sense of community amongst the people. Those weeks that she was out on the road, surviving on her own, she being alone didn’t matter. She was too occupied staying alive every minute. She was able to work with her hands, creating new weapons with tape and scissors and pipes.

During their time at the QZ, Lianne had helped what she could on construction projects. She would solder some pieces here and there, but that was it. Joel and Tommy were gone most of the time, their skills much better used in the construction and development of the QZ.

Joel had begun to grow more and more isolated as well. Cold and stand off-ish, snapping like a wild dog at anyone that came near him or his family. He paid no mind to the military personnel stationed there, and that began to make Lianne anxious. She had seen the executions in the streets, and it seemed Joel was always testing his fate.

It was late one night, when the three of them managed to slip out under the guards noses. They packed as much food as they could without causing suspicion, and planned to stay on the outside of the city and head north. Once they hit the suburbs, Tommy was able to hotwire a car in someone’s driveway.

Crossing over the Oklahoma-Texas border, all hope for less infected areas was left behind. The country sides, the middle of absolute nowhere, seemed to be their only refuge. If the homes weren’t burnt down, then the few that were still standing had been abandoned decades ago, wooden boards hanging from the sides of them and holes in the shingled roofs. So they kept moving north.

Tommy had taught Joel and Lianne how to siphon gas, something that he “picked up in the military.” It was unsettling to Lianne how easy it was for her to disregard anything that used to be normal. Looting stores for food and supplies was simple, no one was around anymore to stop them. It was the leaving people behind that was the hardest, the people that needed help that they couldn’t do anything for. Or wouldn’t do anything for. Joel brushed off any living person they came across, immediately assessing them as a threat. He had said that if they weren’t shooting at them, then it would be a waste of time to even talk to them. The three of them were a force to be reckoned with. Effectively warding off any of the infected they crossed, as if they were made for it.

The longest place that they had made camp was at an old farmhouse in Nebraska. It had been on the edge of a small, empty, town that had long been abandoned. The general store still had food and tools, and it was the perfect distance away that it was easily accessible from the house, but not so much that it would draw in unwanted visitors.

Joel had been stoking a fire in the fireplace, slowly turning one of the chickens that had somehow survived on the property. The smell had Lianne’s stomach in a roaring grumble. It had been months since any of them had had a decent meal, if they could call a meat-lacking chicken a meal.

The three were silent, Tommy cleaning one of his guns, and Lianne counting the food rations that they had left. It had been days, if not weeks, since any of them had an actual conversation. Words were few and far inbetween, only saved for necessity and emergency.

Later that night was when they would speak, only to secure a plan of attack. A group of people had made themselves known in the town, and their noise would surely draw in the infected.

“What do you want me to do?” Lianne asks as Joel and Tommy ready their weapons.

“Stay here,” Joel orders. “We don’t know who they are. Better if they don’t see a woman. If anyone shows up here, it’ll just be a few stragglers, at most. I know you can handle your own.”

As much as Joel’s affirming words had her chest fluttering, it made her gut twist to think that she would be alone, which was something she hadn’t been in a long time. The smallest tingle of fear crept up her spine, but she swallowed it back down when Joel handed her a shotgun.

“What if something else happens?” Lianne asks as Joel and Tommy head for the door. Joel turns around to face her, and his piercing eyes grow soft when he sees her concerned look. Approaching her again, he softly takes her face in his rough hands.

“We’ll be back,” he says lowly, but his voice is gentle. “If something happens here and you need us, start a fire. Burn the place down if you have to.”

His determined expression doesn’t falter until Lianne nods. He hasn’t let her out of his sight since he found her on the thoroughfare, and the feeling of leaving her here is almost eating him alive. He forces the feeling down as he roughly presses his lips to hers, holding her face close to his in his palms. She’s breathless when he pulls away, and before she can say anything else, he and Tommy are out the door.

Lianne blinks away the paralyzing feeling that has her feet glued to the floor. The dim, warm light sputters throughout the room as the fireplace crackles. Quickly, Lianne takes a water bottle and empties it over the flames which slowly begin to die out. Her feet are heavy as lead as she marches her way up the stairs to the second floor, perching herself on the window ledge. Letting her eyes adjust, she can barely see the silhouette of the two men making their way down the street.

She’s left in an eerie quiet. A deadly quiet. The crickets no longer chirp in the chilly weather, which only leaves the sound of the wind creaking through the wooden house. Out here, the stars shine a hundred times brighter than she’s ever seen. The Creator she once believed in is no longer looking back at her as she arches her neck towards the sky, just an empty black canvas with white speckles. She wonders, for a moment, if there’s anyone else out there. If there are no more cities and towns and countries that are safe here, if there is somewhere out there where none of this exists.

From the right of the sky, the tiniest white dot slowly makes its way across the sky. Her eyes follow it, and crinkle in the unknowing smile that’s growing on her face. She lets out a dry laugh, a sound not heard for months, as a tear slips down her cheek.

The faint gunfire at the other end of town draws her attention back to the horizon. She can see the flashes of the guns, and she breaks out in a cold sweat as panic seeps into her bones. Knowing there’s nothing she can do, she paces the room, the floorboards creaking underneath her steps. In the dark, she nearly trips over an old and ratted mattress left on the floor. Kicking it out of the way, her head becomes dizzy with worry. She sits on the mattress, bouncing her leg as she chews on her cheek.

She’s not sure how much time has passed when she hears the stomp of boots on the rotting porch and the screeching of the door on its hinges. She rushes down the stairs, shotgun ready and blasts them with her flashlight. Tommy enters first, his eyes fiery and lip split. Joel slowly follows behind, face drawn and a glaze hooding his eyes. Blood is spattered on his clothes and he keeps his bruised fists clenched at his sides.

Lianne is silent as Tommy moves through the room, but her eyes stay locked on Joel who hasn’t moved from the doorway. Tommy is insistent in his words, talking about how they “got ‘em all, so no one better have followed ‘em.” Turning, Tommy meets Lianne’s gaze, who still is focused on Joel. Following her gaze, he sees the disheveled state of his brother.

“I’ll take first watch,” Tommy says quietly. “Why don’t, uh, why don’t you two go get some rest.”

Slowly, Lianne approaches Joel, gently taking his bloodied hand in hers and leads him up the stairs. He stops as they enter the room, but keeps her hand in his. Turning to look at him, his eyes are glistening in the moonlight. Her heart cracks, and instinctively wraps her arms around him. He only brings one arm up around her in return.

Pulling away Lianne directs him to the mattress, and he sits on the edge. She immediately bends down and begins untying his boots, but his hands go to stop hers.

“Don’t,” he says, his voice soft. “You don’t have to.”

She only looks up to meet his eyes for a second before ignoring him and pulling his boots off. She stands to help slip his jacket off, and then his flannel underneath. When she’s done, she lays him down to rest on the mattress before covering him up with a blanket she had scavenged. She hesitantly takes her place next to him, laying next to him on her side. Slowly, she reaches over to rest her fingers on his bruised hand.