#pc!au

It’s been a long time since Carlos got to hold TK. He got to touch him, at least, if only briefly, when they first brought him back home. It was something so small, but it gave him comfort. It helped him know TK is real. 

Just as they’re reacclimating him to speech and self control, they’re trying to bring him back to the world of touch. He had been a touchy person before, always pulling people into hugs and touching backs and holding hands. Now he jumps away almost violently when touched, something they’re trying to fix as much as they are the rest of him. It breaks Carlos’ heart to think of him as someone who needs to be fixed now, but there’s no other word. It’s what he needs. 

But he’s had a nightmare, and Carlos, finally permitted to share a room with him, wakes up to TK screaming in his sleep and thrashing. He’s clearly terrified. He’s drenched in sweat, tears running down his face, unable to stop crying out and moving. Poor thing. Carlos can only imagine what kind of torture he must have been put through to break him down so thoroughly. 

“Baby,” he says softly, climbing onto the bed beside TK. “Baby, wake up. It’s just a dream.”

He reaches out to shake TK awake, which earns him a struggling TK trying to fight him off, hurting himself in the process as his flailing limbs hit his body with enough force to make Carlos wince. He pins TK’s arms down, even if that doesn’t help the panic, and brings him into his arms, still holding TK’s arms as tightly as he can manage to keep him from hurting either one of them. 

Finally, TK’s eyes fly open and he sobs, pressing his whole face against Carlos’ shoulder and struggling. Carlos reluctantly lets him go in case he wants space, but instead TK throws his arms around him and clings hard. His fingertips dig into Carlos’ back, his tears soak his shirt, but he’s accepting comfort. Seeking it, even.

“It calms him down,” Owen had said when he allowed TK into the private gym. “It’s good for him.”

Carlos knew it was a bad idea, knew TK would wind up getting frustrated with his captivity and do something to try and get away from them. Now, he’s bludgeoned Judd with one of the weights, and he’s holding it in front of himself defensively, looking quickly between everyone. He’s cornered. He’ll do something drastic if he feels cornered. Carlos swallows and puts his own weapon away. Scaring TK, threatening him, won’t help anything. 

“TK, sweetheart, it’s okay.” He steps closer, putting himself between TK and Judd. Paul and Marjan use the opportunity to come get Judd, pulling him away and out of the room to get him medical attention. “No one’s gonna hurt you.”

TK looks at him with wide eyes. Disbelieving. He hasn’t spoken since they rescued him, not even to argue with them. He just watches, and he acts. 

“I know you’re in there somewhere, TK, You’re still you. Do you remember me?”

He steps closer, hoping to be able to take that weight out of TK’s hand. It’s 20 lbs, enough to do some real damage if TK decides to swing it at him like he did Judd. He’ll need to do it fast. 

“Do you remember our first date?”

The silence in the room is deafening. He shouldn’t be saying this when not alone, but it’s all he can think of. Something flashes across TK’s eyes. o

“You took me to the park. We had a picnic, with little ham and cheese sandwiches and cookies and champagne. You told me you liked my shirt.” Carlos puts his hand on his chest. “This one. You said the green looked good on me.”

TK swallows. He’s thinking about something, though it’s impossible to tell what, exactly. Carlos knows he’s pushing it by saying too much at once, forcing too many memories on TK, overwhelming him with the life he used to have. 

“You kissed me for the first time on that picnic.”

While TK processes the information, Carlos lunges forward and yanks the weight from TK’s hand, thoughtlessly dropping it on the floor behind him. Immediately, Owen and Mateo rush forward to restrain TK, forcing him down to his knees and zip-tying his hands behind his back to haul him back to his little prison of a room. 

"I know he's still in there..."

This is the first time TK has been outside in a while. Going home was almost like trading one prison, one captor, for another. At least at home they don't torture him, at least not intentionally. He's sure the majority of it is his father's call- he had never been particularly interested in TK beyond his usefulness- and so it must have taken a world of cajoling and promises to get him to allow this.

The sun feels too warm on his skin, the breeze too oppressive. He doesn't like it. Even before he came home, they really only set him loose in the dark of night. The crowds and the business and the light are all overwhelming. He feels too vulnerable, even with all of his friends with him. Carlos is right beside him, holding his hand. Marjan and Mateo are bickering about who would win a push-up contest. Paul is reading a book while he snacks on some of the fruit they brought with them on this picnic. Judd and Grace look as lovesick as ever. TK knows that any one of them would jump on a live grenade for him, but none of that settles his anxiety.

An ice cream cart's bell begins to sound, prompting them all to glance around until they spot it coming their way. "Ooh, that sounds so good," Marjan says, studying the flavors listed on the side.

"I'll grab some," Carlos replies.

He pulls his wallet from his pocket and begins collecting orders as he stands, causing a stab of fear to strike through TK's heart. Before he can even process it, he's grabbing onto Carlos' shirt like a lost child.

"Don't leave me!"

Everyone pauses and looks at him. His heart is racing and he feels like this is going to be used against him, emotionally or physically, but the faces he sees when he forces himself to look up are ones of kindness and understanding.

Judd gets to his feet and goes off toward the ice cream cart, freeing Carlos to sit back down and cup TK's face.

"Hey," he whispers. "It's okay, I'm right here. I'm not leaving you."

TK latches onto Carlos' arm. "You can't promise that."

"How about this- I promise that I'll always come back."

There’s already one ficlet under the tag (#pc!au) but basically the gist is 

- The 126, Grace and Carlos all work for Owen, who runs an organization that’s responsible for top secret government business. Basically, they’re the ones who do all the down and dirty shit the government doesn’t want you to know about. 

- Three years prior to “present” time TK was abducted by a counter agency. He was missing with no trace for all that time, and though Carlos never stopped looking, most of the others had given up hope that TK was still alive out there somewhere. 

- They run into TK on a mission, but he’s not the same TK he was before. Notably he has a lot more scars and he seems to not even really recognize them. They manage, with a lot of difficulty, to take him down and bring him in.

this is one of my favorite AUs that I have open right now and I'd like to talk about it forever sdkjhfdskjhfdhjk //

Carlos comes home after a three week mission to find out that TK had been, by and large, despondent in his absence. It doesn't surprise him, but it does make him feel guilty; he wants to stay with TK every day, and would if his job would permit it, but Owen has long since lost his patience with people wanting to shirk their responsibilities in favor of taking care of someone who was missing for so long.

"We tried to talk to him," Judd says over coffee, the two of them looking through the one-way glass into TK's room. Carlos has his objections to TK still living in an observation room- something which can't be helpful in restoring his comfort and confidence- but knows better than to bring it up with Owen when things are still so tense. "The only thing he's said is that he needs to see you."

"I shouldn't have left."

Judd shakes his head. "That's not on you, brother. Now, go see him. He's missed you."

Carlos is a little nervous when he presses in the key code to get inside of TK's room, but not because he thinks TK will hurt him. He's just scared of the loss of progress this could signify.

At first, TK doesn't acknowledge him, but when Carlos sits beside him on his bed, TK reaches out and takes his hand. His palms are rough with callouses and scars, more so than before he was taken, but Carlos will take any change if it means that the love of his life is back with him.

"I was scared," TK admits. "That you weren't coming back."

It's not often he'll admit to any emotion, let alone fear. "I did, though. And I always will. Why were you scared?"

He watches TK, unsurprised at the lack of eye contact. It's one of the things that hasn't quite come back yet. Carlos doesn't mind, not when he's never liked eye contact too much himself, but it's such a stretch from the TK that's lived in his memories over the last year.

"They told me you had all purposefully abandoned me. They showed me pictures, videos of you all living your lives happily." TK looks down at his hands. "Sometimes while they tortured me, so that every time I saw you I was afraid."

Carlos doesn't know what to say to that. What comes out of his mouth, even if he knows he shouldn't ask, is "How did they do it?"

"It varied." There's a grim set to TK's mouth. "They liked the taser, it didn't leave any damage that needed medical attention. Sometimes they would-" His mouth shuts with a click of his teeth. "I don't want to talk about it."

There's no way Carlos is going to push TK to open up any more than he has, so he accepts the end of the conversation and leans in close enough to bump their shoulders together.

"I'm here if you ever do, or if you just need someone to be there."

"It'll be a long time before I'm ready to be more than friends again," TK says softly.

Somewhere around hour thirteen in the waiting room, the doctor comes in. He's changed out of his surgical scrubs and taken off the gloves, leaving no trace of the blood that must have covered him. He looks tired but not sorry.

"He's stable," the doctor says. "He can have visitors, only one at a time. He's still sedated for now, but we've lightened his sedation and he should be coming to by the end of the day. If he makes it through the night, I think we'll be out of the woods."

It feels like the whole room lets out a breath. Carlos wipes his eyes and, like the rest of them, turns to look at Owen. He's their commander, and TK's father. It seems like he'll be the visitor. But when Owen realizes they're all looking at him, he shakes his head. "I've got work to do, now that I know he's alive. Keep me posted." And just like that, he leaves the waiting room.

There's a collective silence at that. They all know Owen is rough around the edges, and it's only gotten worse since TK was abducted so long ago, but it's cold even for him to not want to wait at TK's side. He must believe it really was intentional. Carlos watches him go and then stands up from his chair.

"What room is he in?"

No one argues with him for the vigil at TK's bedside, though they all hug him or pat him on the shoulder as they leave in reassurance, murmuring soft comforts.

A nurse leads him to TK's room, where a single plastic chair sits next to his bed. There had been a paleness, when they found TK, that suggested he had already lost too much blood. While he's not back to his normal complexion, his skin is noticeably more pink than it had been when they found him. That's a good sign. Carlos takes one of TK's hand and tries to ignore how cold it is, in contrast to the fact that TK usually ran hot.

"I wish you talked to me," he whispers, and brings TK's hand to his lips to press a single kiss across his knuckles.

He stays holding TK's hand while he plays on his phone for a while, only pausing to get a charger from a nurse to rescue his battery. Carlos updates the group chat- no he hasn't woken up, yes he's still stable. He texts his sisters to hear about their lives, which he seldom has time to do. And he even plays that stupid addictive mobile game that came with the phone. While he doesn't keep track of time, enough passes that his eyes kind of hurt and there's a throbbing behind his temples.

As he finally puts his phone to sleep, he feels the hand in his twitch. Immediately Carlos turns his full attention to TK. "Baby? Can you hear me?"

TK's face scrunches up and his eyes begin to blink open.

"It's okay, take your time. I'm right here."

He manages to get his eyes all the way open and turns his head from side to side, trying to make sense of his surroundings. "Where am I?"

"You're at the hospital. You were shot."

"Oh."

As Carlos watches, he pats his body down feeling for bandages, stalling when he finds them wrapped around his torso. The moment he remembers what happened is clear as a shadow passes over his face, but he doesn't voice whatever thought it was.

"I'm gonna call the nurses to let them know you're awake, okay?"

"I remember..."

TK trails off. Carlos is filled with the desire to encourage him or probe about what may have come back to him, but has learned his lesson about doing so. All he can do is be here, be listening, be a rock in the vast ocean of TK's current world even if he himself feels hopelessly adrift. He offers a hand, expecting nothing, only to be pleasantly surprised when TK takes it and squeezes.

"Carlos, I remember the ring you gave me. I- I lost it, I'm sorry-"

Carlos shakes his head and cuts him off. "I'm not mad. It's okay. I don't care about the ring, I care that you're here."

His green eyes flood with tears that Carlos wishes he could wipe away, but knows better than to attempt to clear. Instead, he makes his presence at his boyfriend's side known and begins to obscure the heavy emotions with his own confessional.

"I kept the ring you gave me for a long time. I did. About a month before we found you, I stopped wearing it. It's in my personal affects now, kept safe, but I just couldn't keep hoping you'd come back. I'm glad you did, though."

TK bumps their shoulders together and scoots closer by a few inches, causing their thighs and arms to press against one another. This much contact feels like sticking Carlos' finger in an electric socket. He raises his eyes to meet TK's once more.

"I never stopped loving you."