#pause for a second

Hey everyone! My names Peter but everyone calls me Pete.

I work at the video Max, the store near the comic book shop. Yeah, I’m sad to leave it behind next year.

(Info and rules)

Today is such a beautiful day because I have so many blessings in my life. There is so much for me to be thankful for.

I'm feeling kind of crazy. Which is humorous if you consider the fact that my therapist and I had nothing to talk about today until we drug dug up an old horse and beat it. And by old horse, I mean something that I've never spoken to her about, but about which I've spoken too many times recently, and don't care to discuss again. Except that I do care to discuss it again, because I did. And I once again came to the conclusion that while I may be insane: I am justifiably insane.

By the time I talk to anyone about anything, it's not a problem anymore. Because I've fixed it myself, one way or another. Perhaps duct tape is an awful solution. But it's better than a hammer. Because one slip of a hammer and you've shattered everything.

Maybe I should just hit delete. Delete.

But I won't of course. Because who fucking reads this anyway? I sure as shit never do once I hit "Create post."

Maybe it's unfair. Life, I mean. But I wish it weren't.

Trying to count the things in life that make me happy. Things do make me happy. I'm actually generally happy. This past weekend I was happier than happy.

Derek. Seattle. Gardens, strawberries, sunlight and a warm breeze. Indian food with so many people that it gets confusing. Beers at a brew house, beers in a park, beers at the kitchen table. Avocado curry. Cuddling, thunder and lightning long before the rain, sleeping through a storm. Saying silly things without realizing what I'm saying. Laughing at myself. Laughing with Derek at myself. Derek laughing at me. Cooking in the kitchen, bumping into each other. Watching TV shows. Ignoring the rest of the world.

Really all I want to do is go back. If I could, if there were any. possible. way. for me to stay there... I would. In a fucking heartbeat. Half a heartbeat. Less time than that.

There are currently tears running down my face. Not the first time this week. Not the first time today. This isn't going to get better, or easier. I wish it would.

I also wish I could sleep. I'm tired. Always tired. Never enough time to get everything done and still sleep. Things don't get done. Sleep doesn't happen.

This silly little kitten is the best thing to happen to me ever. She's irritating and loud. She never leaves me the fuck alone. She's actually currently jumping onto the bed, laying down, making little noises, jumping off the bed, sighing and flopping on the floor, then repeating the entire process. Over and over. She reminds me of myself.

There are fish shaped ice in my water. Now they are slivers. Now they are gone.

I just realized I made a funny somewhere in there. I'd tell you where, but it would lose it's appeal to me then.