#pastmagic

Hi there! Thanks for clicking to get to know a little bit more about the person behind the posts. It’s nice to meet you! You can call me Aspi.

I won’t be sharing too much personal information on the blog, but I’m a chronically ill twenty-odd-something who has been mentally living in Disneyland every single day for nearly three years. Currently, I’m still residing in my home country of Canada. It’s beautiful here, but no matter what road I look down I only see Sleeping Beauty’s Castle at the end of Main Street. I might not trade my home for the world, but I can certainly consider letting it go for a couple months for fantasy.

I could say that my story began back in the 90's when I was first introduced to Disney films and found that my like for them was just a little bit more than anyone else around me. Where people "grew up" and out of it, I was forever stuck admiring the beauty and nostalgia of the music, artwork, animation and storytelling. I'm just like a lot of you reading this, hopefully.

But, my Disney story truly began on November 9th 2017. It was my birthday and despite the best efforts of friends/family to be of comfort, company and cheer I was at home alone and struggling with severe chronic pain and anxiety. I was walled up inside my bedroom, not physically capable of getting out of bed without assistance and too tired to try. In fact, I couldn't do anything to enjoy my birthday. Now, I'm not really someone for personal celebrations. I don't like the attention, I don't like the presents, I don't like any of it. Usually, I like the day completely ignored save for a game of Clue (Cluedo in some countries), Red Robins for dinner and chocolate or red velvet cake. That’s an amazing birthday, in my eye. But, there is a huge difference between wanting to be left alone and not having a choice in it. Many people not in similar situations to me now are sure to understand: everyone likes to take the day off and spend it at home, but when there’s a stay-at-home order and you’re not allowed to leave? Completely different. All you want is to go out. Add in that you’re overwhelmed with pain that you can't do anything about and it’s no fun at all. It wasn't even snowing - and I love the snow! I was miserable and I decided that would be the last year I'd ever feel like that on a day where I was supposed to "feel special."

So, that begged the question - what would my ideal birthday be like? My first idea landed on an anime convention falling on that date, as cosplaying is my favourite hobby. Unfortunately, it is way too cold in November for that to ever be a thing and it was quickly scrapped. At that time, Youtube user Briberry (now Briannacherrygarcia) was uploading a hilarious bunch of shenanigans from Alice and the Mad Hatter at Disneyland. That was all that it took. I hadn't been to Disneyland since 2004 and I had no memories of my visit, despite being more than old enough to! It started as something just for fun, planning exactly how I would have a birthday in the park. That was all it was, a fantasy, until I came back to it a few weeks later and decided... well, why not? Why can't I save up and do a solo trip for a few days?

I went completely mental over the idea. I subscribed to nearly anyone with a Disneyland-based youtube channel, followed as many blogs as possible and spent more hours than was healthy planning. Not a moment passed where I wasn't thinking about the trip. I talked about it so much that my sister, who had been to the Disneyland park several times, was a bit jealous I'd be going without her and she invited herself. The rest is history! In November 2018, my sister and I went for my "first" trip to The Happiest Place On Earth. After an extremely hard year for our family, it was exactly what we needed.

I'll share more details on the 2018 trip in my Reliving Disney tag as the blog progresses since I’d like share all the magic. But, there was one moment which really stuck out to me. While playing musical chairs with the Alice-less Mad Hatter, I realized I knew all of the "lines" she was supposed to say. I took them from the pianist and Hatter and I had some back-and-forth. When we played, he did all he could to keep me in the game as long as possible without being unfair to the kids who were younger than I. When he approached me to pull me off my chair and give it to a child who couldn't sit in time, he dropped his voice and whispered to me: "You would be good at this, you know." I belonged there and I knew it. Gone were my previous thoughts of maybe wanting to become as Cast Member and be friends with Princess Aurora. My friend was none other than Alice herself.

The following months comprised of me doing all I could to help myself with my health problems, more than I had before. I spent an extended period away from my city where I can receive better healthcare and have been trying to knock off many of the other things which stand in my way to prevent me from auditioning. In fact, I don't ever expect I'll become a cast member in the way I want to. To me, that's not the point. To me, what matters is not that I succeed, but that I try. I will go to an audition, no matter how high the odds are stacked against me.

"You try, you fail. You try, you fail. But the only true failure is when you stop trying." "What do you want me to do, huh?" "Try again." (--- Disney's Haunted Mansion, 2003.)

Sometime in the summer of 2019 I was discussing this with one of my best friends, who sadly moved very far away from me earlier in the year. When it was mentioned that along with roommates, they were all planning a trip to Disneyland "sometime" in the future that I wanted to hijack the trip the way my sister did with me. I snuck in and took over as Trip Planner, or Magic Coordinator. We roped in a few more people and turned a "maybe in the future" dream to a "now" reality. We're still facing issues to the COVID-19 Pandemic, but no matter how high the odds are stacked we will all go! That leads us to the now! So come along with me and relive memories of the past and follow along while I share my thoughts on planning for Disneyland during Halloween/Christmastime!

Remember, all it takes is faith and trust...